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Reviews
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey II (2024)
Bunch of 'Furries' make a silly film. 2 points for at least trying with the cheap gore.
Took me a while to watch this as I was still remembering how totally garbage the first one was.
Rubbery masks and cheese dialogue with bad acting.
The attempts at gore were OK if amateurish.
So when this inexplicably got a sequel I must say I wasn't in a rush to watch it.
Starts with the same level of poor acting.
Christopher Robin (who looks like a young arick Astley but with a bigger nose) is now a Doctor apparently. Which is a real stretch.
Works at a hospital.
Sees victim of a poorly acted scene arrived and recognises him. He tells him what he already knew , he wa stwlling the truth and monsyers in woods and he seems shocked!?
Also when they trued to put his face back together why the hell did they stich his mouth shut in the reconstructive surgery. Ha ha.
Some deaths are silly fun. Overly rubbery appendages pulled off looking very fake. Badly lit scenes to hide cheap fx.
Nice to see lots of Police being ended. Always good to see. Especially as every single one of them were really realistic ......I.e useless.
(Although some are killed off camera sadly)
The blonde babysitter was kinda cute though and bearable acting. Hopefully she'll move on to better things and put this behind her.
Many implausible actions, worse dialogue.
Weak experimental doctors plot. Lazy.
Weak cop out rave massacre all behind a plastic sheet with the horror cliche blood being splattered up it showing nothing. Lame.
How they thought this would satisfy people after hugely superior low budget films like Terrifier leave it for dust and deliver high quality gore fx rather than Poundland halloween bargain fx given here I do not know It's just very poorly shot all round in comparison with some poorly advised filters used in few scenes and computer fx you can apply better using a cheap mobile app.
But I guess amateurs have to start somewhere. But expected them to have improved from the last film a little. It's a fan film at best.
He's walking along revving a Chainsaw and the blade isn't even moving. Nonsense. Adding flames to it doesn't make it any more believable. Daft.
Didn't even have the balls to finish off his younger sister...........
Music at end is horrid also. Ha ha.
Wish I hadn't bothered. Least I now know what I already expected.
Oh no.........pt3.
Who funds these things!?
Kill (2023)
Had great potential but amateurish. Pink Blood!??
Been waiting to watch this for a long time. The poster looked very cool and the simplistic idea of a man fighting his way through a train, those marrow walkways hindering the fight, lots of hiding places intrigued.
It starts like some typical lame Bollywood love movie. (Aren't they all??)
A woman has agreed to an arranged marriage by her (wealthy, high class) father and are travelling on the train (??) for the wedding.
Why they'd do this when so rich I am unsure, and with only one security guard.
Quite why she'd agree if (as it turns out) she is planning on dumping him before and running away with her Soldier lover.
Train journey sees a large group of thieves working their way down the train robbing people of their items.
As you can imagine. Things go bad and the Soldier and his brother have to try to make their way to protect his love.
It takes a while to finally get going. It was a little confusing knowing who was who at first as the fight scenes are a little chaotic at close quarters in a small area.
First thing I noticed was the fake blood was terrible. In the end he was basically wearing a PINK t shirt. They didn't test how the blood looked on clothing. (It is certainly NOTHINF like the red it looks on the poster which is hugely edited)
The fighting and kills are plenty. .
But just as it gets going they stop for some lazy dialogue and it really makes the film stop and start too much.
Silly decisions lead to people being killed pointlessly and it's the usual hero is invincible despite many concussions stabs etc.
But of course rhat usual for these things and have to turn plausibility off.
People comparing it to The Raid are a little misguided. Yes it's similar except instead of going down they are going horizontal. But it's no where near as high quality fight choreography.
If could have been edited better and without the distracting pink blood I'd have enjoyed it a lot more.
It is what it is.
Nit terrible but many flaws.
Switch brain off and enjoy.
Speak No Evil (2024)
A Generous 5. Flawed implausible script. No one tolerates that behaviour.
We just watched this.
A bit disappointing and predictable. But glad I watched.
I think it was meant to frustrate but people just don't react the way that family did to the things that happened and not just not leave or say something. 🤷 Implausible behaviour that took me right out of the film due to believability. But persisted through it.
Ending was kinda fun but also had a few continuity issues with regard to his injuries.
All acted well but the script was deeply flawed.
If wasn't for that bloody 'Hoppy' they'd have been safe. Ha ha. Brat! 😁
Just checked on the age of the (worst husband of the year) and no way is he 8 years younger than me in real life!? Damn he's not aged well. I'd have said 60 😯.
If can ignore the puzzling behaviour of the family then it's worth a watch if nothing else on.
