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Reviews
The Holden Girls: Mandy & Myrtle (2021)
Not sure why the negative reviews
Up to episode 5 now and absolutely loving it. Not often a programme like this makes me laugh out loud. Good to see Amanda not taking herself seriously as well.
Widow's Walk (2019)
Dreary, eerie and depressing (in a good way)
A very well made indie horror film. Not in the traditional sense of horror - there aren't jump scares galore but it is horror in the psychological sense. It's beautifully shot and the soundtrack is excellent. The scenery is grey, cold and depressing reminding me of Under The Skin. Great acting from the lead characters. Would definitely recommend it
Shallow Creek Cult (2013)
I can't believe this is actually a movie.
I found this on Amazon Prime and I hate to say it, but it's the worst film I've ever seen. It's the sort of film I would have made with a video camera when I was 12. It's got 28 ratings on IMDb and 2 reviews. I've never seen so few. Sorry King Jeff but I won't be recommending this to anyone in a great hurry... You can't hear the dialogue, nothing happens in the entire film, the characters are not likable and the introduction section of people discussing the cult is one of the most embarrassing things I've had the misfortune to clap my eyes upon. The other review on here refers to this as 'bottom of the barrel' and I couldn't say I agree more.
The Human Race (2013)
Hideous, just hideous!
*Contains Spoilers* From the first few minutes, you can tell that this is going to be an absolute turkey. So many times I thought 'I should turn this off now as I'm wasting my life' but it got to a point where I thought I should just finish it, in case something amazing happens at the end...
The fact that the movie begins by focusing on the life of a young woman, creating a back story for her and her family, with an array of short scenes lasting about 16 seconds each, would make you think that she would be the protagonist in this feature. Well, I was mistaken, as she is then killed off a few minutes later. I thought that something would happen later to revisit these initial scenes, but again I was sorely mistaken. The first ten minutes have nothing to do with anything. Lazy filmmaking.
With that out the way, it gets into the main storyline which I believe is an interesting concept. Loads of people in a random place, no idea how they got there and having to take part in a race, a survival of the fittest. This concept however is poorly executed.
If you don't follow the race path you die, if you step on grass you die and if someone overtakes you twice you will also die. This is repeated in the movie about 50 times, just in case you forget the rules. Everything that follows in the racing scenes appears to be loosely thrown together, mainly relying on improvisation and the various stereotypical characters barking/fighting with each other. You can't really identify with any characters and none are likable. The deaths aren't particularly gruesome and there are a vast number of laugh out loud moments which I'm sure the filmmakers didn't intend.
The ending is just preposterous. You are left wondering what has just happened in the last 90 minutes of your life. PS2 graphics are also abundant in the final scenes. I have no idea what the writers were thinking.
I feel as though the good reviews on this site have been left by people involved with the film and their friends, because nobody in their right mind could actually LIKE this. Definitely do not buy. It's on Netflix though, so if you want a movie that is so despicably bad that it becomes hilarious, then I would recommend.
Eden Lodge (2015)
What is this?
*Contains Spoilers*
I just don't know what this was to be quite honest. I think I looked at the display time at one point and 52 minutes had gone, 15 minutes remaining and nothing had happened yet.
I saw this DVD very cheap and it appeared aesthetically intriguing from the cover and the blurb. After watching the film though I was wondering who are the people on the front of the DVD case? Who are the pictures of on the back, they weren't in the film?! It's like the budget went on the DVD case (even though it looks like it was pretty much copied from 2008's Eden Lake)
I managed to sit through the whole thing (although it's relatively short), I only continued watching it in case there was a great twist ending but alas - nothing happened.
The movie plot is similar to Vacancy (also very similar opening credits!), a car breaks down and the family have to stay in a B&B while their car is fixed. But instead of the owners making a snuff movie of them like in Vacancy, the family enjoy about three nights in a really nice, quiet, luxurious guest accommodation. After that the owner kills a few people, some without much of a motive it seems (the farmer and the guy camping). The couple run around for a bit and then the film ends.
This is not scary and I wouldn't deem it a horror movie. There is a bit of violence/gore but nothing that you'll lose sleep over. In all fairness, I would probably stay at Eden Lodge. It looks very relaxing/comfortable and I would just lock my door if I didn't want the old woman owner to inflict harm upon me. It's only Ā£65 for a night too.
In conclusion, nothing really happens. Don't pay money for it. If it ends up on Netflix, laugh at it as part of your subscription.