zumo-16908 Reviews

Tetris (2023)

Embarrasingly bad

[2/10 · 17 April 2023]

It started out fine, but then got worse and worse as it progressed, all the way down to a point where I just wished it was over and started fast forwarding. As some reviewers have pointed out, the movie is historically quite inaccurate, but truth to be told that is the least of the problems and is soon forgotten. All characters are stereotypical one-dimensional caricatures, who's exaggerated voices and grotesque overacting almost reaches YouTuber "reaction" levels - for almost two hours straight. It is so awkwardly goofy that you kind of wonder if they actually tried to make a comedy film but forgot to include the jokes and the funny parts... or perhaps forgot to remove some of all the profanity and violence in order to market it for children. Both alternatives would have made this film better. The subject of the film with its bureaucratic contracts, soviet union, and a boomer gaming suits an adult audience, but the silly script and acting would fit way better in a children's movie. Beyond me how anyone "allowed" to watch R-rated films could enjoy this.

And at first I did wonder why there were so many oddly positive 9 and 10 star reviews of this. How could anyone express such uncritical and extreme joy over something so blatantly bad? Until I remembered that most viewers are probably fanboys who paid for Apple TV.

I give it two stars instead of one, in order to reflect the happiness I felt when the film was over.

Tetris is a good game, not a good movie.

In Bright Axiom (2019)

Interesting documentary - if you know what it is about beforehand

[6/10 · 3 January 2023]

If you have never heard of unfiction, ARGs or "house of latitude", then this documentary will make very little sense. Some of the critical reviewers here thinks that this is a mockumentary, which it actually is not. Granted, there are a few reenactment scenes, but they work well for illustrating what the participants would have experienced. The people in this documentary participated in a sort of role playing game, where they pretended to be members of a secret society seeking to change the world. To begin with they did not know that this secret society was pure fiction and entertainment, hence some of them were not sure what was going on and if they were joining a cult. A bit like how entering an escape room, without knowing that it is an escape room, would confuse you even though the point is that you are supposed to have fun. These events really did happen. The documentary however does not explain this at all, and if you do not know about what this type of entertainment is or who Jeff Hull is, then everything will seem like pure nonsense. If they had added 15 minutes in the beginning to explain some of this, then it would probably make a lot more sense, and seem less like a seriously messed up mockumentary.

If you _do_ know, and perhaps even enjoy, unfiction and ARGs, then this documentary is really great and pretty much essential viewing. It evolves around subjects like what makes people interested in such, and the kind of unique experiences they can bring to participants. I think it is especially noteworthy how both the players and the creator(s) of "Latitude" tell us what made the experience great, and what could/should have been better. It is rare that unfiction/ARG pieces are as big and elaborate as in this example, but regardless it does a good job telling how you as a creator need to think a bit ahead and look at things from above once in a while, in order to avoid serious flaws. I think Jeff Hull made something really great and unique with "Latitude", but instead of only criticizing the participants for the downfall, it would have been nice if he had also looked a bit inwards. It could have been avoided with a few simple adjustments IMO. Just because you are kind enough to give people free drinks, does not mean that those people owe it to you to ignore any shortcomings that you yourself is responsible for. Jeff makes fantastic creative and social experiences, but a business man he is not.

A Storm for Christmas (2022)

Very boring

[3/10 · 19 December 2022]

I watched the first episode, and it was 40 minutes of uneventful boredom. 40 minutes ought to be more than enough to present at least a sub plot that would make someone watch episode two, but no. Nothing happened. Even the snow storm failed to pick up. Got to be one of the worst pilot episodes ever. Maybe the show makes an epic comeback later on (at least to justify the high IMDb average rating), but I really cannot be bothered. This is definitely not a new "Home for Christmas". Zero stars for story and storytelling, three stars for realistically reproducing the boredom one experiences when waiting 40 minutes for a flight out of Oslo Airport.

Something in the Dirt (2022)

It could (and should) have been better

[4/10 · 1 December 2022]