Not seen the original so can't say if any better.
A generous 5/10 mostly for McAvoy being a bit unhinged. (And bulked up and intimidating)
Bad Frank (2017)
Went in blind. Enjoyed yet still left wanting with weak ending.
Saw this and loved the poster. Synopsis seemed cool so gave it a look.
Started off good.
Missing medication. Anger starting to return.
Estranged from his family and loved ones. Violent past. All felt as if falling into place to be an explosion.
But it took far too long to get anywhere. I enjoy slow burns if there is a pay off but this left me wanting.
The acting is very good. Especially the scenes between father and son.
Even Tom Sozemore was ok. Although he did ham it up a little in the interrogation scene.
There's scenes that were in the trailer that doneven appear in the film!? Talking to his therapist!? Never happened. Puzzling as to why?
The poster gives impression of a much darker and more violent film than we end up getting.
I expected an explosion of anger and retribution but just got a fizzle.
Shame as it had potential.
Duchess (2024)
Disappointing 'Guy Ritchie from Wish'. TV movie level at best.
It's a shame Neil Marshall has gone down to this level. After his magnificent start (Dog Soldiers, Descent, Doomsday) it appears he peaked very early in his career.
The dialogue is very predictable. The story been told a million times and much better.
Unconvincing fights and overlong back and forth shoot outs become tiresome.
Tiger pit was hilariously overused.
The lead actress isn't as drop dead gorgeous as the director seems to think she is.
Her accent grates. Her fighting is terrible.
When so many kick ass female characters out there (Atomic Blonde, Red Sparrow, Nikita, Ava. Anna, Salt to name just a few) all done so much better it's kinda been done to death so if going to do it. Do it well and maybe a little different.
Sean Pertwee is always a fun watch, even if okays the same character in every film. He's a regular with Neil since Dog Soldiers.)
Stephanie Beecham is hilarious as "Charlie" the supposed dangerous hhead of a criminal organisation. But was cringe. Maybe they thought this would be her new breakout rolel playing against type (like Hugh Grant in The Gentlemen) of so then big fail.
Ita not all terrible. Just forced and cliché. The narration by the female lead was irritating straight away. Yes. That Snatch Guy Ritchie era narration wasn't good as the less you heard her voice the better.
Credit to the surprise desert death which I didn't see coming. One of only a few good moments.
Oh Neil. What happened?
Just go watch Atomic Blonde again.
Final Girl (2015)
Never really felt believable
I wanted to really like this. Its not an original idea at all but I do enjoy the woman turning the tables revenge style movies so thought I'd give this a try.
Couple of recognisable actors. Abigail of course (Zombie land) and the main male lead (Vikings).
The movie almost feels like it's filmed entirely in a studio, the woods seem far too well light and spotlights unexplainable highlight kill areas, (even outside of their drug fueled nightmares).
Abigail never once feels convincing as a trained assassin. Even though recruited as a child and trained for 12 years she still seems an amateur learning her skills. She seems to be easily battered even by drugged 17 year olds!? The fights aren't convincing either so not sure whether much training was put into it. (When see other incredible female assassin films Atomic Blonde, Ava, Red Sparrow etc they are highly skilled and kick ass even with trained killers) This character seems I'll matched to cope.
Also why can't she just shoot them? Like she suggested? Never explained.
The story plot is so thin and never explained properly.
How can 20 blonde girls just go missing and no police , FBI interest?? So many witnesses saw them at the diner!?
The actors did their best with what they had.
The better scenes seemed to be the ones where she was trying to connect with her trainer and when she interacted with one of the killers girlfriend. Those seemed genuine and I think the director would be better suited to drama rather than this kind of film.
I'm taking it that it was a first time director. (A known photographer) Yet although some scenes seemed nice as a still the scene didn't work with motion. Early days for him I guess.
Few "goofs" and hugely implausible moments that niggles and couldn't be ignored. A girl meets a stranger, goes in car with four strange guys to the woods!? Does Truth or Dare!? It's all so cheesy and predictable and no girl would do that unless suicidal.
Why if it's constantly raining does no one get wet!?
Why didn't she keep the axe or bat once ended those guys? How did the guy still have his belt on when she was tied up with it and ran a long way before taking it off .......it's impossible he could have found it so that's nonsense yet he's wearing it again. Just one of a few silly things that could have been spotted.
The film isn't the worst but it's a very weak script with absolutely no real subtext or explanation.
Shame.
Everything Must Go (2010)
A real 'feel bad' film.
Damn!
This film is so depressing. No real laughs or smiles to be had here. I realise it's more a drama than a comedy .....but still. Is it meant to be so frustratingly bleak?
