Quotes

[on handling fame] - It's a little bit strange. But I'm 40 years old. If I were in my 20s, this whole thing would probably freak me out. Don't worry though, I'm sure I'll fuck this up somehow.

[on the first R-rated movie he saw in a theater] - Hot Dog... The Movie (1983). I went with my friend but I told my mom I was gonna to go see Yentl (1983). She knew what we did. She picked us up at the theater afterwards and was like, "How was 'Yentl?'" She wanted a full report. I was like, "Well, you know mom, they're really not our people..."

[on the first movie he took a date to] - Eddie Murphy: Raw (1987). I know, a terrible thing to choose, but I wanted to see it. Eddie Murphy was wearing that fancy leather suit. But she became my high school sweetheart. She was four inches taller than me.

(On his TV series Tru Calling (2003)) It was the dumbest show I'd ever seen. I remember calling the executive producer and saying, 'This show is terrible, doesn't make any sense, and it's insulting'. I tried to get fired. We'd do a table read, and as soon as we're done, I'd be the first one up, and I'd go, to the writer of the episode or whatever, 'Great script, Janet'. And I'd throw it in the trash can and walk out. Then I told the lead actress she was eating her way to cancellation. They thought it was me being Funny Stand-up Guy. But it was an incredibly happy time in my life, because I was biking everywhere. I was smoking so much pot, which was... You know, I was playing a doctor on TV, and I had to memorize all this medical jargon, and on, like, take 17-it was so unprofessional.

(2009, GQ Magazine) There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life.

(2009) Hollywood's built on insecurity. People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way.

I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling.

[Ryan] Gosling better watch his ass.

It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me'. Being popular is poison. My mom and dad are like, 'You're not enjoying any of this'. I say, 'It's your fault for not raising me up to be superficial'.

A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong.

It's embarrassing but I don't over-think things too much when I work. I think that may be evident to a lot of people.

[to Barack Obama in a mock interview, 2014] What is it like to be the last black president?

[on January Jones] I was at a party, I'd never met her, and she was like, 'Come, sit down.' So I sit at her table and talk for ten minutes, and she goes, 'I think it's time for you to leave now.' So I say, 'January, you are an actress in a show and everybody's going to forget about you in a few years, so fucking be nice,' and I got up and left.

[GQ Actually Me Segment] I think anything that's awkward is funny because it's not supposed to be that way. And we all try to carry ourselves as "cool" and stuff so I like when people are NOT cool. Cause it's funny.