Damsel (2024)
3/10
A Good Cast Sacrificed on the Altar of Modernity
11 March 2024
Warning: Spoilers
Not 'modernity' in the sense of actually being current or modern, but rather as a term of art self-applied by lesser Hollywood talents to excuse bad storytelling. We all know the soundbite: "quality doesn't matter because this damsel can rescue herself and she don't need no man, etc." That sort of thing may have been subversive 40 years ago but now it's the default standard. And so we have the relatable charm of Millie Bobbi Brown, the icy grace of Robin Wright and the gruff charisma of Ray Winstone utterly wasted in a tedious, predictable knockoff of better movies that might as well be called How to Train Your Dragon To Smash The Patriarchy.

To give you a sense of just how silly all this gets, by the end Millie becomes friends with the dragon because it was also wronged by the colonialist power structure ... after the dragon slaughtered Millie's dad. One might think that would be the sort of thing Millie would have a tough time getting over; but her dad was a rich dumb man, so who cares?
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