cb_whitewood Reviews

Cocaine Shark (2023)

I've seen worse.

[3/10 · 28 April 2024]

Started this blindly, and couldn't help but be intrigued by the film made of what looked like clip art videos. And honestly, I thought it was fun enough.

Cocaine Shark is about what you expect. Monster shark chomps some folks, eventually that stops and things wrap up. I haven't seen many shark movies, so I could be missing something that really sets CS apart from the rest.

What I liked about this film was how silly they made the shark drug and the animations for the shark baddies. Having a drug that makes you think you're a shark sounds crazy, but the trip animation and sound effects had me giggling. The shark baddies were very fun to watch, but Street Shark/Man Shark was my favorite.

Recommended for a fun watch with friends!

Doomed Megalopolis (1991– )

Crazy good animation!

[5/10 · 28 April 2024]

The story? Uhhh, not so much.

I came across this by chance and went in blind-- it is VERY explicit in some parts, and one of the plotlines is centered around incest between siblings. I personally found the sexual aspects of this movie to be pretty uncomfortable, and I can't say they really added to the story for me. Other things of note; weird penile aliens, "tentacle" action, and probably more my brain repressed.

The main attraction for Doomed Megalopolis is its animation, and it's honestly really fun. Some of the character design in DM is a bit cookie-cutter, but movement and the action scenes move well enough. I thought backgrounds were well-done, and even if some characters were similar they all looked good. My favorite part of the animation style though, is how over the top this film gets with its flashing/light/laser beam attacks. It makes the stakes of the plot seem really dire, as if each character is fighting full-throttle the whole time, but also makes things feel a bit ridiculous and silly.

Overall, if you have a strong enough stomach, I'd recommend this for some art inspiration. I really don't think the story is that special (plus it's weird and uncomfortable), but it's obviously reflected in the artwork.

Love Has Won: The Cult of Mother God (2023)

Pretty wild!

[8/10 · 11 April 2024]

I've seen videos on this cult before, but once this came out I hunkered down to binge the whole thing. Love Has Won is a deep dive into the beginning of the cult and its growth, with interviews with (former?) members of the cult sharing their views and experiences.

Honestly, I think this is one of the better cult documentaries I've seen. For once, there isn't insane child abuse, but what went on is still undeniably wild! The first episode was a bit slow for my tastes, but the last two were shocking. Seeing how deep the delusions of LHW run, hearing their beliefs, and the sheer amount of substance abuse going on has me baffled as to how they functioned for so long. I think this might be a great example of spiritual psychosis leading to the exploitation of other, more vulnerable people.

Highly recommend if you have an interest in this sort of thing.

Twins (1988)

My expectations were too high...

[3/10 · 11 April 2024]

At a glance, this movie seems fun and innocent, and with Arnold and Danny I thought "this must be great!" Alas, there were reasons that Twins flew under the radar.

First off, I love the concept of Twins. I think it's silly, but still can elicit a lot of emotion from the characters and audience. The good twin/bad twin concept was also interesting, in that I wanted to see where the film took it.

What I didn't like was basically the rest of the movie; Danny's character genuinely doesn't grow at all (despite a few lurches in that direction), and Arnold gets laid? That's it? They drag out the shenanigans so much, that once you actually get to the ending (where something BIG happens) it's over! Such an unsatisfying story, and I swear that I wasn't viewing it through a serious lense.

Unsatisfying, and not that funny; I'd recommend skipping this one.

Dune: Part Two (2024)

Pacing killed it

[6/10 · 11 April 2024]

I haven't seen the first Chalamet Dune, but I have seen the David Lynch one and personally think it's so much better. I think the cinematography was beautiful in DPT, the acting was great, the accuracy to the books... but I was so bored. It makes me wonder what the goal of making these movies (besides money, duh) was; a modern interpretation of Dune? A deep dive into the character dynamics? A story that would be better appreciated with improved CGI? Beats me.

My opinion might be controversial, but despite being a well-made movie, I just don't think it's that remarkable. Lynch's Dune was bizarre, had that beloved retro sci-fi vibe, WAY more memorable character designs, and just left more of an impression on me. Accuracy between books and their movies is also a divisive topic, but unless the author is making the movie themself, why expect perfect duplication?

My recommendation: unless you're a die-hard Dune fan, you can definitely skip this one.

The Boy and the Heron (2023)

Whimsical and gorgeous

[8/10 · 8 February 2024]

I only watched because I wanted to see Robert Pattison's bird voice, honestly, but this film blew me away. As always, the animation style is gorgeous, and there are many instances in this film that are just burned into my brain as a result.

The character development in this film was also really impressive! But I think the star of it all was the world-building. I got intense Alice in Wonderland vibes throughout watching, and often couldn't guess how magic items/beings would react to things. I felt like this kept me engaged well, and helped me empathize with Mahito.