It's one long depressing scene after another. Taken advantage of, betrayed, mistake after mistake. No wonder he loses himself in drink.
I know it's trying to send a message but there's no real let up from it. Even the ending has no real ray of light or hope.
In fact it kinda hints that he's given up on life and is planning on ending it all.
Super depressing.
Film left me feeling frustrated and sad.
I wouldn't recommend watching this if already in a low mood as it may push you over the edge.
Hunt Club (2022)
Terrible. Truly inept in so many ways. I'm embarrassed for all involved.
I rarely score films so low.
But this film deserves it.
How did it get made?
The script is simply the worst. And been told a thousand times (way better).
The worst fight choreography I've seen in many years.
So unbelievably poor. Bad cheap FX. And the worst almost purple looking blood.
The acting is low level and as expected from the cast and also those slumming it (once kinda credible) actors Casper and Mena. How they were tempted by this car crash of a film I do not know. Maybe the producers have incriminating photos of them. Ha ha.
Mickey Rourke looks like he has melted. And his acting, shocking. He looks like a monster from another horror film and just strolled onto set.
Nothing about this film is good.
Absolutely nothing.
The music sucks. The FX suck. The script is the worst and the forced man hating feminist garbage is cliché to the extreme.
Caspers character is so flawed and his weak son who can't act for toffee too.
The Goddess of the Hunt nonsense made my eyes roll so far back into my head I could see my brain. Which was screaming for me to turn it off.
All involved with this film should take a long hard look in the mirror and consider a career change.
You clearly do not have the skills. I'm embarrassed for you.
Worst film I have seen in years.
Festival of the Living Dead (2024)
Been done before and better. Soska Sisters take steps backwards with each film.
Plot holes galore. Unlikeable characters and dumb script.
Soska Sisters haven't made a decent film since the entertaining AMERICAN MARY. Rabid was an insult to the original and Dead Hooker in a Trunk was just ok.
This has so many annoying parts it just spoils the whole thing.
Unlikeable characters who don't seem to like each other at all so why are they friends or together!?
The script is lazy and full of holes and the charactersaking more than. Your normal dumb decisions.
The acting is bearable (except that awful actor the Soska Sisters keep using) who this time was blessedly only in it briefly as a Zombie Paramedic. (He is the worst wooden actor out there, ruins any scene or film he is in.
This could have been fun.
A festival to celebrate the memory of all those killed in the '68 Zombie outbreak. (Seemingly suppressed and dormant ever since) Yet meteors bring it all out again which just happens to coincide with the Festival (Right!!)
Some cheap but ok looking practical FX makes for a couple of ok death scenes but it's all so background and edited so quickly don't see much. Maybe because not best quality FX.
Couple of ok gore gags.
You usual trend of diversity inclusions are here but don't feel forced like most others and aren't distracting so that's good.
It's a shame.
I wanted to like it but was left disappointed and struggled to keep my attention. I simply didn't care for the characters at all. The main lead was cute but that it. Rest were cliché after cliché.
I remember Return of the Living Dead 2 Rave to the Grave having a similar feeling. And YouTube series Zombie Rave/ Beyond the Rave having similar theme but with vampires.
Soska sisters had potential to become a popular name after the fun American Mary but seem to be taking a step backwards every film they do. And now seem destined to survive in low budget Tubi level hell. Maybe they are happy with that. But I think it's a shame as they had potential. Need to work with better scripts and better actors if wish to continue imo.
Knuckleball (2018)
Worth a watch but seemed unfinished. Too much left unanswered.
I have this a watch as saw trailer and Micheal Ironside always gives a good performance.
I did enjoy this but also I was left unsatisfied with the ending. It opened a door with a twist at the end yet didn't even try to explore it or explain. Now sometimes that's clever writing as makes you think. Not in this case. It didn't join enough dots for the viewer to create much of a picture at all.
It could have done with ten more minutes to explore that twist and show more of that world.
Those VHS tapes needed explaining.
I'm sure the director/writer thought they were being clever but it was just disappointing as a viewer.
Especially as the rest of the film had me invested.
It of course has obvious influence from Home Alone, maybe even The Shining. Right from the start the script shows this boy as highly intuyand intelligent. Almost to the point I thought "ok to we get it!? The kids smart!?"
The mother and father are having problems it seems.
Not surprised as the dad seems so thoughtless and uncaring. Not sure if was just bad acting but he didn't seem affected by anything at all.
The protagonist was clearly far from intelligent. Making some of the silkiest decision ever. I know they were trying to highlight that he wasn't as bright but some decisions were just silly.
