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Reviews
Elektra (2005)
Well that was painful to watch...
I finally broke down and watched this movie with all the good and bad reviews. I'm honestly surprised there are that many people that read this movie above five stars or 50%. That's part of the problem with using a four-star system.
I have trouble believing that in all of Hollywood, they couldn't find a teenage girl that could act. Make no mistake... She was horrible! I find it equally difficult to believe that Jennifer Garner doesn't know how to run... And I don't mean run like a girl, which would not suit the part. I know we've all been caught up in the awesome work they did in the Marvel universe, so it's OK in a storyline to have people killed and then them turned to dust and disappear. But the way they lacked in filming and showing she had better skills than she did is just horrible directing and special effects.
I like Jen Garner but this did her career no good. Trust me when I say four stars is stretching it... I actually came up with 3.5 stars but I decided to round up.
Astrid and Lilly Save the World (2022)
Sad...
So... It's a Buffy the vampire slayer except with fat chicks, an extremely homely duck lipped Charisma Carpenter character and apparently "acting" is optional...
American Auto (2021)
Worse than the office
Well... I couldn't even make it through one episode. One of the top five dumbest TV shows I've ever seen in my 58 years on this planet. I didn't find one single thing funny to the extent that I didn't even crack a smile let alone a snicker. I actually thought even the office was a little bit better than this and I don't know how. It was so bad I can't tell whether anyone on there actually had any acting ability. So my first guess would be to fire the writers or the producer... Your choice.
Chad (2021)
Big Bang...
As a 14 year old boy... She looks like Howard Wolowitz on peanuts. When the TV commercials are more annoying than funny and her portrayal of a boy is sad...you just KNOW we only have to suffer through 10 episodes.
Wild Card (2015)
It's going to get better... Any minute now... Any minute now
This movie reminds me of the Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi movie "neighbors". Where all through the movie I sat there saying it's going to get better now any minute, any minute now it's going to get better... And before you know it... The credits are rolling. And then you sit there in a mindless mental whimper, thinking about how you've just wasted two hours of your life watching a movie that's one of the top 10 worst movies you've ever seen. Then the analysis begins... Why did I waste two hours of my life watching this, what made me think this was going to be a good movie, was the trailer really that far off or did I not read far enough into it? Even the reviews here are way overrated... This movie should max out at 3.5 stars and that's it!
The Marksman (2021)
Screw Liam Neeson
I hope every movie Liam Neeson makes that has guns in it... Fails miserably! What kind of a hypocrite will sit there and say the guns in America are a "f*ing disgrace" and yet turn around and make movies that revolve around guns? And he's totally FOR gun control in America? Then here's an idea Neeson... Get out of my country and go back to Ireland!
NCIS: New Orleans (2014)
Oye...
My wife likes the show and records it so I don't have to watch. I have seen it a few times and have TRIED to like it... I just can't. Blacks fake N'olins accent is as bad as his acting but I could live with it if I had to. Before the change in personnel, it wasn't bad...maybe a 6.
Ferlito alone ruins this show and I hope she really doesn't become permanent. I can't stand watching her big ole fake lips trying to enunciate words. Then she pauses and poofs her lips out and it just drives me nuts. She can't act, she's not attractive...I'm failing to see why she's on this show. Was this the best they could do in the actress pool?
The story lines are getting worse as time goes on and I'm seeing this on the real NCIS also. Not sure if there are a few writers pulling double duty on the shows but it's getting bad. Bringing in personal issues that affect their performance on the job...no lead in, no segue, just boom, it pops out and it gives you the feel that it's made up...like they ran out of material so they had to make up an "issue" for someone.
2 Lava 2 Lantula! (2016)
Gutenberg made the first one and ruined the second!
For some reason they have Gutenberg start talking like some tough guy after the first few scenes...and the character sounds stupid. Really, it's a typical crappy SyFy movie with a few good puns but Gutenbergs character just ruins it.
We're watching its debut right now and it's bad. The first one was funnier but at least they didn't seem to try and "act"...you know what I mean...not taking it too seriously. Stupid conversations at inopportune times when they should be running or shooting something.
I think they're trying to pay productions costs with the commercials...they are insanely long and often.
Saltwater (2016)
1million dollars was spent on what...the after parties?
Very little spoiler info...the movie itself was spoiled from conception. It's 2016 and this is the best you can do with one million dollars?
GL84must not get out much or he's retarded. This is one of the worst movies in history. Horrible acting, horrible story line and so bad with congruent "facts" in this disaster. At one point, the useless heroine makes the statement they have to kill this shark before it explodes and destroys the entire Southern California coastline. Same scene, a few lines later, "how far do we have to be from this thing when it goes off?" The father of the heroine claims at least 4 miles...so the entire Southern California coast is what...8 miles long?
And then some idiot like GL84 gives this abortion a 9 out of 10 stars? The bimbo fight on the boat toward the end gives it a negative 9 at least. Writers, directors, actors and special effects "artists" should go work at Walmart and do something constructive with the million dollar budget for this atrocity!
Right now, the heroine is actually riding an outboard motor under the water...how sad is that?
Webgirl (2014)
Whew...
You know it's bad when the director says the house was "packed" and only 150 tickets sold. Not sure where they came up with their $15k total haul. And two out of the three reviewers were in the movie? That just has "don't watch me, I'm horrible" written all over it!
I have to make up stuff here to reach the 10 line minimum for submission...this will take more work than LaCance put into the movie. If you want to be an actress...try acting school. Some directors start out there also, lol since you can't really direct what you personally cannot do.
Not quite there yet and apparently IMDb doesn't like the word "lol". Just think what you could have done by not making this movie...saved around ten grand!