GiraffeDoor Reviews

Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)

Deuteragonist is trash.

[7/10 · 8 May 2024]

I find it hard to get excited about yet another one of these but once I start watching, I go along with the fun of it all though the whole thing is a bit austere.

There is humor thank goodness but it's often smug humor.

The concept is similar to the third Johnny English Movie.

I'm going to give a soft spoiler, something that happens in the first act:

OK, ready?

I was very impressed how there's this chick who I don't remember from any previous movies at all but how you get the impression she's going to be a big part of this movie but then she's killed.

I was irked to find that she survived and then became the deuteragonist.

A bland and uncharismatic character that calls people hurtful names.

The respect and admiration I have for the Italian nation and culture notwithstanding, I really do not respect those men whom Ethan should just karate chopped with extreme prejudice.

It was a great climax for a part 1 of a larger thing.

The Birds (1963)

Line your canaries cage with this.

[3/10 · 23 April 2024]

Brokeback Mountain was a short story that was easily able to be adapted into a feature length film, despite covering decades of its characters' lives.

This movie was based on a short story and totally feels like it.

Desperate filler after desperate filler is the experience of this movie as we go through a parade of bland characters with null back-stories that only makes you more and more desperate to see someone get pecked to death.

The long awaited scenes of avian aggression and suspense are pretty well realized but are truly not worth the wait.

There is nothing to this except feathered friends inexplicably turning vicious which is kind of the point but after sitting through so much that was inconsequential it all feels insulting.

No, I do not feel more empathy for these characters after seeing something of their human lives. No, it does not feel more terrifying to see regular life suddenly turn evil.

Hitchcock isn't a particularly amazing film-maker; partly because mostly he just directs but he is a typical director who lucked out with some good scripts but THIS is not one of them.

Ted (2024)

It's so good that even with Blair it's still the best thing on TV. And Blair sucks!

[8/10 · 19 April 2024]

One of the very best things on television right now. More than just a mindless thing to distract you; a reminder than some writers out there genuinely know what they're doing, know their way around a joke and can keep it fresh.

It's amazing how low one's standard for comedy can get when you just want something to watch but here is some real professionalism and the story telling isn't half bad either.

If you like that Family Guy-esque tit-for-tat humor in which people say absurd things but they follow through on it as if they had workshopped it all day, then this will please you.

Real laugh out loud moments are there and it's not just shock humor; they are real jokes.

But you also have the characters: this vision of an archetypal family, not idealized but still deeply empathetic with its gentle mom character who can't say a word against anyone without feeling bad and her toxic masculine husband that really got under my skin as a man who might have horrific things to say about gays and women but if a fragile and damaged product of his upbringing.

My main negative is Blair. She is so the worst character and the worst thing in this show. She needs to be there but I hope the writers make her better for season 2. Progressive politics are not a substitute for a personality now matter how admirable the sentiments are. She is smug and sanctimonious, apparently desperate to talk down to people at the expense of furthering the causes she claims to believe in.

The politics talk can be hard to take but the story telling is solid: Macfarlane seems to really want to prove to people than he can do more than the semi-sketch comedy of FG and really spin a narrative. Chekhov gun applies here in a spontaneous way, sometimes planting ideas in one episode that comes to fruition in another.

And the episodes respect their audience. They don't end in these cliche "ha-ha you failed loser" kind of way. You'll see what I mean.

As always with these kinds of shows, the weakest jokes are ironic allusions to the future but never mind.

Game of Thrones (2011–2019)

Sorry, but there are no where near as many bare chests as people claim.

[7/10 · 30 March 2024]

What makes this a fun show is that not only is it an unrelenting vision of the brutality of war, the world and vice but also had a sense of humor about it.

Not a comedy, nut the sardonic musings and exchanges made swell sorbet to this branching web of a story.

Was it always amazing? I guess not. It's bingeable and by this mean good enough to watch not just an episode all the way through in one setting and start others but at the same time, I never felt like rationing it to once to a week along with the best shows.

To this day I don't claim to really understand why they're even fighting.

The first episode of this I ever watched was the season 3 penultimate (yeah...).

There's this one character, I forget his name but the writers seem committed to using him as a model for the superlative of suffering, torture and psychological breaking. It's sort of annoying really when he outright says something is a trick and it sort of is but you can't say there isn't something karmic about it.

The threat of death is meaningful here. But I hope I am spoilering nothing when I say that every death or major change is earned and justified. A character may die but it doesn't leave their own story incomplete; it forms part of another story.

