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Kemper (2008)
What a train wreck!
This movie is a work of pure fiction. The dude they have playing Ed Kemper is way too old for the part. Kemper was a very YOUNG man when he had his murder spree. This guy looks like he was old enough to be the mother's husband, not her son. Epic fail!
Second, Kemper turned himself in. The cops at the time were CLUELESS! No cops suspected him of Jack beans. It was a massive shock to most of the department when they found out Kemper comped to all of the murders. They were stunned. Another massive epic fail.
Don't waste your time.
Gretel & Hansel (2020)
I do not understand the vitriol thrown at this movie.
I don't get why people are hating this movie. I thought it was a fresh take on a simple fairy tale. The ambiance is great. It gives a truly creepy vibe throughout the movie, from beginning to end. The acting was good. Loved the witch. She just stole the show.
I have my nitpicks with the movie like the sawed not chopped tree, and Gretel's hair being short instead of long. For the time period, no girl would have had short hair without being burned as a witch. Sorry feminists, but women back in the day did not cut their hair because they felt like it, and they certainly didn't wear it shorter than their brothers hair cut. But that's minor nit picky stuff that just took me out of the vibe of the movie, cause I'm a purist. I like realism. That's what makes a movie scary to me.
But honestly, the story was decent. The acting was better than average. The ambiance was awesome. The cinematography was amazing. What do people expect? If you were looking for a slasher flick, then this isn't for you. Was it overly scary? No. Was it creepy? Yea. Did it make me jump? No. Very few movie titles can boast that one. But I liked it.
If you are looking for gore then try another movie. If you like cerebral and atmospheric, then give this one a go and see if it strikes a cord with you as well.
Vengeance (2018)
I don't get all the hate.
This is not the worst B Grade action movie I have ever seen. Yes, it's cliche, yes, it's predictable. However, you don't watch these types of movies for originality's sake. You watch them because they are meant to be fun. This movie was just that, for me. No exposition, no preaching, no satire. Just straight to the story of a guy getting killed and his buddy showing up to exact revenge. My main complaint is that this movie needed less annoying junkie girl and more fighting sequences.
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016)
Not Pride and Prejudice... Pride and Prejudice and ZOMBIES!
*** May Contain Spoilers*** I have to say, I'm surprised at such a low rating for this movie. That being said, I waited until it was on STARZ to watch it. I would also like to say that I had never read the Jane Austen book, nor watched any film adaptation of her book prior to seeing this movie. So, I went into this movie with no preconceived notions about what I thought it should be. I saw it for what it was, and nothing more. I also didn't expect much going into it.
All that being said, I absolutely LOVE this movie! This movie had everything for someone that doesn't really take to romance stories. It had zombies. It had action. It had comedy. It had cringe worthy mortification. It had angst. It had romance. It had a bit of everything, that surprisingly worked well to bring a cohesive picture together and make an enjoyable fun movie for a Friday night with a bowl of popcorn.
How do I even begin to say what I loved about this movie? I loved the interaction between Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. I found their story more enjoyable to watch then even the zombie action. The interaction between these two actors was amazing. They had this incredible chemistry together on screen that I have rarely seen Lily James have with another co-star (Cinderella, anyone?). Sam Riley's portrayal of the silent, brooding Mr. Darcy was great. I'll hold any other actor to claim that role to his standard for the rest of my life. Their interactions made me laugh. I found them one of the most enjoyable aspects of the movie. The first time Mr. Darcy proposed to Elizabeth, I was floored. I had no idea it was coming. Indeed, I had no idea that he had any feelings for her aside from contempt. And when she attacked him, I cracked up. It was perfect. Yet, after watching the movie a second time, I saw the subtle signs that said he was infatuated with her, that were easy to miss if you had no prior knowledge of the source material, such as the scene when he's in the garden at night hacking away at the hedges with his katana, because he's hopelessly in love with her, and she continues to confound him.
I also love the zombie aspect of the movie. Every absurdity in their society, every absurdity in their interactions, is all overshadowed by the never ending cloud hanging over their heads that at any moment zombies could attack and ruin everything. It lends the whole story a sense of urgency that otherwise would just make some of the silliness in their interactions contrite.
After watching this movie, I became curious as to its source material, so I read the actual book and watched a six-hour film adaptation of it done in the mid 90's. By comparison, I still prefer this version of the story. Why? Because the writer while keeping true to the story, and actually using many of the lines from the book written by Jane Austin for the dialogue of the movie, cut out all of the long flowery speeches that made the original dull, and often times ridiculous. How many pleasantries can you say before you get to the point of what you are saying? This movie cuts out all of the excess, unnecessary dialogue and just sticks to the point, drives the point home, and moves on to the next piece of the story. Simple storytelling. I like that.
I would love to see a Director's Cut of this movie, that includes some of the aspects from the book that were rushed out of it, such as when Elizabeth is introduced to Mr. Darcy's sister, and the "feud" between Miss Bingley and Elizabeth for Mr. Darcy's attention. I think some of that added into this movie could lend it a bit more enjoyability, tell more of the story, and still keep the zombie action moving.
If you can put aside any predisposed prejudices you have for the original source material, and just accept this movie for what it is, and not what you think it should be, then you will enjoy it immensely. If not, then you will hate it. This is not Pride and Prejudice. This is Pride and Prejudice and ZOMBIES.
