caverats Reviews

Godzilla Minus One (2023)

Godzilla Has Found A New Level

[10/10 · 5 December 2023]

To put Godzilla in perspective in my house.

We have two different Godzilla posters, one in my wife and I's bedroom. I have no idea how many toys we have. I am getting a tattoo of the poster for Godzilla vs King Ghidorah in a couple of weeks. So, you could call us experts on all things big lizard.

I want to start by saying I have enjoyed the Legendary American Godzillas. They have done a wonderful job of answering the age-old question, "What would a Godzilla film look like with a real budget?" And make no mistake, Legendary is full of fans that know the formula, and follow it to a T. The results have been nothing but i enjoyable and fun.

The problem here is, Toho has decided to create a new and better formula. This, is not a great Kaiju film, it's a great film. It deals with all kinds of heavy emotional territory, survivor's guilt, loss, PTSD, personal redemption, duty.... The film is a HARD tear-jerker. You heard me right, a Godzilla film that will wring tears out of anyone short of corpse status. Godzilla itself is returned to the roots, a force of nature, an analogy for the atomic bomb, it cares not about good or evil, it kills both with as much thought, none.

There have been hints from Toho over the decades that they were and could be smarter than their reputation, the Cold War paranoia of Matango, the original Godzilla, the environmental message of Godzilla vs the Smog Monster, but this.... This is as smart and as heartfelt a film as you're watching all year, saying it's a kaiju film almost diminishes the film's stature.

Unbelievable bit of filmmaking here.

Hail to the King.

Footnote, I saw it again in the theater, the first time I've gone to see a film in the theater twice since Sleepy Hollow.

Even better the second time, film of the year hands down.

Invaders from Mars (1986)

How

[8/10 · 7 August 2023]

Is this film not a cult classic already. It has all the parts there in an enjoyable brew. A sometimes campy sometimes serious remake of a 50's "classic" (long before Tim Burton did similar with Mars Attacks) it's a pleasure to view. A top notch director in Tobe Hooper (Salem's Lot, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Lifeforce, Poltergeist) directing a veritable who's who of character actors. Karen Black (Trilogy of Terror, Burnt Offerings) Laraine Newman (SNL, the Coneheads)James Karen (Return of the Living Dead) Louise Fletcher (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest) Bud Cort (Harold and Maude) should be enough to get anyone's interest, the sly sense of humor, and amazing Easter eggs littered throughout should have long since rocketed this film to cult classic status.

The Appeared (2007)

I don't usually.....

[9/10 · 13 May 2023]

Enthuse about Ghost stories. Most of them are just jump scares collected together with a bare bones plot. This, is not that kind of ghost story, no Warren based silliness at all. Way deeper topics are at play here. This is an Argentinian film maker dealing with the horror of the country's all too recent history. Making a horror movie based on something that is already horrific is not an easy do. I'm trying to avoid spoilers and I don't know if I can here. I can only imagine how it would feel to live in a country where around every corner, and looking at every person of a certain age, to find yourself wondering, am I looking at an unindicted monster of history? What if you could go back and see it all?

Cocaine Bear (2023)

So much fun

[9/10 · 27 February 2023]

Look, I write horror comedy novels, and being able to combine the two is a difficult tight rope. Cocaine Bear walks it and makes it look effortless. The gore was over the top enough to actually get a few screams from the audience I saw it with. And yet, in the SAME scene, right during a massive gore spot, the film managed to drop absolutely howling with laughter jokes.

At its heart, the film is a love letter to B movies like Grizzly. This may not be everyone's cuppa to begin with. But knowing that, I really don't see how else the film could play out. They needed to make some effort to make it half plausible (based on a real story) and for that matter, the bear needs people to kill.

But if you can allow yourself to enjoy the ride, it is a hell of one. LOL funny, and gory as gory gets.

Metamorphosis (2019)

I Am Not A Massive Fan of Exorcism Movies

[8/10 · 16 October 2022]

They've all been aping the 73 film for the most part, and falling short while they did. This had a very different take on it, and some smart ideas of its own. It didn't over rely on jump scares either, aiming for atmosphere and overall creep instead of giving you fluff and "Boo! I scared you." Films like this actually manage to stick in the brain for a while. Every time I thought to myself that a two hour run time might be a bit excessive, it kept proving that every moment of my time it was using was vital to the plot. The gore was well done but not excessive, I mean there was quite a bit, it's a Korean film, but if anything this was a tamer amount than some films from that country.

Just a fun enjoyable creepy experience, nicely done.

Dark Glasses (2022)

Is it a classic? No. Is it a fun trip down memory lane? Yes

[7/10 · 15 October 2022]

Americans like to say they like Giallo, mainly because they know what an influence on the slasher film those films had. But really, other than a sampling of Bava, Argento, and Fulci, and only them because they saw their other work, it hasn't been a huge sell in the states.

But if you've watched enough of it, Dark Glasses fits right in with say Knife of Ice, or the Killer Reserved Nine Seats.