Overall I was still a good film and kept my attention all the way through.
Just a very unsatisfactory ending. A missed opportunity for that twist to have really hit harder and left the viewer shocked. But played safe and didn't even show anything at all.
The Jester (2023)
It had potential but left me wanting. Poor.
I like true idea. Although not massively original the mask and costume looked interesting. Not sure why called it Jester though as no real connection and not very comedic at all.
The film is well shot, lit, edited and the acting is good.
But the script is just aimless and has nowhere to go. The final third seemed like making it up as went along.
It wasn't as deep or meaningful as I think they believed it to be.
The characters weren't that likelable really and it all felt rushed and not very well thought out.
It would have worked better as a short film, say 30 mins maybe.
In fact I seem to remember someone saying it was a short film so maybe that would be better as didn't work here.
Also. It is far too tame. Zero gore and the deaths were boring. It really would have saved the film if it had a few more kills and upped the gore. But it was tame and I just didn't care about the constant sob story about the dad being absent. Boo hoo.
The end was predictable and really not as good as they probably thought it was. It wasn't clever. It wasn't some deep metaphor for mental illness it was just daft.
She just said. I'll ignore you and that was it smh.
Shame. Had potential with the character. It was similar to many others in horror but lacked any menace due to lazy kills and not many of them.
Fog City (2023)
Fun idea. Flawed plot hole script. Hot women. Good FX.
I've been looking forward to this since saw trailer and the poster a while ago.
It's filled with very sexy actresses. Dressed provocatively so the director knows what he's doing with regards to that at least. Ha ha.
But the script is the big let down here. It has so many plot holes.
Also.
Aren't these people all meant to be best friends??
Even before the nasty Fog arrived they were all so bitchy and nasty to each other?? Constantly making awful remarks and slagging each other off?
I refuse to believe these people would hang around with each other if dislike each other this much.
So badly written characters.
Why are they dressed as schoolgirls. And why didn't the rich girl change out it work clothes for the 'party' ??
How many times did she fall off that balcony? Ha ha ha.
The FX were good but not nasty enough for me. The acting passable for most part, especially working with such dodgy dialogue. Edited ok except the falling off balcony. Smh.
Wilhelm scream was amusing to hear.
How did the cop not see her in basement when he shined the light right on her?
It's not a terrible film. Yes of course could have been better writing and the ending was silly but worth a watch for sure. Far far worse out there.
Did I mention the women were all hot?
Die'ced (2023)
Terrifier dvd ordered from Wish . Com and that's being kind.
Not even sure where to start.
First the positives.
Nice clear image.
Some decent trolley shots, one very nice Drone shot.
The two main lead bro and Sister acting was quite good considering what had to work with.
This is obviously a very low budget film and I congratulate anyone that can get off your ass to get one made. I feel with a better script (this was terrible) the director may have potential.
Every shot was of course totally unoriginal, stolen from better slashers but he tried.
The script was so full of holes you could drive through them. Each scene had huge flaws and some made zero sense at all.
Pointless music over scenes were unnecessary and at times drown out dialogue.
The guy playing the escaped mental patient (sigh!! How original) was massively inept. Zero acting skills and the worst Art the Clown impression ever. The little skips he did were puzzling and embarrassingly camp. Zero menace.
The kills were so badly choreographed. No tension or feeling it was real or brutal at all. Found myself rolling my eyes at the inept way they were portrayed. They at least attempted to be gory but simply pointlessly cutting and arm or hand off really isn't that satisfying. Especially a cheap Halloween prop.
Why was the first guy killed putting on make up when it was the night 'before' Halloween??
The father and his constant bellyaching and out of the blue "oh he may have killed your mother" dropped into conversation!? Worst dialogue. Who wrote this script it's so bad.
They stop in a cafe for a drink and food, maybe this was one of the films sponsors and they had to film there because it was a totally pointless scene. And of course yet another rip off of Terrifier. She says she is starving and they order a sandwich and a croissant. Neither of them touch them .....probably because the waiter keeps coming over and hassling them asking if everything is good and enjoying the meal!? Go away!?
They leave and this then leads to a pathetic attempt at humour which failed. And was another Art the Clown (Mime really) from Wish . Com rip off.
Luckily the two siblings were good enough actors to save a couple of scenes. But it was so unnatural conversations. Purely just to drop plot context in as quick as possible as needed some sort of plot. (There is very little plot at all) The mother having an affair and then going missing. And then we are supposed to be shocked at the end with the supposed twist. That made me laugh out loud!? Really!? Stevie Wonder would have seen that coming. Ha ha.
