rowens-38622 Reviews

The Munsters (2022)

I FEEL GENUINELY INSULTED.

[1/10 · 28 September 2022]

Let me get this right. The same guy that gave us "The Devil's Rejects" and the song "Dragula" as an homage to "The Munsters" made this abomination of a not even worthy of The SYFY Channel insult to the television series? It's like a bad shadow cast of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" poorly acting out the movie in front of the screen. No need to worry about spoilers because Rob Zombie spoiled it already. When they acquired the brain for Herman Munster and Igor had the name written on his hand but picked the wrong brain I completely expected Rob Zombie to rip off "Young Frankenstein" and have Igor say "Abby something...Abby Normal". This is awful.

The Anarchists (2022)

Modern Lord Of The Flies

[7/10 · 23 July 2022]

I was at the world premier of Zeitgeist: Moving Forward and after the "new society" documentary I actually took the stage to speak to the crowd. "The Anarchists" proved everything I said that day. All of this anarchy, new culture and society is nothing more than what we already have. Your white skin allows you to run to Mexico and live like kings while hating on the world that gave you that privilege only to create your own hierarchy of wealth and opulence. The hypocrisy is strong with this one. I love how the couples names their kid "Ira Bell" but wanted a Mexican birth certificate for "property purchases". That's because in Mexico American expats cannot own the land their property sits on, their child born in Mexico can.

Mad God (2021)

ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!!

[9/10 · 25 June 2022]

The part that was the biggest reflection of modern America is the two humanoid creatures, one RED one BLUE bearing each other with shovels and getting nowhere. When they're not beating on each other they're shoveling crap, with more crap to shovel just when they think they are done. Perfection!!!

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)

JUST....HOW???

[2/10 · 26 November 2021]

Seriously, did the makers of this, whatever it is, spend all their money on set design because visually it captures so much of Resident Evil, then hire Dave from maintenance to write the script because they ran out of money. It is not only awful, it's actually insulting to fans of the game that have been playing it from the beginning.

Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021)

MORE PAINFUL THAN A ROOT CANAL!!

[1/10 · 3 October 2021]

That's the review, if they were trying to embrace the ridiculousness they made it even worse than the first one.

Don't Breathe 2 (2021)

DID THESE WRITERS NOT WATCH THE FIRST ONE?

[3/10 · 23 August 2021]

At the end of the first one Stephen Lang, after impregnating his victim with a Turkey Baster says "anything is possible when you accept there is no god", in the this one Lang's literal second line is "god is fair". What makes it even more reprehensible is now you take the vile bad guy from the first one and try to make him some sort on Navy Seal war veteran anti-hero?

DUMB & RECYCLED PREDICTABILITY!!!!!

Midnight in the Switchgrass (2021)

Something's Off

[2/10 · 30 July 2021]

This movie has fairly decent actors, and what could have been a good storyline but the acting is horrible, the production is god awful, and the editing is atrocious. Did the filmmaker watch his own movie before presenting to the public and actually think "Hey, this is damn good"?

Snake Eyes (2021)

WHAT A MESS!!!

[2/10 · 27 July 2021]

With all the talent assembled in this movie that was the best they could come up with? Did the writer even know anything about GI Joe, or it's characters? I think I can say for any of us that grew up wanting to be Snake Eyes or Storm Shadow we could have written a more cohesive story to reintroduce the world to the GI Joe that we know.

Spiral (2021)

A NÉW LEVEL OF SUCK!!

[2/10 · 6 June 2021]

Bad & lazy writing compounded by the fact that serious roles are just not in Chris Rock's wheelhouse. The retaliation against corrupt cops storyline is the low hanging fruit of plots right now, and hearing what sounded like a prepubescent 12 year old saying "I want to play a game" that started with a voice that sent chills down your spine in the originals is insulting to Tobin Bell's Jigsaw.

The Tax Collector (2020)

Not sure if I love it or hate it!!!

[3/10 · 7 August 2020]

The movie is called "The Tax Collector", and I'm not sure why because Shia LeBouf's character is absolutely pointless. I'm thinking the story of him getting the chest tattoo for the movie is also a lie because that is equally pointless. If you remove the title, and anything to do which Shia LeDouche it's an otherwise good movie. The problem is David Ayer made him a pivotal character and titled the movie after his character.