Voltron: Legendary Defender (2016)
Captivating Retelling of the 80's Classic
I waited until the release of season 2 before I reviewed it, because too often we see an amazing season 1 to open and introduce a show, and then season 2 loses all of the momentum, steam, and intrigue that made season 1 so great. So, I had to wait to see if any praise of this show would be deserved after season 1. Could the writers keep the story as compelling and interesting moving forward through season 2 as they kept it in season 1? The answer
YES! Season 1 was an introductory story of five strangers, completely ignorant of what was waiting out there in the universe, getting thrown together and having to form the Voltron force. In season 1 we tag along with these five unlikely heroes as they learn how to be the Voltron force, and learn how to work together to fight the ultimate evil in the universe. We tag along through their many misadventures and bumbling their way through each situation, as they learn what their abilities as paladins of Voltron are, and how to use them. As their attachments to their various lions grow, so do their abilities. Until at last, in the culmination of season 1, we see them take on the ultimate evil for the first time.
Season 2 did not slack off in the telling of this story. Far from it. Season 2 was just as compelling if not more compelling than the first season. The entire season was devoted, in large part, to the dual struggle of the black lion, and the paladin worthy of him. Indeed, it was not the struggle of the paladins themselves as they battled for supremacy; it was a battle for the black lion to decide which paladin was worthy of him. However, they did not take away or overshadow the stories of the other paladins in the telling of this story, either.
My one complaint about this show, which kept me from giving it a solid 10, is this, the show does at times suffer the Robert Jordan effect: every time the paladins get into a major pickle and seem to have no way out, or the princess gets into some major pickle and seems to have no way out, they automatically find out they have some hidden power that saves the day and saves their collective hides from total defeat. At times, this can actually move a story along and bring another great and powerful tool to the battle that can be called on later in the story; however, if used too often it gets old, because the viewer will have no real angst or suspense when the heroes are in danger of certain destruction; the viewer will just go, "here comes another contrived power to save them". The writers should take care not to use this story telling device too often.
While the show is principally for children, only an adult can or will understand and follow some of the complex story arcs presented in this reimagining of the 80's classic Voltron. Most children do not have the attention span to remember that what they saw two hours ago in episode x will relate to what is happening in episode y.
As an 80's child, I loved the original Voltron. I couldn't wait for it each week. As an adult, I love this retelling of Voltron even more than I loved the original as a child. I am always impatient to see what happens next. Netflix has made this show so captivating that I go from one episode to the next without feeling any passage of time.
If you haven't seen it yet, then I urge you to give it a try. You will love it. Your kids will love it. I have no doubt.
I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House (2016)
Boring "Horror" Movie
This was one of the most boring horror movies I have ever watched! I spent the whole movie waiting for something, anything to happen, and nothing ever did. First of all, it was quite an ambitious hope that one person with little interaction with anyone else could pull off a full length 90-minute movie all on their own, with only a few voice over narrations to move the story along. Indeed, what story? There was almost no story here, except the back story of "Polly", who is supposed to be the ghost haunting the house. In reality, Polly is nothing more than a made-up character that the owner of the house, and dementia patient that almost never speaks, invented years prior, and in her dementia, has come to believe actually existed and told her the story she wrote about said character. Makes no sense. As far as I could tell from the movie itself, there was no ghost in the house; only the main character's scaredy cat adolescent behavior, jumping at shadows in a big creepy, isolated house.
The main character herself spends half the movie mumbling to herself, and doing everyday tasks that the director seemed to feel needed to be dragged out far too long in a misguided attempt to build suspense or atmosphere or something, but never quite getting there. It just made the scenes feel too long, and the movie feel twice as long as it actually was. A giant snooze fest.
The main character was painful to watch. She was scared of the house she now finds herself in. She's scared of her shadow. She's scared of the old house creaking in the background. She's scared of her reflection in the mirror. There's a scene or two where she attempts to read the book the owner of the house wrote about the character of "Polly" and she literally jumps at nothing. She's too scared to read some words on a piece of paper. The actresses' attempts to pull this movie off with the anxiety riddled twit she portrayed are painful to endure for the entire length of the movie. It was painful to watch. Indeed, the movie as a whole was cringe worthy, and not in a good way as far as horror movies go.
The end literally made no sense. None, whatsoever. The scardy cat twit comes walking down the stairs, because she thinks she hears something, sees the wall panels pulled open, and as she's walking through the house, she doesn't turn on one single light. If you thought you heard someone or something inside your house in the middle of the night (for all intents and purposes, you could call it her house too, she is actually living there as the nurse), wouldn't you be turning on lights and searching the house, instead of just wandering though the dark rooms? Wouldn't that make more sense? No, she just wanders aimlessly through the house in the dark, turns a corner, thinks she sees a ghost and drops dead of fright. WTF? In the very next scene, the wall panels are back on the wall, and her "ghost" sees her own body dead in front of the door. So, she literally scared herself to death over nothing? Really? I honestly don't get why this film rated so high with film critics, but then again, only a film critic could actually like this movie that goes nowhere and tells no tales. This entire movie played like a college film project, rather than a serious attempt at making well thought out, thought provoking, or engaging horror movie of any sort. I won't expect much from future Oz Perkins films, if I even bother watching another one.
For those of you that haven't seen this yet, don't waste your time. I created this account just to write this and try to spare you this 90-minute snooze fest. There are much better atmospheric horror films out there. Give this one a pass.