davidmalaimo Reviews

The Black Phone (2021)

good start, weak middle

[6/10 · 3 July 2022]

The first 20-30 minutes or so i was loving this movie. The vibes and attention to detail in regards to that 70s look and feel were exciting and the plot was moving great with interesting characters development that felt genuine and real.

Unfortunately, once the titular black phone comes in, the movie seems to get extremely lazy. There are a number of reasons why it doesn't work for me.

-the space itself in which finn is kept does not seem like it should be that hard to break out of. Slowly you understand what the obstacles of the room are, but i feel like the obstacles should have been made a little more clear.

-then, the way finn goes about trying to solve through these obstacles just doesn't feel realistic nor does the acting feel realistic. It seems like they really didn't think about how a child might behave in these moments. He wa really clear headed and i really didn't understand what i was supposed to think was happening.

-back to the room. The whole first third of the movie has this super neat 70s vibe. Then, when we're done in a basement (which also, we're we supposed to realize it was a basement from the get go. Cause it seems like theyy just forgot to mention it was a normal house basement until he mentions it) but okay...so in the basement it just feels like typical blumhouse looking basement. But the movie makes so many texas chainsaw references and you think, given how visually distinctive it was about being the 70s, they would have continued that vibe with this part of the movie and could have even opt to make it texas chainsaw level nasty.

-ethan hawked character doesn't feel like a real kidnapper from the 70s. The mask thing, though i get that they probably wanted a gimmicky horror icon, just didn't feel at all uniform with the 70s theme...could have gone a little more tobe hooperish w that or something...

it felt like so much thought was put in the frame story stuff, but that the black phone parts in the movie just felt lazy and uninspired.

Yellowjackets (2021– )

only three episodes in but nothing is keeping me

[5/10 · 22 April 2022]

This show sounded wicked cool when i heard about it and so i tried it and it starts out pretty cool. The 90s indie music gives the 90s scenes a good aesthetic and i enjoyed that but so far the adult part of the story is so so boring. I like all the actresses but their plots are boring me and the world in which they live don't feel lived in. I might stick w it but idk.

Wizardry (1991 Video)

a solid little anime about wizardry

[9/10 · 26 February 2022]

I'm new to OVA's and anime in general soo you probably shouldn't really take my opinion on it too seriously, but i saw the title and cover, thought i looked cool. I wanted to watch something that involved wizards doing wizardry things. It was cheesy but very enjoyable. The characters were interesting. The animation was brilliant.

It's based off of a video game. I watched it on youtube and often times their were little asterisks explaining things or references to the video games that were cool. They went by too quickly but was still nice to know that it seems like this anime tried to be true to its source.

I liked it a lot.

Stargate SG-1: Stronghold (2006) Season 9, Episode 14

coffee machine scene

[9/10 · 17 December 2021]

There's a great scene where mitchell bangs his elbow into a coffee machine out of anger and the end of the scene kinda lasts longer then you'd expect which i appreciated. Just wrote this review to say that.

Stargate SG-1: It's Good to Be King (2005) Season 8, Episode 13

medieval melbourne

[10/10 · 11 October 2021]

I really enjoyed this episode and the cheesy medieval vibe. I love melbourne and this episode was relatively touching.

Small Engine Repair (2021)

went in blind but was pleasantly surprised

[8/10 · 11 September 2021]

I went into this movie w no clue what it was. Funny enough, the first thing that appears on screen is a definition of Manch Vegas, a city in NH that i know very well. Though there were some cliches in there it still felt realistic. The macho guys messin w each other in pretty psychologically messed up ways seems realistic, as is the sorta New England chivalric duty for family. The abuse masked by humor. I'd say it's a pretty realistic. It was wicked funny at some parts, really dark at others. The plot thatt you don't see coming kind of messed with you and perhaps was sloppily done but by the end it works.

Stargate SG-1: Disclosure (2003) Season 6, Episode 17

a clip episode but still enjoyable

[8/10 · 30 August 2021]

So yea this is a clip episode but so much happens in this shows that i personally appreciate an occasional reminder and catch up. Also kind of good to get an idea of the different governments the show will be dealing with and who's in charge. And weirdly enough, this episode made me tear up a bit. So i enjoy it.

