- Motormouth Maybelle: [to Seaweed and Penny] Oh, so this is love?
- [pauses, then smiles]
- Motormouth Maybelle: Well, love is a gift, a lot of people don't remember that. So, you two better brace yourselves for a whole lotta ugly comin' at you from a neverending parade of stupid.
- Penny Pingleton: [deadpans] So, you've met my mom?
- Mr. Flak: Oh, and Mr. Larkin, perhaps you'd like to share with the rest of the class, Patrick Henry's immortal last words?
- Link Larkin: Kiss my ass?
- Penny Pingleton: [looks into the camera] I am now a checkerboard chick!
- [grabs Seaweed and kisses him passionately]
- Link Larkin: I was just at home, practicing my new twist on The Twist, when I overheard it on the news. I can't believe Tracy savagely bludgeoned an Eagle Scout. That's just not like her.
- Edna Turnblad: But it's not true! I was there! He didn't even bleed.
- Link Larkin: I shoulda been there, beside her. I can't sleep. I can't eat...
- Edna Turnblad: You can't eat? Well, come on in and worry with us. I'll make you some pork.
- Tracy Turnblad: Negro Day's the best! I wish every day were Negro Day!
- Seaweed: At our house... it is.
- Corny Collins: [singing] Who cares about sleep when you can snooze in school? You'll never get to college but you'll sure look cool!
- Seaweed: Livin' in the ghetto, black is everywhere you go. Who'd have thought I'd love a girl whose skin was white as winter snow?
- Penny Pingleton: In my ivory tower, life was just a Hostess snack, but now I've tasted chocolate, and I'm never goin' back!
- Motormouth Maybelle: [watching Edna walk in] If we get any more white people in here, this is gonna be a suburb.
- Penny Pingleton: Oh, no!
- Tracy Turnblad: What?
- Penny Pingleton: Your hair deflated!
- Tracy Turnblad: Let it. It was just a symbol of my conformity to the man.
- Penny Pingleton: You are so tough.
- Penny Pingleton: Seaweed? Shhh, don't let her hear you!
- Seaweed: What happened to you?
- Penny Pingleton: [sighs] She's punishing me for harboring a fugitive without her permission. What are you doing?
- Seaweed: I'm here to rescue the fair maiden, baby.
- [kisses Penny]
- Penny Pingleton: Oh, Seaweed, you do care! I was afraid the colors of our skin would keep us apart.
- Seaweed: No... but these knots might.
- [still trying to untie her]
- Seaweed: Was your mom in the Navy?
- Edna Turnblad: [singing] You can't stop my happiness, 'cuz I like the way I am. And you just can't stop my knife and fork when I see a Christmas ham! And if you don't like the way I look, then I just don't give a damn!
- Wilbur Turnblad: [to Tracy] This is America, babe, you gotta think big to be big.
- Edna Turnblad: Big ain't the problem in this family, Wilbur.
- Corny Collins: And now it's time to say goodbye to our very own fun-lovin', free-wheelin' little Brenda.
- Corny Collins: [looks to Brenda] Come on up here, Brenda. Brenda will be taking a leave of absence from the show. How long are you gonna be gone, Brenda?
- Brenda: [smiles nervously] Just nine months.
- Velma Von Tussle: [after "New Girl in Town"] How dare you pick the same song!
- Motormouth Maybelle: They wrote it.
- Motormouth Maybelle: Well, looks like y'all took a step outta bounds.
- [to Seaweed]
- Motormouth Maybelle: Who've we got here?
- Seaweed: Mom, I want you to meet my new friends. This here is Link, Tracy Turnblad...
- Tracy Turnblad: [interrupts] This is just so afro-tastic!
- Seaweed: And this young lady right here, is Penny Pingleton.
- Penny Pingleton: I'm very pleased and scared to be here.
- Motormouth Maybelle: Now, honey, we got more reason to be scared on your street.
- Tracy Turnblad: I think I've kind of been in a bubble... thinking that fairness was gonna just happen. It's not. People like me are gonna have to get up off their fathers' laps and go out and fight for it.
- Corny Collins: Roll Call!
- Council Members: I'm Amber! Brad! Tammy! Fender! Brenda! Sketch! Shelley! IQ! Lou Ann! Joey! Mikey! Vicki! Becky! Bix! Jesse! Darla! Paulie! Noreen! Doreen! And I'm... Link!
- Tracy Turnblad, Penny Pingleton: [scream from home in front of their TV]
- Corny Collins: I'd like to welcome our new council member, Miss Tracy Turnblad! Tracy, cozy up to ol' Corny and tell us a little bit about yourself
- Tracy Turnblad: Well, I watch the Corny Collins show everyday and I do nothing else!
- Corny Collins: Oh!
- Tracy Turnblad: I also hope to be the first female president... or a rockette!
- Corny Collins: As your first act as president, what would you do?
- Tracy Turnblad: Hmm...
- [ponders]
- Tracy Turnblad: ... I'd make everyday Negro Day!
- Corny Collins: I read you like tomorrow's headlines!
- Velma Von Tussle: [singing] Those poor runner-ups/Might still hold some grudges/They padded their 'cups'/But I screwed the judges.
- Amber Von Tussle: [on the phone with Edna, disguising her voice] My name is Mike.
- Edna Turnblad: [off-camera] Mike?
- Amber Von Tussle: Yes, Mike.
- Edna Turnblad: Mike who?
