The Muppets (2011)

Chris Cooper: Tex Richman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tex Richman : The show's over!

  Fozzie Bear : But we were so close!

  [bangs his head against the score board, which suddenly goes from reading, "$9,999,999" to "$99,999.99"] 

  Fozzie Bear : Or... not. Eh, kinda makes me feel better, actually. We were nowhere close at all!

• [Tex and Uncle Deadly are atop the Muppet Theater with a pair of boltcutters about to shut off the power] 

  Tex Richman : To the end of the Muppets!

  [Uncle Deadly grabs the boltcutters to stop Tex] 

  Tex Richman : Deadly! What are you doing?

  Uncle Deadly : Enough! Just because I have a terrifying name and an evil English accent, does not preclude the fact that, in my heart, I am a Muppet, not a Moopet! Looks like it's I who will have the last laugh!

  Tex Richman : What does that mean?

  Uncle Deadly : It's an idiom, you idiot, because you cannot laugh! Ha ha!

  [Tex falls off the roof and lands on the ground with a thud] 

  Uncle Deadly : Oopsie.

  [he laughs] 

  Tex Richman : Deadly.

  Uncle Deadly : Now *that's* a maniacal laugh for you!

• [repeated line] 

  Tex Richman : Maniacal laugh... maniacal laugh...

• Mahna Mahna : [sings]  Mahna Mahna

  Tex Richman : You're breaking the law! I own that name!

  Snowth , Snowth : [the Snowths sing]  Doo-doo, do-do-doo, do-do do do do do doo.

  Gonzo : [with a bowling ball]  Hey guys, I think I finally worked out how to - Whoo-ha!

  [Gonzo throws the bowling ball and hits Tex Richman] 

  Fozzie Bear : 'Oil' bet that hurt.

  [Tex Richman starts laughing] 

  The Newsman : This just in: Richman gives back Muppet theater and name. Change of heart, nothing to do with head injury.

  Tex Richman : [sings]  Mahna Mahna

  Snowth , Snowth : [the Snowths sing]  Doo-doo, do-do-doo

• Bobo : [singing]  Together again.

  [Deadly joins in] 

  Bobo , Uncle Deadly : Gee, it's good to be...

  Tex Richman : [cuts them off]  NO SINGING IN MY OFFICE!

• Marvin Suggs : [singing]  The movie's almost over, it's time to say "So long".

  Tex Richman : Will you please stop singing? You've already sung this song.

• Tex Richman : We'll be sending those Muppets running home with their tails between their legs. Some of them literally, because those ones have tails.

• Tex Richman : A hard, cynical act for a hard, cynical world.

• Statler : [the door opens, Statler, Waldorf, Uncle Deadly, Bobo the Bear, and Tex Richman enter the room]  There, now this here is Kermit the Frog's old office.

  Waldorf : Or so we've been 'toad'.

  [Statler and Waldorf chuckle] 

  Tex Richman : Well, as you know, gentlemen, I've loved the Muppets since I was a boy.

  Uncle Deadly , Bobo : Mm-hmm.

  Tex Richman : And what better way to honor the Muppets than to make this beautiful studio a Muppet museum.

  [Walter gasps while hiding underneath a table] 

  Tex Richman : I think I'll call this room the "Kermit the Frog's Old Office Room".

  Uncle Deadly : Oh, good one, Mr. Richman.

  Bobo : Oh, that is lovely.

  Waldorf : Now, ahem, this here is the standard "Rich and Famous" contract Kermit signed 30 years ago that contains...

  Tex Richman : The deed to this property.

  Waldorf : Exactly.

  Waldorf : Now, this contract is 100 percent iron-clad, with one minor exception: if the Muppets can raise the $10 million it would cost to buy the building before this contract expires, then they get their studio back.

  Statler : You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were reciting some sort of an important plot point.

  Waldorf : Well, I hope so; otherwise I just bored the audience half to death.

  Statler : You mean half the audience is still alive?

  [Statler and Waldorf chuckle] 

  Waldorf : It's nice doing business with you.

  Statler : Yes, sir. Come on.

  Waldorf : Good-bye.

  Bobo : [to Uncle Deadly]  I love geriatric humor.