nogodnomasters Reviews

Sasquatch Sunset (2024)

Tony's Mix 2

[1/10 · 19 May 2024]

The film follows the life of a family of 4 Sasquatches. We watch them struggle through four seasons. They do all the disgusting things that humans do but typically do not appear in films such as nose picking and booger eating. The production felt the need to show us fake genitalia and oversexed males. They communicate between clans by banging sticks or trees. The humor was not funny and mostly badly done slapstick. The first sign of humans was a large tree with a painted red "X" located outside of Willow Tree, California.

There is supposed to be some meaningful message in the film. The only one I saw was careers reaching their bottom. Far from "epic, hilarious, and ultimately poignant."

Guide: No language. Sex and fake Sasquatch nudity.

Everwinter Night (2023)

One to ten

[7/10 · 17 May 2024]

Sugar Bear (Topher Hansson) and Buttercup (Chloe Couture) are traveling in a snowstorm in New Hampshire on their way to a timeshare cabin. Lost, they stop at a lodge where they happen to witness the Ka-Runa rite that summons Alecto. Years later Dizzy (Victoria Mirrer) and Madison Tanks (McKenna Parsons) are going on vacation together. To the dismay of Dizzy, Madison Tanks invites her Kappa friends Fiona (Nicolette Sweeney) and Becca (Alana Phillips). They are boy-crazy and have already met some handsome rich dudes who have invited them to the said lodge. Dizzy takes less interest in the rich pretentious guys, seeing something is amiss. She likes the bartender Jack (Jamie Dufaul) the son of the owner. The other girls pair off with the handsome guy who was there all in hopes of something more.

We knew the Alecto thing was coming. Alecto appears to be a Norse god as opposed to a minor Greek goddess. There are similar theme films that were made on larger budgets. This one demonstrates that decent films can come from small budgets if they have decent acting, characters, and script. Good job Adam Newman.

Guide: F-word. Sex. No nudity.

Tarot (I) (2024)

Most Likely to get Pregnant

[4/10 · 16 May 2024]

A group of college kids rent a mansion to celebrate Elise's birthday in the Catskills. They play a drinking game "most likely" which gives us some minor character peeks. When they run out of beer, they search the house, breaking into the basement. They discover an old set of hand-painted Tarot cards and decide to allow Haley (Harriet Slater) to perform their astrological readings. She breaks the cardinal rule of using someone else's cards. She does the readings and no one dies that night and they all return back to campus and the safety of their dorm rooms. Twenty-five minutes into the film we have our first Tarot death. The second one gets the group thinking as they try to figure a way out.

The people died according to their final card in the draw. Most scenes were dark. I don't scare much anymore. They used the standard effects of lights turning off in a row. Spirits know how to control light bulbs. The film was okay. If I had to choose, "Abigail" is much better.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Wicked Little Letters (2023)

Bring Rose to Light

[8/10 · 15 May 2024]

In the days following WWI, widow Rose Gooding (Jessie Buckley) leaves Ireland and takes up residence in Littlehampton along with her daughter Nancy (Alisha Weir). She lives with Bill (Malachi Kirby). Their martial status is not mentioned. Rose is on the wild side and uses salty language. Edith Swan (Olivia Colman) lives next to her and under the thumb of her father (Timothy Spall). She is very much involved in the Christian Community. Edith has been getting very disgusting letters using foul language. Rose gets arrested for the crime under circumstantial evidence. Police Woman Gladys Moss (Anjana Vasan) has her doubts based on handwriting which is not admissible as evidence. At 55 minutes into the film, the culprit is revealed.

Superb acting. Very light film despite the odd swearing.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024)

I must get me one of those coats

[8/10 · 15 May 2024]

Based on a true story. During WWII future James Bond novelist Ian Fleming (Freddie Fox) was leading a top-secret special ops force. In 1942 Great Britain was on the ropes. They needed to disrupt the U-boats in the Atlantic. The operation aimed to go to the tiny African coast island of Fernando Po and blow up a German boat filled with carbon dioxide filters. Fleming selected a "dirty half-dozen" group led by Gus March-Phillips (Henry Cavill) a man with whom he would base James Bond. The group included future screen actress Marjorie Stewart (Eiza González).

