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Reviews
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)
Stupid popcorn movie but a lot of fun
Ok, so Citizen Kane it is not.
If you like big CGI monsters hitting each other for two hours, then look no further.
If you liked the previous two Godzilla Kong movies then you will probably like this. Just check your brain in at the door before you do.
The acting is patchy, Dan Steven's steals every scene he is in, and the little kid is annoying after a while.
I was more shocked and surprised by the amount of people that the monsters would have killed by trashing Rio and Cairo.
But trying to look for logic in a movie like this is pointless. Just sit back and enjoy the madness and then forget about it immediately after.
Misfits (2009)
Had a fabulous time rewatching this. Genuinely hilarious.
Do you remember Heroes. It was the American version of this. Superheroes created immediately after an 'event'.
Well this is the British version. Lower budget, better written, way more funny and the 'powers' are hilarious......the ability to control milk....lol.
What is fun is looking out for young British actors who later went on the bigger and better things. Half the cast went on to Game Of Thrones.
The writing is excellent and filmed on the same housing estate in London where Clockwork Orange was filmed.
It is very much 'of its time' and those who are easily offended should stay away. That said, more for us normies to enjoy!
Baghead (2023)
Genuinely creepy but falls away in the finale
Following on from 'Talk To Me', Baghead is another one of those 'back from the dead' style horrors that can provide genuine jumps and scares but in this instance, fails to keep the momentum going for its runtime.
Why is this? Well, if I had to be honest, it is probably the pandering to 'modern' audiences that did it. Our protagonist is in a lesbian relationship (which shows no sense of any feeling or attraction between either) and all men are shown to be weak, incompetent or controlling just so that it serves the plot. Admittedly with a great premise but silly ending.
In short, watch Talk To Me or It Follows, the two best horror film made in recent years.
Nabarvené ptáche (2019)
Harrowing and brutal in the same vein as Schindlers List
There aren't many movies that are nearly three hours long, filmed in black and white and subtitled mostly from the Czech language that could have me enthralled from beginning to end.
Whilst I say this resembles Schindlers List and many other movies you will see about Nanjing, this is a touch more arthouse. The cinematography is fabulous, the script is sparing but the action is so dramatic as to tell the story of of a lost child wandering through war torn landscapes from horror to horror and taking us with him as we see how he develops from child into........well, something else.
The symbolism throughout may loose some viewers. Understandable. What the director shows us is how some people (all people) loose their humanity when bombarded by degradation on a regular basis.
Well worth a watch, if you can stand it.
Monday Through Friday (2023)
Low budget, no talent, student film. Avoid.
I didn't get it. Any of it.
The acting is awful and amateurish, same with the direction and the editing. The sound quality is indecipherable. There are some nice cinematography transitions but I am scraping the bottom of the barrel now to give it some compliments.
We have a psychotic feminist professor who sees everything through the lens of oppression. She is in a relationship with a 'model' who is not allowed to model, because, you know, the patriarchy. We have long lingering shots of the 'model' working out and in showers that are just weird and creepy and have no bearing on the story at all.
Avoid.
Dune (2021)
The best of the two Dune movies so far
Villenueve is the man. Great movie, great world building, fantastic production quality and Oscars abound for this proper tribute to Frank Herbert's vision.
One of the best movies made in the last half dozen years and better than Dune Part Two.
All actors are superb. I had my worries about TimotayChalamet but he is pretty darn good in this.
The music is superb and the rest of the craft jobs are done brilliantly.
I am sure they will do another movie, Dune 3, because Two did so well. Although they are going to have do some rewriting of Children of Dune because most of it is gibberish.
Seriously though, watch them together.
Dune: Part Two (2024)
Fantastic world building. Look forward to Dune 3
Like Lord Of The Rings, this has to be seen as one part of the the whole Dune twosome, maybe soon to become a threesome.
I thought that one was better than two. But both must be viewed together.
