It's hard, if not impossible, to imagine that Barry Levinson, the genius who wrote and directed "Diner," and Buck Henry, who wrote "The Graduate" and "Catch-22," and Philip Roth, who wrote "Portnoy's Complaint" and "Goodbye. Columbus," and Al Pacino, who starred in "Serpico" and "The Godfather" and "Dog Day Afternoon," actually had anything to do with this turgid, amateurish mess. Maybe it's some kind of a practical joke!
That's gotta be it. Maybe a couple of junior high school kids somehow persuaded Pacino to star in their hand-held home movie. And as a joke, said: "Let's try to pass this off as the work of some of the greatest screenwriters and novelists and directors on the planet! Let's see if anyone notices.
Yeah, that must be what happened. Either that, or Levinson and Henry are operating under the influence of massive doses of Valium and Quaaludes and maybe LSD. And large portions of their brains simply aren't functioning anymore.
As for Roth, maybe "Portnoy" and "Goodbye, Columbus" was simply the best he could ever do. The rest is all downhill. And for Pacino, well, he's been on a long downward spiral for years, and now apparently he's bottomed out. Because he's simply stopped trying. LIke he just doesn't care anymore. Nothing left to prove. LIke it's just too much effort to actually act. Either that or something serious has happened that none of us know about, something having to do with drugs and leucotomes and electroshock therapy. I mean, he couldn't have suddenly lost all his talent just like that, right?!?
It's hard to decide which is worse -- the home-movie, Shakicam photography or the sleep- inducing, meandering pace. And Levinson, of course, takes the blame for that.
Well, if it isn't a practical joke, if this snorefest actually IS the work of some of the most respected filmmaking talents in the world, well, then here's a small piece of advice to Barry and Buck and Philip and Al: This is not progress! This is like some sort of regression into student filmmaking. And bad student filmmaking at that. Brain-dead student filmmaking. Student filmmaking with no DP and no Editor and no Director. Just a couple of pot-smoking teenagers who got ahold of Dad's camera for a weekend.
So trust me, guys, when I suggest you scratch this one off your resume. Maybe you can change all the credits. Put an Alan Smithee on it. Anything. Maybe you can pull it from distribution. Deny, deny, deny! That's the key. Don't ever admit you had anything to do with this. And whatever you do, don't ever mention it's from the people who gave us "The Graduate" and "Catch 22" and "Bugsy" and "Good Morning, Vietnam." Just don't do it.
Unless, of course, you never want to work again.
That's gotta be it. Maybe a couple of junior high school kids somehow persuaded Pacino to star in their hand-held home movie. And as a joke, said: "Let's try to pass this off as the work of some of the greatest screenwriters and novelists and directors on the planet! Let's see if anyone notices.
Yeah, that must be what happened. Either that, or Levinson and Henry are operating under the influence of massive doses of Valium and Quaaludes and maybe LSD. And large portions of their brains simply aren't functioning anymore.
As for Roth, maybe "Portnoy" and "Goodbye, Columbus" was simply the best he could ever do. The rest is all downhill. And for Pacino, well, he's been on a long downward spiral for years, and now apparently he's bottomed out. Because he's simply stopped trying. LIke he just doesn't care anymore. Nothing left to prove. LIke it's just too much effort to actually act. Either that or something serious has happened that none of us know about, something having to do with drugs and leucotomes and electroshock therapy. I mean, he couldn't have suddenly lost all his talent just like that, right?!?
It's hard to decide which is worse -- the home-movie, Shakicam photography or the sleep- inducing, meandering pace. And Levinson, of course, takes the blame for that.
Well, if it isn't a practical joke, if this snorefest actually IS the work of some of the most respected filmmaking talents in the world, well, then here's a small piece of advice to Barry and Buck and Philip and Al: This is not progress! This is like some sort of regression into student filmmaking. And bad student filmmaking at that. Brain-dead student filmmaking. Student filmmaking with no DP and no Editor and no Director. Just a couple of pot-smoking teenagers who got ahold of Dad's camera for a weekend.
So trust me, guys, when I suggest you scratch this one off your resume. Maybe you can change all the credits. Put an Alan Smithee on it. Anything. Maybe you can pull it from distribution. Deny, deny, deny! That's the key. Don't ever admit you had anything to do with this. And whatever you do, don't ever mention it's from the people who gave us "The Graduate" and "Catch 22" and "Bugsy" and "Good Morning, Vietnam." Just don't do it.
Unless, of course, you never want to work again.