However, that's not to say that this show didn't keep finding ways to shock you. They don't have a big twist EVERY episode which helps it work in its own rhythm of quite build up to vicious battles or other, more personable moments of sadism and cruelty.

Daenarys is interesting but I felt that over time she went from sympathetic to kind of smug but maybe that's the point. That girl who called her sword "needle" also palled on me.

Jon Snow is such a swell, empathetic and empathic character on a super arc and Tyrion is my spirit animal.

Sometimes I did feel annoyed but not usually.

I can pleasure myself to parts of this but there really isn't the excess of nudity people want you to think it is.

The final episode is brilliant and is exactly the ending the show needed. It made perfect sense given what had happened in the show so far.

(An obnoxious moment of anti-democratic rhetoric notwithstanding.)

Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget (2023)

Holiday's over

[8/10 · 7 March 2024]

Fans of the original and new-comers should be more than satisfied by this continuation with more than a few twists on the older story and the characters that still feel like old friends.

The progeny of the main characters from the first one is a major character but Ginger remains the protagonist and with rich nuances on the character we thought we knew making this a delight that was not just processed out.

All the expected delights are there with the same visual wit, rapid fire pop culture references and astonishing set pieces.

There is much more of the James Bond/ Science fiction approach to contrast with the Concentration Camp/ Great Escape vibe of the first film and I like how they use futuristic technology but with an analogue interphase as if it were made in the '80s though this is very au-courant. I guess I'd call it "dial-punk".

And no, it is not vegan propaganda.

I saw this on Boxing day while my family all watched the football and I so wish I had watched it with people but I do not wish I hadn't watched it.

The Disappearance of Madeleine McCann (2019)

I've read so many jokes about this...so many...

[6/10 · 7 March 2024]

There is SO much of this!

This meandering story that happens to be true at times seems like a veritable saga of stories within stories but that's not the mistake of the makers.

Twisting and turning, this is all very thoroughly researched and I walked away with a sense that now I had been schooled about the case.

This is less a story about getting a kid back than it is about bureaucratical confusion, the need to scapegoat, how everyone's flaws come out during stressful times. There are at least a dozen people here who could write an interesting book about the thing from their point of view alone.

That indeed is somewhat the point as you will see.

The people here are often odious and judgemental and if nothing else this is a lesson in reserving judgement and prioritizing a search, at least during the first year.

The McCanns were never charismatic people but they are not hateable here.

X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)

It holds its own.

[6/10 · 7 March 2024]

I was brought to this by a friend when I had only seen the 3rd movie before so if this was a little incoherent, perhaps that is my own fault.

This cacophonous, mile a minute comicbook spiel is fun when you just let it wash over you (aren't they all?) If there's any more to it than that I missed it but there is definitely a sense of the formidable and touching int here somewhere.

To be honest, the premise and the development make it feel like a very long episode of a TV show rather than a feature film. So there is that sort of casual but epic quality to it, more like certain episodes of Game of Thrones.

School of Rock (2003)

# unless you live hardcore...

[8/10 · 7 March 2024]

Like a warm cottage pie on a winter's evening, this is one of those comforting, naturally likeable movies that truly does gain from Jack Black being in it.

Yes, I know, it's not exactly adding much to cinema and I do remember a teacher's aid saying how she must have seen the opening a dozen times but never watched the movie.

This is wish fulfilment, ultimately; the imperfect wannabe musician/slacker lands a gig via fraud just to pay the rent but he sees the musical talent and actually turns prissy private school kids into a rock band.

That much was in the trailer (sorry to explain the plot in the review, I know that's annoying) but this is the charm and if you cannot get behind this then watch anyway. They find a way to make you want to believe this could work as Dewey winces at the kids tastes in music and he finds a role for everyone.

It's touching in the way it explores how people can be so much more than they seem on the surface and how it takes a special person to help you realise that you always had the power to be amazing.

Like I said, this adds nothing much to art (though it IS art) but it's feel-good fun of a kind that I think will stand the test of time.

Commando (1985)

Girl George.

[6/10 · 7 March 2024]

There isn't much to say of this star vehicle.

General badassdom and one-liners of the type we would see parodied a thousand times over.

Not much of a plot and I do not like the hero-worship of the father. One wants someone sexier to come and rescue you, not a parent but over all it works.

At times, iconic, Arnold is, as always somewhat wooden but in its own way, that carries a distinct charm. I think you will be remember liking this even if you don't remember a lot of details.