The cops at end just casually stroll in. Those guys must've worked for free as no way they are actors in real life as terrible. Where was their direction. Where was the realism. Surely the director could see that was a mess.
Editing was all over the place. The so called party looked like a snooze fest. They were bored as soon as hey got there !?
Why was he struggling to get between the pallets when she got thrown them easily and he is actually skinnier than her!? And you could see he had lots of room. How do you look at that scene in editing and not think the same? You are seeing exactly the same thing we are.
The director tried, bless him. Got to give him that. So I'll give him an extra point for that but there is no originality at all and the stealing from Terrifier is cringe. Especially as it's done so poorly. He works hard constantly posting his posters and links to the film in every Horror group on social media. So credit for putting the hours in. But it's nothing if when they go look at it they see this mess.
Luckily I saw it for free. I'd never pay for this. It's about 45mins long without the credits. And it just left me shaking my head. Laughing at the clearly rubber sledgehammer used repeatedly. So I guess he'll return and they'll have to say he's supernatural because no one could survive what happened to him. Sadly he did. So the world will be subjected to another film.
I really hope he has learned some valuable lessons. Get a decent script. Learn how to edit and leave a scene that works and isn't illogical.
This shouldn't have been released like this. It looked rushed. Zero script or story that made sense.
So unoriginal. Blatantly stolen cash in character.
He told me the next one will have bigger budget. Well. It wasn't the budget that made this so bad. I can forgive budget restraints. But not illogical scenes and bad scripts. Lazy gore when was promised carnage. He obviously lied because wanted us to see it and many have. Doesn't mean they liked it.
Which judging by the score they didn't.
You only get one chance at things and I hope for his sake he didn't blow it by rushing this poor effort out. Tarnishs names.
Sadly this is Pooh Blood and Honey level trash.
Argylle (2024)
The Long Kiss Goodnight from Wish - great start but became far too goofy.
I had been looking forward to this, trailer looked lots of fun. Great cast, great director. So checked it out. It started off really good and I was enjoying it especially the train scene.
Lot of fun then quickly became overly silly,
predictable and lost my attention. It's practically a daft comedy remake of THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT.
Far too many similarities to be a coincidence.
Kick ass female Spy loses memory, has secrets so company want her dead, memory returns so she kicks arse and becomes super spy again. ........etc.
(Long akiss is a great film highly recommend)
Which also starred Samuel Jackson, ice skating scene and the heroine bleaching and cutting her hair once memory returns.
Just watch that instead.........but if have to this will kill a couple of hours of nothing else on.
Dune: Part Two (2024)
Enjoyable but not the masterpiece people gush about.
Saw the Dune ² film today.
Really enjoyed it and it had some good visuals.
Well worth seeing and I look forward to the inevitable pt3. But......
Disappointed the new films didn't utilise the Bene Gesserit 'Weirding Way' power, so no weaponised modules. 😢 the 'voice' is still used though of course.
I'm all for diversity. And given the books mirror on the worlds religions and politics this was fitting to have all cultures involved. But was there a need to gender swop as well as race swop a character? 🤔
It's a great sci fi film but it's not quite the masterpiece it's being heralded as imo.
I'm sure it will predictably win countless awards. FX. Couple of actors performances.
The script shouldn't though imo.
The ending felt totally rushed and zero resistance felt, no tension. Far too easy and brief a victory imo. Could have done with at least another half hour to really feel them gaining ground and getting ever closer to the Emperor. But no........they were there at the doors in a heartbeat which I was surprised by. Missed opportunity to build tension, suspense and bring great performances from the cast especially Walken is wasted here. (More on that later)
Feyd actor wasn't great and looked like a cross between Matt Lucas (Little Britain) and the Engineers from Prometheus 😁and his 'Birthday' scene in the arena seemed pointless and badly executed.
Batista's lack of acting abilities showed in this to the point he just shouted all his dialogue and hoped for the best.
Christopher Walken seemed wasted and was never really allowed to embrace the role with the little screen time he had. Didn't come across as Emperor at all. No grandeur at all. This is the Emperor of the Universe !!?
Anyone elsenspot the almost Monty Python Life of Brian moment. "Only the true Messiah would deny he is the Messiah" (or words there abouts) nearly had us shouting out "He's not the Messiah he's a really naughty boy!" Ha ha. 😂😂
Again. Well worth the watch though. The religious nods to real life from the book, the jihad, the politics are there although most is skirted over as it wouldn't make quite an exciting film. It's more style over substance. Visually nice yet not hugely engaging intellectually.
