Airheads (1994)

Marshall Bell: Carl Mace

Quotes 

• Chazz : [Carl has grabbed Kayla and is trying to humiliate Chazz in front of the entire Audience by calling him "Chester"]  Hey, you stay out of this and get your hands off her!

  Kayla : Why did he call you that?

  Carl Mace : There's a lot that Chester didn't tell you about, right, Chester?

  Rex : What's he talking about Chazz?

  Chazz : Um... Kayla, I...

  Chazz : It's... uh, he's... awww shit. Kayla, there's something I gotta tell ya. Um... I was a geek in high school. I had really short hair, I played "Dungeons and Dragons", I had a bug collection, I ate my Boogers. My name's not Chazz... it's Chester, and I understand if You don't love me, anymore.

  D & D Rocker : I played D & D, too!

  School Newspaper Rocker : I was editor of the school magazine!

  Corduroy Rocker : I used to wear corduroy pants!

  Masturbating Rocker : I used to masturbate... constantly!

  [His two friends start hitting him] 

• Carl Mace : I used to come home at night bone tired, sometimes five, six o'clock in the morning. I drop my underwear on the floor one time. Had this teensy weeny little skid mark on them. You would think I had started World War 9.

• Carl Mace : You got any kind of training?

  Doug Beech : Well, I was in the Merchant Marines.

  Carl Mace : Marines. Yeah, I copy.

  [gets distracted for a moment] 

  Doug Beech : But, I was an accountant.

  Carl Mace : Nah, you won't be held accountable.