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Reviews
Children of the Corn (2020)
This was so horribly bad
It really should be a crime to make movies this bad. Nothing made sense. There was no reasoning for most of what happened. Almost all of what happened was improbable or outright impossible. The acting was atrocious and the characters were unlikable. There was no explanation for why the children revolted. No explanation for why Eden was so evil. In the original, the uprising was brought about for religious reasons and was focused on religion. Pretty much everything that happened happened as a result of a passage from the Bible, complete with sermons and evangelical preachings. This version seems to be focused only on death and carnage for no reason whatsoever. I'm not sure how but it seemed odd that a bunch of 10 year olds were so adept at operating earth movers. It was also curious that the adults stood directly beneath the equipment while they filled the hole. The easiest way out of the hole is to stand on the opposite end and simply stand on top of the dirt as they fill the hole. Of course, then there's the corn monster. The corn monster (He who walks) was truly unbelievable. The entire movie was like watching the product of a high school film class. Very disappointing and I'll never get this hour and a half of my life back. Makers of low quality movies like this should be happy that the public can't bring a class action lawsuit against them complete waste of time that they initiated. As for Eden, she's just a brat that could've easily been defeated with a swift kick in the backside. We need to stop making these remakes, reboots, and sequels and start coming up with some new ideas.
Angel: Disharmony (2001)
More "Jumping the Shark"
Angel really had no reason to reconcile with his fired employees and even less reason to go crawling back and start working for them. In the beginning, they were 100 percent assisting Angel with helping the people of the city. Angel was having no problem with continuing to do that without them and plus, they were getting shot (because of work that they took on but still blaming on Angel, getting into near death situations (then being saved by Angel but still not thanking him), and still not getting paid for their work. Now, their back in the building that is technically owned by Angel, still getting saved by Angel, but, for some reason, treating Angel like some sort of 4th class citizen. They're rude to him, mean to him, and mad at him but expect him to bow down to them. Angel would be better off kicking them out of the office and hiring a new team. A team that can actually hold their own in a battle without insulting Angel at every opportunity.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Forever (2001)
Dawn is horrible
Realitycheck4you was right on point. Dawn is a horrible character and takes away from every episode that includes her. She whines about everything, she acts likes she's 8 years old, and she's more spoiled and bratty than any child on any show ever. I know that they need someone vulnerable and immature to hide "the key", but, an infant would be more mature than Dawn is. Buffy and the gang spend more time fixing Dawn's mistakes or saving her from herself than they do actually battling vampires and demons. They should have renamed this show to "Buffy the Irritating Annoying Little Sister Protector". Or, they could have went with "Dawn the Common Sense Slayer". Less of Dawn will translate to more of a good show.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Blood Ties (2001)
Not bad but Dawn is tiresome
This episode wasn't bad but the amount of whining that dawn does is enough to make you want to stop watching. The primary reason why I continue to watch is because I'm hoping that Dawn will be less irritable or that she won't be in the next episode. I know she's required for the storyline but did they have to make her so pesky and annoying? Admittedly, without her being so annoyingly childish, Buffy and the rest of the Scooby gang would be left with nothing to do because there would be actual order in their lives. A constant disruption makes for good episode filler. Every episode with her feels like a Brady Bunch Cousin Oliver episode or a Happy Days Jumping The Shark episode. They're constantly Jumping The Shark.
Susie Searches (2022)
Much better than I expected it to be
I didn't have much hope for this movie at the beginning. As it went on, it actually got worse. But, then it reached a point where the twist and turns started to be both interesting and good. It was pretty obvious early on who the actual kidnapper was and although it seemed that it was much too early in the movie for this reveal, it turned out to present a lot of opportunities for suspenseful events. This is one of those movies that you have to pay close attention to everything that is said and that occurs from the beginning until the absolute end. This movie is categorised as a comedy and a mystery and it did contain both. Although I probably wouldn't watch this again it was a fun and entertaining movie to watch.
