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Reviews
Biao Ren (2023)
Lone Wolf and Cub, but Chinese.
The animation is a bit uneven, going back and forth from pretty good to pretty bad. I can't really judge Chinese voice acting and historical accuracy because of my ignorance in both fields, but seems good to my amateur ears and knowledge.
What I do know is violence and brutality, and that it does pretty well. The main character is pretty brutal and so are the people he fights against.
The plot is nothing new if you know Lone Wolf and Cub or any of it's derivatives. The most recent derivative you might know is The Mandalorian, though this series is far more brutal than Disney would ever allow.
Kingdom Hospital (2004)
You gotta be higher than Stephen King to enjoy this.
This was clearly written in a coke-fueled rampage. The story is at the same time boring and predictable, yet unhinged and impossible to follow without slamming an 8 ball before sitting down to watch it.
Some of the acting is awful, actually most of it, but I think that's more a script problem and director problem than an actor problem.
The psych ward season of American Horror Story is pretty similar, I'd recommend watching that instead...it's far less awful.
Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2018)
It fails on every level.
This review is based on the first episode, I have no faith that it will change as the series goes on. I will be watching every episode, I'll come back and apologize if it gets better.
I'm in my early 30s, so I'm of the age where I grew up with TMNT. The cartoons, the movies, I've watched and enjoyed every incarnation. Until now.
When they did the previous series with CGI and a more comedic angle, I was skeptical. Then it turned out to be well-written, had great humor, surprisingly good fight sequences (CGI fights usually suck...they didn't though) and amazing guest stars. They kept the legacy alive.
Even the movie reboots were ok. I mean, I wouldn't rewatch them, they were thoroughly mediocre, but I can handle mediocre.
This new thing piece of garbage however I am going to make myself sick sitting through every episode of it. I hope it gets cancelled quickly so I don't have to subject myself to too much.
The entire show is a constant attempt at jokes, not one lands. Not a single one. I could forgive the lack of comedy if it was going with a more serious feel like the 2003 series or the comics, but it is going over the top on the comedy side of things and is so unfunny it is enraging. Stupid faces and prat falls every 5 seconds.
The story is rushed, disjointed and seems like a 10 year old's fanfiction. Not is it just unfunny, it isn't interesting or dramatic or capable of invoking any emotion except rage at an attempt to destroy my childhood.
The animation style seems like it was designed to appeal to infants and the fight sequences certainly suffer for it.
It is just bad, bad, bad. Shame on everyone involved, shame on you if you enjoyed it.