I am sure they took some liberty with the facts. The dialogue was refreshingly light. At times it looked like Henry Cavill was auditioning for the role of Captain Obvious.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)

The Masks

[6/10 · 14 May 2024]

After watching the trailers I was disappointed by the plot. Noa (Owen Teague) a nude chimpanzee with no genitals is part of a primitive Chimp village who train eagles to get fish for them because Chimps love fish. A human is following him around. A group of Gorillas who also follow the teaching of Caesar burn his village and take prisoners. Noa must travel in the forbidden valley to rescue his clan. Here he teams up with Mae (Freya Allan) a rare talking human to help him. She has a hidden agenda.

The film pays homage to the original film with a doll that says Mama, the name Nova, and the dead human scarecrows on X frames. This made me think this a distant prequel to the original, although a lot did not line up. The characters didn't excite me. The plot could have been better.

Something in the Water (2024)

Don't leave us

[2/10 · 14 May 2024]

PLOT SPOILER (if possible) Kayla (Natalie Mitson) and Meg (Hiftu Quasem) are an item. Walking through the streets at night they encounter a gang of girls who make a disparaging word (the 'D" word) about their sexual orientation. Kayla flips them off and Meg gets beaten to near death. Elizabeth (Lauren Lyle) is getting married on a tropical island somewhere and all her besties come to the island including Kayla and Meg who have parted under ugly terms. Cam (Nicole Rieko Setsuko) playing relationship expert decides it would be best to strand the two on an island and let them work things out. Then it is swimming in the water, shark bites, taking the boat for help, hitting a low reef, boat sinks, and five shark snacks bobbing in the water. Yada Yada Yada.

These shark films all blend together. There is always a back story of the people in the water in an attempt to make them different. Since the shark is the selling point of the film, characterization is secondary and done poorly. There are exceptions. This one was not one.

Guide: F-word. No sex, no nudity.

The Iron Claw (2023)

I want to be a brother

[4/10 · 13 May 2024]

This is inspired by True Events and centers on Kevin Von Erich (Zac Efron) the surviving brother of the professional wrestling family. The film gives us a glimpse of his childhood with his father Fritz (Holt McCallany) as a professional wrestler known as 'The Iron Claw". He raised his sons to work out on the ranch and be in the ring. Kevin wrestles. His younger brother David (Harris Dickinson) would soon follow him into the ring. Kerry (Jeremy Allen White) was on his way to be in the 1980 Olympics which got canceled. Dad talked him into the ring. Their youngest brother Michael (Stanley Simons) is happy not to be in the ring but is pressured by his father. Tragedy strikes the family as it dwindles one by one.

I never heard of these guys before I watched the film. I did know Ric Flair (Aaron Dean Eisenberg). Not being a fan I wasn't really into the bitter-seet tale of the family. The script couldn't hold me.

Guide: F-word. Brief Sex. Male butt nudity.

Founders Day (2023)

That's a Positive ID

[5/10 · 13 May 2024]

The town of Fairworth is going to celebrate their tricentennial. There is a mayor's race. Blair Gladwell (Amy Hargreaves) is running for re-election on the campaign of consistency. She is being challenged by Harold Faulkner (Jayce Bartok) on a campaign of change. Melissa (Olivia Nikkanen) is Harold's daughter and a lesbian. Her girlfriend Allison Chambers (Naomi Grace) is going to move to Raleigh. While they are on a bridge, Melissa is murdered by a man in a mask, and Allison escapes with her life. Later Lilly Gladwell (Emilia McCarthy) the daughter of the Mayor is murdered. The killing continues in a whodunit.

The best minor character was Commissioner Peterson (Catherine Curtin). She provided some colorful comic lines and seemed to imitate other TV investigators. I suspected who was behind the killings, but failed to get the motivation. The motivation was poor.

Guide: F-word. Near sex. No nudity.

Chief of Station (2024)

This necklace belonged to my grandmother

[2/10 · 13 May 2024]

Benjamin Malloy (Aaron Eckhart) is the CIA Chief of Station of the Baltic states. He manages to thwart a Russian hand-off in Budapest in the first scene. He is warned by an FSB operative about his anniversary. He meets up with his wife who is blown up in a restaurant explosion. She was also a Chief of Station but they did not discuss their cases with each other. The CIA is investigating Benjamin. His son Nick (Chris Petrovski) is joining as IT. Benjamin goes rogue with his own investigation making discoveries that lead him down a different path.

I am not sure why they keep making this kind of film. At least in Mission Impossible, you get great action, stars, and a soundtrack. This film had neither. The characters were boring and not developed.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

The Idea of You (2024)

How did you meet?