I am what you could call a fan of Benson and Moorhead, but in my opinion this is pretty much the low point in their film making career. A lot of things in this movie just doesn't work. The idea is fresh and the performances by both lead characters are good, but the actual characters are not the right ones to tell the story effectively or credibly, which is the main issue about this film. You could consider the main characters to be losers and underachievers, but low IQ is not what makes a conspiracy theorist. Even if they are sort of dumb, they still figure out (and construct) all sorts of complex connections and theories, but they lack the typical opinionated insistency and wise-guy attitude of a conspiracy theorist. They are too harmless to be thrilling and too openly stupid to be convincing. The horror and paranormal aspect of the story is secondary (maybe all of it was faked by the main characters?) which is OK, but that means that the film falls flat on the characters. The paranormal phenomenon that acts as the plot device actually becomes kind of stale and boring over time. The whole thing could have been framed and pieced together in a better way. The narrative is confusing, probably deliberately to make the audience torn between what is fiction, reality, and mockumentary, but the John character simply is not convincing enough to pull it off. I have big respect for what Benson and Moorhead have created, here and elsewhere, but this movie could have benefitted a lot if they had gotten some advice and opinions from experts in the subjects and themes in the film. I understand that this might have been due to the pandemic, but unfortunately that does not solve the issue. There is a lot of psychology behind conspiracy theories and the people who believe them, which could have been immensely helpful. The "PhD chemist" actor is also the least convincing PhD I have ever seen (apologies if the actor actually has a PhD in chemistry). The soil/engineering actor did really well though.

Webmaster (1998)

Retro vibes makes this uneven movie better now than then

[6/10 · 30 November 2021]

It is not per se a good movie, but I still enjoyed it a lot. 90s scifi and tech lingo like "cyber", "techno" and "hyper" along with how being a "webmaster" is top of the crop (since this is from back when www was peak technology) is very interesting looking back at it now. I dig the kitschy "future" graphics and 90s tech vibe, as it really catches the zeitgeist, even if the movie itself is a bumpy ride. The jungle and techno soundtrack is great even today though.

The bad parts is the at times terrible acting. The main character Lars Bom does a good job, but the other performances are very uneven. The script sometimes feel awkward and probably carries a lot of the blame for making the acting seem off, as some parts of the plot seem underdeveloped and silly. The movie is really cool in places, but that probably only exacerbates the bad moments and make them stand out more.

The movie has all the right elements to become a cult classic though. Never groundbreaking, but it perfectly captures how the future was imagined in the 90s. The movie would have looked cheesy and amateurish back in '98 (and still does), but nostalgia makes many of its shortcomings seem charming instead of damning, and the movie is probably better in 2021 than it was then.

I watched the non-dubbed version with English subtitles by the way.

Color Out of Space (2019)

Never read Lovecraft, but I enjoyed this movie

[7/10 · 13 December 2020]

The movie is unusual, but in a rather interesting way as opposed to incomprehensible or dull. I enjoyed how the meteorite is actually truly alien (as the adjective), and not just "Hollywood alien". To appreciate the plot some commitment from the viewer is required, as many conventions are broken and ones perception of what is going on is challenged along the way, but I found this to be the strong point of the movie. Though for this reason, this movie is probably not ideal for those who seek to watch a casual horror flick to pass some time.

The Recall (2017)

Fun b-movie

[4/10 · 21 October 2019]

If you can laugh at b-movies when they mess up, then i wholeheartedly recommend this one. The goofy bits are not always as obvious as in something like sharknado, but that just makes it that much more genuine and fun. Even if you overlook some of the more obvious shortcomings then it is actually not that bad a story, it just lacks a lot in execution, cutting, script, etc. Oh and Wesley Snipes is there for a few minutes to pay off some of his tax bill.

I had a good time laughing when I watched this movie, but I don't need to watch it again. Watch it with friends for a good laugh.

Radioactive Dreams (1984)

Dull movie with awesome soundtrack

[5/10 · 5 October 2019]

The movie itself is not particularly good. B-movie-esque with a few laughs, and the otherwise simple plot is told in a rather incomprehensible and messy way. The acting is pretty bad and the cutting almost hilarious. There are definitely many better movies to watch before this one, unless you have a thing for 80s kitsch (I do).

The movie does however shine in one particular area; the soundtrack. I have watched (or listened to) the first 3 minutes on repeat for a good while already. Hard-punching 80s synth wave / new wave epicness bathed in reverb - I love it!

Another Life (2019–2021)

The kind of sci-fi that no sci-fi fan ever would like

[2/10 · 28 August 2019]

Science is usually something you attribute to smart people, but the show does not contain a single character that you would realistically assume to be able to pass a high school science exam (or rely upon to save the earth for that matter). It has powerful women, minorities, lbgts, and all that jazz but not a single character that is not a complete and utter fool.

One star for the retro 1998 visual effects.

The Twilight Zone (2019–2020)

A very mixed bag

[5/10 · 14 June 2019]

Some of the episodes are pretty good, but about half of them are extremely cringy in their blatant use of North American social commentary cliches and prejudice. The cliches are not used in a subtle or witty or intelligent way, but in the way of both broadly victimizing and blaming all the obvious groups of people, sometimes with no relation to the plot at all. For instance in the episodes that include police officers, they are portrayed as grossly racist because cliche. I dont see how fighting prejudice with prejudice will do any good, and it certainly does not make entertaining TV. Black Mirror does a much better job at including social commentary, in that they address the problems in society instead of just taking stabs. I know that this is a show made for a domestic North American audience, so it may just be an "outsider" like me who is tired of seeing Muricans constantly throwing rocks at each other.