For any Ghibli lover, I'd recommend this film. It's definitely a bit more clever and subtle than others, but is still beautiful and haunting in a way that I want to reexperience. Probably not great for group watching, but a truly unique watching experience. If you get a chance, watch!

Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)

Hooray diverse casting!

[7/10 · 8 February 2024]

I love a good high fantasy movie, and this one pleasantly surprised me. First and foremost, this is the first film in awhile where I thought to myself, "look at how easily they built a diverse cast! Why is it so hard for others?"

I will admit, not much of this film struck me as "original". But that didn't keep me from enjoying it! I really enjoyed watching the character interactions, and the exposition isn't riveting but it works well enough. I think this first movie (I hope) is just setting the stage for more action, more intense conflict, and more investment in the characters and plot. Introducing a big cast and having each person feel unique and alive is difficult, but I think RMP1 did a good job at it.

Overall, if you're a fantasy connoisseur, you could skip this. If you're a more casual fan, and get really attached to characters, I think this would be a good watch for you.

Idiocracy (2006)

Holy moly

[7/10 · 8 February 2024]

I was not expecting to like this film, but it did get me hooked after maybe 20 minutes. Sometimes the bit or premise of a movie doesn't resonate with me-- but I'd say this one resonates a bit too much, lol.

One thing I did enjoy in this movie was the set design, and all the props and decorations made to create "the future" city! The piles of trash, excessive branding, and so on feel so dystopian, but are pretty much all current issues in real life today. I think re-watching this movie is definitely in the cards for me, and as other reviews have mentioned, there is a rather obvious message in the film.

It's silly, has parallels to current society, and overall, not really like any other movie I've seen to date. I'd recommend this for solo or group watching, it's a hoot!

The House Bunny (2008)

Pretty fun!

[6/10 · 8 February 2024]

I looove silly romcoms, and this one had a very promising premise. I thought Anna Faris was very funny, and worked well with what otherwise felt like a pretty dry cast. Not that they didn't act their part well, I think some of the characters were just a bit too one-dimensional for me. The sorority girls were also a very funny bunch, and seeing their background actions/interactions with each other was very entertaining. I think the 'makeover' concept with such quirky girls was fun, and I appreciated how each got to keep their sense of self, even afterwards.

Overall, in the months since I've watched, I think this is a fun, light watch and not much more. Some jokes really got me, others flopped. I don't think this is a movie worth re-watching, but it's a fast watch if you're curious and have time to kill.

(Also I loathe Hugh Hefner, what a creep...)

We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011)

Honestly, the book was better.

[6/10 · 13 November 2023]

I never knew this movie was based on a book, until I happened to find it. However, after reading and then watching the movie, I think the book ultimately holds up better.

In this film, you see the slow progression from a difficult baby/toddler/teen into something darker. The story felt a little hard to follow, with cuts happening 24/7 between current Eva (bob haircut) and past (pixie haircut) Eva. It's kind of a subtle difference to figure out. You see her struggle to raise Kevin, and watch his deliberate attempts at driving her nuts.

Is it still creepy? Yes. Is the ending still a shock? Kind of! I think the book did a much better job of building up the story. Instead of blinking back and forth to see the foreshadowing, it focuses on how Kevin grew and changed throughout his entire life, and how Eva changes with him. How her suspicions grew and were dismissed, how her marriage falls apart and how her second pregnancy shakes things up. I think having a better internal idea of what's going on with Eva added to my experience, and that just wasn't present in the film.

Although a terrible person, Ezra Miller did a great job portraying Kevin and being a creep. I think the acting and execution of this movie is good too! I just think substance was lost in translating this book to film, and would recommend the book more. (It is a bit of a read though.)

Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)

Honestly pretty solid

[6/10 · 10 November 2023]

I don't have many complaints about this movie, because I knew I needed to manage my expectations after the PG-13 rating came out. It's not that I think it needed a higher rating either, but I think PG-13 really dulled some of the sharper, shocking edges of the FNAF story.

The animatronics looked great, and they had some personality which I loved! They are kids in robot bodies, after all. Abigail grew on me a lot, the cameos were fun, the soundtrack was great... But the story development with Vanessa being the daughter of Afton was like eating soggy cereal. Yeah, it tastes fine, but I'm not enjoying it.

If you're a fan, definitely take the time to watch. Just don't expect the same quality of storytelling and shock-value. :]

Dumb Money (2023)

Fun watch

[6/10 · 10 November 2023]

I did not follow the story as it was happening, and as such went into Dumb Money blind. I think the setup of this movie was great-- I got an understanding of how everyone got invested (pun intended) in this development as it happened.

I think the acting was pretty spot-on as well. Lots of the cast felt like normal people, and it gave the story a more grounded vibe. I did also enjoy seeing the rich b*stards sweat a bit.