[4/10 · 12 May 2024]

This is a Gen X story for women hitting their middle age wondering if they still got it. Solene Marchland (Anne Hathaway) owns an art store in Silver Lake. She is divorced from her husband (Reid Scott) who cheated on her with a younger woman. She has a daughter Izzy (Ella Rubin) a sophomore who used to love the boy band August Moon but has since outgrown them. Despite that her dad got her and her besties backstage passes for a meet and greet. Mom gets saddled into taking them causing a chance meeting with the lead singer Hayes Campbell (Nicholas Galitzine). They have a little chemistry which he pursues as the two hurt people open up to each other. Can the relationship handle the scrutiny?

There are better chic-flics out there. This one doesn't stack up as the characters didn't seem real.

Guide: F-word, sex, no nudity.

Blood for Dust (2023)

What's the plan?

[2/10 · 11 May 2024]

Cliff (Scoot McNairy) is a depressed defibrillator salesman working across the Northwest, mostly Montana. The weather is also depressing. He had worked for Meridian selling hard drives and things turned bad. He is having money issues as her tries to provide for his family. He meets an old friend from Meridian named Ricky (Kit Harington) at a strip joint. Ricky is doing well selling what people want. He talks Cliff into joining him running drugs and arms. Having a station wagon with a defib dummy is a great cover. On his first exchange, Ricky shows up and puts bullets into everyone. Cliff fears for his family.

This was a boring film from start to finish. Characters were not developed. Cliff's depression placed a downer on the whole production.

Guide: F-word. Nudity.

Cash Out (2024)

Dirt Box

[5/10 · 11 May 2024]

Mason Goddard (John Travolta) is a high-end thief who works with a crew. In the opening scene, he is stealing an expensive car and discovers his lover Amy Decker (Kristin Davis) is deep cover for the FBI. He manages to get away and retires. His brother Shawn (Lukas Haas-Witness kid) has a plan to rob a safe deposit box at a bank that contains a crypto wallet. Mason goes with him. He doesn't like the situation and attempts to call the whole thing off. Shawn goes through with it. It was a set-up. They end up trapped inside the bank with 23 hostages. The bank is surrounded. No way out.

In the realm of bank robbery stand-off films, this is near the bottom. Denzel Washington and Jodie Foster made a better film.

Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.

Batwoman (2019–2022)

Alice

[5/10 · 11 May 2024]

DC comics differs from Marvel in one major aspect/ Marvel makes colorful heroes and dull villains while DC makes dull heroes and colorful villains. Alice (Rachel Skarsten) was the main reason to watch an otherwise drama-filled series filled with lesbian angst. We must see the break up of Kate Kane (Ruby Rose) and Sophie (Meagan Tandy) a half dozen times. The whole series is a major soap opera depressing downer. Except for Alice, the dialogue is jejune. Alice has been kept in captivity during her youth yet knows all the pop culture references as if she led a normal life. The show also includes quotes from "Alice in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It takes a swipe at the Batman TV show by claiming shark repellant is something silly to have on a utility belt. Ruby Rose was a dull Batwoman and was replaced by Javicia Leslie, who also happens to be a lesbian. And later Posison Ivey comes back. Also lesbian. Alfred's daughter (who knew) makes a major appearance as Julia Pennyworth (Christina Wolfe) who is also a lesbian. She would have been my first choice for Batwoman. Alice wants to know why her dad stopped looking for her which was odd since she already knew what her step-mother had done. The plot wasn't tight as it seems the whole reason of the show was to make us feel sad. They killed off the same Batwoman twice in season 2.

Impulse (II) (2023)

Bud Dwyer

[3/10 · 9 May 2024]

Sofia (Dajana Gudic) a newspaper reporter is of Russian parentage is obsessed with Illuminati conspiracy theories. Her co-worker Dave (Lou Ferrigno Jr.) suspects she is leading a double life as an assassin after seeing her with black hair instead of blonde leaving a hotel which was the site of a shadow government murder. Theda, who looks like Sofia is a paid assassin for the group, dressing up in a leather and stockings outfit to lure guys into defenseless positions.

The film runs its course becoming a little confusing at a point, but then clears up. The acting was bad. Dialogue was horrible. It is hard to imagine the whole world being run by a bunch of guys in robes who sacrifice goats and the firstborn. No mention of religion, just something they do because. The film does not have closure. I expect a part 2.