Stargate SG-1: Paradise Lost (2003) Season 6, Episode 15

IMO very interesting and well directed episode

[10/10 · 26 August 2021]

I'm surprised to see mediocre reviews of this episode. I had no clue what was gonna happen in this episode. Every little plot twist was twisty and turny, and i feel like this could have been a simple episode but theyy just found weird ways to keep it moving. It was kind of dark and sad at parts.

Don't Breathe 2 (2021)

crazy movie

[9/10 · 17 August 2021]

Amazing movie. Everything that happens in this movie was not anything i saw coming. The first one was fine. Home invasion w a twist, like most home invasion movies. Don't Breath 2 was like let's really fuck w this and created like, a VC Andrews-esque fucked family drama. And they really got f-ing weird with it. Highly recommend.

Gangs of London: Episode 5 (2020) Season 1, Episode 5

definitely the dealbreaker for this series

[24 July 2021]

Until this episode i was "eh" about the show a bit. The title "Gangs of London" did not particularly hype it up for me and i only watched it because of gareth evans and jude poyer so i know the action and fights would be amazing. And up until this episode the action was just enough to keep me interested through a slow and sort of unoriginal storyline.... ANYWAYS... this episode was some of the slow-but-fast burning (like the way the plot followed the characters it followed to slowly bring everything to boil was relatively slow but engaging and kept a great pace) ever. Just watch it you'll see.

Stargate SG-1: Crystal Skull (2000) Season 3, Episode 21

good teal'c episode

[9/10 · 28 May 2021]

So this episode rules. Lotta great 90s cgi cheese. Cool vibe. But i write this only to say: even though this episode is mostly about Daniel, there's a lot of really good tiny Teal'c moments. Like, his timing and the editing just make his small moments really funny and nice. There's always the good ol squints-tilts-head-frown thing that he does that for some reason is extra perfect in this episode. Also, anytime you get to see him in the real world wearing his cowboy hat is always funny. We also see him trying to take charge and improvise in the same scene which killed me. Maybe i just noticed it more in this episode, but either way. Fun time.

Tales from the Darkside: Payment Overdue (1988) Season 4, Episode 10

surprisingly creepy and well done with very little

[9/10 · 24 April 2021]

Watching this in 2021. Trying to imagine how people would feel about this episode. I personally thought the ending could of easily gone wrong but i the end worked in a way that still is kind of eye opening today. Also, the phone calls sounded pretty creepy. Idk good episode but i can see why people would hate it. But i loved it.

Nobody (I) (2021)

good action, lacking in character

[7/10 · 20 April 2021]

Bob Odenkirk pretty much playing Saul with a touch of Walter White while being John Wick.

This movie had some decent fights and good action. I feel like i would have preferred a longer movie with a little more action as well character development and plot.

The character development and short set ups are sort of my biggest complaints. It seems like they tried to set up these things quickly, and they do, i guess, enough. Like, bare minimum set up.

The fight choreography was good and "believable" in this universe. A bit of grit. Not pretty fighting, gritty but still had style.

But the plot just slightly left me thinking like, what was the point really?

In the Earth (2021)

waste of time

[4/10 · 16 April 2021]

I was pretty stoked for this movie after seeing the trailer. Figured it'd be a solid arthouse horror picture a la A24 type deal. This is coming from a guy who mostly prefers the B stuff but i enjoy me a good arthouse indie flick now and again.

But gee the two main characters were so flat and boring. Like, they couldn't add banter? Find interesting things to talk about while traveling through the woods. I miss the days in horror, and maybe this still happens from time to time, where characters have these very interesting attributes. An example, in del toros chronos, ron pearlman's character was obsessed with the size of his nose and getting a nose job. It was such an interesting tid bit. In this film there was none of that. The characters just flatly said things that were part of the plot. No banter. No conversations. Just "this is why i'm here". "this is what i'm doing". "why are you doing this?" "oh that's why".

Then a bunch of weird plot stuff, indecision in what the movie is supposed to be. Wicked cool trippy cinematography type stuff that was completely ruined by the entire plot of the movie. A bad explanation about why everything is the way it is.

Also the movie alludes to some kind of quarantine at the beginning. Not the one we're in rn i don't believe. But i think the writer thought that this would give it an air of mystery and apocalyptic dread. I think a movie like Monster, a sorta apocalyptic monster film that sorta followed a few people roaming through the forests did this concept well. In The Earth, however, did not. Just felt meaningless and pointless and was just an excuse for non-dialogue that thes indie filmmakers like so much.

The last 20 minutes was kinda coool. But not worth what you put into it. I really wanted to walk out of this one.

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of Apartment 214 (1994) Season 3, Episode 2

actually scary. actually sad

[10/10 · 3 April 2021]

Kiki came through with this eerie and sorrowful tale about loneliness. This episode is definitely one of the best so far in the series. The ending is interesting as well. I feel like it's the opposite of the kind of ending you'd get in your standard ghost affair, and is very characteristic of the fact that these tales are supposed to be kids telling scary tales as opposed to adults writing scary tales for kids (obviously it's adult writing scary tales through the eyes of kids but i think that they are particularly good at this).

Anyways, great episode. Although Tucker seems to be a nuisance.

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Hatching (1993) Season 2, Episode 12

some great creature effects

[9/10 · 13 March 2021]

Tale by: david

This episode was pretty awesome. brother annd sister end up at boarding school that has an eerie green slimey secret. lots of great slime and creature effects. it was set in a beautiful old mansion type plaace.

my only complaint, it begins w david sad/frumpy about something and everyone makes fun of him (including franky, whom david invited to be in the club. what a jerk). so in order to vent david tells this story. after the story they don't really finish that storyline. they're just like, okay peace

Warrior: Chewed Up, Spit Out, and Stepped On (2019) Season 1, Episode 6

pretty awesome episode

[9/10 · 6 March 2021]

This episode is brought it. after last episode's more novelty stand alone flavor this episode jumped back into the ongoing plot. i was wondering if the show could keep its momentum after the last episode, which was a pure blast of cowboy martial arts action. this one begins with a bang however, a more emotional bang. which caused rifts between the gangs and the politicians.

however, i think officer o'hara's story is front and center and we get more about the irish mob. this gives a pretty brutal boxing match. this feels kind of like an ode to the more slow yet heavy hitting fighting that you'd get in a van damme or billy blanks film. however, these days i notice these two styles are mixed in quite a bit. i think of that fight between donnie yen and mike tyson. its fine to see it. the punches have more of an oomf, and really sink into that bassy end of the punch frequency.

the only downfall of this show, in my opinion, is...well...not really the cinematography but more of the color grading of the series. this is my complaint about a lot of shows these days. there's no color to this show, really. it just this sorta brown filtered look. and i know you could say "it's supposed to look all brown", but i think a lot of people would agree that a lot of older westerns were able to have that color scheme while still popping and looking cinematic. this goes for scenes that maybe go for more of a blue tinted look and the white tinted scenes. the set designs are very detailed but there's nothing that draws my eyes anywhere in particular. i don't feel the need to appreciate the sets, because there's nothing visually telling me to.

so that's more of an editing thing. i've also noticed there are some scenes that could continue for a couple of seconds, but the editor is afraid to let a scene take a little breath and cuts it too quickly. the way david lynch or tarantino might do. this is a minor thing and i'm not sure if there was a moment like this in this particular episode. but if i notice it in another episode i'll be sure to make a note of it in my review (because i know you were all holding YOUR breaths wondering if i would mention it in a review down the road)

but overall, great episode. fun fun show.

Warrior: The Blood and the Sh*t (2019) Season 1, Episode 5

great stand alone episode

[10/10 · 5 March 2021]

After a few episodes of this show i was like "okay, this is cool." episode 4 i was sold, but this episode definitely double sold me. it's really cool to them get experimental and do a stand alone episode. it still adds a lot to the story. maybe not the plot so much, but great character development. sort of like the Breaking Bad episode "The Fly" but sadly most people would disagree with me on that. but this episode everyone whose digging this show will dig, as opposed to "The Fly" which sort of divided the BB fans.

pretty much a good ol "closed door western" which is a term i just coined but i'd imagine there's already a name for it. kinda like a "locked room mystery" where the killer had to be in the room and the question who did it. the closed door western is a western that pretty much confines itself to one room, or one building, for the most part. tarantino's The Hateful Eight and there was an episode of Hitchcock Presents as well. anyways, that's what this was with some goood fighting.

good episode. hope they have some more novelty episodes like this, but it also makes me excited to delve back into the story with the knowledge of where the show is capable and willing to go.