The Orville: Electric Sheep (2022)
Ensign Charly Burke needs to go
Ensign Charly Burke needs to be permanently relieved of duty. The character doesn't contribute to the story in any way other than being a self entitled, whiny piece of eye candy. Anne Winters does nothing to improve on the fact that her character is simply a seat filler. Her acting skills are debatable and she doesn't even seem to be trying. She delivers her lines flat and without emotion and her acting abilities are on par with a first sitcom child actor. Whoever wrote her lines did a disservice to the show on top of the fact that she delivers them as if she's reading from cue cards. Also, there's no branch of the U. S. military that would allow a service member to disobey a direct LAWFUL order then allow them to return to duty after they decided to remember what a chain of command is. Too bad they didn't cut their losses early and write her off the show. The series suffers greatly because of both the actor as well as the character in not only this episode, but every other following wpisode.
Chicago P.D.: Escape (2024)
Definitely better when Hank was fully corrupt
Not really a review of this episode but more a comment on the state of the series. I still love the show, although many of the situations and events are just not believable, but it was definitely a much better show when Hank was consistently breaking the rules and his team was constantly being sucked into his corruption. One of the best things about Hank was that you always knew that although it wouldn't happen in every episode, at some point he was going to not be a cop, do something either illegal, corrupt or both, and it would be for the sake of helping someone in need. Either one of his officers that's in a bad situation or a citizen that's in trouble. He's still hardcore though. I just wish he'd get back to being his normal self. It almost feels like the writers are trying to move away from showing the police as being corrupt and always doing things by the book. The problem with that is that by the book isn't Hank and when he did run a foul of the rules, it wasn't for personal gain. It almost always benefitted someone else.
10E (2019)
Unpolished but not completely horrible
This is a decent movie to watch when there's nothing else on to watch or you just want to pass some time. It was a really good idea but it was very poorly written and possibly even worse acted. The acting and line delivery was well below par. The acting in this was really bad. Jack was probably the best performer. I know that everybody in this was new and had very few credits under their belt but when even the director is new at directing and new at acting, it makes it difficult for them to give proper direction to the actors. I liked and enjoyed the movie but the script and acting was so bad that it was hard to watch. There really needed to be somebody on set with experience to provided assistance to everybody so that this could have been a really good movie.
The Wrong Boy Next Door (2019)
Ridiculously unrealistic - Definitely a Lifetime movie
The executives at Lifetime must make it their mission to bring us boring, unrealistic movies with bad writing and even worse acting. Even Vivica A. Fox was horrible. I can't believe she agreed to be in this mess. My guess, she lost a bet. Not sure how they were able to put her on house arrest without the approval of a judge but in the Lifetime Movie universe, anything is possible. Also, not sure what company makes that ankle monitor but it seems to have an exceptionally high degree of accuracy. It's able to tell when she crosses the property line and track her every move without ever needing a charge. Then there's the wrong boy nextdoor. He installs the biggest cameras he could find at the Acme Stalker Store yet nobody notices them. Not even the high speed low drag detective noticed them. Speaking of the detective, how much crime and disciplinary issue are occuring at this high school that they need a dedicated police detective liaison? That school must see more action than some small cities. The premise of the movie was ok but the execution was atrocious. If there's nothing else on and nothing else to do, watch this movie. Otherwise, go ahead and paint the fence, go to the dentist, or watch the blank screen on your powered off TV.
Freelance (2023)
Pretty good action movie parody
Many people watch this and are disappointed by this action movie with John Cena. The problem is this isn't an actual action movie. This is more of an action movie parody or an action comedy. It was corny and silly, it had a lot of unbelievable action, as well as some action that probably was actually realistic, and it actually did have some jokes and funny scenes. Could it have been better? Definitely. Was it a good movie overall? Absolutely. It could have been a movie for parents to enjoy with their teen children except for the gratuitous violence and overuse of profanity (especially f-bombs). There are a few twist and surprises with an unexpected outcome at the end. Well, unexpected until almost the end of the movie. This is a good movie to watch if you just want to be entertained for an hour and a half without having to think about what's going on or decipher cryptic and complicated dialogue. Watch the movie and have fun.
Extended Family (2023)
Extended Family is an extended mess
This is bad. Really bad. I mostly gave it a chance because of Donald Faison and Jon Cryer and I actually thought it would be a good and funny show because of them. I couldn't have been more wrong. It's not funny, at all, and not because of them. The writing is atrocious. Talking to the camera is played out. For some shows, this works but for this show, it feels like a tired and overused gag. The premise of the show is also bad. It really doesn't make sense and it's not believable. The most ridiculously unbelievable fantasy sci-fi movies feel remotely possible because the show itself is good enough to stimulate your imagination. This doesn't even stimulate me enough to stay awake. I gave it several episodes with the hope that it would get better but it didn't make a difference. 1 episode, 3 episodes, 5 episodes; it's still bad. That's really unfortunate because it did look like it had potential.
