George C. Scott: Gen. 'Buck' Turgidson
Photos
Quotes
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President Merkin Muffley : I will not go down in history as the greatest mass-murderer since Adolf Hitler.
General "Buck" Turgidson : Perhaps it might be better, Mr. President, if you were more concerned with the American People than with your image in the history books.
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General "Buck" Turgidson : Sir, you can't let him in here. He'll see everything. He'll see the big board!
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General "Buck" Turgidson : It'd be naive of us, Mr. President, to imagine that these new developments would cause a change in Soviet expansionist policy. I mean, we must be increasingly on the alert to prevent them taking over other mine shafts space, in order to breed more prodigiously than we do. Thus, knocking us out of these superior numbers when we emerge! Mr. President, we must not allow a mine-shaft gap!
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General "Buck" Turgidson : Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines.
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General "Buck" Turgidson : General Ripper called Strategic Air Command headquarters shortly after he issued the go code. I have a portion of the transcript of that conversation if you'd like me to to read it.
President Merkin Muffley : Read it!
General "Buck" Turgidson : Ahem... The Duty Officer asked General Ripper to confirm the fact that he *had* issued the go code, and he said, uh, "Yes gentlemen, they are on their way in, and no one can bring them back. For the sake of our country, and our way of life, I suggest you get the rest of SAC in after them. Otherwise, we will be totally destroyed by Red retaliation. Uh, my boys will give you the best kind of start, 1400 megatons worth, and you sure as hell won't stop them now, uhuh. Uh, so let's get going, there's no other choice. God willing, we will prevail, in peace and freedom from fear, and in true health, through the purity and essence of our natural... fluids. God bless you all" and he hung up.
[beat]
General "Buck" Turgidson : Uh, we're, still trying to figure out the meaning of that last phrase, sir.
President Merkin Muffley : There's nothing to figure out, General Turgidson. This man is obviously a psychotic.
General "Buck" Turgidson : We-he-ell, uh, I'd like to hold off judgement on a thing like that, sir, until all the facts are in.
President Merkin Muffley : General Turgidson! When you instituted the human reliability tests, you *assured* me there was *no* possibility of such a thing *ever* occurring!
General "Buck" Turgidson : Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir.
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[Strangelove's plan for post-nuclear war survival involves living underground with a 10:1 female-to-male ratio]
General "Buck" Turgidson : Doctor, you mentioned the ratio of ten women to each man. Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so-called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?
Dr. Strangelove : Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious... service along these lines, the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature.
Ambassador de Sadesky : I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor.
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[Turgidson advocates a further nuclear attack to prevent a Soviet response to Ripper's attack]
General "Buck" Turgidson : Mr. President, we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth both for ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation. Now, truth is not always a pleasant thing. But it is necessary now to make a choice, to choose between two admittedly regrettable, but nevertheless *distinguishable*, postwar environments: one where you got twenty million people killed, and the other where you got a hundred and fifty million people killed.
President Merkin Muffley : You're talking about mass murder, General, not war!
General "Buck" Turgidson : Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops. Uh, depending on the breaks.
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General "Buck" Turgidson : If the pilot's good, see, I mean if he's reeeally sharp, he can barrel that baby in so low... oh you oughta see it sometime. It's a sight. A big plane like a '52... varrrooom! Its jet exhaust... frying chickens in the barnyard!
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General "Buck" Turgidson : Mr. President, if I may speak freely, the Russkie talks big, but frankly, we think he's short of know how. I mean, you just can't expect a bunch of ignorant peons to understand a machine like some of our boys. And that's not meant as an insult, Mr. Ambassador, I mean, you take your average Russkie, we all know how much guts he's got. Hell, lookit all them Nazis killed off and they still wouldn't quit.
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[General Turgenson's phone rings in the war room]
General "Buck" Turgidson : Hello...
[whispering]
General "Buck" Turgidson : I told you never to call me here, don't you know where I am?... Well look, baby, I c-, I *can't* talk to you now... my president needs me!... Of *course* Bucky'd rather be there with you!... Of *course* it isn't only physical!... I deeply respect you as a human being... Some day I'm gonna make you *Mrs* Buck Turgidson!... Oh, listen uh, you go back to sleep hon, and Bucky'll be back there just as soon as he can... All right... listen, sug, don't forget to say your prayers!