The designs for the spaceships seemed a little bland also, no real style or identity for each 'House'. At least Lynch film had some well thought out difference in the look of each houses palace and ships etc.
Bland. Especially after seeing what H R Giger had designed for the Harkonen style (for a film that sadly never got made many years ago). Oh how incredible that would have been If only it had happened. 😢🖤
Nownif only we could see Lynch's first 14hr cut. Ha ha. Love to see what treasure we're inside that version.
Bring on pt3. I'll still watch. It will be popular. But they tooling themselves with all thebgushing about masterpiece.
Silent Night (2023)
In the age of John Wick, John Woo is just tired and choice now.
Gace this a look as love Joel and thought good to see John Woo back..........
Love a good revenge film and this is John Woo so has half a chance of being great action.
Sadly........
Enjoyed about half hour of this film. The last half hour.
In the age of John Wick, John Woo just doesn't hold up anymore. There were a couple of two handed gun slow mo moments that almost captured the old magic of a John Woo film from yesteryear but all seems tame up to Wick now.
The storyline was massively generic and lazy seen it a million times and better. Overly sentimental and drawn out at times to the point of cringe. (the ending! 🙄) took forever to really get anywhere.
The main villain is just a cliche. Most of the stunts and action are surprisingly poorly executed and unrealistic.
Why was the villain slow dancing with his druggy GF whilst all his men were getting slaughtered!? Made zero sense. 🤷
Poor man's Punisher.
Very disappointed.
The Pope's Exorcist (2023)
Was it meant to be a comedy? Cheesey, predictable, poor CGI, unconvincing cast. Pointless.
SPOILERS.
Predictable and cheesey "You're all going to die" (delivered with zero menace by a child actor, they should have looked harder because he's unconvincing or maybe its the direction) and some scenes are unintentionally hilarious. "Wrong Priest" 😁 and the "Panty Sniffer " priest who is totally useless and his acting b movie level. Is it meant to be a dark comedy? Also would you seriously leave a young boy alone with a Catholic priest!?.
The films desperation to add shocking dialogue from a child fails and it all still pales in comparison to The Exorcist even now after all these years. Some very poor cgi throughout.
The Demon sounds like one of the Orcs from Lord of the Rings. Like a London Taxi Driver with a sore throat. Ha ha.
Its cliche after cliche. Crowes accent isn't as annoying as I thought from Trailer and his acting is strong considering the turd he is in.
Who the hell directed this? Is it their first Horror film? It fails to have any genuine
The location is magnificent though love that place. 😍 and some impressive sets. But its full fat cheese.
The fact they try to pass off all the child sex abuse of the Catholic Church because of Satan is insulting to all those who were abused.
Despite all these negatives. I am still kinda enjoyed parts of it as a comedy. Things try best pick up once they enter the Catacomb but its a mess at the end of the day.
The Park (2023)
What a shame. Far too tweeny and tame. Can't decide what it wants to be.
All adults are deadfrom a mystery virus. Only the children survive and they have an expiration date. Hit puberty and they die.
Interesting premise. Right. Could be good......wrong.
Firstly I can't really imagine this generation would survive long if this happened now. Just saying. Over sensitive cancel culture kids or those identifying as a toasters and pondered to wouldn't prepare them for a world without adults let's be honest.
Silly film really. Can't make mind up what it wants to be. Dark or tweeny.
Kids murdering each other....dark. With machetes darker..... but don't see anything at all and more about clichéd tweeny drama.
Too tame to be horror or an adult apocalyptic film with too dark theme for sensitive little kids of today. 🤷🏻
I was hoping for more of an intelligent Lord of the Flies type film. This is nothing as cerebral.
Potential Violence yet that never really happens l
Or seen, frustrating. They try to make it tense and threatening and gritty, kids swearing and welding machetes but ultimately is so tame it's kinda embarrassing!? Why not just commit to one or the other. Maybe the tweens will enjoy it but as soon as past puberty I wanted to die than continue watching. But I did. And the ending was lazy and abrupt.
It tries to be philosophical and deep but its just kinda embarrassing how much it fails to achieve anything. A pointless endeavour.
Luther: The Fallen Sun (2023)
Always great to see John Luther return. If not as good as series.
Always glad to see Idris return as DCI John Luther.
His character In the series was so enjoyable to follow and the writing tip top.
Not quite so much here. The writing was a little lacking. Some great moments. Piccadilly Circus in London being the highlight.
There were some great tense and dark moments. The serial killer was a true sadist.
WTF was going on with Andy Serkis' hairstyle!? It was bloody awful and really distracting. Made it all so comical. Whomever thought that was a good idea needs sacking. Looked like Lionel bloody Blair!!