Brilliant direction from Villenueve, top notch production values across the the board. The music, editing, cinematography, costume, editing, foley work and art direction are all superb.
So why give it an 8? Well, it lags a little in the middle bit and drags with the whole drinking the blue stuff, riding the worm, getting busy with Zendaya, Stilgars prophesies and mummy getting her face tattoo.
One was better, nuff said.
Something in the Water (2024)
Personally, I was rooting for the shark
Ridiculous premise from the outset.
It is like an Enid Blyton novel, 'Five Diverse Babes Go lesbian Relationship Counselling At Sea'. What could possibly go wrong?
Obviously, the film is low budget and in this case, it shows.
The direction is basic. The script divests you of feeling for the protagonists whose characterisation is quite two dimensional.. The plot is ridiculous and written with stupid characters making stupid decisions and written by people who have no idea about shark behaviour.
Although I did say it was low budget there are some drone and cityscape establishing shots but I have no idea what relevance they have to the main part of the story.
'I can't pee, if you are looking at me'.......they are all stranded in the water at sea. Laugh out loud funny. Very nearly 'Showgirls, so bad it's good' bad.
New Life (2023)
Strong start that falls off into nothing
New Life is a fairly low budget, medical thriller.
The set up is pretty good. The director lets us think that a young girl is on the the run, we don't know what from. We presume that an assassin/manhunter/detective is after her for nefarious reasons. So far so good.
The plot twists a little halfway through and the movie shows its true colours and then plays out to a rather silly conclusion.
Why was the hunter ill? Don't know. What was the point of her being ill in the first place? Don't know. Why were more resources not thrown at a serious threat to public health? Don't know. How did the dog get it? Don't know.
The more doesn't get explained the more the film loses credibility.
3 Body Problem (2024)
Great start and rapidly becomes unwatchable
I wrote a review of episode one and gave it nine out of ten. By episode five it had become a slog to finish it.
The plot is dumb and makes no sense. Things are interesting at the start are rapidly ditched in favour of a nonsense of a plot that centres around travelling over 400 years to kill an alien race that may or may not want to harm us.
What happened to the countdown visions? Don't know.
Why was the alien assassin invisible on camera? Don't know.
Why try and kill Durant, the Wallflower or whatever? Don't know.
What spend all the time developing using the cheese slicer thingy? Don't know.
Benihof and Weiss are ok when they have an intricate world pre-built like Game Of Thrones, but, when they have to do the hard yards themselves, they crash and burn.
The Beekeeper (2024)
Fun but silly and ridiculous. The Equalizer on steroids.
A full on action film the starts very well and quickly descends into stupity via implausibility.
Statham is great in these type of movies and he is his usual self here.
The beekeeper analogy is overdone and by the end I was sick of hearing about it.
The start of the movie was great but I started to loose it when when the girl in the shiny dress turned up with the Gatling cannon in the back of a pick up truck and proceeded to shoot up a petrol station......I'm not kidding.
The female officer chasing Clay was also poorly done. An alcoholic one minute and fully functioning boss babe the next.
The ending sets us up for a sequel. I hope not.
The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial (2023)
Nice companion piece to the Bogart original
Final films by William Friedkin and Lance Reddick RIP.
This is a single setting courtroom court martial hearing that expands on the legal themes of the original from the fifties.
The original showed the various incidents of Queeg and then the trial. This is just the trial and aftermath.
Everything is a lot more fleshed out. Jason Clarke is great as the prosecutor and Keifer Sutherland does a passable Borgart homage.
I watched it as a companion piece to the original and would recommend doing it that way.
I always find the ending, where the solicitor speaks to the officers party a wonderful scene. Watch it for that at least.
The Caine Mutiny (1954)
Fantastic, nuanced movie that is the forerunner to A Few Good Men
At the heart of the film is the fantastic central performance by Bogart as the troubled Captain.
