skankbitch Reviews

The Three Lives of Thomasina (1963)

Annoying and Sentimental

[2/10 · 17 March 2024]

I thought this movie was set in Ireland with Patrick McGoohan in the lead role and pseudo witchcraft and aged superstitions being strong themes. Imagine my surprise when I found out it was set in the Scottish highlands! Certainly the strangulation of the accents didn't give any clues. Susan Hampshire developed into a fine actress, but there is not a lot of evidence of that potential going on here. It seems very much like Mary Poppins up north but instead of Dick van Dyke's destruction of a Cockney chimney sweep, we have just about every cast member doing the same for Scots. I have no doubt this is a very charming children's novel, but it has not adapted well to film.

Dune: Part Two (2024)

Sumptuous Borefest

[5/10 · 9 March 2024]

This is quite possibly the most visually stunning movies I've ever seen. The acting is a lot better than I expected and the story is excellent. However, the pacing is terrible and it's taking a sledgehammer to crack a walnut. I was overly impressed by the battle set pieces and Shai Hulud didn't give me too much excitement. It all felt very contrived and designed to make things as beautiful as possible. Given the cast, the director had some strong basic elements to make it look superb. And to be fair he managed that. I haven't read any of the books so can't comment literary accuracy, but I struggle having watched 5 hours of movie to find it to be no more than a prologue to another series of overly long movies.

Nowhere (II) (2023)

Great Baby

[8/10 · 30 December 2023]

A heavily pregnant Mia and her husband Nico are fleeing their homeland which has been turned into a dystopian dictatorship by the 'Regime' who appear to be a brutalistic militia.

Nico has paid people traffickers to arrange their passage to the safe country of Ireland with the intention to stowaway a shipping container. The people traffickers are disreputable and try to overcrowd the container causing Nico and Mia to be separated.

After a series of unfortunate events, some horrific, leaves Mia alone and adrift in the ocean.

It becomes a battle of survival for Mia and her newborn daughter, stranded in a leaky container with no hope of rescue.

The situation is desperate as there is no food or water and Mia has to adapt if she and her daughter are to survive.

I'm not usually squeamish, but when Mia injured herself climbing out of the container was jarring to say the least.

Despite all that befalls her, Mia remains positive for the sake of her daughter.

Some unrealistic elements are included probably to help with the pacing, but a really enjoyable watch and you'll be rooting for Mia and her adorable baby by the end.

Hijack (2023)

Decent

[6/10 · 10 December 2023]

First of all, if you don't mind your conspiracy/hijack/action/ drama plots to have more holes than a kilogram of Swiss cheese, then you won't mind this. Personally, I find what it lacks in credibility is more than compensated by having massive viewer interaction. You could easily create a plot hole bingo with this if were binging over a night or two.

So many inaccuracies and unrealistic scenarios are saved by a stellar Brit cast, with Idris Elba and Archie Panjabi as the cool protagonists, Neil Maskell playing his archetypal cockney bad guy and sneering Simon McBurney as Mr Big and ultrasmart uber-villain - not so smart he was in prison to start with.

Despite all the shortcomings, it's an easy and enjoyable watch. Have a laugh at the caricature Brit politicians and super polite police.

For Her Sins (2023)

Farcical

[2/10 · 18 June 2023]

This had some potential to be decent, not great but decent. Two very strong and competent lead actresses and a plot that has probably been revisited frequently. The problem is that everything is so implausible and I mean everything. From the protagonist (Joyner) and her husband being unable to link the events that are turning her life upside down to her completely unconvincing forgiveness towards the antagonist (Shenton)was beyond far fetched. This is even more absurd when you learn that Joyner is portraying a lawyer. Every event leads to a more preposterous situation, and it makes one wonder if there was any testing of the script prior to filming. It just proves that even actors and actresses with a decent portfolio will do anything for a paycheque regardless of a risible outcome.

Strange Invaders (1983)

Incredible Cast

[7/10 · 15 June 2022]

This movie has a top notch cast with the likes of Nancy Allen, Louise Fletcher and June Lockhart. The script is just about OK too. The production values are complete wank though. Terrible editing and ultra grainy finish with terrible sound do nothing to improve this. Nancy Allen, in my opinion, is a much underrated actress and she is the glue that holds an otherwise pretty much risible movie together.

Wallace Shawn and Michael Lerner obviously felt the paycheck was worth the pain in this otherwise tawdry effort.

Local Hero (1983)

A Great Movie

[10/10 · 13 December 2020]

Look at the IMDB rating - 7.3. Some of the clowns that review movies on here seem to think that is high. I understand opinions and preferences vary, but when you see a review like this - "Local Hero (1983) was written and directed by Bill Forsyth. It stars Burt Lancaster and Peter Riegert.

This film has a solid IMDb rating of 7.3. My only question: Did they see the same movie that I saw?

It's an easy setup--wheeler-dealer from Dallas goes to a sleepy Scottish village to buy up the whole village. Things don't work out as well as he hoped.