The storyline started very good with people being controlled and blackmailed but then The Red Bunker story became massively far fetched and silly. Andy Serkis was a mixed performance. One part creepy, malicious and sadistic and the other a pathetic overacted and hammy.
It's an OK watch and i must say I did enjoy for the most part.
BUT it suffered for only being two hours long. It needed to be a series to really get into the character and his back story and those he manipulated. The Red Bunker was too much and daft. Like a cheesy game show host. That hair!!
The ending was weak though and just like a poor Bond setting. Ha ha.
Josie Jane: Kill the Babysitter (2020)
A missed opportunity. It could have been fantastic.
I really wanted to like this film and give it a higher rating but I feel like it had a chance to be so much more.
The script felt like a first draft and lots more needed to be added to have made it a reao finished version. The home alone type trap was far too brief and I and iM sure many others would have loved to have seen more cultists meet their end by her ingenuity. It needed to be put into use for sure and theyd have been onto a winner. Her skills were used in a cheeseball way and the humour was only slightly hinted at , they needed to have had it real dark humour and also the whole film needed to be more gory. It really felt quite tame.
There needed to be more of the cultists so could have had more traps and kills and had the babysitter be more badass.....they tried to make her that way but it really wasn't convincing at all.
It's watchable and not terrible but it could have been fantastic.
American Carnage (2022)
Disqppointing clichéd Cheesefest. No comedy. No scare.
Really disappointed in this film.
Started off with potential and then they get to te Care Home and it just gets stupid and lazy.
Some really irritating cliche characters.
It tried its best to have a message but because it was Troma level bad it was lost amongst the dross.
It had moments of GET OUT in there but without any of the suspense or good writing, acting or direction.
Extra points added purely for attractive female leads.
And the one scene where a patient twists and consorts which was kinda cool.....but want explained at all and just added as an after thought.
The villains were almost scooby doo level cringe.
Who was the target audience here?
It seemed to fail in every area. The CGI was very cheap and fake looking.
Once they got to the Care facility it was fail after plot hole after fail. Like they just didn't know where to go with it.
It had no fun element and no comedy.
The 'Dog' character was so overracted it became irritating.
A huge blot on Ortega's resume.
Avoid.
Mid-Century (2022)
This makes very little sense. Bad all round.
A couple rent a vacation home haunted by the spirits of the architect who built it and his two wives, as well as their deranged, living son.
A very poor film.
Badly acted which was surprising as the actors involved have proved to be good in previous films Alice the Doctor was good but the rest of them are very wooden, its kinda embarrassing how bad in some scenes. Stephen Lang was particularly odd....what was he doing? Did he forget how to act or something? Favour for a friend by doing this film? I see he was a producer. Not sure why he thought this would be a good film to invest in. The story looks as if making up as go along and the part about the Dr and her relationship was tacked on. I just didn't care.
The story makes very little sense at all. The characters relationship was confusing. One minute lived uo, next minute arguing ten loved up again.
The same Lazy oooo a person has walked quickly past the camera jump scares used so many times it was boring to see and totally ineffective.
I really was disappointed and struggled to get through the film and eventually turned it off 3/4 way through. And i very rareoy stop a film once started. Found myself scrolling on mobile. I think this must have been a first time directing job.
Death House (2017)
The idea is interesting. The script and film is a massive fail.
All of these name Horror actors together sounds like fun. Even if a lot of them aren't known for actually being good actors at all, it still could have been a fun watch.
Instead we get a huge steam pile. A real mess of a film. Proving that it's a good director that makes a film not actors. Even the few actors involved that are usually of a good standard are awful in this film.
The three who were the devil maker, the devil and the son of the devil also made little sense and was amusing more than Scary.
The story makes no sense whatsoever. Not even close to a rational plot. And it took itself far too seriously. The Evil 5. Hilarious scene at the end with then standing in a semi circle trying to look cool 2as the cringiest thing I have seen in years. I can see why Mosely was asked to deliver the most dialogue as he's one of only a couple of people in this that can actually act. (The others...Sid Haig give a fun. Yet far too brief scene, Barbara Compton does ok with what she had although the 'girl power' part was a wrf moment!! Deep Wallace was poor here sadly, usually good but poorly directed maybe).
There was only one good horror scene in the whole film. The 9 in the cell that had transformed into slimey bloody beasts. This couple of minutes was fantastic. And the only redeeming oart of the film. The make up fx and gore looked genuinely stunning and nasty and so much so it looked so out of place nxt to the cheap cgi and after fx the rest of the film relied on.