To make matters worse, this seems like a bad attempt at a family friendly twist on Two and a Half Men. Jon Cryer is still broke and dealing with an ex wife. The ex wife is still mostly belittling towards him. They added half of a woman to the half of a man. Then, turned the rich, womanizing, brother into a rich, devoted (family friendly), boyfriend of the ex wife.
I will admit that it's better than I expected but, it's also still not a good show. It's possible that it'll make it to a 2nd season though since the target audience for this mess is families and the children in families really are easier to amuse.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Truth Embargo (2024)
C'mon! Every week is worse than the prior.
This is ridiculous. Completely unbelievable. A flash mob infiltrates a Special Victims Unit and the captain tells everyone to lower their weapons because the perpetrators are juveniles. Of course, I'm wondering how they were able to get in at all. I've never seen a major police department that can be accessed without being either buzzed in or using a key code. I guess the NYPD has an open door policy for visitors. This entire episode was even less believable than the previous. This show has been going downhill for the last four or five seasons but last season and this have been the fastest downhill run ever. It's quickly getting to the point that things can only get better. We're not there yet but we're fast approaching. I've watched every episode of every Law & Order (SVU, UK, Criminal Intent, etc.) and this might be the first time that I stop watching one of the series before the series end.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Tunnel Blind (2024)
Very disappointing
I know that it's a television show and it's not intended to be one hundred percent accurate, but, it does need to at least be believable. All movies and television shows use their creative license to make the show better and continue to flow but they're acting like the viewers have no intelligence or common sense at all. It started out as a really good episode but unfortunately it quicky deteriorated into a comedy of errors and unrealistic actions. It wasn't too horribly bad but it does feel like they've jumped the shark. Hopefully, this isn't a sign of things to come. They'd been going downhill for a while but it was a slow and steady downhill. This episode was like a drive off of a cliff. I'll keep watching to see if it gets better but I'm not holding my breath.
V/H/S (2012)
Found footage movies are horrible
I hate found footage movies. They're always too shaky, they usually jump from scene to scene without reason, or the storylines typically don't make any sense. V/H/S manages to hit a trifecta and hit them all. They even went one better by including bad acting. I don't mind so much that everybody associated with this movie is unknown. The best way to become known is to be in something that gets your name and face out there. Unfortunately, this isn't that something.
This was barely on par with a high school film project that received a barely passing grade. Every director, every actor, every writer has the first few films that they've done that probably weren't that great. This was beneath that. One of the few found footage movies that I liked was Blair Witch Project and I wasn't exactly impressed with it. BWP was good because the camera wasn't super shaky, there was usually a reason for the scene jumps, and the storyline made sense. They didn't try to tell 5 or 10 different stories at the same time.
I did like the use of the camera glasses though. The camera glasses gave a realistic perspective but they over used it.
If you have nothing better to do, watch this movie. If you're scheduled for a colonoscopy, go get the colonoscopy. You'll enjoy it more than this hot garbage.
Lantern's Lane (2021)
This is just bad.
I get it, this is supposed to be a comedy, horror, thriller. Unfortunately, it missed on all three. I'm guessing that it was also supposed to be good and it obviously missed that mark as well. The only humor was the many stupid mistakes the characters made, the awful script, and the worse acting. There was no horror but there was a lot of ridiculous scenarios that simply didn't make sense. Well, I guess there was some comedy. There was a comedy of errors that led to them being in this situation. Nothing in this movie really made sense. This did have potential but not much. With better acting and a better script, this probably could've been at least entertaining.
Plan B (2021)
A good fun movie with a serious twist
This was a good movie that covered a serious subject while also being funny. I enjoyed this and had some really good laughs. This is reminiscent of a female Harold & Kumar. A feel good fun buddy movie that managed to discuss fear of coming out, actually coming out, teen pregnancy, and the hoops that have to be jumped through in the event of an accidental pregnancy (or fear of), all with humor while maintaining the dignity of the characters. Of course, the "Indian Mafia" kept me laughing every time they popped it on us. This is a movie that I could and will watch again. Definitely was a lot funnier than I expected it to be and I'm glad I took the time to watch it. This is a good date movie and just as good to watch alone.
