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Prey (2022)
Exactly what you'd expect
Heck, they even nerfed the predator for the occasion.
Yup.
This Predator movie is as if by recipe precisely what you should expect to come out of Hollywood and Disney these days..
The Empty Man (2020)
If you blow into a bottle while on a bridge..
You're having a far more enjoyable time than if watching this trash. Don't believe the fake bot 10 star bot reviews; There's no 'twist' to this . I'm currently 2235.98 seconds into it, and i already know how it ends..
100% gawbagge!
The Borderlands (2013)
Surprisingly good
But i'd give recommend anyone looking for a decent horror flick to give this one a gander.
Ending was a bit meh though, but mostly since it felt a bit like i suddenly got snubbed with a cliffhanger.
Knives Out (2019)
Apparently
Hollywood are incapable of conjuring up any form of cinematic experience without feeling the need to throw in their contemporary political ideologies, smack dab from the getgo.
It's really sad. Though I'm glad i could press Stop without having wasted any money on it. Hope you get better soon America.
Now, if you'll all excuse me, i'll be over at Bollywood's stuff.
Countdown (2019)
Hannah Montana levels of daftness
What do you get if you took all the worst aspect out of Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer, then intentionally made them worse? You get 'Countdown'
This is the second, and also worst movie i've seen this year. I'm not sure why i even bother with Hollywood movies anymore..It's all the same vapid brained, vacuous, millennial trash these past years, just shifting around in genres.
And excusing it as "It's comedy-horror!" just makes it all that more sh*tty , since there's none of either one present in this film. The only chuckles you'll have are going to be the type of "I can't believe i fell for it, again"
blahblahblabh I figured i would put a bit more in this review, but it just so happens i've got about 40 minutes left of the movie to watch, and i need to conserve the strength.
The Village in the Woods (2019)
Complete kak!
Even so late into 2019, this might be the worst movie i've seen this year. Even the crappy ending came as a relief, because i was damn near simply turning it off and going to sleep. 'Low budget' is not an excuse for simply garbage movies..
I can think of no better description for this movie, than it being as if someone really bad at making either one, confused radio theater for motion picture.
Don't waste your time with this one. I regretted doing it since before getting even 20 minutes into it.
Fog off!
Backcountry (2014)
A can of bear-mace
Sprayed directly into the mouth of whoever was in charge of camera and lense-work, making them run off the production set; Might've have kept this, an otherwise perfectly OK movie, from being ruined by a combination of motion-sickness , vertigo, BPPV and eye-strain..ALL at the same time, from start to finish, no matter the current scene mood or environment
I'd never thought it possible that a movie about f..king hiking on foot trough woods could render me sea-sick!
Sh.t camera work COMPLETELY ruined this movie.
The 5th Wave (2016)
Quite possibly..
The worst acting and dialogue writing in post-The-Room history..
If someone went ahead and injected Hannah Montana into Independence Day, "The 5th Wave" would be the produce. Even it's base premise makes just about as much logical sense as "Plan 9 From Outer Space"..
It's not often i can't watch a movie to the end; This one, i'm actually going to sleep rather than enduring it any more. It's complete trash, from the 30th second and onward.
To whomever made this 'movie' a thing; Just stop, stop now, and find something else to do, carpentry or knitting.. I'm rooting for the Aliens on this one..
Deadpool 2 (2018)
If you're able to..
Look past and ignore Hollywood's glaringly obvious need to cram a certain current political alignment and agenda down your throat, such as it is these days. To the point where you might feel a hint of your gag-reflex kicking in; The movie is actually a bit entertaining
The Post (2017)
Put the coffee on..
Because this is one 2 hour long snoose-fest, without much fest to it.
If you're cooking food while having put on this movie; Pause the movie NOW, and either finish preparing the food, or turn off the hob..For your own safety.
Hollywood's been putting out pure trash in recent years; But be warned, this movie is some extraordinarily boring thing!
