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Damsel (2024)
The only person in distress is the ones realizing they have another 1 hour 47 min left to watch.
This movie progresses so slowly that you can fall asleep and wake up and it's still the same scene.
It's so slow you can pause the movie and you won't be able to tell the difference.
I can't think of a single memorable moment this movie provided.
It's so ultra generic in every conceivable way. If you have seen as much as a poster for any other fantasy movie then you have seen everything this movie has to offer. Infact looking at a "Lord of the rings" poster for 5 hours would probably be more rewarding than enduring the 1.5 hours of Demsel.
As others have pointed out you know exactly what will happen at any given point in the movie, the plot and the characters are so unbelievably predictable. So if you are looking for something new and innovative this is absolutely not the movie you want to watch.
Spoiler she apparently decided to leave her sister in the cave at the end, because who cares about the plot? Apparently nobody who was involved in making this turkey.
Behind the Line: Escape to Dunkirk (2020)
The first few reviews are obviously fake.
This movie is garbage.
I couldn't make if past the 15min mark.
There are some 10 point reviews but they are obviously fake, one can tell fairly easy when 3 reviews has the exact same phrase " great British film making" or something like that.
Moonfall (2022)
Apparently the moon pulled the quality of acting, light effects and plot with it in the fall.
Horribly bad. There are no reasons to watch this movie at all. It gets worse by the minute. Rock bottom is a long way down, moonfall however fell through the bottom and keeps falling.
Greenland (2020)
Extremely forgettable
I finished watching it 5 minutes ago. And in the timeframe between the end credits and the time it took to grab my phone of the table to write this review, I have already forgot so much of the movie I start to wonder if I actually have watched it.
Svart krabba (2022)
This movie makes me wanna lie about being swedish.
Complete garbage, awful plot holes, zero research.
It's clearly been given scores it hasn't earned by Noomi fans. This movie would at best earn a 4/10.. Fact is that this movie is so bad there aren't words bad enough to describe how bad it is.
Mannen från Jupiter (2012)
Fantastic documentary
It's fun, touching, sad, weird but most importantly fantastic. It feels like you're a part of his journey. I will most definitely watch it again.
The I-Land (2019)
Turkey island
That should have been the title of this monstrosity of a tv show. Just when I thought nothing worse than Zoo could be produced Netflix gives us The I-land. Both the dialog and the story is an insult to viewers. The next major accomplishment by the person over at Netflix whom gave the go ahead to produce this garbage will be to stop using crayons.
In the Tall Grass (2019)
A movie that didn't need to be made
There are dozens of more or less identical but far better movies out there. It brings nothing new to the table. The story moves at a glacier pace which makes it almost unbearable to watch, since it is so predictable you know exactly what is going to happen long before it happens.... It's so predictable that you know what will happen before you even start watching it. Minutes feels like hours while watching and this garbage that can't end soon enough.
I can almost guarantee that you will be reaching for your mobile after mere minutes. And by the end you will be praying for a twist that sadly will never come.
Zoo (2015)
Should be re-titled to; Zoo - Turkey season
How this show has a 7 star rating is beyond me.
This is hands down one of the worst shows I have seen in recent years. In mere minutes you start to drift away from watching the show, and instead question facts, decisions and the obvious plot holes. This show should be considered a crime against humanity.
Moving on if you succeed in the extreme mental challenge of getting past season 1 in hopes that season two will redeem the show you will quickly learn that this show knows no rock bottom.
How this show could make it past its pilot is a bigger mystery than what happened to Amelia Earhart.... that is how bad it is.
The show is so bad you cant stop watching, and it is also so bad that to give it a proper description we need to create a new word that describes how awful it truly is, hence I give you Zoourkey.
Zoourkey |zu:ɝːki| noun - When a television show displays unprecedented deficiency in direction, script, characters, facts, plot.
Strike Back (2010)
Was great and went straight down the toilet
The episodes up to the point where Sullivan Stapleton joined the show where fantastic. However as soon as that happened the show lost all credibility and originality it had.
Not only because the show went from a realistic and very believable show about a professional soldier to a constant bombardment of the word f*** to the most dumbed down generic crap that gets riddled with the most ridiculous firefights where two guys seemingly can take out fully equipped enemy squadrons in open field firefights with nothing but handguns.
The realism that made "pre Stapleton" episodes believable and enjoyable have been completely erased together with everything else that made this show worth watching.
In my eyes this show went from a solid 9 maybe even a 10 to complete utter garbage. It's such a shame.