Just Married (2003)
1/10
Somewhere in my bottom 10
1 May 2004
You remember those Jerry Springer episodes where a husband cheats on his wife with her sister, calls her a whore and is actually a woman himself (well, you get my drift). The response the wife gives to everybody: Well, he's coming home with me! When Jerry asks her why she would want to do that, she just looks down and says: Well, I just love him Jerry...

WHY she actually loves her husband is unclear, just as it's unclear why newlyweds poor guy Tom (Ashton Kutcher) and rich girl Sarah (Brittany Murphy) team up. They don't know anything about each other, but get married anyway. OK, it's a mistake others have made, but things only get worse when they are fighting, screaming at each other, basicly hate each other, but in the end, as Sarah says to her father: Well, I just love him Jer... erm... dad.

The story is focussing on the honeymoon of Tom and Sarah. They decided to go to Europe, first stop: France. At this time around Kutcher's character is the most annoying one I have ever witnessed on screen. He's literally a European's nightmare of an American. He hates it that no-one speaks English (well, American anyway), hates the French customs, yells at the hotel manager while he just basicly destroyed the place, he's screaming at his wife for no reason... what fun is there to be married to this illiterate guy?

Things only get worse once they go to Venice, with Sarah meeting an old boyfriend of hers and Tom almost sleeping with a girl he picked up at a bar (he goes to all the time because they show American baseballmatches... screw those old churches!).

So, what happens really, is two people who are not fit for each other end up getting married, which is a huge mistake. Ok, let's go for it then. Make it some sort of War Of The Roses, or whatever. But no, there's always a feeling left in the movie that they will end up happily ever after, until that very last scene. I Just Love Him Daddy! YUCK!!!

Film not only lacking a good story, a good ending, good actors, good directing, but also some laughs (why would you call this one a comedy?) as it sure is one of the worst movies I have ever witnessed. Down there with Freddie Got Fingered, Spice World, Glitter, Showgirls and other crap. Shame on you!

1/10.
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