Jessabelle (2014)
1/10
Inane, insipid & drab - one of the worst movies ever watched
22 January 2015
Warning: Spoilers
The movie starts with an abrupt senseless tragedy inflicted on the protagonist Jessie & ends in another sad, pathetic tragedy. The star of the film, the titular lead loses her husband, the use of her legs as well as an unborn baby in an auto crash. At the end it turns out that the loss of the baby had no significance whatsoever & can only be attributed to the film-makers desire to pile on as much suffering on the lead as possible, or its the first in a series of deliberate distractions to misdirect the viewer. Jessie then has to live with a brute of a dad in a swamp in Louisiana, a man who does not so much as utter a syllable in her general direction. And thence to the crux of this watery goop of a film, the creepy family home is inhabited by some sort of spirit which wants Jessie to watch, get this, a whole library of VHS tapes each with only 2-3 mins of recording on it of her deceased mother reading out tarot cards predicting her daughters fate. In the annals of lame, unbelievable plot lines this one has to rank very close to the top. The mom who is able to do a tarot reading for her daughter 18 yrs into the future (!!) then tells her this presence is some "inner demon", another complete fabrication by the movie-makers. Out of the blue an old flame shows up to help our damsel in distress solve the mystery. Come the climax viewers would have figured out that the whole plot is nothing but a series of misdirections & false info to confuse the viewer. The scary presence of the ghost is no inner demon but actually a BABY that has grown over the years into a full blown black / molotto girl who is the illegitimate daughter of the mother & her black lover who is also some kind of an all-powerful shaman (but who still manages to get shot by the moms husband). From out of thin air the mother then materializes with her black lover & for some reason she & the lover, both in spirit form but inexplicably able to do everything humans can do. And unlike the ghost of the baby they HAVE NOT AGED A SINGLE DAY. Turns out she is not even Jessies real mom (many will by now start to feel sincerely pukish). Finally the black girl magically transforms into the white-as-snow Jessie (the racial implications should be at least slightly off putting for black viewers) & the real Jessie is left on her wheelchair at the bottom of a lake in which everyone keeps throwing things & people from time to time. The final few minutes reveal that the baby-turned-babe ghost is also a sex-starved harpie, probably experiencing puberty in fast forward.

Nothing in this movie makes any sense whatsoever from the demonic presence bound up in a wheelchair occasionally (another completely unnecessary misdirection) to the VHS-tape-burning dad - JUST TAKE A HAMMER TO IT OR PULL THE TAPE OUT OF THE CASE. So it turns out the plan of the three ghosts of voodoo past all along was to have the grown up baby's ghost occupy Jessies body. But why go through the whole process of having Jessy bashed up in an accident, come all the way to the swamp, watch video after inane video, kill her dad, discover the dead baby's skeleton etc. etc. etc.? And most of all why handicap the poor woman when the whole point is to get a nice young body for the baby so that she can live out her teenage fantasies? Why not just possess Jessie from the very start? Well, then that would have been the end of this pointless movie. What an unbelievably bad excuse for a plot. Possibly the worst ever I've ever encountered.
11 out of 20 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed