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Reviews
Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)
It's good looking
It's got lens flares and beautiful scenery galore.
Sadly that's about the extent of my good things list for this movie.
It's a bit over 2hrs of random scenes of dialogue with lots and lots of characters who for the most we know nothing at all about interspersed with slowmo flipping and lens flare action
It's mostly fun if you have other things to do while you watch.
I'm assured that theirs another film hopefully with some follow thru on these characters. I'm also told that there's a Snyder cut that apparently is actually good and isn't randomly thrown together like this mess is
Why if they already were doing a directors Snyder cut wouldn't they just release that? Why have a terrible boring cut?
Save yourself 2hrs and just watch the complete Snyder cuts once they're out. It's possible that cut is
just another hour of slow motion montages but maybe he made it a watchable movie.
House of Cards: Chapter 73 (2018)
My god this is bad
Just impossibly terrible. At least this dumpster fire of a season went out with quite possibly the worst series ending episode in the history of television
It's unrealistic in ways that most would think unimaginable to try. If you made it to this episode I salute your resilience and determination to continue.
It's hilariously comically terrible
Save yourself the insanity and stop the series after season 5. Pretend that's it because in truth it really is. The destruction of characters is all encompassing.
It's bad bad not fun haha bad but holy wtf is going on is this the right show? Did I accidentally hit play on a different show by accident? Bad.
Nuke season 6 from space it's the only way to be sure it's dead.
65 (2023)
It's definitely a movie
65 is a sci-fi thriller that follows a pilot (Adam Driver) who crash-lands on Earth 65 million years ago and has to survive the prehistoric dangers with a young girl (Ariana Greenblatt). The film is written and directed by Scott Beck and Bryan Woods, the writers of A Quiet Place, and produced by Sam Raimi.
The film boasts impressive visual effects and action sequences, as well as a touching bond between the two protagonists. However, the film also suffers from a lack of originality and logic, as it borrows heavily from other sci-fi and adventure films, such as Jurassic Park, Cast Away, and Avatar. The film also fails to explain how the pilot ended up on Earth in the past, or why he speaks a different language from the girl. The film is entertaining and exciting, but not very memorable or meaningful. It is a fun popcorn flick for fans of dinosaurs and Adam Driver, but not much else.
65 is a decent sci-fi thriller that delivers on spectacle, but lacks in substance.
Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
It's a movie, with dinosaurs
Is it a good movie? No.
Is it fun to watch? Not really
Does it provide nonstop action with fan service for everyone that watched the OG trilogy as kids and now have kids that love the Jurassic park films? Kind of
It's a series of action Dino sequence edited together between a thin story that doesn't really matter to anyone that's watching but I asked my kid(9) if he liked it and he said it was awesome so I'll take his word for it and look forward to watching it a few hundred more times with him like we have all the other Jurassic Parks.
Turn your brain off and let it assault your senses it's not that bad.
The Northman (2022)
Maybe I needed more drugs
So it's long and weird and boring. More mushrooms may have helped but I doubt it.
Bizarrely shot with terrible dialogue and scenes that made no sense at all with no true story to tie anything together.
Watch Vikings instead or do a bunch of psychedelics and plod they this mess that tried to be profound. It's not good. At all.
Ambulance (2022)
Bay at his worst
The Rock this is not. Long, boring repetitive ridiculous with no real reasons. Explosion after car crash after random slow mo flags waving with guns and continuous car chases. With copters and odd random music.
It's a mess of a movie. A hot garbage dumpster fire
Possibly the worst movie of the year if not decade. Not sure there's enough drugs in the world to make this watchable or make any sweat all.
Outer Range: The West (2022)
Too many edibles disclaimer
It's possible I took a few to many edibles prior to watching this episode but holy balls it's weird. Random singing scenes followed by long hugs and digging.
Not a fan of musicals so that probably taints my enjoyment of this show since one guy apparently only sings his scenes.