The Wandering Earth (2019)

Great effects does not alone make a good movie

[2/10 · 17 May 2019]

It looks good, but it's really hard to enjoy anything else about this movie unfortunately. The cutting and the script is truly awkward, and it is very difficult to make much sense of what's happening throughout large parts of the movie. The plot in many of the scenes is often vaguely implied or left completely unexplained.

Playing Hard (I) (2018)

Interesting but only scratches the surface

[4/10 · 16 April 2019]

The documentary is mostly about a man (VandenBerghe) and his vision, and about how the vision unfolds with all the problems that come along. But we are never really told more than short glimpses about what the problems really are an what caused them. Only that they are there and about how some of the people deal with that stress. Without knowing what happened, all the drama becomes a bit shallow and it is difficult to feel engaged by the story. It is still an interesting insight into big game development even if we are only shown the tip of the iceberg, but it is hard not to feel like something major is missing.

Runaway (1984)

80s distilled

[6/10 · 19 October 2018]

Killer robots, vector computer graphics, synthesizer soundtrack, cops, a little romance, a somewhat awkward script, bad acting, a bunch of well-known 80s actors and a lot of cheesiness. It doesn't get much more classic than this.

There are gigantic plot holes and some of the robots are downright silly, but the amount of clichés is what makes it fun to watch.

UFOria (1984)

Can we get this one out of the dust bin please?

[6/10 · 8 September 2018]

As far as i can tell, the only two options for watching this movie is to either find a 30+ year old VHS copy, or watch the low quality VHS rip on YouTube. It feels like I have looked everywhere, but unfortunately thats the only two options i found. I even tried a long shot and messaged John Binder himself to hear if there really is no better way to watch this, but I guess he thought my message was spam (never heard from him).

So how is the movie? Better than expected, but definitely unusual and with plenty of cult potential. Its better than a B-movie and quite stylistic, but it is very sort of low key. The characters are original and well acted, and the country music sound track is something for itself. The comedy is quite subtle, and not of the ba-dum-tss kind of jokes where you know when and what the funny part is. It was sometimes hard to hear the dialog and see what was going on, and sometimes it did not feel like the progression in the story was very well explained, but that "old VHS tape uploaded to YouTube" thing did absolutely nothing good for the quality which most likely explains that. I dont think UFOria would ever have become a blockbuster, even if it had seen a better release, but it certainly deserves better than the dust bin. Should be a no-brainer to pull it out and release it on the numerous streaming services available now.

I would love to rewatch it if i ever come across it in DVD quality or better.

Battlestar Galactica (1978)

Great sci-fi

[5/10 · 4 June 2018]

I quite enjoyed this film, so at first it may seem strange that I only gave it 5 stars, but there is an explanation for that. The story is original and intriguing, and the special effects are good with great model work and vector based computer graphics. You get more than two hours of worth while space adventure, but there are a couple of things that makes me to deduct a star or two. Many of the special effects scenes, while gorgeous, are reused more than once in the film, which is sometimes a bit of a distraction. Especially a couple of times where whats taking place in the story does not match the reused effects scene. Also, as this is essentially a TV-show tie-in, the movie ends somewhat abrupt leaving a bit of an empty feeling if you do not plan on watching the show. It can definitely be watched on its own though, and it is possible to look past the things i mentioned here, but my rating here has to be fair and comparable to other movies in the genre. The obvious comparison is Star Wars which came out the year before, and Battlestar Galactica the movie is definitely not near that level overall.

I would recommend any sci-fi fan to watch Battlestar Galactica.

The Conspiracy (2012)

The only horror would be to watch the whole thing a second time

[2/10 · 22 May 2018]

The whole point of mockumentaries and "found footage" is that they should seem legit. Unfortunately this is the very thing that "The Conspiracy" fails at.

It is not even slightly convincing, and miserable acting and directing makes it almost unbearable to watch. Alan C. Peterson is the reason why I give two stars instead of one. He is the only one doing a good job, but sadly not even the best actor would be able to hide the obvious fact that the two main characters have done no acting since drama week in primary school (my guess is that their roles in the school play would have been either "tree" or "rock"). Their reactions to anything that happens is always either stone cold or unrealistic over-dramatizations. If at least the directing and cutting had been able to make the movie fit better to the intended format, it could surely have felt less like a highschool drama about a documentary about conspiracies.

