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Reviews
The Last Rite (2021)
Some of the worst acting I've seen
Seemed like it might be a good atmospheric film but the truly terrible script and wooden acting only compounded the unlikeable characters and numerous loose ends. The interaction between the two main characters was unhealthy and frustrating. Could not believe that the director was satisfied at the end of each take - was like he/she just accepted the first one each time regardless of how unnatural it was.
There was only one moment with a scary image in it and you could see it coming a mile away. There is nothing original, just a bunch of possession film cliches not done as well as in other films. I have a high tolerance for bad horror films but this one was just dreadful.
Norsemen (2016)
Hilarious anachronistic humour
I had no real idea what I was watching when I started this, but an early scene of the "old" people in the village being taken to jump off a cliff to preserve their honour and save the town from having to care for them had me crying with laughter. That sounds really bad when I read it back but it's all in the way it's done!
When we think of the Vikings we think of them as bloodthirsty warriors, and presenting their day to day life with an Office-style social awkwardness is priceless. The acting is mostly low key, the scripting clever, and it looks beautiful. I will add that my sister stopped watching at the first episode due to a bullying scene that gets a bit over the top without being mitigated by humour. If you get past that, it's totally worth it, though.
The key storyline revolves around the prominent characters in a Viking village. Chieftain Olav leads raiding parties to "the West" accompanied by his brave warriors, of which Arvid is the foremost. Back home we have Olav's political wife, Hildur, his weak and socially awkward brother, Orm, and a cast of supporting characters including a couple of key slaves, a conniving farmer's wife and the wonderful warrior woman, Froya. They go through various upheavals ranging from slave revolts to run ins with a nearby tribe run by the psychopath, Jarl Varg.
Loved the first season, liked the second a bit less and the third a bit less again but still good quality. The only major complaint I have about it is the underlying homophobia in the depiction of the pathetic and friendless Orm, which really sets my teeth on edge.
Mulholland Dr. (2001)
Beautiful film with no ending - typical David Lynch
I found this film beautiful and fascinating. Despite the slow pace, it's intensely atmospheric and the mystery is gripping... right up until the moment that you realise it's another bloody David Lynch piece of lazy plotting and there is absolutely no explanation at the end. Kind of like a murder mystery but they never reveal the killer. I felt like finding David Lynch and punching him in the face while demanding my money and time back. For someone so talented to let himself and his viewers down like that is just pathetic and inconsiderate. And he has a track record of it: a free crate of champagne to anyone who can explain the ending of Twin Peaks to me as anything other than "er... how the hell do we tie up all the storylines and mysteries we've started with no idea how to finish? Let's just do some surreal stuff and let the viewers try to fill in the blanks!"
This film finished David Lynch in my eyes. Great build up but he just can't deliver where it counts.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Terrible film where all the characters needed killing
Honestly only watched this to the end because I wanted to see all the characters die. The filming style was nauseating, the characters didn't listen to each other at all, to the extent that I wanted to climb into the TV and shake them and tell them to STFU and LISTEN!!!!!!! And when someone tears up a map when they are lost in creepy woods... I mean, you can't care at all about them from that point on. Dreary and irritating from start to the underwhelming finish.
Archer (2009)
A very "adult" cartoon!
I came to Archer late but I absolutely love it. It's kind of a rip off of James Bond, with Archer as a good looking and badass but totally egotistical and emotionally stunted spy who works in an agency run by his mother. He, alongside his deviant, greedy and narcissistic colleagues, manages to derail mission after mission through general juvenile behaviour, but luckily they are usually tough enough to get the job done (or at least their rocks off). Totally alcohol fuelled, and I love Archer's don't-give-a-damn approach to everything, from avalanches to spit roasting his girlfriend's mum.
Start from the beginning to get the character development, and also because the early seasons are streets better than the later ones, where I can't help feeling that the writers are constantly fighting the temptation to kill Archer off. As awesome as the supporting characters are, they couldn't carry the show without Archer.
Watch it but make sure your kids don't!