Savage Youth (2018)

Rewriting history

[1/10 · 28 May 2020]

Wow, the white director (I'm white) really took artistic license with this steaming pile of garbage. Knowing the actual story I couldn't even make it all the way through. The white guys are portrayed as Insane Clown Posse fans waxing poetic in a love story while the black victims of these murders are portrayed as mask wearing, gun toting drug dealers. I guess artistic license doesn't equal telling a remotely accurate story.

The Invisible Man (I) (2020)

Not horror, but actual terror.

[9/10 · 1 March 2020]

This is so well done and with real life terror, not supernatural horror. The movie is stalking, abuse, control, and gaslighting that happens in the real world which makes it absolutely terrorizing. Very well done.

Doctor Sleep (2019)

WELL DONE!!!

[9/10 · 2 November 2019]

Even if you only have a brief remembrance of "The Shining" this movie stands so well on it's own, and I'm not a big Stephen King fan.

Joker (I) (2019)

And the two stars are only for Joaquin Phoenix

[2/10 · 4 October 2019]

If you love, care for, help, or just walked passed someone that struggles with mental health issues this movie spits in their face. This IS NOT The Joker. The Joker is fully aware, and loves every ounce of chaos he causes, this steaming pile of garbage takes any and all responsibility for what The Joker does and drops the blame square on the shoulders of mental health struggles he inherited from his mother, and pushed to the extreme by society. Every single criticism, or controversial review of this movie is completely justified. Oh, for Batman fans, Todd Phillips turned Thomas Wayne into Donald Trump.

Ad Astra (2019)

Apocalypse Now : Space Deux?

[3/10 · 30 September 2019]

Seems like a father/son drama that set Apocalypse Now in space.

Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood (2019)

And those 3 stars are for the acting, not the movie.

[3/10 · 28 July 2019]

Why is this steaming pile of boredom getting such good reviews? It's like Tarantino directed Seinfeld, it's a movie about NOTHING. There is zero connection to any of the characters, the portrayal of Bruce Lee is insulting, and the end, well......don't bother sticking around for it because it's a waste.

The Lion King (2019)

What's with all the hate?

[10/10 · 19 July 2019]

I just walked out of the theater and I don't know what movie all these haters watched. This Lion King captures all the emotion of the original but within the limits of portraying it with real animals. Scar singing "Be Prepared" was amazingly done, and Timon & Pumba almost stole the show. Ignore these angry human beings and go see a Disney movie with wild animals that have more emotion than they do.

Child's Play (2019)

This is a joke right? The real Chucky comes out later?

[1/10 · 25 June 2019]

So no possession by Charles Lee Ray, Chucky just has is "safety parameters" in a doll turned off by an abused worker in some Asian sweatshop? A safety parameter in a doll is murder? The biggest insult to the original though is the doll itself. The doll so so poorly made and poorly animated that Gumby would think this was a joke. Mark Hamill, I have been a fan since May 25 1977.....I guess everyone needs a paycheck.

X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019)

Seriously????

[2/10 · 13 June 2019]

Did they just run Captain Marvel through a xerox machine?

Wildling (2018)

Good movie but.....

[7/10 · 16 April 2019]

My whole problem with this movie is that Brad Dourif put the barrel of the gin to the ROOF OF HIS MOUTH, and pulled the trigger. The writers could have come up with something better than that if they wanted him to live. That was lazy writing.

Shazam! (2019)

Unfortunately I'm a grown up.

[3/10 · 7 April 2019]

If "You shave, probably have pubic hair"-Jason Bateman in "Paul", you will probably find this movie as uninteresting as I did. The plot of juvenile, and so is the script. The villain is unfortunately the exact same villain Mark Strong plays in every single movie. It takes way too long to get to the point, and to get past the origin, and struggles of new super powers. It's like DC made a kindergarten version of Deadpool, and sucked at it.

Distorted (I) (2018)

Psych 101

[3/10 · 29 June 2018]

The movie itself wasn't terrible but whomever wrote this movie DOES NOT understand the difference between Bi-Polar disorder, and schizophrenia. Christina Ricci's character is schizophrenic bordering on paranoia.

Gotti (2018)

Gotti goes Deadpool and breaks 4th wall

[1/10 · 28 June 2018]

The movie literally opens with Travolta as Gotti talking to the audience, and says "This life ends in prison or a box. I did both". So Gotti is not only breaking the 4th wall like he's Deadpool, but he's actually doing post-mortem. The rest just gets worse. It's like watching a Saturday Night Live skit pretending to be serious while mocking Gotti at the same time. This garbage wouldn't be carried by mobbed up union garbage man from Jersey.