As a comedy this movie wasn't funny. As a drama this movie wasn't dramatic. I don't know what it was, except bad.

If you read the reviews, some reviewers thought it was the greatest movie they ever saw. (Not kidding.) There must be two movies called Local Hero. See the other one." you know the reviewer hasn't got a clue, hasn't paid attention to the movie in anyway and had a sense of humour bypass. Now to be fair to this reviewer, they gave it 5 stars, but when you can't get the correct location of the oil company in the initial premise, you've lost all credibility. Great movie, watch it, love it, watch it again, love it some more.

Fisherman's Friends (2019)

Quaint for Quaintness Sake

[4/10 · 11 April 2020]

The location is quaint, the characters are quaint and the songs are quaint. A lot of miscast actors miss the mark by quite some way. The story lacks pace and originality and plods from scene to scene. It tries to be charming, but again misses. It all ends up looking like a poorly executed episode of Doc Martin. It's an easy watch and completely inoffensive, but maybe taking a few risks along the way could have raised it above the mediocre.

Scottish Mussel (2015)

Cliched and a bit of caricature...but fun

[7/10 · 4 April 2020]

A bit of an eco romcom set in the Scottish highlands, except the romance is minimal the eco is no more than a plot device. It's a fun movie though with enough laughs to eclipse the thin storyline. The cast are quite charming though, even Joe Thomas and his diabolical attempt at a Scottish accent - which isn't the worst by a long way. Unfortunately Talulah Riley's acting comes across as rigid and forced especially alongside the effortless Compston who breezes through the lightweight script. Some good comic turns from Thomas, Paul Branigan and the supporting cast.

Captain Marvel (2019)

Self Entitled Snowflakes Out in Force

[9/10 · 29 August 2019]

The extreme negativity of the movie on here is astonishing. This is not a bad film, but the Larson haters, poor little white boys with no self esteem appear to be trying to sabotage this very good movie. Larson looks good, I wish I looked half as good. She wisecracks naturally with Jackson and while the pair never really get out of auto-pilot, it's entertaining.

Avengers: Endgame (2019)

Convoluted Mess

[4/10 · 25 April 2019]

A movie I feel like I've been waiting an eternity only for it to be a mild disappointment. I'm a huge fan of Marvel comics and have followed the movies with anticipation without any real misses. This was suppose to be the ultimate climax and while there were some nice twists it was in danger of unraveling, but they did just manage to hold it together. The final scenes are very good and ties up the story nicely, but it doesn't excuse the previous 3 hours of ass-numbing tedium

Tidelands (2018)

In With a Bang, Out With a Whimper

[5/10 · 14 February 2019]

Starts with a thumping couple of opening scenes, then slows down in the middle just to fritter out poorly at the end. The biggest problem is that the production doesn't seem to know what genre this series wants to belong to. It gets quite repetitive and there're several unlikable characters. It would have been better had the series reached a natural conclusion rather than the finale being no more than an attempt to set up the next series.

Venom (2018)

Great!

[9/10 · 12 January 2019]

At the time of writing, this has an IMDB rating of 6.8, while the medicore Ant-Man and the Wasp has 7.1??? I can only assume Michelle Pfieffer absolutely stunning at 60 has upped the ratings of that movie. This is so much better, with a leading actor than commands the screen rather than a smirking comic actor. Even Stan Lee's role in Venom is more worthy. Venom is great - go and watch it, pay attention to the roller coaster ride and love it. It's the best super-hero movie we've had in 2018, although Black Panther does run it very close it's not as much fun.

Mary Queen of Scots (2018)

Beyond Dreadful

[1/10 · 10 January 2019]

This dull and ill-paced movie is just so shockingly bad and formulaic it makes one wonder why they just didn't have a contemporary setting at least in that way they wouldn't have insulted those who demand historical accuracy. If it's a decent story well told, I'm not overly concerned about accuracy, but the story has got to have some relavence and not just a series of set plays leading to the next sex scene. I found the leads both quite offensive. Ronan seems to make no effort to disguise her broad Irish accent and I wonder if she will make Jo March sound similar. 4 extra marks for the Scottish scenery, 5 less for Ronan's accent.

Knock Knock (I) (2015)

Pointless and Awful

[2/10 · 4 October 2017]

This is a dreadful movie where we are exposed to some acting that is below risible, a script that is directionless and a lot of irritating repetition. Keanu does nothing, other than act a bit silly, then follows that up with little more than whining and begging for the most part. The motive for the attack is never explained and the psychotic behaviour of Genesis in particular has no explanation. It's a very weak plot, that just leaps from one act of very extreme behaviour to another. It's not interesting, it's not compelling and and it certainly doesn't appear to have involved any in-depth thought process. It amazes that studios will stump up funding for this sort of tripe. Fortunately I watched it on Netflix so no loss there and if it hadn't been for the lovely Ana de Armas it would have got 1/10. She at least brought a bit energy and interest even though both female leads were ultimately a bit vapid.