The supporting cast of Van Johnson, Jose Ferrer and Fred MacMurray are superb.
Of course by modern standards, some of the production does show its age but this is really a piffling trifle compared with the genius of the script, the plot, the characters.
As I mentioned in the title, when compared to the more modern and equally revered A Few Good Men, it is easy to to see the parallels and the inspiration that Aaron Sorkin took from this work.
Highly recommended. Hollywood don't know how to make them like this in 2024.
Alabama Rose (2022)
Dreadful and, above all, boring
Some interesting drone shots of Alabama in the opening are the best thing about this movie. The rest is pap.
It has all the hallmarks of terrible movie, awful acting.....seriously all actors should give up, this line of work is not for you. The direction is terrible, the lighting bad, the story, script and plot are all pointless.
I give it a two out of ten because giving a low budget slice of nonsense like this is like clubbing seals. So I give it an extra point as a 'well done for trying' reward. But please, for the love of god, do not make anymore film, ever.
I'm not sure who would like this movie. Not recommended.
The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Whatever kind of movies you like, you have to admit, this is damn near perfect film making.
The stars of this movie are the actors, obviously. Streep, Hathaway, Blunt and Tucci are all pitch perfect.
The world building of the fashion industry is done through great character work. Every one of those characters have a great arc and they are all fully utilised.
The direction is on the money, the montage sequences are great and highly underrated.
There are a few strange reviews on here that prattle on about the woes or exploitation in the fashion industry. Ignore them, you could find something to moan about in every movie. An easy feat for the professionally offended.
Highly recommended.
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (2014)
A decent enough spy, action film with a slightly dull plot
JRSR is an origin story of out titular character that was supposed to be a franchise creator. Unfortunately, it barely washed its face at the box office and we are left with a one and done movie.
The acting Is fine, the direction, the action sequences and production quality is good.
The films biggest issue is making Ryan a soppy, dish rag of a character. Constantly balancing his induction into the CIA and his clueless wife, who later on becomes intrinsic to the plot in true 'boss babe' style. Huh?
The other issue is the point of the plot. Downloading files from a high security office was surprisingly dull. And why did Kenneth Branagh let him walk away afterward?
Mighty Aphrodite (1995)
Not amongst Allen's best but way, way better than most
How do you know it's a Woody Allen film?
Well, it has the bumbling, fumbling wisecracking stuff that he normally does. Plus, he starts with the woman who is way too good for him. Plus, he also gets a woman that he could never get.
This may be Allen's movie, but Mira Sorvino is the star. She steals every scene and richly deserved the Oscar for her performance.
The whole Greek tragedy interjections are quite annoying at first, but later on it becomes the norm and starts to make some sense when Allen begins to interact with them.
If you have liked some of Woody's previous movies, then this will not disappoint.
Feng huo fang fei (2017)
A fantastic story told rather disappointingly
What a shame. A great story about the bombing run on Tokyo and the aftermath being the crash in Japan and the attempted survival of the 5 US airmen.
That's what the film should have been about. Instead we get an airmen hiding out, the relationship between him and the people helping and a possible adoption.
It seems like a true story but makes no claim that it is.
The direction is basic, the acting is poor and there is no real emotion between the characters because they cannot communicate. As a result none of the finale is believable.
I have to wonder how a director like Spielberg, Fincher, etc would film such a great story.
Nanjing! Nanjing! (2009)
Possibly more harrowing than Schindlers List
Although it's an astonishingly powerful film, it does leave a little meat on the bone.
Factually, it does leave out the horrific 'beheading' contest by two Japanese lieutenants.
There are so many characters to feel sorry for, the movie spreads our emotion a little thin by the end. Asking us to care about John Rabe, his secretary and his wife, Miss Jiang, the Japanese soldier, etc meant that some of their character was a little underdeveloped.
All that said, I do applaud the choice of black and white film stock, the acting was superb as was cinematography. The victory dance scene is a masterpiece.
