- Gang Member #1: Whatcha doin', Mister?
- Bill Foster: Nothing.
- Gang Member #1: Yes, you are, you're trespassing on private property.
- Bill Foster: Trespassing?
- Gang Member #2: You're loitering too, man.
- Gang Member #1: That's right, you're loitering too.
- Bill Foster: I didn't see any signs.
- Gang Member #1: [pointing at a piece of graffiti] Whatcha call that?
- Bill Foster: Graffiti?
- Gang Member #1: No, man. That's not fucking graffiti, that's a sign.
- Gang Member #2: He can't read it, man.
- Gang Member #1: I'll read it for you. It says this is fucking private property. No fucking trespassing. This means fucking you.
- Bill Foster: It says all that?
- Gang Member #1: Yeah!
- Bill Foster: Well, maybe if you wrote it in fucking English, I could fucking understand it.
- Bill Foster: [disappointed with the burger he's been served] See, this is what I'm talking about. Turn around, look at that.
- [he points at the picture of a much nicer burger on the menu board above the counter]
- Bill Foster: You see what I mean? It's plump, it's juicy, it's three inches thick. Now, look at this sorry, miserable, squashed thing. Can anybody tell me what's wrong with this picture?
- Bill Foster: [walking around a fast food restaurant holding a TEC-9 automatic pistol] And you, ma'am? How's the food?
- [she vomits]
- Bill Foster: I think we have a critic.
- [to the manager]
- Bill Foster: I don't think she likes the special sauce, Rick. That's a joke.
- Bill Foster: I lost my job. Well, actually I didn't lose it, it lost me. I am over-educated, under-skilled. Maybe it's the other way around, I forget. But I'm obsolete. I'm not economically viable.
- Mr. Lee: [lying on the floor after fighting with Foster] Take the money.
- Bill Foster: You think I'm a thief? Oh, you see, I'm not the thief. I'm not the one charging 85 cents FOR A STINKING SODA! You're the thief! I'm just standing up for my rights as a consumer.
- Sergeant Prendergast: [trying to arrest Foster] Now, let's go meet some nice policemen. They're good guys. Come on, let's go.
- Bill Foster: I'm the bad guy?
- Sergeant Prendergast: Yeah.
- Bill Foster: How'd that happen? I did everything they told me to. Did you know I build missiles? I helped to protect America. You should be rewarded for that. Instead they give it to the plastic surgeons, y'know, they lied to me.
- Sergeant Prendergast: Is that what this is about? You're angry because you got lied to? Is that why my chicken dinner is drying out in the oven? Hey, they lie to everyone. They lie to the fish. But that doesn't give you any special right to do what you did today. The only that makes you special is that little girl.
- Nick: [has revealed that he's a Nazi] We're the same, you and me. We're the same, don't you see?
- Bill Foster: We are not the same. I'm an American, you're a sick asshole.
- Nick, Surplus Store Owner: [showing D-Fens his selection of hiking boots] Let's see what we got. These here are the top of the line. Scientifically engineered and all that crap. Guaranteed by some Sierra Club asshole not to hurt a chipmunk IF you step on it! Personally, I think they're for pussies and
- [turns his head towards two homosexuals frequenting his store]
- Nick, Surplus Store Owner: FAGGOTS! Now THESE are Vietnam jungle boots. Cost you half as much, last you twice as long, and are great for stomping
- [turns his head towards the two again]
- Nick, Surplus Store Owner: QUEERS! 'Course when you're done you have to clean out the waffle with a stick, but what the hell, you can't have everything, right? Am I right or wrong?
- Nick: [after Foster calls him "a sick asshole" for being a Nazi] Fuck you! Who the fuck are you? Are you fucking with me?
- Bill Foster: I AM JUST DISAGREEING WITH YOU! In America, we have the freedom of speech! The right to disagree!
- Nick: Fuck you and your freedom!
- Annoying Man at Phone Booth: Excuse me... Hey, EXCUSE ME. I don't know if you have noticed it or not, but there are other people waiting to use the phone here.
- Bill Foster: There are?
- Annoying Man at Phone Booth: Yeah.
- Bill Foster: There's other people who want to use the phone?
- Annoying Man at Phone Booth: That's right, you selfish asshole.
- Bill Foster: Well, that's too bad. Because you know what?
- Bill Foster: [firing a submachine gun into the phone booth] I think it's out of order.