Guide: F-word, sex, nudity, (Uncredited actresses)

Love Lies Bleeding (2024)

I made it Right

[2/10 · 8 May 2024]

Lou (Kristen Stewart) is a raggedy individual who works at Crater Gym owned by her father (Ed Harris) also named Lou. He owns the local gun ranch and it appears he is selling guns illegally to Mexicans. Jackie (Katy O'Brian) is a bodybuilder passing through town. She gets a job as the gun club by sleeping with JJ (Dave Franco), Lou's brother-in-law who uses her sister (Jena Malone) as a punching bag. Lou takes one look at Jackie and they become lovers. Lou injects Jackie with steroids and creates a Frankenstein. When JJ crosses the line one more time, the plot begins.

The plot drags, even during the action scenes. The film seemed designed to show off Katy O'Brian's body. Kristen Stewart plays a person deep in melancholy. The acting was minimal because the script was bad.

Guide: F-word. Sex. Nudity (Kristen Stewart, Katy O'Brian)

Unfrosted (2024)

Trat PoP

[5/10 · 8 May 2024]

This film is written, directed ,and stars Jerry Seinfeld as Bob Cabana who works at Kellogg. He makes himself responsible for slogan and naming products. The company is in a race with Post to create a toaster pastry. It is told as a series of jokes that include food mascots which were actually cartoons. The production brings in a lot of familiar faces, many in minor roles. It spoofs "Oppenheimer," The Right Stuff" and the January sixth riot and occupation of the Capitol. Some of the humor is made up jokes about things that will actually happen. Milk men are made to look like organized crime.

Guide: No sex or nudity. Amy Schumer.drops a quick F-word during the end dance/credits.

Sweet Dreams (I) (2024)

Misery Doesn't care how you look

[2/10 · 6 May 2024]

This is a feel-good movie about the recovery of alcoholics who have screwed up their own lives and everyone that they touch. Morris (Johnny Knoxville) is a video director who ruined his life through drinking. He doesn't remember what happens when he drinks. He is now separated from his daughter. He has entered a program where the director admits it doesn't work. The occupants realize that they are selfish placing themselves above everyone else. This is their first step to recovery. Morris ends up coaching their amateur softball team must win to get the money to save the facility yada yada yada.

The plot was boring. Kate Upton's cameo only shows us how bad she is at acting. They created characters that tried too hard to be characters.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Stranger in the Woods (I) (2024)

Sex in the Forest

[2/10 · 5 May 2024]

A group of friends goes on vacation with Olivia (Holly Kenney) after a failed attempted suicide following the death of her boyfriend Cole. Olivia claims she was attacked and no one believes her. She was discovered by Sam (Brendin Brown) a childhood friend and Theresa (Paris Nicole). The vacation also includes Liam (Devon Stewart) who is Theresa's boyfriends and Brandon (Radek Antczak) her "work husband" who has a crush on her. And her dog Koda who she needs for support. They rent a cabin from San's creepy half-brother Clayton (Teddy Spencer) who carries a side ram. He hunts, traps, and does taxidermy. He is half-witted and has anger management issues. Olivia becomes upset when her dog goes missing. Things are not right with Clayton and it becomes uncomfortable.

The movie was slow and the "twist" wasn't climatic and seemed pointless to the dull film. It could have benefited from engaging dialogue.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

History of Evil (2024)

Take back your power

[2/10 · 4 May 2024]

The film starts as a knock-off of "Civil War." The year is 2045. America is a fascist nation and has taken over Mexico but not Canada. They form the North American Federation. States form militias to hunt down people of the resistance who have not bowed down to what appears to be White Christian Nationalism. People swear oaths on Bible apps. Resistance leader Allegra Diah Rodriguez has escaped the Louisiana prison and is on the run with her family and Trudy (Rhonda Johnson Dents) of the resistance. They hide out at an old abandoned home the locals claim is bad and stay away. We quickly discover the house is haunted by the former residence. Cain (Thomas Francis Murphy) was a Klansman who killed his wife and child because they didn't like his politics. Cain gets inside the head of husband Ron (Paul Wesley) to "take back your power." Their daughter also sees ghosts of the dead family, but it doesn't play any real part in the plot.

The mashing of genres didn't work well. There were things we missed, like what did the cellar look like. The plot went nowhere. Characters are not well developed. Dialogue was poor.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Abigail (2024)

Just a kid

[9/10 · 1 May 2024]

A group of a half dozen criminals working for Lambert (Giancarlo Esposito) kidnap Abigail (Alisha Weir) and hold her hostage in a remote mansion. They keep their real names a secret so character introduction is done by Joey (Melissa Barrera) doing reads on people. Joey is the medic in the group whose looks is inspired by Ally Sheedy in "The Breakfast Club." Joey cares for "Tiny Dancer." Her identity is unknown. Joey is shaken up when she says, "I'm sorry about what's going to happen to you." Frank (Dan Stevens ) discovers she is the daughter of Kristoff Lazaar ( Matthew Goode ) who is spoken about as a Keyser Soze. The group becomes creeped out stops drinking and stands guard for "Vazdez" the legendary assassin who works for Lazaar. In true horror fashion, the call is coming from inside the house.