Infinity Pool (2023)
Terrible film that makes no sense!
What in the H-E-Double hockey sticks did I just watch? It actually started out kind of interesting and seemed like it would turn into a decent movie but that expectation disappeared early. I was very disappointed that this is labeled as "Horror" yet I didn't see one instance of horror throughout the film. I was also very disappointed with Mia Goth. I find Mia to be so very beautiful and s very good actress that I enjoy watching her work whenever I can. She let me down in this instance. Not that she wasn't beautiful. It would take horrible a trained makeup artist and special effects to take away her beauty but her acting in this was atrocious. I have to believe that it was the script and direction because pretty much all of the dialog in this piece was horrible. There are so many holes and unexplained actions. I know what they were going for but I really don't know what this is supposed to be about. I'm not sure that the writers or director truly know what this is about. I only watched it though to the end because I wanted to write a review and I prefer not to review something that I didn't watch all the through to the end. I really wish I didn't watch all of this though. For everything in this movie that didn't make sense, the ending is probably the clear winner. If you can do anything else besides watch this movie, do whatever that something else is. Do your taxes, go to the dentist, have dinner with the in-laws. But, don't watch this horrific (not horror) film. The reason that I rated this 3 out of 10 stars and not something lower is because I actually have seen worse films.
Spoiler alert!
Everything from here on is a spoiler.
It was explained that the people in the group had committed crimes so they were cloned since they could afford to buy a clone. The originals were executed but the clones weren't able to leave. Of course, at least one person, Mia, was there voluntarily because it was her husband that committed the crime. Apparently, they were all there voluntarily because one of them was looking into getting James a passport so he could leave. Fast forward to the end and everybody is leaving although they were stuck there. Then James, for some unknown reason, decides to stay although the resort is closed and he'll have no place to stay. Just doesn't make sense.
Hellraiser (2022)
This is just bad.
This was a long and drawn out horrible movie. I'm not particularly a fan of remakes or sequels and this failed miserably at both. The way it's titled and promoted, it's a remake of the original film but the way it was actually filmed, the storyline, and the script would indicate that it's a sequel. Most remakes are really an update of the original that tells the same story in a different way. If you watch both you'd see the similarities. While sequels will typically be a branch off the original movie. This was neither. And if it was either, it was a bad attempt. Comparing it to the other Hrllrsiser movies, specifically 1-3 or 4, this deserves 1 star. But, on it's own without being compared to it's predecessors, this would rate no higher than 3 stars. I've seen worse but I've also seen so many more that are so much better.
Cerdita (2022)
Not especially bad but definitely not great either.
I've seen a lot of bad reviews for this movie with many of them noting the not so great English dubbing. Yes, the dubbing wasn't the best that it could've been but most dubbed movies aren't. It seemed that they were reading the script as opposed to actually voice acting. The ideas presented in Piggy were good. Overall, everything was making sense until the last 15 or 20 minutes. Then, everything that was happen was all over the place. It was difficult to determine who was good, who was bad, what was happening, and why. The ending really didn't make much sense nor the activities leading up to the ending. Overall, it was a horrible film but really could've been made better.
Blue Beetle (2023)
Corny, predictable, and disappointing.
This was horrible. I was very disappointed in this movie. I understand that it's supposed to be an action comedy but this was multiple swings and misses. The comedic effort was lackluster with too many corny jokes and forced humor. There were a few jokes that truly did hit but most were weak attempts at juvenile jokes that simply missed. It seemed like they took the best of "The Greatest American Hero", "The Incredibles", and "Spy Kids", threw all of it out, then used the rest to make this. Every part of when he first was learning his powers was pulled straight out of "The Greatest American Hero". I felt like I was watching several episodes back to back. Of course, when his family was in trouble he did everything except what he should have. He could have easily knocked the helicopter out of the sky then went to deal with his father. But, if that would've happened there wouldn't be a reason for him to be distracted and captured. This is not a problem though because his family will band together and fly a ship they've never been in or even seen, utilize weapons they've never seen, and infiltrate a stronghold they know nothing about. I know this is fiction and superhero fantasy but for it to work the audience has to be able to believe that some of what's happening is plausible. At least possible in theory even though they know that it's not possible in reality. Things that are happening just don't make sense. It really felt like this was a first effort (college project) for everyone involved except for the special effects team. The special effects team had a blank check while the writers, casting team, and director were on a strict budget. The previews were promising and I was excited to see this. Unfortunately, it didn't live up to the hype.