The protagonist here is a vision of the classically masculine guy. The type that would murder of boy for bringing his kid to a climax and call it "protecting her".

Apocalypto (2006)

Does anyone remember this?

[6/10 · 7 March 2024]

While I like this gimmick of seeing the lives of this tribe and their local color set against the impressive Columbian landscape, what carries this movie are its combat and set pieces.

It's an intriguing enough story of fleeing captives and returning to family but I cannot help but think that the plotting was written around the concept of showing off this indigenous people.

I can't shake the idea that this is Mel Gibson's PR campaign to show how conscientious he is in his hero-worship of this pre-columbian people with all their ingenuity and humanness as they also have families and stuff. It is also more than a little heavy handed about the theme of proving our value but there is some sweet karma here and there.

Please Teacher! (2002)

An unpretentious experience.

[8/10 · 29 February 2024]

While "He is my Master" was the first Japanese Cartoons I actually watched, I think of this as when I finally let myself get into Manga show. As a kid I found it really freaky and off-putting but now I can sort of take it.

I sort of knew about "Please Teacher!" by coming across (no pun intended) certain stills so I thought it was just a Student/Teacher romance thing...maybe with a space ship...

But there is totally a space ship. I stumbled across this again on youtube and I guess that was it.

This is what I like to call a cotton candy and fried chicken kind of show: it is addictive entertainment that stimulates no intellectual part of you but keeps you coming back for the innate appeal of its design, its story, its characters as we go on a story filled with pathos, humor and sex appeal.

This narrative requires you to meet it two-thirds of the way through and you are happy to. Just accept that this disease is like some kind of shameful thing.

I watched the English dub and I am glad I did.

Looking back, I feel nostalgia for this and the time during which I watched it: it was my Friday night go-to and the title sequence and song was like nothing I had ever experienced before.

It's a serial of 12 episodes and THEN a sort of epilogue episode. Lots of Japanese cartoons do this apparently. They call it an OVA.

It's not one the examples I use for the elusive *good* Manga cartoon show but I will always feel affection for it.

Robson Green's Weekend Escapes (2023– )

It is hard to find something more aggressively cisgressive.

[4/10 · 29 February 2024]

There is a slot in the programming schedule, after House of Games and before the One Show that for three months of the year is It Takes Two.

But for the other nine you get something like this: a bacchanalia of the natural, the old fashioned, the quote unquote "wholesome".

There is indeed something admirable at showing off the beauty of England's North-East and plugging the fun things you can do there, supporting certain businesses in the process.

The celebrity guests are usually charming and have something interesting to say but what taints this show and others of its ilk is this aggressive positivity.

Everyone is just SO HAPPY to be there. Every activity is such a win. It is this pornographic vision of those parents that can't stand that anyone would play Halo indoors if it was above freezing outside and you could count twigs instead.

I admit that I may have a chip on my shoulder about this kind of thing. I admit that it is good to get out of the house and a lot of the activities look fun (especially goat yoga) though a lot of it is stupid and pretentious stuff tailored for folks with more money than acumen (and not that much money).

But Robson also has something of a chip on his shoulder about "unplugging" and "reconnecting to nature" and this waxing philosophical about the healing powers of nature. He can't shut up about it. Even when he's doing a cool thing he keeps bringing up how there are "no screens". Robinson: just do the thing. Show don't tell.

I watched this when I visited my parents and I suppose it is for that audience of people who are disenfranchized with modernity and don't really do streaming platforms. Or maybe I'm the bigot for saying that, I don't know.

Oh, and the title sequence...it is so annoying to go through that exhausting montage every time with that brief piano phrase repeated over and over and over.

A Day at the Beach (1970)

I don't know about a winner, but it crosses the line.

[7/10 · 29 February 2024]

Special in many ways before you even start watching, this miniature is not desperate to be liked and is in fact rather admirable for its commitment to being unlovely.

If you're wondering where they're going with this, then you may be disappointed; it is a snapshot of the miserable lives that play out in plain site when you truly don't care about anything but forgetting.

Often painful but not quite excruciating, this vision of a man living a day as if it might truly be his last in freedom though he seems anything but free in practice.

An exorcise in the pretentiousness of vulgar people always accompanied by a fairly agreeable child star.

Polanski seems like he can do no wrong in his writing of this.

Hijack (2023)

If you can let a lot slide it sort of works.

[7/10 · 7 February 2024]

Highly agreeable and engaging thriller that alternates between claustrophobia and the wider political landscape.