Virtual Combat (1995 Video)

aesthetic perfection

[9/10 · 16 January 2021]

If you're watching this movie now because it's on prime, you're probably in the mood for a retro action-martial arts flick. well, you've come to tthe right place. unlike some movies that don't live up to their cover art's promise, this one definitely delivers. the neon lighting, the geometric computer imagery, the construction sights and industrial park fights scenes, the sophisticated esoteric mansions, it's all there. my one complaint is that the fights aren't particularly special; very slow and heavy. don't go in this looking for brilliantly choreographed fight scenes. but go in this for beyond mindless fun and your good to go. i had some wine and edibles which might have heightened the effect. highly recommend that, and this movie.

Schitt's Creek: Turkey Shoot (2015) Season 1, Episode 7

probably where i first started to actually like the characters

[7/10 · 19 November 2020]

Eh just thought i'd review it and say that this, maybe the episode before it too, is where i first kinda started to like the main characters, seeing them as not soo one dimensional

Tales from the Darkside: Family Reunion (1988) Season 4, Episode 16

should have ended the series with this one

[9/10 · 11 November 2020]

I've been sort of watching the last season from the end to the beginning and of the last 5 episodes this is the best one. Going Native is pretty cool too. but Family Reunion had the most perfect final scene that would have been perfect for ending the whole series. would have been was better than Basher Malone lol

Truth or Dare (2017 TV Movie)

well ya know, i liked it

[7/10 · 9 November 2020]

I'm actually surprised at the bad reviews. this was reallly good for a syfy original and it doesn't have any CGI sea creatures (there are CGI bugs but just in or part). honestly it was pretty nasty at some parts and the people react pretty realisticallly in my opinion. i will say that after th first half hour it starts to feel a little long, then you're with it again, then it drags a bit, and then th end kinda ropes you back in. i'm not mad at the ending tho. annd there ya go. fun movie. not the best. but was exactly what i wanted when i watched it, which was just a fun engaging teen horror flick that was easy to digest.

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Full Moon (1993) Season 2, Episode 9

Very Lame Episode

[4/10 · 25 October 2020]

Dammit Frank, you're supposed to be cool. this doesn't feel like a frank story honestly. just a silly, cartoonish episode. there's always a handful of these in horror anthology television. every now and then it works. this episode didn't work for me though.

Tales from the Darkside: Barter (1988) Season 4, Episode 19

not much to add

[2/10 · 22 October 2020]

Since starting Tales From the Darkside years ago i sorta lost my place so i decided i'd watch the rest from the end and work my way down to where i left off. so the last episode i watched was Badger Malone and now this episode. seems that TFTD did not end on a good note (thank good for the movie and thank god for Monsters). Basher Malone wasn't terrible, but this episode, Barter, was terrible. i appreciate that they try different things and all but boy did this episode fail on every level.

it's totally a play on I Love Lucy that involves an alien salesman who likes to drink amonia. the acting is very bad. like caricatures of caricatures. just about every little thing is abrasive and annoying, from their voices to the constant drumming to the plot. it's just very bad.

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)

michael myers does Scream

[6/10 · 19 October 2020]

Sure the 6th scream had Paul Rudd, but was made right before you needed to include teenagers at school being cool and listening to grunge music in your horror films for the tweens and high schoolers to sneak into. it was a nice little potential send off for the franchise, like the 2018 follow up kind of ignoring the other sequels but this one keeps the Halloween 2 canon.

i love my 90s slashers but this film kinda seemed to only include that late 90s teen slasher vibe outa necessity and it feels a little off to me, but seems like it worked for a lot of people. i think i enjoy 4 and 5 the best out of the halloween franchise but all in all, michael doesn't do it for me and i don't particularly like the family stuff. glad they got rid of it for the 2018 one but to be honest, it still felt like it was there cause jamie lee curtis is pretty much acting the same but just not calling him his brother. idk anyways

the ending was wicked epic, i will certainly give it that! can't believe Laurie Strode was Michael all along! jkjk

so i didn't particularly enjoy this one but you might. bad review. sorry