- Frank (Golfer): Hey, you there! What are you doing there?
- Bill Foster: Just passing through.
- Frank (Golfer): Nobody said you could play through! Get off my hole!
- Jim (Golfer): Frank, Frank, he said he was passing through. Passing through.
- Frank (Golfer): He's not even a member, look at the way he's dressed, for Christ's sake! Would you get off my golf course?
- Bill Foster: I am!
- Frank (Golfer): Go back the way you came!
- Jim (Golfer): Frank, Frank, listen, I don't like the looks of this guy. Leave him alone, will you?
- Frank (Golfer): [getting worked up] Listen, what am I paying my fucking dues for? This is my golf course! If I want to play here, I will play here, you understand? If he gets hit with my Titleist, that's his fucking problem!
- Jim (Golfer): Don't yell at me, I'm just here playing with you.
- Frank (Golfer): FORE!
- [Foster ignores him and keeps walking]
- Frank (Golfer): FORE!
- [Frank hits his ball, Foster ducks and falls to the ground to avoid getting hit by it. He pulls out a shotgun out of his bag]
- Bill Foster: FINE! What the hell are you trying to do? Kill me with a golf ball? It's not enough you got all these beautiful acres fenced in for your little game, but you gotta kill me with a golf ball? You should have children playing here! You should have families having picnics, you should have a goddamn petting zoo! Instead you've got these stupid electric carts for you old men with nothing better to do!
- [he shoots their golf cart, it rolls down the hill. Frank clutches his chest and falls to the ground]
- Jim (Golfer): Frank? Frank? What's wrong, Frank? Frank? Frank, are you OK?
- Bill Foster: Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
- Jim (Golfer): Oh my God! I gotta get some help!
- [Jim runs off. Foster walks up to Frank, who is writhing on the ground, having a heart attack]
- Bill Foster: What's wrong with you?
- Frank (Golfer): [gasping] Heart...
- Bill Foster: Your heart? Something's wrong with your heart? Well, what can I do?
- Frank (Golfer): Pills... pills...
- Bill Foster: Pills? Where are your pills?
- [Frank tries to say "cart" and points down the hill, Foster turns and sees the golf cart plunging into a water hazard]
- Bill Foster: [smirking] Well, I guess you're out of luck, aren't you? Your little cart's going to drown. Now aren't you sorry you didn't let me pass through your golf course?
- Frank (Golfer): [wheezing, barely able to speak] My... golf... course...
- Bill Foster: Yeah. And now you're going to die, wearing that stupid little hat. How does it feel?
- Bill Foster: I've passed the point of no return, Beth. Do you know when that is? That's the point in a journey where it's longer to go back to the beginning than it is to continue to the end. It's like... do you remember when those astronauts got in trouble? They were going to the moon and something went wrong. I don't know, somebody screwed up, and they had to get them back to Earth. But they had passed the point of no return. So they had to go all the way around the moon to get back-and they were out of contact for hours. Everybody waited, breathlessly, to see if a bunch of dead guys in a can would pop out the other side. Well, that's me. I'm on the other side of the moon now... out of contact, and everybody is going to have to wait 'til I pop out.
- Beth: The police are here.
- Bill Foster: Did you know, Beth, that in some South American countries it's still legal to kill your wife if she insults you?
- Captain Yardley: I never liked you. You know why? You don't curse. I don't trust a man who doesn't curse. Not a "fuck" or a "shit" in all these years. Real men curse.
- Captain Yardley: [while being filmed by a TV news crew] Damn fine work, Prendergast.
- Sergeant Prendergast: [shaking Yardley's hand] Fuck you, Captain Yardley. Fuck you very much.
- Bill Foster: [talking to staff at a fast food restaurant] Why am I calling you by your first names? I don't even know who you are. I still call my boss "Mister", I worked for him for seven and a half years but I walk in here, all of a sudden, total stranger, I'm calling you Rick and Sheila like we're in some kind of AA meeting. I don't want to be your buddy, Rick. I just want a little breakfast.
- Sheila: Well, you can call me Miss Folsom if you want to.
- [the gang members try to get revenge on Foster with a drive-by shooting. It fails and they crash their car. Foster calmly walks up to the wreckage and kneels down by one of them who is lying injured on the ground]
- Bill Foster: You missed.