It may be juvenile, but I also really loved the insertion of all the Reddit memes that came from this story. It was a nice fourth-wall break in a way!

All that to say, this was a fun watch, but nothing I need to see again. While the movie executed some areas really well, others were average and much less memorable. Watch if you want!

Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey (2022)

Very upsetting and informative

[8/10 · 10 November 2023]

I came to this series after watching "Shiny Happy People", and was still astounded at how normalized these kinds of abuse and systems of power are within fundamentalist sects. Arranged marriages sound familiar enough, but with underage girls? To men who could be their grandfather? Grotesque.

KSPO was a tough watch for me-- I had to pace myself between episodes. The accounts given by those who used to be involved were haunting, and the idea that these cults are still being run today (even if remotely) is horrific. These systems of power only function by making abuse of all kinds acceptable, and I don't think anyone with decent morals would support this kind of thing.

I would recommend watching KSPO, but it is not an uplifting "justice is served!" docuseries.

Shiny Happy People: Duggar Family Secrets (2023)

Pretty gross!

[8/10 · 20 September 2023]

I remember when the Duggar's were on TV, and I always enjoyed tuning in because all the fundamentalist rhetoric flew over my head. My biggest gripe was their obsession with J names.

Upon watching, I can now see the evil lurking just under the surface. The docuseries was great; it gives detailed context of their rise to fame, how victims felt during/after certain events, and all the foreshadowing that went ignored for so long. I wouldn't have minded more detail on how daily life went from the perspective of the kids, but you have more than enough info to form an opinion.

It was shocking to see how abuse is touted as morality, and also to hear the sisters' accounts of their sexual assault. Don't get me started on Bill Gothard's pedophilic tendencies, either. I am disgusted at how this system of abuse formed, albeit not surprised. I finished this series thinking "man, i don't think anywhere near enough people got arrested for all this."

Shocking, but each episode has its respective trigger warnings. Would recommend.

Hellraiser (1987)

Much more than I'd hoped for!

[8/10 · 18 September 2023]

I spend some of my time living under a rock, so my knowledge of Hellraiser going in was limited to something about hell, and the guy with pins in his head. Wow, am I glad I didn't spoil anything for myself!

It took me a minute to connect the dots at the beginning of the movie, but from that point on I was hooked. The visuals of partly-formed Frank really startled me, in a way that horror usually doesn't. The slime, the bodies, the hooks... each one yucked me out in a genuine way. The plot was also great. I think the progression from "Julia sucks" to "Julia is evil" was so seamless, and the horrific acts she committed for her weird ex were shocking to watch. Hellraiser does a great job of building anticipation with many realistic chase and search scenes, and the Cenobites are a group of characters I won't soon forget.

I do want to mention that I initially didn't love Christy as a character, but by the end of the movie I couldn't NOT admit that she was right all along, AND that she can kick some a**. Really good horror movie, and not too long of a watch; would highly recommend!

Magical Girl Friendship Squad (2020)

Pretty fun!

[7/10 · 18 September 2023]

I have no clue what Syfy channel drama this show has behind it, but I watched it all without that context. Y'all really hated this?!

I am a long-time lover of the magical girl genre, and seeing a little satirical, millennial take sounded fun-- and it WAS fun! I enjoyed the writing, the jokes, and the animation... Maybe I have low standards, but I've seen much worse, and found the character designs cute, silly and entertaining. Not to mention, having your birth control as a weapon is pretty hilarious, especially with birth control-related attacks to match. I did also enjoy the bong weapon. :)

Overall, I think this series is a fun and quick watch that I'd recommend.

The Machine (I) (2023)

Not bad, but a bit *much*

[5/10 · 18 September 2023]

I really enjoy Bert's original skit, even after seeing the film adaptation. Hell, I even had high hopes! I wasn't let-down per se, but I think some of the hilarity and antics were lost throughout the film. It felt a bit too long, the bits of Bert with his film-family didn't land as funny, but moreso "wow, what an a**hole." Maybe that was the plan, who knows!

There were lots of hilarious one-off lines, but some of the bits felt stale by the 5th time they were rehashed. I thought how the movie was otherwise structured felt pretty clever; having a young Bert going through the legacy shenanigans was fun, and seeing everyone's disappointment at his current chub was also initially funny. (Don't meet your heroes. V_v )

Overall, not a bad watch, but it didn't quite meet my expectations or hopes.

Smiley Face (2007)

:)

[6/10 · 18 September 2023]

I really liked this movie! Going in, I was excited to see what shenanigans went on, and what I really took away as the premise of this movie was "stoner paranoia but the thing you're paranoid about HAPPENS EACH TIME." Hoo boy. It was hilarious and a little painful to watch at times, but I enjoyed the antics and cast a lot.

