Anne Schedeen: Kate Tanner

ALF

Kate Tanner

[Kate refuses ALF to baby-sit Eric]
ALF: But why, why?
Kate: Why? Cause you're irresponsible. You trashed the living room, blew up the kitchen, wallpapered the shower...
ALF: It was a rhetorical question.

Kate: Do you remember when you thought Mr.Littwak was building an atomic bomb in his basement?
ALF: It was an atomic bomb.
Willie: It was a pool heather.
ALF: Hah. The Littwak's don't even own a pool.
Kate: Yes, they do.
ALF: They do? Can we go over?

[ALF has to stay in the garage because Kate's mother is visiting]
ALF: Kate, there's no TV in here.
Kate: We'll let you use the portable TV.
ALF: The black and white one with the 1 inch screen? Good. I'll tape it to my eye.

[on a camping trip]
Willie: One more word out of you, and you're not eating with us.
ALF: Right. Let the alien starve.
Willie: I think the alien could skip a meal. It might be a new experience for you!
[pause]
Willie: How would you like your hamburger?
ALF: Medium rare. Hold the lightning.
Willie: How would you like to be 50% hair?
ALF: You know, you're a different person when you're on vacation.
Willie: I'm just trying to make this vacation fun.
ALF: How, by drowning us?
Willie: By trying to keep a positive attitude! You might do that yourself... INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING ALL THE TIME!
Kate: [annoyed] Guys, please.
ALF: Well, not everyone enjoys spending their vacation in a rainforest!
Willie: We're in this rainforest because of you!
ALF: I vote we go home.
Willie: You're not voting in this.
ALF: Call the newspapers! Democracy is dead!

[Kate tries to help Jake to talk to a girl]
Kate: If it would be any help at all, you could practice on me.
Jake Ochmonek: It wouldn't be the same, Mrs. Tanner. Laura's much more... she's beautiful.
Kate: [coldly] I see.
[she leaves]
ALF: [to Jake] You've got a way with women.

Kate: Where's Lizard taking you?
Lynn: To a science fiction movie. Something about this guy being shrunk and then injected into someone else.
ALF: That's not science fiction. A friend of mine did that once. He took a wrong turn and got stuck in a guy's nose.

[ALF is trying to be a professional shrink and he's annoying Kate and Willie]
ALF: Speaking of aggravation, we've got to do something about Brian.
Kate: What's wrong with Brian?
ALF: He's been experiencing some negative stroking from Kate lately.
Kate: [in a sudden burst of anger] All right. That's it.
Willie: Calm down.
ALF: Stop ventilating.
Kate: I am not ventilating. I am talking.
[to Willie]
Kate: And I resent the implication that I'm having a negative effect on my son's outlook. Oh I give up. I give up.
ALF: You're letting out your emotions. Good. Now we can make some real progress.
Willie: And you are spouting out a lot of psychological clichés you don't even understand.
ALF: Why so hostile, Willie? I'm okay. You're okay.
Willie: This must stop.
ALF: That's right. A good scream. Let it fly.
Willie: You cannot keep aggravating people like this.
ALF: Why do you hate your mother?

ALF: And have you thought about what happens to me, when that "human babysitter" rummages trough my fridge?
Kate: What do you mean your fridge?
ALF: Okay its your fridge, but the fuzz in the meat door is mine.

ALF: Mind if I showed you a trick ?
Kate: The last time you showed me a trick, it took three weeks for my eyebrows to grow back.
ALF: I told you not to lean in.

ALF: Yo Kate, where do you keep your casserole dishes?
Kate: Why?
ALF: The cat won't fit in the toaster. Never mind, I'll make a peanut butter sandwich, where's the blender?
Kate: Try it without the blender this time, and don't get hair in the peanut butter jar.
ALF: Rules rules rules.
ALF: Grease fire grease fire.
ALF: Never mind the curtains put me out.

Kate: What are you doing?
ALF: [with a sunlamp in front of his head] Oh, soaking up rays, Babe. Your sunlamp's not working. I've been sitting here for five hours, Nada.
Kate: Five hours? ALF, you're lucky you didn't get a sunburn.
ALF: [Kate touches him] Aaah!
Kate: Sorry.
ALF: Aah, oh, it hurts, it hurts.
Kate: Well, would you like some cold cream?
ALF: Yeah, but just one scoop, I'm on a diet.
Kate: It's for your nose.
ALF: That's where I'm trying to lose the weight.
Kate: ALF, I'm talking about cold cream. Not ice cream. Cold cream. You understand?
ALF: You're talking like they're two different things.
Kate: They *are*! Haven't you been listening?
ALF: What is this, healing through hollering?