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
Brilliant one liners light up overall mediocrity
This film has probably spawned more recognisable one liners than any other, and there are a few great scenes in it. But mostly it's the same old same old of Will Ferrell being a pretty unpleasant and unattractive guy who somehow manages to snare a talented hottie. I'd say watch for the few good bits and be prepared to suffer through the rest.
Trolljegeren (2010)
Beautiful cinematography, great actors, very imaginative
I'm not normally a fan of handheld camera films but this is beautifully shot, particularly at the end where it really showcases the landscape. I love the low key, believable characters and the whole premise of the film: the crew following a low paid government employee who claims he exterminates trolls. Probably even more rewarding if you know your folklore, but it's still a really good quality film that blends breathless action sequences with humour and a great human element.
Range 15 (2016)
Eye opening but funny romp through the zombie apocalypse
I put this on as a Friday night diversion during lockdown without having read any reviews or having any idea who Mat Best was. I was totally unprepared for it, but honestly I enjoyed it thoroughly from the very scene, although clearly I was missing a few in jokes.
Yes the humour is completely juvenile, yes I had to Google PT belts and challenger coins, but the sheer energy of the film and infectious and outrageous humour just carried it for me. You can't take the film seriously: it's low budget, mostly guys playing themselves rather than having real actors, and absolutely nothing is sacred or taken seriously. There was one bit that offended me, but you kind of expect that in a film like this.
I'm not a vet, and I disagreed with pretty much all the politics expressed in the film, but I still laughed my a$$ off - and rewatched it with my brother a few months later.
Basically, don't watch it if you are going to be offended by seeing a zombie slap a guy in the face with his own genitalia, but if you like some comedy violence and a lot of locker room humour, crack open a beer or two and get stuck in!
World War Z (2013)
Ignore the film - read the book!
If I'd just watched this film cold I'd have considered it a decent addition to the zombie lexicon. But why on Earth did it take the title World War Z? The title and the fact that there are zombies are the only things the film and the book have in common.
The book is a well researched and thought provoking examination of the socio-economic and personal impact of a zombie apocalypse, spanning the globe and covering the experiences of soldiers, leaders, IT geeks, blind gardeners, animals, etc, told through a series of interviews published 10 years after the zombies first appeared. It's fascinating, poignant and hugely imaginative.
The film is a pretty run of the mill zombie flick with a pretty sloppy plot line in parts. Talk about false advertising!
Bitten (2014)
An insult to fans of the Bitten book
Ugh! Another great female character replaced with an overdressed barbie doll! Kelley Armstrong's Women of the Otherworld book series should have made a fantastic box set but they just had to water it down to something more mainstream. A sad disappointment.
Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments (2016)
Why did they even make this?
I don't know about anyone else, but I actually liked the film of The Mortal Instruments (once you discount the seemingly unavoidable teen angst), and was thinking I'd watch the sequel to that. Then... no sequel to the film but I see there is a TV series so I tried it. I got about halfway through the first episode before I wanted to cleanse my eyes and ears with bleach, but I gritted my teeth and finished that episode. Sadly, this is yet another project that's been ruined by characters being cast on looks alone. Personally I'd take some slightly less good looking people on screen if they could actually live up to their job titles and act. Shoddy script, lousy action sequences and I really can't sufficiently emphasise how bad the acting is.
Death Valley (2011)
An absolute must-watch: The Office - Zombie Edition!
I LOVED this series, and frankly I can't believe they didn't do more seasons. Really smart scripting and almost every member of the cast is fantastic, with so many clever cutaways and clever throw away lines that it repays attention.
Great combination of banality and supernatural. The daily briefings are always gems and I'll be looking up more of the work by the actors / comedians in it. Great action sequences interspersed with comedy. Really the only weak point was the Kirsten sub plot that got a bit Vampire Diaries at times, and that was a small price to pay for the quality of the rest of it. Please watch this!
Hostel (2005)
Hated, hated, hated this film!
I love a good horror film but I had never come across "torture porn"/"gorn" until I saw this film, which really epitomises that genre. Basically, don't watch this unless you get off on watching people get horrifically tortured. The film is just disgusting and if I'd been in a cinema instead of at a friend's house I'd have walked out.