- David Bedford: I swear on my mother's grave.
- Judge Harold Bedford: Your mother is playing the back 9 at Bel-Air.
- David Bedford: I was speaking in the future tense.
- Mrs. Gruen: [returning lost 'Geisha'-styled wig to distressed owner hiding in toilet stall] Mrs Yakamoto, I have your hair. I'm going to slip it under the door.
- Ted Davis: ...but don't get her drunk. If you get her drunk,
- [alluringly]
- Ted Davis: she loses control!
- Walter Davis: Ted, are we talking a loss of inhibitions here, or does she pee on the floor?
- Nadia Gates: You might as well know this up front, David. I don't like you anymore. I *certainly* don't love you.
- David Bedford: I don't blame you.
- Nadia Gates: Do we have to have... sex?
- [word said with distaste]
- David Bedford: Oh, yes!
- Nadia Gates: [shudders] Okay.
- [resigns herself to this fate]
- Nadia Gates: But no kissing!
- Nadia Gates: Walter, if you will just drop me off at a hotel...
- Walter Davis: [cuts off Nadia] What? And bring an end to this glorious evening?
- Walter Davis: New car?
- Ted Davis: [very smug from behind his sunglasses] Yes...
- Walter Davis: [leans forward and vomits in car] Uuuuugggghhhhhh!
- Walter Davis: Nadia, I'm taking you home!
- Nadia Gates: To Baton Rouge?
- Walter Davis: I'm taking you to your friends' house! Now what's the address?
- Nadia Gates: I just have this chemical imbalance, almost like an allergy to alcohol. It just makes me crazy!
- Nadia Gates: [inspects painting] Oh! This looks Japanese. "Master and Concubines"?
- Walter Davis: It's Yakamoto!
- Nadia Gates: What is?
- Walter Davis: No, no, the reason for this big business dinner tonight is this Japanese industrialist new client of ours. He's old world Japanese and he's got a wife that's more like a slave and he keeps concubines!
- Nadia Gates: You gotta be kidding me.
- Walter Davis: No, no, his wife knows all about it. It's "traditional" or something.
- Nadia Gates: Tell me something, Walter: Are you into those kind of "traditions"?
- [chuckles]
- Walter Davis: [chuckles] No, I'm actually a one-concubine kind of guy.
- Harry Gruen: Do I have to say the words, Walter?
- Walter Davis: I am fired?
- Harry Gruen: I only wish this was the army. So that I could have you shot... Twice!
- Walter Davis: [pointing gun at David] Dance!
- David Bedford: What?
- Walter Davis: I said dance, scumbag!
- [David whistles Swanee River and dances]
- Walter Davis: Moondance!
- [David moondances]
- Walter Davis: I hate that shit!
- [fires at David's feet]
- Walter Davis: [chased by Rambo the Doberman guard dog] Jesus Christ! Good doggy! Nice doggy! Oh, shit!
- [jumps into swimming pool]
- Ted Davis: Hey... I'll make it up to you.
- Walter Davis: Oh? You'll write me a check?
- Ted Davis: No, but I'll solve your problems for tonight. I know this fantastic...
- Walter Davis: Stop!
- Ted Davis: You don't even know what I was gonna say!
- Walter Davis: Yes, I do. You're gonna recommend another one of your psychotic friends.
- Ted Davis: I *resent* that, Walter.
- Walter Davis: Come on, Ted. You've tried to find me Miss Right before, only you always forget to mention one crucial detail. Like she's a dopehead or a lesbian or keeps a dead cat in the freezer. What a New Year's that was. "Walter, would you get the champagne out of the icebox?"
- Ted Davis: Okay, I'm sorry about that! But seriously, Walter, I know someone. Her name is Nadia Gates, she's Susie's cousin.
- Walter Davis: Ted, I don't wanna hear about it.
- Ted Davis: Don't you trust your own brother?
- [gets cold stare]
- Ted Davis: Right. No argument there. But all my usual bullshit aside, Nadia's an amazing woman. She just moved back into town, she's staying in a hotel, and she wants to meet people!
- Walter Davis: What's she like?
- Ted Davis: She's a sweetheart. Good sense of humor, lots of fun. You are gonna love her!
- Walter Davis: No, I am not gonna love her, because this is not going to happen!
- Ted Davis: [sighs] Suit yourself. But I give her my highest recommendation.
- Walter Davis: Ha! Talk about the kiss of death!
- [drives away]
- Walter Davis: [on bed, drunk] Nadia, let's do it in the coats. Let's do it right here in the fur coats, honey. Ohh!
- Nadia Gates: Why don't you just go ahead and do now what you're going to do later anyway, Walter? Just pass out.
- Walter Davis: [from underneath pile] Come to me, baby! Ahh!
- Jordan the Butler: [as the Doberman barks] Rambo!
- David Bedford: [from upstairs balcony] Jordan!
- Jordan the Butler: Yes, sir?
- David Bedford: What the hell is with that dog?
- Jordan the Butler: I'm afraid I don't know, sir.
- David Bedford: Would you do something!
- Jordan the Butler: Yes, sir. Damn it, Rambo. What the bleeding hell has got into you?
- [dog continues barking]
- Jordan the Butler: Now, you stop that.
- [threatening:]
- Jordan the Butler: You keep quiet, or I'll call the vet, and he'll cut them off, and you'll end up barking like Cyndi bleeding Lauper!
- [Rambo loses his doggie cool entirely and goes over into attack mode]
- Jordan the Butler: Rambo!
- [runs away, snarling dog chasing him]
- Judge Harold Bedford: [re Rambo's incessant barking] It's a good thing that dog was trained to protect us. He can fight off the neighbors when they come to lynch us!
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