I don't think Smiley Face has a deep message, and is more a chill, goofy flick to enjoy with friends or as background noise. That being said, I do think this is one with some re-watch potential. Maybe I just have a soft-spot for goofy stoner movies, but overall I thought Smiley Face was fun, funny, and not a bad way to kill some time.

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023)

Beautiful, but felt like set-up.

[7/10 · 18 September 2023]

I looove the first Spiderverse movie, and I read the comics back when they were coming out-- but this movie feels a bit tame or even cookie-cutter-ish compared to the first. The art is still amazing and inspired, the voice acting: superb, but for how long this movie is, I felt like I wanted more plot development than what I got. I think this might be in-part due to this movie focusing more on Gwen, but I didn't hate her development or any of the twists this movie brought about.

If anything, I think this movie serves as a refresh for viewers: get back into the Spiderverse, jog your memory a bit, and then set up the story so that the third installment will be absurdly awesome. (Just my theory!) I still really enjoyed watching, it just felt more like an appetizer when I had wanted a meal, y'know?

Premium Rush (2012)

Solid premise, but needs more.

[5/10 · 18 September 2023]

If I'm being honest, I didn't have many strong feelings about this movie upon re-watching. The unhinged bike delivery schtick is still entertaining, but feels unrealistic when you think of the actual dangers NYC can pose to a biker. I did enjoy the plot and the chase-- this movie does a good job of holding your attention with its fast pace, thankfully.

I think my biggest gripe with Premium Rush (which isn't a big gripe, to be fair) is that it's forgettable. I don't know how many daredevil biker-type movies are out there, but more time spent on writing and character development would really step things up.

Not a bad watch overall.

Cocaine Bear (2023)

pretty good

[7/10 · 31 August 2023]

I love movies with goofy premises, and this one did not disappoint. There was a big cast, but I felt that perspectives switched often enough to keep things moving and give the gist of each character. The CGI bear I did NOT have high hopes for, but I was actually delighted with how the bear looked and acted-- they did a really good job of making the bear sinister.

Honestly, I think this would be a good film to re-watch! The deeper plot is revealed gradually upon first watch, but it's overall pretty simple. Lots of the side characters are funny and/or ridiculous and at one point I thought to myself "wow, the soundtrack for this is actually decent!"

Goofy movie, obvious shenanigans-- I would definitely recommend watching.

Crime Scene: The Texas Killing Fields (2022)

Could've been better.

[5/10 · 27 June 2023]

I honestly don't remember too much about this series, but it was definitely not one of my favorite true crime stories. All the potential to make a really riveting, breakneck-paced documentary was there, but I just wasn't glued to the screen like I wanted to be.

As always, the content is still pretty shocking, and all that goes on behind-the-scenes is interesting to hear, but I was getting a bit sick of the one dad's interview clips. (Bless his heart though, he's doing great work.) I felt like no aspect of the story was covered to completion, so by the time focus jumps to something else, I felt lost and like I had missed something major.

Anyway, can't recommend this one for more than killing time.

Evil Bong (2006)

I liked it. :)

[4/10 · 27 June 2023]

I've seen these movies float around for years, but never had the chance to watch until recently. The setup and opening of the movie looks kind of like a porno or sketch comedy skit or both, and it just made everything better.

The bong and all the special effects are a product of their time, but still added to the whole mess. Nothing about this movie struck me as serious, not that I think it was meant to. All in all, it was actually a lot better than I had been led to believe all these years!

If you need a background movie, Evil Bong will do just fine. Same for movie nights sans family, or any smoke sesh that needs some entertainment.

The Visit (I) (2015)

Holds up really well!

[7/10 · 27 June 2023]

I saw this in theaters when it was released, and remember feeling unimpressed. Old lady butt cheeks were supposed to be scary?

Upon rewatching however, I'm really struck but how plausible and REAL this could be. Getting sent off to meet estranged family, and then cohabitating with the people who killed your family (who you wouldn't recognize anyway)! The documentary bit was a little corny at points, but served its purpose. Casting for this was superb-- both the fake grandparents were at once warm and off-putting, and the grandkids were dorky and naive.

Seeing the old couple's masks come off with time was terrifying, and the cult-like stories and quips were also pretty unsettling. I would definitely recommend this movie if you're looking for something weird but still grounded in reality.

Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022)

Not bad!

[6/10 · 27 June 2023]

I thought BBB was a solid watch, which is to say, entertaining enough to get through one watch. I didn't love the characters, but they were all messy enough to keep me interested. If you enjoy seeing the most annoying characters get offed, watch this movie!

Setup, silly. Execution, silly. This movie was sooo silly. I actually really loved how unserious this movie was, and how unserious the characters were, too. If there was meant to be serious tension building, rather than hysteria, I'm not sure it would've worked so well. I think Bee was a cool protagonist to follow, and seeing her swept up in the toxic friend group slaughter and drama was pretty fun.