Overall, highly recommended.
The Greatest Hits (2024)
Derivative and smothered with faux LA cool
Here's the problem. Other films have done this 'music is the centre of our relationship' schtick before and done in way better. Think, Hi-fidelity or Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist then take away all the heart and the drama and the characters and the comedy and, well, just any interesting stuff that makes a film interesting to watch, and, boom, you have The Greatest Hits.
Then after all of that, set it in LA, have it poorly acted with everyone trying to be really rad, cool and/or laid back and go to do 'cool' LA things (silent disco, driving around in a vintage convertible in LA.....when has that ever been fun)
Settlers (2021)
It's a boring western set in 'space'
Seriously, don't bother. In the style of the Muppet Show, this film is brought to you by the words, disappointing and boring.
There is hardly any dialogue. And what there is is basic and doesn't allow us to form conclusions about any of the characters or care about them in any way.
We have so many questions whilst watching. Who else is on Mars? Why can they breathe the air? How do they live? Are there any neighbours? Is the brown man a psychopath, a coercive lunatic, a 'grapist' or all three? It suffers badly from having no world building and leaves us to make our mind up.
The best character is the Wall-E box thing.
The direction, script, plot, acting are all an irrelevance
As for the ending. These are brought to you with the phrases, 'deus-ex Wall E' and the word anticlimactic.
Last Exit to Brooklyn (1989)
A riotous laughfest it is not.
It's been 30 years since I first saw this. It was heavy hitting then and it still packs a punch now. I did forget how morose, doom laden and crushing it is.
The drama takes place in a neighbourhood in Brooklyn, post war and in the middle of a strike that is hitting the poverty stricken and violent community hard.
Nothing turns out well for any of the characters here.
The movie is well made, the cinematography is good but the script is a little stilted and as such the characters and the acting comes across as a little hammy in places. It is never a dull ride however. There are several dreams dashed along the way for all concerned.
In parts it did feel like it was written for the stage.
Definitely worth a watch and placed in the category of 'they don't make them like this anymore'.
Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver (2024)
Terrible script and characters in Magnificent 7/7 Samurai rip off
Well it looks good. And that's the positives over with.
Everything else is rubbish. The plot is a rip off. The characters are paper thin and badly acted.
Zach Snyder may make beautiful looking movies but he cannot write worth a tap.
The slow mo editing is grating and predictable after a while. Style is one thing but Snyder Is a one trick pony of a director.
There are far too many characters in the film for us to care about and none of them have any traits that make them interesting.
If this was supposed to be Star Wars movie that got rejected, I'm glad it did. Although with what has happened to Star Wars recently, well, don't get me started.
Is it too much to ask for a passable, well written movie?
Fallout (2024)
Great world building, interesting story with some strange plot holes
I have never played the game, so my review is based on the TV show only.
The world building and production quality is excellent. The sets, costumes, direction and cinematography are all great. The first few episodes grabbed my attention and held nearly all the way to the end.
The problems came in the last couple of episodes. What happened in Vault 32? Don't know. Who cleaned it up? Don't know? Who poisoned the raiders and why? Don't know.
Why didn't the self harm boot girl get punished? Don't know. Who gave her authority to decide who can be a knight? Don't know.
I hope the attention to detail gets better in season two.
The Squad (2023)
Beware the director that watches Spring Breakers and is the inspired to make this.
Yikes. This. Is. Catastrophically Appalling.
No real introduction as such, just straight into boss babes being vacuous and boss babeing.
Let's ignore that they all seem to be ten years too old for spring break for a second. This movie is essentially one big music montage interrupted by several scenes of truly inept movie making, direction, acting, lighting, editing, etc.
I have given this a 2 rather than the one it deserves because making movies is difficult and the extra one point is credit for at least trying. Think of it as a participation medal for a fat kid who came in last in an egg and spoon race. Bingo, 'The Squad'. Avoid.