- [he picks up the gang member's Uzi and fires a shot]
- Bill Foster: I missed too.
- [he aims the Uzi at the head of the gang member, who begs him not to shoot. He shoots him in the leg]
- Bill Foster: There. You see? That's the concept. Take some shooting lessons, asshole.
- Bill Foster: [after fighting off two gang members] I'm going home! CLEAR A PATH, YOU MOTHERFUCKER! CLEAR A PATH! I'M GOING HOME!
- Adele Foster-Travino: What's your name?
- Sergeant Prendergast: My name is mud.
- Adele Foster-Travino: Nuh-uh!
- Sergeant Prendergast: Yes it is.
- Adele Foster-Travino: Your name is not mud!
- Sergeant Prendergast: Well, it will be. Once my wife finds out that I'm still a cop.
- Bill Foster: This is a gangland thing, isn't it? We're having a, uh, a territorial dispute, hm? I mean, um, I've wandered into your pissing ground or whatever the damn thing is and you've taken offence at my presence and I can understand that. I mean, I wouldn't want you people in my back yard either.
- Nick: Give me your other hand.
- Bill Foster: I can't.
- Nick: Why not?
- Bill Foster: Gravity.
- Nick: Gravity? What the fuck does that mean?
- Bill Foster: I'll fall down.
- [Nick kick's Bill's knee, making him fall down]
- Bill Foster: You have a choice. I can kill you. Or you can kill me, and my daughter will get the insurance.
- Nick: [looks through Foster's bag full of guns and takes out the snowglobe he bought for his daughter] What is this doing in there? Faggot shit!
- [he throws it]
- Bill Foster: NOOOOO!
- [it smashes to pieces]
- Bill Foster: [to two gang members who want him to pay a toll for being on their turf] Listen fellas, I've had a really rare morning.
- Bill Foster: You're Korean? Do you have any idea how much money my country has given your country?
- Mr. Lee: How much?
- Bill Foster: I don't know. But it's got to be a lot, you can bet on that.
- Sergeant Prendergast: Get a positive ID on the gym bag.
- Captain Yardley: Prendergast, what do you think this is?
- [Holds up his own gym bag]
- Sergeant Prendergast: A gym bag.
- Captain Yardley: Does this mean you're putting me under arrest?
- Nick, Surplus Store Owner: [looking at the knife he has just been stabbed with] This isn't one of mine.
- Nick: What kind of vigilante are you?
- Bill Foster: I am not a vigilante. I am just trying to get home to my little girl's birthday and if everybody'll stay out of my way, then nobody'll get hurt.
- Sergeant Prendergast: What did this guy look like?
- Angie: I don't know, he looked like you except he was taller and he had hair.
- Det. Jones: [sarcastically] Good description, Angie.
- Nick: You want freedom? I'll give you fucking freedom.
- [Takes out some handcuffs]
- Nick: You're going to jail, faggot. How's that for freedom? Freedom to get fucked up the ass by some big buck nigger. Give me your other hand! He's gonna be right behind you. Just like this. You're gonna like that, won't you, you faggot fuck? Think about it.
- Captain Yardley: Lot of good cops want to drop the whole kit and caboodle. And who wouldn't? The pay stinks and your up to your ears in human scum sixteen hours a day.
- Detective Lydecker: We're really sorry, Prendergast. We tried and tried but could not fit your fucking name on the cake!
- Nick: Tell me something, why don't they call you guys officer-esses?
- Sandra: I beg your pardon?
- Nick: You know, like, uh... "actress". Like that?
- Sandra: Oh.
- Nick: Something to signify, uh... you know.
- Sandra: I guess they feel that a police officer is a police officer. Not a, uh... you know.
- Nick: Ahhh.
- Sandra: Thanks for your cooperation, sir.
- Nick: Sorry I couldn't be of more help, officer... ess!
- Detective Keene: [Prendergast is turning down a stripper party to chase D-FENS] Jesus, Prendergast, what's your fucking problem? Are you afraid of women, too?
- Detective Lydecker: I don't blame him... have you ever met his wife?
- [Stunned silence]
- Sergeant Prendergast: What did you say?
- Detective Lydecker: [Sheepishly] What?
- Sergeant Prendergast: What did you say?
- Detective Lydecker: [Acting coy] Nothin'.
- Sandra: Prendergast, we don't have time for this!
- Sergeant Prendergast: Yeah, you're right!