Seriously; This movie can not be allowed to be shown on airlines , because if that's ever done without mandatory earphones handed to the passengers , there's an absolute risk the movie would lull the flight-crew to sleep.
Cypress Creek (2014)
Don't press Play on this..
TLDR: It's a right piece of sh*t is what it is..
Have you ever sat down to watch a movie, with nothing more expected than that it would at least kill an hour and a half of boredom.
But then, twenty minutes into it, you think to yourself that you'll probably be better off inspecting your feet for toe jam?
The camera-work, effects and lighting is extremely sh*t. The sound and music is f*c*ing awful. The acting is sub sh*tty. The story is beyond cr*ppy..The cover and title is the best part...
If you want to do your feet a favor, this movie will definitely help you make that happen. As for me, i quit watching the piece of sh*t after 40 minutes. Time is just too precious..
The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
Writing this at the same time i'm supposed to watch this f'''ing crap
Don't waste your time, let alone any money on this pathetic drivel! Consider yourself warned!
I found more entertainment writing this review whilethe movie was still running. If i could leave a review shorter than 10 lines, it would read as following: This is the worst, most disappointing, scary-movie try- to-hack-off piece of sleepover-pillowfight-bullcrap attempt at horror, or parody thereof, movie i have seen in years. And by "years", i mean 2-3 freaking decades of years.
Beyond the above mentioned statement of mine; Consider this line and everything below it, as mere filler to get my warning validated, and punched trough, to warn people against this sad piece of crap.
2/10..no, 1/10.. barely! I had to change the score down a peg because this movie made me feel bad about the score i remembered having put on bloody Tusk earlier this year!
I can't ask for my money back; I want the time i spent watching this s**t back!
There is no "Fantasy", no "Horror", and most certainly no "Mystery" in this movie! There is "no clever twist", "poignant parody", or some kind of "clever, deep, reflected and intelligent criticism of horror movies" to be found in this crap!
If someone puts 10 stars on this movie, it has to be because they are either paid a decent amount of money to do so, or because this is the first movie they've seen, ever, in their entire life!
If you are going to watch this, have a backup movie at hand. And by that i mean another copy of this movie, because you are likely to smash whatever disc this one came on; And also have a third disc ready, with something else on!
And i know bad-good. But this is just bad-bad. It's just..so...damn sh''tyyyyy. !!!
Kill Command (2016)
"And let there be CGI.."
..Said the director. And CGI it became! "But, let there be no more than CGI", said the director; And so it was. Thus was the story of "Kill Command" realized...
But, as a positive thing; You will soon realize what you're in for in the first minutes of the movie though, so there won't be a reason, or excuse for feeling the movie was a disappointment.
If one can handle Battleship or San Andreas, Kill Command will be at par. But it's no more and not much less. And the loading screen of System Shock 2 was pretty cool...
Don't be surprised when you see someone solving a crossword puzzle in a news-PAPER, just next someone with a high-tec PDA and another with built-in google-glasses able to scan people and showing their details trough some crappy, nonsense, graphical user interface..It's just missing a spinning 3D-rendered logo in the corner.
It's like watching 1.5 hour long cut scene from some shitty video-game.
What i found enjoyable was the color-theme; It was not the usual "HD- ready" kind. And the actors' expressions.
Most positive was that the movie never pretends to be something it is not.
Misconduct (2016)
Have a backup movie ready;
It's that bad!! You run a high risk of getting your entire evening ruined if this drivel is the only movie you have on a movie-night. It's utter crap.
20 minutes into it, i just wanted to press Stop and go to sleep, or find something else to do.
How someone managed to get the faces of Al Pacino and Anthony Hopkins to show up in the frames of this horrible sh*t of a movie, is unbelievable. Maybe voodoo zombie magic is real after all.
From start to finish, this movie is muck. And it's not just bad and boring, but even got annoying soundtrack, poor acting and horribly unrealistic light setting.
Consider yourself warned.