Props to the people behind this movie for being able to get 1.5$ million in funding though!

The Cloverfield Paradox (2018)

A rather bland experience

[3/10 · 10 February 2018]

Had I watched it in the cinema, then I would have deducted one star easily. It is definitely not worth getting a months subscription to Netflix to watch it. I already had a Netflix subscription and in that light I found the movie to be almost reaching the OK mark. There are both some good moments and some really terrible moments in this film. It started out fine, but became more and more silly and subjective to stereotypical cliches and odd gags, and ended up feeling as a bit of a mess. Without "Cloverfield" in the name, it would just be yet another obscure direct-to-streaming film that no one bothers about. It is without a doubt a low-point in the franchise that will disappoint a lot of fans and which could be hard for the "brand" to recover from. I really loved 10 Cloverfield lane, but I found the last 10 minutes of that film to be very disappointing which vastly lowered my expectations for The Cloverfield Paradox - otherwise I too would probably have been one of the displeased Cloverfield fans giving a one star rating here.

Journey to the Far Side of the Sun (1969)

Awesome idea, terrible adoption and execution

[3/10 · 6 October 2017]

Contrary to other reviews here, I would say that this film is vastly over rated given its current IMDb score.

When I read the IMDb description, I could imagine so many interesting ways such a plot concept could unfold, and I was excited to watch this film. But the plot adoption is very, very thin and just straight out disappointing. A good amount of time is spend on the characters, but it never gets to any kind of depth or reveals any kind of relation to the plot at all. There seems to be little point in showing us most things they do actually. I am not even sure if there is a point anywhere in this film at all.

It is very obvious that the film tries to mimic the tranquil space/tech scenes of 2001 that came out just months before it, but it completely misses the point of how and why those scenes are used. In Journey to the Far Side of the Sun, mundane and completely irrelevant scenes are dragged out to the point where concentration and interest vanishes completely. Half way through the film, I was very close to switching it off or go watch something else due to boredom. Even a lot of the effects are quite obviously copied from 2001, but also very poorly so. Even if you skip the obvious 2001 comparison, the effects are still rather unimpressive even for their time. There are films from the 50s with more convincing miniature model scenes for instance. The soundtrack is nothing worth writing about either.

If I had watched it as a child, I could probably have ignored its many short comings and liked it due to the sci-fi setting of the film. As an adult I find it hard to recommend it though. There are some interesting props and beautiful 60s fashion, but that is about the only good thing I have to say besides the awesome plot idea (that is very poorly executed).

The Mummy (2017)

Nearly passable

[4/10 · 15 June 2017]

The Mummy 2017 has some interesting ideas, but it does not have enough adventure to be in the Indiana Jones genre, and not enough action to be an action film.

The film can be split in two parts. The first half, which is not entirely bad, where the classical mummy adventure is told with some new ideas, and the second half which is mostly a messy prologue to all the future films that Universal hoped to make. But it is all wasted. This film will never ever be the start of a Universal cash cow like Marvel.

Its a shame though, because without such a bad second half it could probably have been a passable film. Even though Tom Cruise is at least 15 years too old to play first lover and every awkward joke feels at least twice as awkward when he is taking part in it. Obvious miscast.

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)

Like a long trailer for a video game I do not want to play

[1/10 · 8 May 2017]

This film is so bad that I am not sure where to start and where to end. This will be my new benchmark film for 1-star ratings.

There is an excessive amount of epic slow motion action scenes with epic cinematic horn sounds and CGI throughout the whole film. The cinema technician forgot to switch the lights off when the film started, so for like half an hour I, and many others, were in doubt if this was the actual film or just a very long trailer. Eventually the lights went out, but the trailer'esque epicness continued throughout the whole film, to the point where it first became boring and later straight out annoying. Imagine watching trough more than two hours of video game trailers in one go.

The humour is cringingly bad and awkwardly out of place. At one moment someone is making smart-a** dad-puns, and merely seconds later someone is having a mind-melting wizard-overlord moment with fire and ice exploding all over the screen, including mysterious whispering voices in the background. As cliché demands it, the main characters dialogue is of course an endlessly flowing stream of these dreadful wits, while he at the same time swings his mighty sword in magic and testosterone fueled ecstasy.

Half of the plot is told trough flash-backs/forwards, where the characters talk about something, and after they stop talking then the events have presumably taken place. If they had cut down on the slow motion CGI scenes then there could easily have been time to tell these parts of the plot in full. But I suppose the people behind this low-point in cinematography thought that the target audience would be pleased to enjoy two hours of trailer action without having to worry about abstract concepts like "plot" and "story". I have absolutely no idea who such a target audience would be.