Elba is supremely charismatic as the disenfranchised yet motivated heroic figure though it isn't always obvious why he doesn't just sit tight and let the whole thing happen. It all becomes justified in the end though by coincidence.

The peanuts gallery of types are there from the troubled vicar to the total karen.

There's a lot of moving parts involved and I will admit that often you just have roll with it and just accept what you're being told. The plot could not work without great incompetence from individuals who are supposed to be professionals.

A lot of toxic personalities abound and not just from the villains but this was more than adequate as tense mid-week entertainment that both my father and I enjoyed though not without a little mockery.

Doctor Who: The Giggle (2023) Season Unknown, Episode Unknown

14! not 15!

[7/10 · 6 February 2024]

I used to really like this show but I was frankly, somewhat repelled by the 13th. No disrespect to Jodie Whitaker but the Doctor had quite an odious personality for a little bit.

I respect what they're doing with these specials: by this point many adults have Tennant as their childhood doctor and he's still an active, hirable actor, so baited us back with an impression that things were going to be like their were.

This fun science fantasy yarn moves at great pace. It's not strong as a satire since it's barely satirizing anything other than that people keep getting angry and...karen-y for lack of a much better word.

I'm pretty sure there is some kind of commentary there deep down but it's original enough with some cool set pieces and a charismatic villain and plenty of call-backs without making any of them feel cheesy or lazy.

I thought it might just all be ridiculous but the celestial toy-maker was great villain.

It does get annoying hearing people freak out and make terrible arguments like on political facebook but I suppose that's the point.

Regarding the plot point that they cannot just pass the immunity collars to everyone: I get it. It makes sense that one should not accept a personality altering device distributed by the government but they should have been less heavy-handed about it. Showing that clip of the American was too much. And why were they American? It's too bad that someone in the production of this show had such a chip on their shoulder about the Americans being...karen-y.

Americans are so not karen-y...that they popularized the term is testimony to that. Maybe.

I don't want to spoiler the final act but I think you will be pleasantly surprised by one thing or another.

Too bad they ruined some of it in the promos.

Orion and the Dark (2024)

Fine miniature/

[7/10 · 4 February 2024]

Passable little yarn that feels like it should have bene direct to streaming since the plot just does not feel special enough for a theatrical release.

Familiar themes and character types make up this story of learning to face your fears and beauty in unexpected places.

We begin with what appears to be narration but I was pleasantly surprised to find that this wasn't narration but just his inner monologue for some third party except I was wrong and it was totally just narration to spell out how he is kind of a fraidy cat.

I don't hate this kid or anything and it was cool how they gave him empathic parents who aren't pushy but encourage with a firm hand.

And then anthropomorphized darkness takes him on an unsupervized adventure.

You cannot over think this. I like the idea that the night and the obscure have their own special sense of wonder and they do call out that dark is indeed just the absence of light but why do they have both Sleep AND Insomnia as characters? Doesn't the existence of one suggest the redundancy of the other since that other could just...not do the thing? Does that make sense?

The spirits of the night look fantastic and have a more than adequate report with each other and with darkness and it is charming to see Orion come out of his shell a bit but they lack the build up and pacing and simple panache that would make this feel like a movie rather than an overlong short-film. You know, the kind pixar puts in front of its movies.

They do a lot with the idea of time and...well it's ambitious and it has heart but this is ultimately a little like a children's play: I'm rooting for them to give a good performance, there's no hate there from me but after a point it's like "they didn't make a fool of themselves and I'm glad for that".

Seriously, they did not play it safe with...you know what I won't ruin it.

The Sea Beast (2022)

Of its time; watchable enough.

[7/10 · 23 January 2024]

Another agreeable yarn against tropical, primary colors and a vibrant approach to the designs of its aquatic colossi which have the vintage look but not so much that they look like they were just copied from classic sources. They look indeed like they INSPIRED those older sources.

A paternalistic love story of sorts as the orphan finds the reluctant sea-dog who can take care of her.

Apparently, the era of sea-fairers and colonialism was the most inclusive time in history, at least in the work place.

The approach to characters (even minor ones), world building, back-drops and set pieces are everything you would want but the winds leave the sails for the 2nd half.

Our little girl protagonist is something of a Miyazakian heroin in that she has very little character development (not none, just little). So soon this narrative becomes the classic story-type of vicious little humans against the noble giants (this time of the deep) and it takes the young child all of 5 seconds to figure out that diplomacy and all the other sesame street values will just get them out of any pinch much to the chagrin of her much more experienced companion.

