Ed Wood (1994)

Jeffrey Jones: Criswell

Photos 

Quotes 

• Criswell : Eddie, we're in show biz. It's all about razzle-dazzle. Appearances. If you look good, and you talk well, people will swallow anything.

• [Waiting to be baptized in a swimming pool] 

  Vampira : Why couldn't we do this in the church?

  Criswell : Because Brother Tor couldn't fit in the sacred tub.

• Criswell : [First lines]  Greetings, my friends! You are interested in the unknown. The mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing you the full story of what happened. We are giving you all the evidence based only on the secret testimony of the miserable souls who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, places. My friends, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Can your heart stand the shocking facts of the true story of Edward D. Wood Jr.?

• Criswell : Bela, would you like a wine?

  Bela Lugosi : No. I never drink... wine.

• Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Hey Cris, how'd you know we'd be living on Mars by 1970?

  Criswell : I guessed. I made it up.

  [Leans over to Ed] 

  Criswell : It's horseshit.

  Edward D. Wood, Jr. : [Ed looks very crestfallen]  Really...

  Criswell : Eddie, there's no such thing as a psychic. People believe my folderol because I wear a black tuxedo.

  Edward D. Wood, Jr. : [Still looking disappointed, but perking up]  It's that easy?

  Criswell : Eddie, we're in show biz. It's all about razzle-dazzle. Appearances. If you look good and you talk well, people will believe anything.

• Criswell : Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.