Chris Klein credited as playing...
- Stifler: You're a disgrace to men everywhere. I mean, look at the Stifmeister. I got laid 23 times this year, and I'm not counting the hummer I got in the library stacks, baby.
- Oz: Here's a new idea for you Stifler. You find a girl, you two become best friends and you don't bother counting how many times you have sex with each other you just laugh at the people who do count.
- Stifler: Here's a new idea for you. I'll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass.
- Heather: [On the phone to Oz] Oz what should I do now?
- Stifler: [Also on the phone pretending to be Oz] Oh Heather baby. Why don't you tell me my dick is as big as Stifler's.
- Oz: Stifler get off.
- Stifler: I am getting off listening to the two of you. Keep going.
- Stifler: [after Finch got into Stifler's mom's car and driving off] Hey, where's shit-break?
- Jim: Uh, at the movies.
- Kevin: Took the bus.
- Oz: Coffee.
- Stifler: Wait a second... Who the fuck was in that car?
- Stifler: Who the hell was that?
- Oz: That was uh... that was...
- Jim: Was someone was lost looking for the lake.
- Kevin: Yeah.
- Oz: Yeah, turned around.
- Stifler: What a dumbass, the lake's right there.
- Heather: [Interrupted during phone call] Hey, Marco, could you get your balls off me?
- [talking about soccer balls]
- Oz: Hey, what the heck's goin' on over there?
- Heather: Oh, those are just my flat-mates.
- Jim: Nadia will be expecting filet mignon, okay, and all I'm going to be able to give her is rump roast.
- Oz: What are you so worried about? You've had experience since Nadia.
- Jim: Ah, yes. You would be referring to the flute fetish band geek, who made me her bitch, and ditched me after prom.
- Jim: You got laid in an art museum?
- Finch: The Met. Oh, and the Guggenheim with Francesca.
- Jim: The Guggenheim?
- Finch: And then my Social Psyche professor in Baskin-Robbins.
- Jim: Alright, enough Finch.
- Finch: But, I'll tell you none of these women even compares to...
- Jim, Oz, Kevin: Stifler's mom!
- Finch: Stifler's mom is a goddess.
- Stifler: Shake off your chains of monogamy, my man!
- Oz: I don't think so. You know I'll never turn to the dark side.