It's at least all right in principle at least as it explores various pertinent messages such as cynicism against those who are in charge and how it is victors who write history.

The Willoughbys (2020)

Passable.

[7/10 · 23 January 2024]

Aesthetically pleasing yarn in which the characters hair sort of looks like yarn.

The CGI has this rich, stylized sense of texture in which everyone sort of looks like an arts and crafts project which works incredibly well with the Southern Ontario gothic vibe so one feels almost like one is experiencing a storybook as much as a movie. There is an innate cosiness especially with the darker red-pink-black color scheme.

The writing is not quite as strong. I like these kids and all and it has this Lemony Snicket quality though certainly has its own character. The theme of family and belonging is a bit worn out by this point and though I liked how it is child services that is rightfully the villainized party.

It's all pretty benign and passes an hour and a half. It could be more polished, for example I would have preferred to make the judgement for myself whether the Barnabys were "creepy".

Also, it's kind of a bland title. "The Wondiferous Willoughbys" or something.

I recommend the French dub. The English dub miscast the Narrator-cat and the Polish dub miscasts the Barnabys.

L'Age d'Or (1930)

Cinematically retro, philosophically modern and stylistically ahead of its time.

[6/10 · 31 December 2023]

The first 3 decades of the 20th century stand out to me as a period of artistic audacity that has never really been equalled.

I'd be lying if I said that it was my favorite era for art but my respect for the Futurists, the cubists and the 2nd Viennese School remains.

If this movie has faded over the last 90 years, it's simply because it is lampooning elements of society that we have grown so used to mocking that it now seems a bit simplistic in its targets of satire.

The method however, is as distinctive as ever. Filled with blind siding moments and strangeness, it is often hard to know exactly what point is being made but a glance at Wikipedia still makes it an enriching experience and never a pretentious one that does not out-stay its welcome.

Vera (2011–2025)

Vera is watchable and that's the truth.

[6/10 · 7 December 2023]

The police procedural is not my thing but Vera, while not being a show really adore, is still one of the more palatable of its kind.

My father is from Newcastle and he admires the amazing and diverse landscapes the show provides from that area; the rolling country-side, the coast, the urban areas etc.

They're not locked-key mysteries, just police mysteries. Clever for what they are but it's more about howdunnit, rather than whodunnit, though of course the culprit is the last thing we learn.

Vera is a jaded and over-experienced woman who lives for her career rather than the script that society has written for her. A gruff but after a time, deeply respectable (in the literal sense) person. She won't be everyone's cup of strong tea but the professional friendship she develops with her partner has a distinct charm.

The rhythm of his family life serves as a counter-point to the murder stuff and these murder stuff often have strong characters in them. It's a pity they are only seen obliquely through the lens of investigation but that's the police procedural for you.

Kati Kati (2016)

Keep it coming, Kenya.

[7/10 · 7 December 2023]

This is a short and bittersweet experience that is not desperate to be liked but has the courtesy not to over-stay its welcome.

There's been a trend of Cosmogonic comedies lately though this isn't a comedy. It reminded me of After Life (not the Rickie Gervaise thing, the other one) in both concept and tone.

Here, afterlife is a breezy low-key experience where there is nothing much to do but reflect and try to move on (or not).

It is charmingly sedate but it knows how to get serious.

It is perhaps because there are no wrong notes in its attempt to be small and perfectly formed that I have little more to say about it.

Not an aggressive or greatly stimulating experience but a strangely admirable one.

Black Swan (2010)

I'm still a Coppelia kind of guy...

[8/10 · 5 December 2023]

I feel bad for not reviewing this sooner but I think enough people have already done that.

I want to stress that when my dad took me to see this movie, I knew absolutely nothing about it except the title. I assumed it was some kind of spy code-name or something like that.

I so wish I could experience more movies this way...rather than research them myself and going in knowing the concept because absolutely no one else in my life actually watches movies. Seriously.

There were these two mature women behind us and I am like 90% sure that they had not researched this movie and went in thinking it was going to be like Ballet Shoes or something. I could here their reactions but in all fairness to them they stayed the whole way.

There's one particular moment where I'm like "oh...it MUST be a dream" and that is when it stopped being powerful (for the moment) because it suddenly went a bit too Harry Potter and lost a lot of its this-world power though having said that, you never really know what's going on in this movie.

I'm sure we could have an argument about what was a dream and indeed what was not and I seem to have minority opinions on that point.

It annoyed me when those chicos just generalize ballet...