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General "Buck" Turgidson : Mr. President, about, uh, 35 minutes ago, General Jack Ripper, the commanding general of, uh, Burpelson Air Force Base, issued an order to the 34 B-52's of his Wing, which were airborne at the time as part of a special exercise we were holding called Operation Drop-Kick. Now, it appears that the order called for the planes to, uh, attack their targets inside Russia. The, uh, planes are fully armed with nuclear weapons with an average load of, um, 40 megatons each. Now, the central display of Russia will indicate the position of the planes. The triangles are their primary targets; the squares are their secondary targets. The aircraft will begin penetrating Russian radar cover within, uh, 25 minutes.
President Merkin Muffley : General Turgidson, I find this very difficult to understand. I was under the impression that I was the only one in authority to order the use of nuclear weapons.
General "Buck" Turgidson : That's right, sir, you are the only person authorized to do so. And although I, uh, hate to judge before all the facts are in, it's beginning to look like, uh, General Ripper exceeded his authority.
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General "Buck" Turgidson : Is that the Russian ambassador you're talking about?
President Merkin Muffley : Yes it is, General.
General "Buck" Turgidson : A-A-Am I to understand the *Russian* ambassador is to be admitted entrance to th-the War Room?
President Merkin Muffley : That is correct, he is here on my orders.
General "Buck" Turgidson : I... I don't know exactly how to put this, sir, but are you aware of what a serious breach of security that would be? I mean, he'll see everything, he'll... he'll see the Big Board!
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General "Buck" Turgidson : Hmm... Strangelove? What kind of a name is that? That ain't no Kraut name is it, Stainesey?
Mr. Staines : He changed it when he became a citizen. Used to be Merkwürdigliebe.
[the German word for "Strangelove"]
General "Buck" Turgidson : Well, a Kraut by any other name, uh Stainesey?
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Miss Scott : It's 3 o'clock in the morning!
General "Buck" Turgidson : Weh-heh-heh-ll, the Air Force never sleeps.
Miss Scott : Buck, honey, I'm not sleepy either...
General "Buck" Turgidson : I know how it is, baby. Tell you what you do: you just start your countdown, and old Bucky'll be back here before you can say "Blast off!"
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President Merkin Muffley : And why haven't you radioed the planes countermanding the go-code?
General "Buck" Turgidson : Well, I'm afraid we're unable to communicate with any of the aircraft.
President Merkin Muffley : Why?
General "Buck" Turgidson : As you may recall, sir, one of the provisions of Plan 'R' provides that once the go-code is received, the normal SSB Radios in the aircraft are switched into a special coded device which I believe is designated as CRM-114. Now, in order to prevent the enemy from issuing fake or confusing orders, CRM-114 is designed not to receive at all - unless the message is preceded by the correct three-letter recall code group prefix.
President Merkin Muffley : Then do you mean to tell me, General Turgidson, that you will be unable to recall the aircraft?
General "Buck" Turgidson : That's about the size of it. However, we are plowing through every possible three-letter combination of the code. But since there are 17,000 permutations... it's going to take us about two-and-a-half days to transmit them all.
President Merkin Muffley : How soon did you say our planes will be entering Russian radar cover?
General "Buck" Turgidson : About 18 minutes from now, sir.
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President Merkin Muffley : I'm afraid I don't understand something, Alexi. Is your premier threatening to explode this if our planes succeed in carrying out their attack?
Ambassador de Sadesky : No, sir! It is not a thing a sane man would do. The doomsday machine is designed to to trigger itself automatically.
President Merkin Muffley : But surely you can disarm it somehow.
Ambassador de Sadesky : No! It is designed to explode if any attempt is ever made to untrigger it!
President Merkin Muffley : Automatically?
General "Buck" Turgidson : It's an obvious Commie trick, Mr. President. We are wasting valuable time! Look at the big board, they're getting ready to clobber us!