This is similar to home break-in films where the criminals must fear the residents. This one was done very well. I enjoyed the majority of the characters and the acting was good for a horror film.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Asphalt City (2023)

Not even with all the toys and training

[4/10 · 29 April 2024]

Ollie Cross (Tye Sheridan) is a rookie EMY in New York City. He is tossed into the fire working the night shift at a scene with multiple shootings and a hostile crowd. He is paired with Gene Rutkovsky (Sean Penn) a seasoned EMT who worked during 9-11. He learns to prioritize patients. Cross lives cheaply in Chinatown, saving money and studying for MCATS. The actions of the high-pressure jobs of the EMTs are scrutinized as there are hearings and suspensions for all kinds of misdeeds. Cross discovers that his partners through their experience not only play God, but judge, jury, and executioner. He finds the job difficult as well as the hazing aspect.

The story gives us a peek into the stress that NYC EMTs have in doing their task. The acting was great, but the characters were not relatable.

Guide: F-word, sex, nudity (Raquel Nave)

Late Night with the Devil (2023)

Mr. Wiggles

[5/10 · 28 April 2024]

Jack Delroy (David Dastmalchian) a Chicago radio host becomes a late-night host in New York on UBC up against Johnny Carson. His ratings have dwindled since he aired in 1972. His last gasp to save the show is sweeps week 1977, beginning with their Halloween special. Jack has lined up some paranormal stars including a skeptic Carmichael Haig (Ian Bliss) who is made to look like famous skeptic James Randi and includes his money challenge. Christou (Fayssal Bazzi) is the first guest who does a very bad audience read. He is followed by Haig who points out what he did. Dr. June Ross-Mitchell (Laura Gordon) a love interest of Delroy brings on her patient Lilly (Ingrid Torelli) a shortened name of Lilith. Lilly was part of a Satanic cult whose leader looked like Anton Levy. They set fire to themselves when confronted by the police. Lilly survives but has a demon inside she calls Mr. Wiggles. At this point the film finally gets interesting.

The film has issues. The opening is "as read." It is a documentary style from 1972-1977. Then it is "found footage" of the show. It does enough to look like a period talk show with the various camera angles and banter between Delray and the band leader (Rhys Auteri). It has situational humor that would work on the show but didn't come across well in the film.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Breathe (I) (2024)

I know your husband

[2/10 · 27 April 2024]

It is 2039 and the Earth has reached the "tipping point." Oxygen has been depleted from a stated 27% (20.7%?) to 2%. Darius (Common) managed to construct a refuge in his home in Brooklyn. It is self-sustaining with solar panels. Since hydrogen was an issue, I surmise the oxygen is provided by the electrolysis of water. When Darius' father dies, he leaves to bury him and never returns. The film would be extremely boring with just Mom (Jennifer Hudson) and daughter (Quvenzhané Wallis) creating family drama. A group arrives from Philadelphia and wants in. They claim their oxygen generator is on the fritz and need to "look" at theirs. This escalates.

The characters were not well developed. The plot was okay, but if you're going to lock people up, I prefer a film with John Goodman and questionable aliens. Production was tedious.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Arthur the King (2024)

Another sports Cinderella story with a dog

[4/10 · 27 April 2024]

Michael Light (Mark Wahlberg) competes in World Championship Racing which I just discovered is a thing. It opens up by showing us another loss in a string of losses. Three years later he continues to train while his wife (Juliet Rylance) retires to take care of the baby. They live in a house with a pool and I have no idea what they do for money. He wants to race again and manages to get a team together and a partial sponsor. They gave the other people back stories to make this a rag-tag team. While racing in the Dominican Republic, they take a shortcut through the jungle while biking. Lost, a stray street dog managed to lead them.

I am tired of watching sport Cinderella. Bad News Bears type of stories for things that are not real sports. I can't wait for the Canadians to feature a curling team film. Didn't they make one on the Jamaican Bobsled team? Having said that, I didn't get gushy over a sick dog. Wahlberg's loyalty to the dog was a pure ham acting scene. Others might like it. I see this as a film Mark will want to forget. Family night film.

Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.