Beloved (2011)
1/10
A difficult choice: Watch this film or stick pins in your eyes?
12 May 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Oh sweet baby Jesus. If the cinema had fixed up the seats to the electric mains and had run through 20,000 volts every 5 minutes I might just have enjoyed this film. As it was, me, my wife and the 12 other unfortunates who had not read IMDb reviews before purchasing tickets suffered the worst 2 and one quarter hours of French cinema ever printed to pass through the gate of a projector.

OK - it started fine and looked as if it was going to be a nice piece of retro-Parisien farce but then...they began to sing. What the ....! And at various stages through this loooooooooong film some character or other would start wandering through the streets of Paris, Reims, London, Montreal, wherever, and start with the stupid words ("Big Ben has melted and I can't tell the time") and turgid tunes.

All the characters were unpleasant to various degrees and totally and utterly unbelievable. I was desperate for all of them to die off. Good news, two of them did, bad news, the others lived to keep on wandering the streets turgidly wittering on...
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