Is it Argento's finest hour? If you expected an 82-year-old man to make a film partially funded by the Italian public broadcasting system and with only an hour and 25 minutes to work with that would top Suspiria...... I just don't know what to tell you.

If you wanted to watch a master filmmaker make a relatively safe and standard enjoyable Giallo film, this has got you covered.

Clerks III (2022)

For More Than Just Clerks Fans

[9/10 · 14 September 2022]

If you're a fan of the Clerks films, you know they're a bit more cerebral and heartfelt than the Jay and Silent Bob Films. (I said a bit here, let's not go overboard) The Dante and Randall saga has always been a mix of real emotions about life and wacky stuff. Clerks 1 was what it felt like to be a young adult in the NE and going nowhere fast, Clerks 2 was the feeling of being in your thirties and nothing ever having panned out, and this is the feeling of "Did I waste my damned time the entire time?" It's also been about that friendship between the two.

This was a movie that made me laugh my ass off and cry like a little kid with a skinned knee. Which doesn't occur often at my age.

Like everything Smith has ever done, it isn't for everyone, it splits the critics, yadda to the yadda, but for those true believers, this was a wonderful end note to the trilogy.

World's Greatest Dad (I) (2009)

A Completely Unique Film

[8/10 · 10 July 2022]

Normally you review a film by comparing it to something.

There's nothing like this. Dealing with highly uncomfortable and totally understandable scenarios, while occasionally managing to be outright hilarious while never letting go of the central theme of how we see ourselves in our deceased.

Not for everyone, but if you get it....

Body Bags (1993 TV Movie)

Not High Art, And Doesn't Need To Be

[7/10 · 22 May 2022]

What would you say to three episodes of Tales From the Crypt directed by legends John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper and directing a horror insider's who's who as guest stars?

If you'd say, "Hell yes!" I have great news. Because that's more or less exactly what this is.

Starring Wes Craven. Tom Arnold, Stacey Keach, Debbie Harry, David Warner, Sam Raimi, David Naughton, Greg Nicotero, Roger Corman, Mark Hamill, Twiggy, John Agar from Hand of Death and the Mole People, and finally the directors themselves.

It is the ultimate in joke, mixed with a solid Tales From the Crypt.

Peninsula (2020)

Is It Train? No

[7/10 · 22 May 2022]

Train to Busan was the zombie film that practically made zombie films obsolete. And yes some of the CGI looks bad But, it's got good acting, a solid plot, and some fun action sequences.

Don't compare it to Train, nothing is that good.

Have fun, turn off your brain and enjoy George Miller Presents John Carpenter's "Escape From Busan"

Our Flag Means Death (2022–2023)

WHY HAS THIS NOT BEEN RENEWED YET

[9/10 · 6 May 2022]

Like seriously, it's funny as heck, unique as all get out and and sweet and touching at the same time. So why on god's green earth hasn't HBO renewed this show yet?

Virus-32 (2022)

Shows some life in a tired sub genre

[7/10 · 30 April 2022]

Virus: 32 quick thought review Look, rage or old fashioned shuffle, zombie is a pretty gone over territory. And really after Train to Busan it's hard to improve.

But It's a solid competent rage zombie film, with a slight twist, and it has some flat out brutal (not gory per se, but tense as hell) scenes in it. Call it better than average, actually average for zombie films is a cheap knock out low budget hunks of crud, so call it FAR above average.

The setting is great, the acting is very good, the script is above average, it's a good, solid time waster, just don't expect any major new ground to be covered.

The Dead Don't Die (2019)

Not for Everyone

[8/10 · 27 April 2022]

But that's OK. It's a film that requires active viewership. There are jokes, but they're never "delivered" you have to catch them all on your own. American viewers like to be passive viewers, so, just not everyone is going to get and enjoy this.

Uncle Peckerhead (2020)

It All Depends On What You Like

[9/10 · 30 January 2021]

Did you like Return of the Living Dead? Troma films? Dead and Breakfast? This soon to be cult classic will be right up your alley if you do. Be cooler if you did. It is absolutely funny as heck, the acting and film work overperforms the budget by a lot. I don't know what the bad reviews are complaining about, I guess this just wasn't their cup of tea. But for someone who spent the 80s playing in punk bands and watching stuff like Troma and Return, it absolutely was mine.

Iron Mask (2019)

It Depends on What You Like

[8/10 · 28 November 2020]

The Iron Mask Before I give you my opinion, ask yourself, "Do I like Kung Fu Theater and often non-sensical Russian fantasy stories?"

If you answered yes to both of those like I did, you'll love this. Added bonus, Jackie Chan, Schwarzenegger, and Rutger Hauer cameos

Alone (XXI) (2020)

Much better than I expected

[8/10 · 31 October 2020]

I went into this with really low expectations since most new releases have been scraping the bottom of the barrel. But it was a smart thoughtful film, Donald Sutherland was great in a limited role as well. I know there's a South Korean version that was shot almost simultaneously that's supposed to be better, but since I haven't seen it I can only judge this.