Overall it's a weird show full of beautiful scenery and bizarre dialogue. Random scenes that make no logical sense and did I mention the singing guy? So yea that's it that's the show.
Tread (2019)
"Patriot" man goes crazy
There is nothing more dangerous than a slightly inconvenienced white man lol I mean Jesus this guy has issues and whooo boy does he try to right his perceived slights with a damn tank lol
Well done and we'll made documentary on the possibility of what was a "normal" hardworking small business owner who loses his mind and wreaks insane havoc on a small town
Enjoyable watch.
Moonfall (2022)
What if we did every Roland movie but at once?
This is a incredible and visually appealing disaster of a movie. It's like Roland took all his previous disaster movies rolled them up and smoked them. Threw in a few shrooms and a dash of lsd and boom we get moonfall.
It's got everything a disaster movie needs all at once. Take the edibles of your choice and lean back for a 2hr ride of ridiculous.
Enemies of the State (2020)
Long windy trail of bs
Just a bizarre hours long journey of crazy from a delusional family that dove into wild conspiracy to not face reality.
Honestly incredible this guys parents are as insane or maybe more than he is. If you want to watch a family deal with their own conspiracies in a circular firing squad manor that ropes in multiple hangers on for publicity this is the doc for you.
La Brea (2021)
No words...
Sweet baby Jesus this is bad. It's just a mess of random scenes. Terrible cgi. Terrible story. Just a weird mashup of sci-fi tropes and other shows. If it was intentionally bad I commend the producers. It's unintentionally hilarious. I laughed out load at the dumbness.
If this is what network tv is trying to put out I don't see much hope. It's bad bad.
Old (2021)
Umm ok
So people go to beach. People get older. Terrible acting and dialogue ensue. Kids become older. People die. More dumb dialogue. More terrible acting. Weird guy attacks everyone.
Possibly the dumbest movie I've watched in recent memory. Just unbelievably bad acting. Truly can't describe how terrible it is. Contrived scene after contrived scene.
Please never watch this. Stop giving m night money to make these terrible films. Please.
Outer Banks: The Coastal Venture (2021)
Lol Incredible
My goodness this show is garbage. Beautiful unreal garbage. Everything that happens is unintentionally hilarious. I can't wait for season 3.
Outer Banks (2020)
So bad it's good
This show is the definition of so bad it's good. It's got it all terrible acting, terrible scripts, utterly unrealistic situations every 10min of every single episode. It's like scooby doo but everyone is dumb and changes character fluidly depending on the insane situation. It's terrible in every conceivable way
It's also amazing. You want them to win. You root for these band of beautiful morons to finally win. Knowing full well a new unbelievable wrinkle will emerge and foil the win.
Watch it and bask in its stupidity.
UnREAL (2015)
So bad it's good
This show is a train wreck. Just unbelievably over the top situations and acting is terrible. That said I watched it in 3 days and while I may be dumber for watching this trash heap of a show I couldn't look away. Every episode is unbelievable. Every situation is bizarre. The lies are hilarious and so insane that it makes no sense at all but it's impossible to look away. Like a train wreck that a plane crashed into striking a bus load of nuns all in one.
It's that unbelievable. So watch it. Enjoy the terrible.
I did.
Gunpowder Milkshake (2021)
Yikes
Solid cast all have been great in other movies. This movie on the other hand is bad. It's bad. Not in a good way but in a bad bad way. Painful.
Army of the Dead (2021)
Slow motion montages galore. Snyder is back...
If you like 5min slow motion montages with odd music this movies your dream.few minutes of talking followed by a full song of out of place music montages most in slow motion.
The story is typical action zombie apocalypse stuff. The action is good it's overall way better than most Snyder films but that's a really low bar.
Popcorn zombie flick mixed with music video slow motion montages. It's also 2:30hrs. Probably 1:30hrs without the montages.
Lay the Favorite (2012)
Trash
Dear god this movie is pure trash. No plot. No purpose. Nothing remotely funny. Nothing remotely close to actual betting. It's terrible