It's great to see Padme actually getting some work though obviously it is better to not recognize any actors in a thing.

It's rare that I review a movie and do not actually...review it but I think you know already that this is an experience and a half.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)

Who even likes Turkish Delight?

[7/10 · 5 December 2023]

So...yeah. I wanted to review the most "popular" thing on here I hadn't yet reviewed so...here we are.

I saw this in the theatres but I am eternally irked by the memory of this movie because one of my teachers showed it so us as some kind of module. It was "English" class and it wasn't even "media studies" and I remember finding the experience just annoying. I remember that teacher as being kind of a twit which is a pity because that term I had only just been replaced into the upper tier class. She once made people on my table stand up for not answering to a question. I didn't even hear her... How do these numbskulls get the position of,-- oh right, the low pay.

So...yes, what is there really to say? It's an epic fantasy blockbuster and I suspect has aged very well in that respect. I don't feel any particular desire to read the book, partly because I want to explore more esoteric fantasy but this was good enough is what I'm saying.

I could take it seriously and the movie aspired to a high standard in its writing but never took itself too seriously so if, like me, you found Jackson's Lord of the Rings an odious experience, this is sort of that but done well.

And it's not too Jesus-ey either.

Look Away (2018)

I hate that they pronounce "Airam" as "Eeram".

[7/10 · 5 December 2023]

I gotta say, this was a pleasant surprise.

I will be the first to admit that I can be a kind of a horror snob. There's always some little thing that I will get bent out of shape over.

Now, this isn't a masterpiece, don't think that this is THE horror to watch or anything. But I was in that mood for HORROR, you know? Even a trashy one was better than nothing and I thought, worst case scenario that I would watch 20 minutes and I would enjoy just making fun of all those tropes that need to be killed.

I ended up watching all of it in one sitting (well I took breaks but it was one evening) and it was that time of night where I usually wouldn't begin watching anything long.

I like where this comes from creatively. An effort was made. It was not shoved together on a conveyer built the way I imagine "Smile" was made. But neither was it just so full of itself, making tons of rookie mistakes, like "Midsommar".

A familiar concept; that sinister other self emerges from the darkness and things go wrong because movie.

It's a fairly good story, its characters are developed sufficiently, it is stylish enough to evoke atmosphere of sorts as the frosty landscape makes us journey inside our own minds.

There is a substance here and while much of the internal conflict is heavy-handed and inelegant, I felt like I wanted to see the best in this and try to ignore any short-comings.

A small fantastic element casts light over the quite evil that haunts apparently ordinary (though affluent) people.

Like I said, it's not a masterpiece. There are so many moments of cheesy dialogue or ridiculous direction, the prologue is dumb and the final moments before the credits are even dumber.

But, it overall managed to not annoy me. I GOES THERE in certain ways and utilises its tropes in a unique way.

I would rather people had had this shoved in their face than the works of James Wan or whatever.

All the Light We Cannot See: Episode #1.1 (2023) Season 1, Episode 1

As pretentious as its title.

[3/10 · 1 December 2023]

Yeah, yeah, I get it: we need light to see but yet we don't always see it. I mean... you might have called it "unseen light" or something...

I bet they thought they were making a thoughtful and revitalizing rumination on evil, morality, truth, persisting against adversity blah blah blah.

I wonder if I use the word "sophomoric" too often but this had absolutely no self-awareness at all. The lay on the attempt at lyricism and pathos with a shovel and it is not subtle in the slightest. That moment when the title becomes dialogue can be amazing but they are as premature as a high-school boy in the delivery and that is a microcosm of this simpering little flag waver.

I might have really liked this when I was 14. The way it colloquizes in a poetical, stylized way with its characters trapped in that episode of history where everything went a bit cuckoo bananas (I think it was just one time; no others ever get into movies).

But it is relentless with pseudo-intellectual drivel and overtones of smugness. The flashbacks with the little blind girl are especially saccharine (quelle petite garce!) and the extended metaphor of the light is so heavy handed...

Everything you need to make sure your serious story isn't taken seriously is there. There's isn't a single character that is both likable and developed. Very sentimental and none of the candour that made Game of Thrones credible; it just talks down to you.

Finally, this cannot be said enough:

It's NOT OK that it's in English.

It's NOT OK that it's in English.

It's NOT OK that it's in English.

That cast a shadow over the whole thing and it wasn't great to begin with.

Unintriguing, flaccid and simply irksome to watch.

I wish that the light had never found this.