Family Affair (1966–1971)
3/10
The Epitome of Artificiality...
12 September 2021
So funny reading the primarily positive reviews here, with people proclaiming it's 'wholesome values' and 'morals'.

Yes, I suppose one could get that impression, but only if they preferred to run as far as they could from any definition of reality. Which a lot of people did in the late 1960's.

The problem with this show -- from beginning to end -- is its absolute disconnection with reality. From its super-cheesy Lawrence Welk-ish opening theme music, with the Sparkly Sequins and girly typeface (an opening fit more for Lucille Ball than Brian Keith) to its brightly lit sets -- even OUTDOORS -- it was the epitome of artificiality. On all levels.

The fact 90% of Brian Keith's scenes were filmed in close-ups on weekends -- so he only worked 2 days a week so he could save time for his non-existent movie career -- meant that most of the time he was talking to walls and not the other actors. And it shows.

Maybe that was a good thing. On those rare occasions where he was actually in a scene with another character, he might as well have been talking to a wall, as his charisma and interactions are almost non-existent. The look on his face was always that of sheer boredom and catatonic apathy. It's a wonder anyone was able to squeeze any emotion out of him at all. And don't get me started on that lemon-yellow toupee...

A close second in the School of Atrocious Acting goes to Johnny "Uncle Beeeeel" Whitaker, who's style is best described as robotic. Those forced, cheesy smiles were SO fake...just painful to watch and listen too.

Same goes for Garver, who's had an inexplicable 50-year feud with Whitaker...both of them acting like the same spoiled kids they were so long ago. So much for morals and family values...

Like Keith, Sebastian Cabot seemed to be uncomfortable throughout the run, although cramming his portly figure into that tight butler costume could've accounted for part of that uneasiness. At least one felt some small amount of genuine caring for his younger co-stars and camaraderie when acting with them.

Now there were other family shows on during the 50's and 60's that had morals and values -- like 'Leave it to Beaver', 'Father Knows Best' and 'My Three Sons' -- but none of them resorted to the saccharine, syrupy and cutesy depths displayed here and ramped up enough to get one running for their insulin. They had GENUINE interactions, genuine feelings (especially on 'Beaver', thanks to the underrated Jerry Mathers) and -- gasp! -- even anger when necessary.

And although she could be sugary sweet at times herself, there was a sense that Anissa Jones was a better actor than they let her be on the show. It was a hit during the first couple years however, so she was stuck playing coy and cutesy 90% of the time, something she rebelled at as soon as the show was cancelled. And we all know how tragically that ended.

Anyway, that's why I give it 3 stars, instead of 1. Jones had potential, but she got stuck in the wrong show. Who knows how far she could've gone had she been given the chance to play ANYTHING but Buffy.

It's worth noting that every main actor on the show -- with the exception of Garver and Cabot -- developed raging alcohol and drug issues. I don't know, but I have to wonder if working on show SO divorced from reality on so many levels, had anything to do with the subsequent tragedies...

Those tragedies unfortunately, ended up being the reality of 'Family Affair'.
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