Bruce Willis credited as playing...
John McClane
- John McClane: Oh man, I can't fucking believe this. Another basement, another elevator. How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?
- John McClane: That punk pulled a Glock 7 on me. You know what that is? It's a porcelain gun made in Germany. Dosen't show up on your airport X-ray machines, here, and it cost more than you make in a month.
- Carmine Lorenzo: You'd be a surprised what I make in a month.
- John McClane: If it's more than a dollar ninety-eight I'd be very surprised.
- John McClane: [McClane is forced to crawl through yet another ventilation system] Just once, I'd like a regular, normal Christmas. Eggnog, a fuckin' Christmas tree, a little turkey. But, no. I gotta crawl around in this motherfuckin' tin can.
- John McClane: Guess I was wrong about you. You're not such an asshole after all.
- Grant: Oh, you were right. I'm just your kind of asshole.
- Samantha Coleman: You give me this story and I'll have your baby.
- John McClane: That's not the kind of ride I'm looking for!
- Al Powell: You're not pissing in somebody's pool, are you?
- John McClane: Yeah, and I'm fresh outta chlorine.
- John McClane: Hey, Carmine, let me ask you something. What sets off the metal detectors first? The lead in your ass or the shit in your brains?
- [under his breath]
- John McClane: Fat fuck.
- Holly McClane: They told me there were terrorists at the airport.
- John McClane: Yeah, I heard that too.
- Marvin: You like it, huh? How 'bout you give me twenty bucks for it?
- John McClane: How 'bout I let you live?
- Marvin: Man knows how to bargain.
- Al Powell: What's this about?
- John McClane: Oh, just a feeling I have.
- Al Powell: Ouch. When you get those feelings, insurance companies start to go bankrupt.
- Trudeau: Alright, we've got a body in the morgue that seems to have died twice. Assuming it's not a computer error, what do we assume?
- John McClane: That somebody's about to seriously fuck with this airport.
- Trudeau: What the hell is that supposed to mean? I mean, I know we're dummies up here, McClane, so give us a little taste of your brilliant genius! I mean, you talking about a hijacking, a robbery or what?
- John McClane: Look, I'm not sure. All I know, is...
- Carmine Lorenzo: Oh, he's not sure! Well, I'm stunned! I gotta lie down!
- John McClane: The only people that go to this much trouble are professionals, not luggage thieves and not punks!
- Chief Engineer Leslie Barnes: Professional at what?
- John McClane: [holding up the fax] What the fuck do you this is, huh? The safety patrol, here? This is the resume of a professional mercenary! You got the world's biggest drug dealer on his way here, now. What, do you need, a slide rule to figure this out? Or maybe another body in a zipper bag before you start asking questions?
- Carmine Lorenzo: Hey, pal, you're the one that gave us that fuckin' body, remember that.
- John McClane: Yeah, I remember that.
- Rent-A-Car Girl: I close in about an hour. Maybe we can go get a drink?
- John McClane: [shows his wedding ring] Just the fax, ma'am. Just the fax.
- Holly McClane: Honey, it's the '90s, remember? Microchips, microwaves, faxes, *air phones*.
- John McClane: Hey, well, as far as I'm concerned, progress peaked with frozen pizza.
- John McClane: All right, just stay here and get ready to call the marines.
- Chief Engineer Leslie Barnes: I thought they were the army.
- John McClane: Who gives a fuck, just be ready.