- Amber Von Tussle: [slips back into her normal voice] It's MIKE!
- [catches herself, coughs]
- Amber Von Tussle: Anyway... I'm calling because I have some information about your daughter's whereabouts.
- Edna Turnblad: What?
- Amber Von Tussle: Right now, as we speak, your daughter has entered a hotbed of moral... turpentine.
- Penny Pingleton: [after Tracy is rejected by Velma and the Council Members] I think they secretly liked you.
- Seaweed: My mom's havin' a platter party tonight. Y'all wanna come check it out?
- Tracy Turnblad: Now?
- Penny Pingleton: Would you mind if I, too, checked it out? I've never been to North Avenue before.
- Link Larkin: Uh... well, would it be safe, you know... for us?
- Seaweed: Calm down, cracker boy, it's cool.
- Penny Pingleton: Wow! Being invited places by colored people!
- Tracy Turnblad: It feels so hip!
- Seaweed: I'm glad y'all feel that way, 'cause, uh, not many people do.
- Velma Von Tussle: They're just kids, that's why we have to steer them in the white direction.
- Corny Collins: [pause] RIGHT direction?
- Velma Von Tussle: Isn't that what I said?
- Tracy Turnblad: Penny, the cops are looking for me everywhere... you could go to jail for helping me!
- Penny Pingleton: Tracy, I'm already in jail. Come on!
- Edna Turnblad: Well, I had a dream that I would own a coin-operated laundromat but I came down from that cloud real quickly!
- Link Larkin: [presents Amber with a ring] It's time.
- Amber Von Tussle: Oh!
- [Amber and Link kiss]
- Velma Von Tussle: Amber! Save your personal life for the camera, sweetie! Oop, shiny!
- [sends Amber off to makeup for more powder]
- Prudy Pingleton: Get the jump rope, Penny.
- Penny Pingleton: [runs out of the room] Mom, not the jump rope!
- Prudy Pingleton: [to Tracy] Don't you touch my canned tuna!
- Corny Collins: [at the conclusion of "It's Hairspray"] Hey, baby! You look like you could use a stiff one!
- Amber Von Tussle: I lost, Mom. Let's just deal with it!
- Velma Von Tussle: [as she pulls the tallies out of her dress] You did not lose! You can not have lost because I switched the damn tallies!
- Edna Turnblad: [standing behind a live television camera] Smile, Miss Crabcakes! You're on Candid Camera!
- Wilbur Turnblad: That was a good shot! Don't you think?
- Wilbur Turnblad: [to a sobbing Edna, who thinks he's been cheating on her] Honey, took me five years to figure out you were flirting!
- [softly]
- Wilbur Turnblad: How could I ever?
- Corny Collins: Tell me, Velma, how exactly do you fire Corny Collins from the Corny Collins show?
- [walks away]
- Velma Von Tussle: [starts to speak and then pauses, frustrated] They do it all the time on "Lassie"!
- Police Chief: [while on the lookout for Tracy] I doubt she'll risk jail to win some beauty pageant.
- Velma Von Tussle: [to herself] I risked communicable diseases. She'll certainly risk jail.
- Corny Collins: Velma, isn't this where it's all heading anyway? Now you can fight it, or you can rock out to it!
- Velma Von Tussle: Incredible! I could do a fan dance with a lettuce leaf and you would remain completely obtuse!
- Wilbur Turnblad: Obtuse?
- Velma Von Tussle: Yes, obtuse!
- Wilbur Turnblad: I flunked geometry...
- Velma Von Tussle: ...yes, and biology too, no doubt!
- Wilbur Turnblad: [to Edna, as she resists the urge to jump onto the stage and dance] Do it now! Or forever wish you had!
- Edna Turnblad: They must think my ears are garbage cans. Would you turn that racket down? I'm trying to iron here.
- Penny Pingleton: Mom, please don't send my best friend to the big house!
- Prudy Pingleton: [grabs Penny] Penny, hush!
- Tracy Turnblad: You haven't heard the last of me, Mrs. Pingleton! Things need to change, and I won't stop trying to change them. I don't care how long it takes.
- Prudy Pingleton: Good! You'll be waiting twenty to life.
- Prudy Pingleton: [to Penny] Wait till your father gets out of prison, you'll see more than a jump rope!
- Link Larkin, Tracy Turnblad, Penny Pingleton, Seaweed: [ending the song "Without Love"] Darlin' you had best believe me, never leave me without love!
- Edna Turnblad: [called from off camera] Link, your pork is ready!
- [singing]
- Tammy: Are you scared we're on live?
- Tracy Turnblad: No, I'm sure I can cope.
- Amber Von Tussle: Well, this show isn't broadcast in...
- Tammy, Amber Von Tussle, Shelley, Noreen, Doreen, Vicki, Darla, Becky: [with the other council girls] Cinemascope!
- Velma Von Tussle: I never drank one chocolate malt. No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs.
- Edna Turnblad: First the hair, now this?
- Wilbur Turnblad: But, all the kids are battin' up their hair now, hon.
- Edna Turnblad: [to Wilbur] You're no help.
- Tracy Turnblad: It's ratting, daddy.
- [to Edna]
- Tracy Turnblad: And our first lady, Jacqueline Kennedy does it!
- Edna Turnblad: I don't believe that.
- Tracy Turnblad: What do you mean you don't believe that? How else would it look that way?
- Edna Turnblad: I believe that it is naturally stiff.
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