Double Cross (2020)
This is just bad
Double Cross is so horribly bad. The only double cross is to the viewer. We were led to believe that this show would be good. As it turns out, it's simmering hot garbage. It's been a long time since I've seen something that was so horribly written, so horribly acted, and with a story line that is so ridiculous. They have some decent ideas but they are trying to do too much too fast and trying to do it all at the same time. The dialogue is unbelievable as well as the activities. This probably could have been good if it were actually a comedy instead of trying to be a drama. The police are inept. One of them is a barely functioning alcoholic. The doctors are a joke. Of course, one of them is a serial killer. Or, at the very least, trying to be. I'm surprised this even got picked up at all. This is like a horrible made for TV movie turned into an even worse series. It's so bad that there's even a ghetto pimp wanna be Shaft Batman & a ghetto Cat Woman looking like a high dollar streetwalker. The cliches are endless. This is bad.
Poltergeist (2015)
This was horrible.
I've never really been a fan of remakes and reboots and this movie is exactly the reason why. The acting was subpar, except for the father. The ex-wife of the "Poltergeist Hunter" was half-bad either but I'm sure she would be better in a better role. This movie was poorly written, poorly acted, and horribly directed. This probably shouldn't have been remade in the first place but since they did, they probably should've stuck to the original, made some updates for the times, and took the time to find the right actors and the right director. This seemed like they were going for more laughs than they were for scares. It's unfortunate too because this could've been a great remake.
Paranoia (2013)
Another mediocre movie banking on big names
This movie wasn't the worst I've seen but it could've been better in so many ways. They had a lot of big names with a lot of star power but the script was bland and predictable. Many of the situations were no surprise. I won't detail any of them here because anybody that cares even the slightest about movie quality will be able to figure it out. Although a lot of the tech was conceivable, the way they presented it was unbelievable. I realize that they only have 90 to 120 minutes to present a lot of info and reach a conclusion but it's better to leave out some unnecessary details if it will allow you to focus on the most important details. I guess it could've been worse but not by much.
The Goldbergs: Flowers for Barry (2023)
Crash & Burn
This show has been on a nose dive since they fired Jeff Garlin (Murray Goldberg, the dad). Everything since his leaving the show has been horribly written and mostly not funny. This is going the same way as "Schooled" (spinoff of The Goldbergs) when they fired Bryan Callen (Coach Rick Mellor). This was once a great show and had the potential to end at the top of its game but instead it'll end like all of the others that took similar actions. I'll still watch every episode since there are only 3 left but I'm pretty sure it won't get any better. They probably should've ended it when they fired Jeff. I guess they didn't realize that once the patriarch of the family is killed off (unlike the actual father), nothing that follows will be able to be true to the original premise of the show.
The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
Horrible movie
This was a horrible movie. It made no sense and was not the least hit scary. This movie made no sense and there were too many things happening that seemed to happen for no reason. This was poorly written and poorly acted. The purge function made no sense at all. Why would a purge function involve killing every employee in the facility? A purge function should destroy all of the monsters or at least just make them inert. Instead, this movie made the purge function an easy to activate suicide switch. The characters did kind of remind me of the Scooby Doo characters. Curt Vaughn as Fred Jones, Jules Louden as Daphne Blake, Dana Polk as Velma Dinkley, and Marty Mikalski as Shaggy Rogers. They even had an obviously well used motor home as the Mystery Machine. The only character missing was Scooby Doo. Guess they couldn't find a talking dog or any other animal that was willing to fill in. This was really bad. I did like the betting and conversation amongst the facility employees though. I guess I'll change my rating to 2 stars just for that alone. I have to admit that I have seen worse but some of those were at least somewhat scary. Don't waste your time with this. I only watched it through to the end because I had already watched so much that I was committed to seeing if it got any better. Spoiler alert: it didn't. It may have actually got worse.