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Danterandal19
I'm chill but i'll add my two cents in a heated conversation if I have something important to say- that's just how the internet is sometimes.
Reviews
Ninja Assassin (2009)
Excuse me, I think you dropped some blood over there...
I like dumb action movies. I especially like dumb, over the top, gory, violent martial arts movies. Gimme some "Ong Bak" or even some "Bloodsport" and I'll be satisfied.
This is not a martial arts movie. This is not even an entertaining action movie in the slightest.
The story amounts to "REVENGE!" (like all good action movie plots, huh?), and of course the acting and dialogue is never up to par. But you don't come into a movie called "Ninja Assassin" looking for Mamet-like dialogue, do you? The prerequisite action is here...kinda. If by "action" you mean "we're going to CGI the crap out of these fight scenes, and make everything all blurry and dark so you don't see how bad they actually are". That's what you meant, right? Rain, I feel, is a pretty good looking chap, who's about as charismatic in the role as an Asian pop star pretending to be a martial arts master can be. And when he's laying waste to dozens upon dozens of pajama clad ninjas in some fairly slick & well-choreographed fight scenes (that comes maybe 50 minutes into the movie) you almost find yourself enjoying the film. But then we see a ridiculous amount of blood being shed, heads being cut off and severed arms flying at the screen. That's the exact moment where you'll find yourself completely taken out of the action. You'll then realize how stupid all of this is, and how there's absolutely nothing entertaining about CGI fight scenes in a live-action martial arts movie. It's a cop-out; you start to wonder whether "Ninja Assassin" is an actual movie or just the trailer for the video game tie-in.
At this point, your mind begins to wander. You find yourself asking questions, such as "Why is this movie so fake? What's the point of having cool fight scenes if you just crap it up with ridiculously fake CGI blood and gore? Why does "Ricky-Oh" seem like a far more realistic and realized martial arts film when compared to this mess? Why did I spend my money to watch this film?".
Luckily for you, you have the ability to spare yourself from asking that last question.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
Their "Revenge" is Our Punishment
Here is a film that knows not what the words "excess", "story" or "entertainment" mean. There are precious few moments that might be considered amusing to the average film-goer, a person who deserves much more than what is displayed here.
The ultimate defense by the fans of this film is "But it's a Transformers movie? What did you expect?".
As a huge fan of the first film,I'll tell you what I expected; I expected a plot, I expected characters to care about, I expected humor and action sequences that don't make my eyes and ears bleed. Lastly, I expected to be ENTERTAINED.
The human characters in this film don't act so much as they yell things and plot points. You'll hear a lot of "Watch out" or "Look over there!" or "Run!", but none of that makes for interesting character development. Not one single actor has a believable performance; it's always obvious that they're just shouting out horrendous dialogue from the script (with everyone's favorite Toe-thumbed hot chick Megan Fox being the worst offender). And the "humor" in this film is completely juvenile and unfunny. It's to the point where the Friedberg and Seltzer take on this script might actually prove a funnier, more tolerable movie.
Don't get me started on the plot. Literally nothing makes any sort of sense in this film. How do toaster robots suddenly have built in guns- were they made like that already, just in case an Allspark shard would just so happen to make them come to life? Why does Shia have a cast on his hand off and on throughout the climax of the film? *Spoiler Alert* Why isn't the Allspark shard used to help Optimus Prime when it can resurrect Megatron in an instant? Why do robots disappear throughout the film only to reappear when *GASP* Sam is in danger of getting crushed by a Decepticon? I'm not even going to touch the whole thing about "The Matrix".
Yes, there are robots fighting, but good luck trying to decipher who's who. All you get to see is metal-on-metal- it's the equivalent of watching scrap parts from the dump having an orgy, and it's about as pleasing to the eyes and ears as such.
Where's the heart from the first film? That movie was just as dumb and poorly written as this one, but we CARED for the people in the 1st film. We wanted to see Optimus kick but and Shia get his girl. Here, all we have are a bunch of unnecessary humanoids palling around with idiotic robots in horrible set pieces that feature explosions whenever a Transformer looks at a building funny.
If that's what you want from a film, go right ahead. I'm just saying that we should expect more from dumb-ass big-budget blockbusters.