Applying even the most basic logic thinking while watching this film will only lead to disappointment. At one point in the film, the "good guys" discuss if they can kill someone with a bow shot or if the distance is too great. During the next battle they summon a gigantic serpent that annihilates a whole army. Guess they should have thought about that earlier... I find it remarkable how anyone could make an interpretation of the famous story of King Arthur last more than two hours, while still keeping it so thin that it could slide underneath the great pyramid of Giza. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword is a cornucopia of stupidity and indifference that no one should ever have to eat from.

Life (I) (2017)

Standard horror flick with no surprises

[5/10 · 29 March 2017]

There is some good suspense, but the plot could have been presented in a more credible and realistic way. The main characters are often acting annoyingly unprofessional, which feels very out of place considering they are supposed to be ISS crew. It is perhaps done like this to give more headroom for giving characters more personality traits, as i can see how a disciplined and professional acting crew could become a bit impersonal and sterile. Except perhaps for the characters "Sho", the characters are pretty dull anyway, so I would have preferred more realism, which would also have made it scarier (which is the whole purpose of a horror film). The protagonist could have been made a more realistic without jeopardising the plot as well, but I guess that logic and horror are not always easy to unite.

In short, "Life" is not terrible, but its by no means a classic and is instantly forgotten.

Prometheus (I) (2012)

B-movie material

[3/10 · 5 January 2017]

After about half an hour, i was so annoyed with the whole space ship crew that i hoped the aliens would just kill them off and get it over with quickly. The decisions they make are so dumb that it seems completely incomprehensible that anyone would ever trust them to fly an expensive space ship all by themselves. Usually in survival type films there is at least one character that you should develop some sort of sympathy with, but there just isn't such character in Prometheus. The thrill and suspense scenes become kind of awkward when you hope for the wrong guys to win. I do give it three stars because i didn't fall asleep or got annoyed enough to turn it off. For some odd reason, i thought even AVP was better than this.

The Beach (I) (2000)

Vastly underrated

[9/10 · 5 January 2017]

This movie received a lot of hate when it came out due to DiCaprio's fame with females after his appearance in Titanic (much like how everyone loves to hate Bieber today), and I kept far away from this movie for many years. I too only knew him from Titanic at that point, and when I saw him shirtless on the movie poster I had pretty clear assumptions of what this movie would be like. But I was wrong. This movie is great. Its a captivating 90s new age adventure with lots of twists and thrills, and i kicked myself for not watching it sooner. If you like Inception or Shutter Island, then i think you will like this one too.

Passengers (I) (2016)

Better than expected

[8/10 · 4 January 2017]

I was expecting, or rather fearing, another Jupiter Ascending when I saw who the two lead actors were, but this movie is more than just two hot celebrities teaming up for a cash-in. I have seen a trailer that sells this as an action movie, but people wanting space action will probably go home disappointed. This is more of an adventure drama, and thank goodness for that.

The good part: This movie may not become a classic in the genre, but it does capture ones attention, with a good premise and beautiful space scenery in almost every scene. It gives a good sense of what it could be like to be isolated aboard a massive space ship cruising through the galaxy, with the scales of space contrasting our our tiny lives. The good special effects and scenery combined with the character "Arthur" carries this one home. Jennifer Lawrence does a decent job as well.

The bad part: Im not a big fan of Criss Pratt's acting style as it does not fit this kind of movie very well. When ever he has a chance to add some depth and credibility to his character, it mostly ends up in some sort of silly (like in all his movies, which makes me wonder if he plays the same character in all of them?). The movie also has its share of corny Hollywood-esque jokes, but thankfully its kept on an almost acceptable level. The story of this movie could easily have been made into a thriller, or even a horror, but the aforementioned silly acting and cheesy jokes keeps the atmosphere jolly - but a bit too much so, and this is what drags it down.

Overall, I think that Passengers is worth watching.

Alien vs. Predator (2004)

Pretty good for what it is

[7/10 · 25 December 2016]

Some say that AVP is silly and that the plot is thin, and they are right, but this movie is not about realism or story depth. Its an action movie where people are hunted by terrifying monsters and get killed without discrimination. This is a slight depart from the original Alien movie and Predator movie which had a more serious tone, so i understand why some may be disappointed by AVP. But if you expect a solid no-brainer action movie that entertains the viewers with suspense and action without taking itself too serious, then you get exactly that. It is a joy to watch all the right people get killed and the right people survive their encounter with the aliens and the predator. The main character is actually quite likable. Its not like in Prometheus, where you'd grow increasingly apathetic with each silly decision made by the characters.