Total cringe supposedly hi tech virtual reality headsets that were just tape and circuit board. Terrible! Why not just use VR headsets!?? They are cheap enough to buy.
Shower scene was welcome relief from the cheap green screen as she had a nice body. (Although face like a pizza and caked in make up.....and why did she have that black mark on her nose whilst she sat in the car at the start of the film?? Puzzled me.
Kane Hodder tried his best bless him. Some ok moments of acting but still couldn't say it from being a total mess of a film.
That script!? Story!? Hints at something interesting but in the end just a child's level rambling of clichés and drivel. Maybe Gunnar was drunk when wrote it!?
What the hell was it going on about. It made no sense at all.
Tony Todd is more miss than hit. He totally over acts and I usually roll my eyes when I see he's in a film last decade or so as it usually means it's gonna suck (except Final Destination and Hatchet)
This could have been great. But all involved failed.
I love Horror and I try my best to support low budget independent film but this was unforgivable bad.
A lot of the people involved Ed should take a long hard look at themselves and either do better or quit the business as its not for you.
Clearly many agree.
If they hadn't have tried to play the film off as serious, deep and meaningful story it .....nah who am I kidding, it would still have been bad. Just highly amusing that they really thought they had a ool deep and thought provoking story here didn't they!? Ha ha that cracks me up.
Avoid. Just check out the cool scene elsewhere online. We'll done to all involved with that scene. All the rest.
Please quit.
Alone (2020)
ALIVE wasn't the first as many keep saying............Two others before it.
Alone (America) 2020 is the same story as 'Alive' 2020 (Korean) film which itself borrows so much from 'The Night Eats the World' 2018 (France) which steals directly from 'Rammbock: Berlin Undead' 2010 (Germany) (aka Siege of the Dead) each tells the story of a lone young man trapped alone in a building trying to survive a virus that turns people into maniacs who devour human flesh. Counting the days, rationing food, drink and trying to not go stir crazy. Until
Its amusing seeing people all saying this poor American remake isn't as good as Alive, when Alive isn't as good as its predecessors.
Alone (2020) is a pretty weak and diluted American version and a lot less violent with just a few 'scary moments' comoared to any of the other tellings, less gory moments or injury detail. Plays it for more of a romantic teen audience. It is well made but lacks the intensity of Berlin Undead.
Aiden and Evey (close to Adam and Eve and Donald Sutherland's 'Abel'.....hmmm is the script writer trying to subliminally get bible references in here now. If so it's badly done. Ha ha)
Speaking of Sutherland, he is of course great in his short role here and steals the scenes. Criminally underused.
Enjoyable if nothing else. But a sanitized safe version of what came before and before and before.
Army of One (2020)
Nothing new to see here. Clichéd and so very tame.
I enjoy a good revenge story.
Sadly this isn't a very good one.
Only 2 minutes in and the tired old clichés are screaming out from the lazily written script.
Scene. Two cops - outside a house with vicious serial killers inside. What do they do? Wait for back up? You guessed it. Of course they don't. One says he's not waiting for back up and has been hunting them for years and is going to get them now!
I think you can guess how that goes for him......only way it could have any more clichéd was if he was a week away from retirement. Ha ha.
Cut to happy couple (the surviving cop and babe wife) on a relaxing break driving along just waiting for the next cliche to arrive......doesn't take long. Local redneck appears named "Butch" who has some of the worst, laziest tattoos crudely drawn on his arms in marker pen I have ever seen in a film. Sack the person who was supposed to do that.
Of course they end up in trouble by trespassing. And then a really tame scene. I would have thought after Butch showed his intentions earlier that he would have used the woman for his pleasures......that would have at least set up for a justified revenge. Yet it really cops out and makes little sense.
Then comes overly easy retribution as a few are taken out without much trouble at all. Because drum roll da dad daaaah she's a Ranger!!! Another shocker. Ha ha ha. Now we have several Rambo style scenes of traps and sharp sticks.
Some very amusing dialogue follows. Cheesey lines which I'm sure were just there so he could put them in the trailer "you killed my husband......you all die".
"Run rabbit run" made my eyes roll.
A religious matriarchal leader does little to convince at all and is amusing. Why is anyone scared of her?
Mourning the death if their friend "Earl" they all decide to get drunk instead of going to look for the woman!? Even though know the Police are suspicious.
Go watch the remake of I Spit on your Grave if you want to see a really effective and well made revenge film. That at least makes you hate the villains and root for the victim.
This is just meh.
Well shot, edited. Acting isn't the worst I've seen.
One good thing. The lead actress was good/convincing at the fight scenes and also gorgeous. But it's not enough to save this.