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General "Buck" Turgidson : [Gesturing to the Big Board] When the Russians see that on their radar, they are going to go absolutely ***APE***.
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President Merkin Muffley : [on phone with Dmitri] No. No, Dimitri, there must be some mistake. No, I'm certain of that. I'm perfectly certain of that, Dimitri. Just a second.
[puts down phone]
President Merkin Muffley : You know what he says? He says that one of the planes hasn't turned back. He says according to information forwarded by our air staff, it's headed for the missile complex at Lapuda.
General "Buck" Turgidson : Why...
[laughs incredulously]
General "Buck" Turgidson : That's impossible, Mr. President. I mean, look at the big board! Thirty-four planes, thirty recalls acknowledged, and four splashes, and one of them was targeted for Lapuda!
President Merkin Muffley : Dimitri? Look, we've got an acknowledgement from every plane except the four you've shot down.
[beat]
President Merkin Muffley : Oh. Oh.
[puts down the phone]
President Merkin Muffley : He says...
[realizes Dimitri's still on the line, brings it back up]
President Merkin Muffley : Hang on a second, Dimitri.
[covers phone]
President Merkin Muffley : He says their air staff now only claims three aircraft confirmed. The fourth may only be damaged.
General "Buck" Turgidson : [narrows eyes, looks suspicious] Mr. President, I'm beginning to smell a big, fat Commie rat! I mean, supposin' Kissov is lying about that fourth plane, just lookin' for an excuse to clobber us. I mean, if the spaghetti hits the fan, now, we're in trouble.
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General "Buck" Turgidson : Our studies show that even the worst fallout is down to a safe level after two weeks!
Ambassador de Sadesky : You've obviously never heard of cobalt chlorium G.
General "Buck" Turgidson : Well, what about it?
Ambassador de Sadesky : Cobalt chlorine G has a radioactive half-life of 93 years. If you take, say, 50 H-bombs in 100 megaton range and jacket them with cobalt chlorium G - when they are exploded, they will produce a doomsday shroud. An evil cloud of radioactivity which will encircle the earth for 93 years!
General "Buck" Turgidson : What a load of Commie bull.
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[the men inside the War Room cheer as the big board shows the OPE code being recalled from the bombers]
General Buck Turgidson : [Whistling loudly] Gentlemen, gentlemen!
[Everyone falls silent]
General Buck Turgidson : Ah, gentlemen, Mr. President, I'm not a sentimentalist at all, by nature, but I think I know what's in every heart in this room. I think we ought to all just bow our heads and give a short prayer of thanks for our deliverance. Uh, Lord, we have heard the wings of the angel of death fluttering over our heads from the valley of fear. You have seen fit to deliver us from the forces of evil...
Mr. Staines : Excuse me sir, Premier Kissov's calling again and he's hopping mad!
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President Merkin Muffley : General, it is the avowed policy of our country never to strike first with nuclear weapons.
General "Buck" Turgidson : Well, Mister President, I would... I would say that General Ripper has already invalidated that policy.
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General "Buck" Turgidson : Mister President, there are one or two points I'd like to make, if I may.
President Merkin Muffley : Go ahead, General.
General "Buck" Turgidson : ONE: Our hopes for recalling the Eight Hundred And Forty Third bomb wing are quickly being reduced to a very low order of probability. TWO: In less than fifteen minutes from now, the Russkies will be making radar contact with the planes. THREE: When they do, they are gonna go absolutely ape, and they're gonna strike back with everything they've got. FOUR: If, prior to this time, we have done nothing further to suppress their retaliatory capabilities, we will suffer virtual annihilation. Now... Five: if - on the other hand - we were to immediately launch an all-out and co-ordinated attack on all their air fields and missile bases, we'd stand a damn good chance of catching 'em with their pants down. Hell, we've got a five to one missile superiority as it is. We could easily assign three missiles to every target and still have a very effective reserve force for any other contingency. Now, Six: an unofficial study, which we undertook of this eventuality, indicated that we would destroy ninety percent of their nuclear capabilities. We would therefore prevail and suffer only modest and acceptable civilian casualties from their remaining force, which would be badly damaged and uncoordinated.