- [Punches Lydecker and leaves the room]
- Nick, Surplus Store Owner: [after one of the homosexuals tips over a sunglass rack on Nick's counter, then leaves] FUCKING FAGGOTS! YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT? Jesus! Alternate lifestyle, my ass! Imagine what those pumpkins do with each other when they're alone! And what about the muff divers? Think about it!
- [Bill Foster leaves his car in the middle of a traffic jam]
- Guy on Freeway: Hey! Where do you think you're going?
- Bill Foster: I'm going home.
- Bill Foster: I'm rolling back prices to 1965. What do you think of that? Donuts, package of 6, how much?
- Mr. Lee: Dollar, 12.
- [Foster hits them with his bat]
- Mr. Lee: No!
- Bill Foster: Too much. Aspirin. Price?
- Mr. Lee: 3.40.
- Bill Foster: Oh, please...
- [he smashes them]
- Bill Foster: Double A batteries, package of 4.
- Mr. Lee: Fi... FOUR 29.
- Bill Foster: Nice try. I think this whole shelf looks suspect.
- [he smashes it up. Then he picks up the can of coke that Mr. Lee was originally going to charge him 85 cents for]
- Bill Foster: One soda. 12 ounces.
- Mr. Lee: 50 cent.
- Bill Foster: Sold.
- [he opens the cash register, puts a dollar bill into it and takes out the change he wanted for the payphone]
- Bill Foster: It's been a pleasure frequenting your establishment.
- [he walks out of the store]
- Rick (Whammyburger): [with a fixed smile] We stop serving breakfast at 11:30.
- [Foster looks at his watch, it's 11:33]
- Bill Foster: Rick, have you ever heard the expression "The customer is always right"?
- Rick (Whammyburger): Yeah.
- Bill Foster: Yeah, well, here I am, the customer.
- Rick (Whammyburger): That's not our policy. You have to order something from the lunch menu.
- Mrs. Prendergast: Mr. Peepers just scratched the shit out of me, and I'm bleeding like a stuck pig.
- Prendergast: Something important's come up.
- Mrs. Prendergast: What am l? Dog vomit? Your wife says she's bleeding to death, and you say something important has come up?, When are you coming home?
- Prendergast: I don't know.
- Mrs. Prendergast: Don't tell me you don't know. I want to know when the hell you're coming home, now!
- Prendergast: Amanda, shut up! Did you hear me? Shut up! I'll get home when I'm finished, not a second before. Is that clear? Is that clear?
- Mrs. Prendergast: You don't have to bite my head off.
- Prendergast: And you have dinner ready and waiting for me, okay? And leave the skin on the chicken. All right?
- Mrs. Prendergast: Goodbye
- Prendergast: [to Detective Torres] Shit, let's go!
- Seedy Guy in Park: Hello, sir, how are you today?
- Bill Foster: I'm doing alright. How about you?
- Seedy Guy in Park: Me, I'm terrible.
- Bill Foster: Sorry to hear that.
- Seedy Guy in Park: Yeah, I came down from Santa Barbara yesterday and this friend of mine wasn't home like I thought he was gonna be and he owes me some money so I thought I would have some money to get back home with. I'm almost out of gas, I had to sleep in my car last night. I don't suppose you have a couple of bucks you could give me? It would really help me out. If you give me your address, I'll mail it back, honest.
- Bill Foster: Let me see your driver's license.
- Seedy Guy in Park: What do you wanna see my driver's license for?
- Bill Foster: Look, you're from Santa Barbara, it'll have your address on it, won't it?
- Seedy Guy in Park: I don't have a driver's license.
- Bill Foster: You drove all the way from Santa Barbara without a license?
- Seedy Guy in Park: Are you a cop?
- Bill Foster: Let's see your car registration. Matter of fact, let's see your car.
- Seedy Guy in Park: All right! Forget it! OK, just forget it! That's a hell of a way to treat a vet, man.
- Bill Foster: You're an animal doctor?
- Seedy Guy in Park: No, a vet, a veteran. I was in 'Nam, man.
- Bill Foster: What were you, a drummer boy? You must've been 10 years old!
- Seedy Guy in Park: I meant the Gulf, I meant to say the Gulf. Jesus! Come on, all I'm asking for is a little change, I haven't eaten in 3 days.
