The Day the Earth Stood Still

America's top scientists are pulled together into one place and told of an object hurtling towards Earth on a direct collision course. There is little over an hour before it impacts and no chance of stopping it – all they can do is prepare for the aftermath. However, the object slows and lands in NYC. A figure comes out but is shot and only an alien command prevents a large robotic figure retaliating. Dr Helen Benson is there when this figure (Klaatu) is recovered and taken to hospital where he develops a human form. Distrusting the motives of her superiors and curious about this Klaatu, she helps him in a small way that leads to his escape. Against the advice of her son, Dr Benson helps him further but learns that, although he has come to "help", Klaatu's definition of "help" may not be in everyone's interests.

The trailer was rammed with the effects shots and it did enough to draw me in when I saw it recently. I'm not sure why my brain did not stop me but it was the festive season and perhaps I had goodwill in my heart and figured that this trailer, this one trailer right here, was telling me the truth and that this would be a great blockbuster sci-fi. Of course the truth is that it is nothing of the sort but even still, was it unreasonable of me to expect it to be at least an OK film? Probably not but this boring, simplistic and bland sci-fi cannot even get to that. We'll get the action out of the way first. OK, there has been money spent, there is no denying that – I could not make these images myself and would have no idea where to start. Are they the most amazing effects ever – no, but they are still good. The problem is that they are nothing more than images, the effect-driven sequences do not engage and do not excite at any point and so they just sort of "happen" and I met these scenes with a shrug.

The reason for this reaction is that the rest of the film is wooden and/or simplistic to the point where the film was probably written in crayon. The plot is an offensively simplistic "green" message that just clunks down in front of the viewer with no intelligence or thought – and I say this as a left-leaning environmental professional, not as someone scoffing at the message itself. This crass message is then filled out by wooden characters with barely serviceable (at best) dialogue, who are then pushed down a narrative path that doesn't ring true even once but manages to be corny and contrived at the same time as being wooden. Nothing in the plot or characters engage the viewer at any point, instantly killing the film by leaving the majority of the audience looking at their watches and wondering when it will be over, rather than caught up in it.

The cast match this feeling of blandness. Even if Reeves was a great actor, the material would have limited him. He is not a great actor so the poor script is really just another layer of lacquer to his wooden performance. Connelly is no better as the plot gives her a thankless task that she cannot deliver on – stumbling badly as she goes. It doesn't help she has to work with Jaden Smith, who offers up almost nothing here. Bates slums around in a vague role that is necessary as a plot device but she is half-asleep while John Cleese gets the job of delivering the "moralising" part of the script – which is just dumped in one scene as yet another bit of proof of terrible writing.

The Day the Earth Stood Still is a poor film. At best the blocks of narrative provide a really basic story to follow and the usual effects are OK (but all in the trailer) but it is all so basic and dull that you'll not even make it to the halfway point before you are ready for it to end. And when it does end, it does so with such a pathetic conclusion that it is clear that many of the makers had stopped caring as well.