John Goodman credited as playing...
Walter Sobchak
- Walter Sobchak: Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
- Jesus Quintana: Are you ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.
- The Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that's just like, uh, your opinion, man.
- Jesus Quintana: Let me tell *you* something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."
- The Dude: Jesus.
- Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
- [walks off]
- Walter Sobchak: Eight-year-olds, Dude.
- The Dude: Rug pee-ers did not do this. Look at it: a young trophy wife, marries this guy for his money, she figures he hasn't given her enough, you know, she owes money all over town.
- Walter Sobchak: That, fuckin' - bitch...
- The Dude: It's all a god damn fake, man. It's like Lenin said: you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh, you know...
- Donny: I am the walrus.
- The Dude: You know, you'll uh, uh - well, you know what I'm trying' to say...
- Donny: I am the walrus.
- Walter Sobchak: That fucking bitch!
- The Dude: Oh yeah!
- Donny: I am the walrus.
- Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
- Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?
- Walter Sobchak: [shouted repeatedly while smashing a car with a crow bar]
- Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
- Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!
- [censored version]
- Walter Sobchak: I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money. My point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death...
- The Dude: Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.
- Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talkin' about?
- The Dude: Man, you're fucking Polish Catholic...
- Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!
- The Dude: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
- Walter Sobchak: And you know this!
- The Dude: Yeah, and five fucking years ago you were divorced.
- Walter Sobchak: So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish?
- The Dude: It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past.
- Walter Sobchak: Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax...
- [shouting]
- Walter Sobchak: YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I'M LIVIN' IN THE FUCKIN' PAST!
- Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
- The Dude: No you're not wrong.
- Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
- The Dude: You're not wrong Walter. You're just an asshole.
- Walter Sobchak: Okay then.
- The Dude: Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?
- Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.
- Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?
- The Dude: My rug.
- Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!
- The Dude: Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?
- Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, "chinaman" is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
- The Dude: Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy...
- Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you...?
- The Dude: Walter, he peed on my rug!
- Donny: He peed on the Dude's rug.
- Walter Sobchak: Donny, you're out of your element! Dude, the chinaman is not the issue here!
- The Dude: Walter, ya know, it's Smokey, so his toe slipped over the line a little, big deal. It's just a game, man.
- Walter Sobchak: Dude, this is a league game, this determines who enters the next round robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
- Smokey: Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker Dude, I'm marking it 8.
- Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a gun] Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain.
- The Dude: Walter...
- Walter Sobchak: You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain.
- Smokey: I'm not...
- Walter Sobchak: A world of pain.
- Smokey: Dude, he's your partner...
- Walter Sobchak: [shouting] Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it zero!
- The Dude: They're calling the cops, put the piece away.
- Walter Sobchak: Mark it zero!
- [points gun in Smokey's face]
- The Dude: Walter...
- Walter Sobchak: [shouting] You think I'm fucking around here? Mark it zero!
- Smokey: All right, it's fucking zero. Are you happy, you crazy fuck?
- Walter Sobchak: ...It's a league game, Smokey.
- Walter Sobchak: He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger...
- The Dude: The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose.
- Walter Sobchak: Near the In-and-Out Burger...
- Donny: Those are good burgers, Walter.
- Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
- Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story, Donny?
- The Dude: Walter...
- Donny: What?
- Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story?
- Donny: I was bowling.
- Walter Sobchak: So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...
- The Dude: (interrupting) Walter, Walter, what's the point, man?
- Walter Sobchak: There's no reason - here's my point, dude, there's no fucking reason why these two...
- Donny: Yeah, Walter, what's your point?
- Walter Sobchak: That rug really tied the room together, did it not?
- The Dude: Fuckin' A.
- Donny: And this guy peed on it.
- Walter Sobchak: Donny, please.
- The Dude: What's in the fuckin' carrier?
- Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.
- The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?
- Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.
- The Dude: Man, if my fuckin' ex-wife asked me to take care of her fuckin' dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.
- The Dude: Walter... what am I going to tell Lebowski?
- Walter Sobchak: I told that fuck down at the league office... who's in charge of scheduling?
- The Dude: Walter...
- Donny: Burkhalter.
- Walter Sobchak: I told that kraut a fucking thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
- The Dude: Walter...
- Donny: They already posted it.
- Walter Sobchak: Well they can *fucking unpost it*!
- The Dude: Who gives a shit! They're gonna kill that poor woman, man! What am I gonna tell Lebowski?
- Walter Sobchak: C'mon, Dude, eventually she'll get sick of her little game and, you know, wander on back.
- Donny: How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter?
- Walter Sobchak: I'm shomer shabbos.
- Donny: What's that?
- The Dude: Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski?
- Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit *don't fucking roll*!
- Donny: Sheesh.
- Walter Sobchak: Shomer shabbos!
- The Dude: Walter, how am I going to...
- Walter Sobchak: Shomer fucking shabbos.
- The Dude: Oh, fuck it. I'm out of here.
- Walter Sobchak: Come on, Dude...
- [rolls his eyes at Donny]
- Walter Sobchak: Fucking *baby... *
- [Donny nods]
- Walter Sobchak: Also, let's not forget - let's *not* forget, Dude - that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either.
- The Dude: What are you, a fucking park ranger now?
- Walter Sobchak: No, I'm...
- The Dude: Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot!
- Walter Sobchak: Lady, I got buddies who died face down in the muck so that you and I could enjoy this family restaurant!
- Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
- The Dude: Yeah, but Walter...
- Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These fucking amateurs...
- The Dude: Just take it easy, man.
- Walter Sobchak: I'm perfectly calm, Dude.
- The Dude: [shouting] Yeah, waving the fucking gun around?
- Walter Sobchak: Calmer than you are.
- The Dude: Will you just take it easy?
- Walter Sobchak: Calmer than you are.
- Walter Sobchak: Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and... up to... Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince.