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Reviews
The Virginity Hit (2010)
skip it
Like most movies under the Ferrell/McKay brand, this one is immature, dumb, and worst of all boring. I saw it last night in Union Square in NYC, and even the usually forgiving audience there was silent through most of the movie. With the rare exception of a couple well-placed scatological jokes, there really isn't much to write home about. The archetypes from the famous teenage comedies are all there, but the film seem to borrow especially heavily from Superbad. It's shot in a Cloverfield-meets-road trip movie style, with the two main characters stuck in a Jonah Hill / Michael Cera roles, which is strange because there isn't one name actor in the bunch. It's surprising that they're pushing this for wide release, as the $2 million budget seems better suited for art houses. In all honesty, you could do a lot worse than this movie. But with 1.5 hours you could also do a lot better.
War (2007)
Good for a laugh in 10 years
I knew exactly what to expect of a Jet Li-Jason Statham flick--lots of kick-ass action, fires, and chase scenes. But what I got was a flick so full of plot holes and terrible acting that it made even the most interesting fight sequences look silly. Clichés from all aspects of the action genre show up here (the main character is an FBI agent named John), and they wouldn't be so bad, save for the absolutely atrocious acting, even from people who should know better.
Without going too far into spoiler territory, I'll point out that even the plot twists are painfully obvious, even when they make absolutely no sense. Some of the choicer "surprises" are so poorly explained (worse than any Law and Order episode), that they'll leave you scratching your head even after you leave the theater.
Save yourself the money and wait 10 years. It'll be in the bargain bin and you can have a good laugh at how terrible it was.
Epic Movie (2007)
A late-night sketch running way too long
You know those movies where if you've seen the trailer, you've seen all the good parts? I felt that way while watching this film. I don't typically expect much from crappy spoof movies, but I at least expect them to try. This came off as too much of a bad Saturday Night Live or Mad TV sketch that runs on way too long. A number of SNL's movies have felt that way, but really....
Why can't they ever pick _good_ "two of the six writers from Scary Movie"? I feel like I've seen this brand of dumb humor a million times before, albeit much better presented. I don't mind abstract references that would seemingly change the storyline (the four protagonists becoming part of Wonka's candy, but seconds later reverting to normal, for example), but these "Family Guy" style cutaways were so poorly done, it almost made me want to leave. I felt genuinely ripped off, longing for satires like Spy Hard, Last Action Hero, and Spaceballs. A friend and I debated whether this film or Scary Movie 4 was worse. We agreed it was a tie.
The first two Scary Movies were funny because they didn't let the flat parts slow them down. Scary Movie 2 contained a number of bad jokes, but it was okay because the filmmakers had a general idea of where they wanted to take the "story", and at least made a concentrated effort to tone down the absurdist humor in places where it wasn't needed.
Epic Movie temporarily halts the predictable, unfunny jokes close to the end of the film, when Kal Penn (who made two Harold and Kumar references, also falling quite flat, even amongst the largely tweenage audience) spells out the film's moral--a sappy and poorly placed monologue on the importance of family. The repetitive use of the word "Bitch" to refer to the antagonist, played by Jennifer Coolidge ("Stiffler's mother" in American Pie, a point also mentioned) got tiring. I will admit there were a few laugh-worthy moments, notably in the name of Jack Sparrow's parody, Jack Swallows. The actors were all fairly devoid of talent (especially that kid from the MySpace movie, playing Ashton Kutcher), and the directing seemed nonexistent.
Seeing the trailer is a bit of a spoiler as well, as you can tell when certain parts are coming up, effectively ruining the humor. Plus, the trailer has all the reasonably funny moments. It feels as if they directed the rest of the film as merely filler between the points showcased in the preview. I'm honestly not sure whether this review is in fact spoiling anything, because the trailer does a pretty good job of that on its own.
My recommendation: don't see it in theaters. Don't rent it. Don't even watch it on TV when nothing else is on. Forget it was even made. Trust me, you're not missing anything.