- [has been holding a half-eaten sandwich the whole time]
- Seedy Guy in Park: Well, I mean, except for this. Oh, fuck it! Come on, give me money, man! Just give me some money!
- Bill Foster: No.
- Seedy Guy in Park: How about the change in your pocket? I don't care if it's a dime, give it to me.
- Bill Foster: I'm not giving you any money.
- Seedy Guy in Park: You got a cigarette?
- Bill Foster: I don't smoke.
- Seedy Guy in Park: Oh, come on, man, you gotta give me something.
- Bill Foster: Why don't you try to get a job?
- Seedy Guy in Park: Hey, this is my park, I live here! Who the fuck are you, walking through my park, carrying two bags? You got two bags, I don't got any, is that fair? What's in those bags anyway, huh? Give me one of those bags. I could sell those bags and eat for a week with the money. Come on, you got two of them, what do you need two of them for?
- Bill Foster: You're right. Here.
- [he gives him his briefcase]
- Seedy Guy in Park: Are you serious?
- Bill Foster: [walks away] I don't need it anymore.
- Seedy Guy in Park: All right!
- [he opens the briefcase. The only thing inside is a sandwich and an apple. Disappointed, he throws the apple in Foster's direction]
- Seedy Guy in Park: Son of a bitch!
- Construction Worker: Where do you think you're going? You can't come this way.
- Bill Foster: What are you doing to the street?
- Construction Worker: We're fixing it! What the hell does it look like?
- Bill Foster: Two days ago, it was fine. You're telling me the street fell apart in two days?
- Construction Worker: [sarcastically] Well, I guess so.
- Bill Foster: Pardon me, but that's bullshit. I want to know what's wrong with the street. See, I don't think anything's wrong with the street. I think you're just trying to justify your inflated budgets.
- Construction Worker: What are you, nuts?
- Bill Foster: No, I know how it works. If you don't spend the money you have projected this year, they won't give you the same amount next year. Now I want you to admit there's nothing wrong with the street!
- Construction Worker: Fuck you, pal! Hah?
- Bill Foster: [pulls up his shirt revealing a pistol tucked under his belt] You're not going to hold us hostage here with these yellow lights and all these big trucks.
- Construction Worker: Look, I'm just here to keep people from falling in, that's all.
- Bill Foster: I want to hear it from you. What's wrong with the street?
- Construction Worker: I don't know, I really don't know. I mean, I think it's a sewer job.
- Bill Foster: You're lying. What's wrong with the street?
- Construction Worker: Nothing.
- Bill Foster: I knew it. See, I knew it was fine. But I'll give you something to fix.
- [he pulls a rocket launcher out of his bag]
- Bill Foster: Here!
- Mr. Lee: Drink, eighty fi' cent. You pay or go!
- Bill Foster: What's a "fi'"? I don't understand a "fi'". There's a v in the word, it's "fi-ve". You don't got v's in China?
- Mr. Lee: Not Chinese. I'm Korean.
- Bill Foster: Ah, whatever, you come to my country, you take my money, you don't even have the grace to learn how to speak my language?
- Car Driver: [Car driver in traffic jam snaps when cut off by lady in car] Hey you dumb bitch you cut me off! What's the matter with you? Move up or move back! Get out of the way! What the hell are you, a moron? Come on! If I wanna be in a parking lot, I'll buy a ticket ya dumb goddamn bitch!
- [Foster sucker punches irate car driver unconscious]
- Bill Foster: Hey. Why are you putting barbed wire on that fence? Is this how you rich people amuse yourselves? You put barbed wire on the fence so innocent people like me can hurt themselves looking in?
- [while Foster is distracted, his wife grabs his gun and throws it over the side of the pier. Prendergast points his gun at Foster as his wife and daughter flee the scene]
- Sergeant Prendergast: What were you going to do?
- Bill Foster: I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do.
- Sergeant Prendergast: Oh, guys like you always say you don't know what you're going to do until you do it. I think you know exactly what you were going to do, you would've killed your wife and child.
- Bill Foster: No.
- Sergeant Prendergast: Yeah. And then you knew it would be too late to turn back, it would be real easy to turn the gun around on yourself.
- Sergeant Prendergast: Lucky you caught me.
- Motorcycle Cop: I am?
- Sergeant Prendergast: Yeah. Today's my last day as a cop.
- Motorcycle Cop: Lucky me.
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