Change Your Image
karinafaolin
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
65 (2023)
Not a Real Movie; No Script
The average autotuned Pop song has more words than this movie did. I wouldn't even consider it a movie as it had no script.
It didn't make sense. Why was there a child on the expedition ship? Why would two people on the same Expedition Ship not speak the same language?
It said he was leaving for 2 years at the beginning to make money for his child illness. But then on the expedition, it mentioned his kid died on his last expedition? So what expedition was this one? Was it just some random, subsequent mission? Why jump so far like that without any mention?
Later I realized this was made by the same folk as A Quiet Place. Wish I'd looked at that before seeing it. That was another movie without a script. While I didn't like that movie, this one was considerably worse.
Don't waste your money. Go stare at a wall if you want to kill an hour and 33 minutes. You'll enjoy yourself more.
Fifty Shades Freed (2018)
I was very aware this was Twilight FanFic
I'll be honest, I didn't see the other movies, or read the books. I am, however, aware that this started out as a Twilight FanFic, and have read the first Twilight book, the first 200 pages of the 2nd Twilight book(before throwing it out), and I saw all the Twilight movies. And I really got a sense during this movie, that they took the parts of Twilight that made it so awful (James, Victoria, the lot), and somehow morphed into garbage with incomplete sex scenes.
I was in pain this movie was so bad. I only gave it such a high rating of 3 stars, because I've had the misfortune of seeing worse movies.
The plot, like I said earlier, was pretty much the deal with James and Victoria and Twilight with different characters and incomplete sex scenes.
The movie is mostly a show of Ana shirtless. And I hear a lot of people say pornography is degrading to women, and I'm not saying it isn't, but this is worse.
At least with porn, you do one job and you do it well.
Instead this was a woman showing her breasts continuously, being sexed by her disgusting husband constantly, but without it actually fulfilling the duty of pornography, because we never see the man's junk, just her shirtless continuously. Sometimes we just see her breasts for the sake of seeing her breasts. Sorry, but if I want to just see different poses of a woman's breasts over and over again, I'll go follow tittyporn on Tumblr for free.
The didn't have enough substance to be a story; the movie didn't have enough(or any for that matter) dick to be porn.
The one Harlequin Romance book I finished, Wrong Bed Christmas, had more story than this garbage.
The Shape of Water (2017)
The setting ruined the movie
So the movie is about a mute girl falling in love with a merfolk god thingy. I feel that in this decade of remakes, that this, something so much different from the movies this decade, had potential to be really good. But apparently the 2010s are not good enough for the 2010s.
The movie is set in the 1960s, completely unnecessary and irrelevant to the them of a human falling in love with a merfolk.
Then they had to add all this stuff about the Soviets and the Americans hating each other, and of course the one guy had to be a Russian spy. It ruined the movie.
Movies often tell us a lot about the decade they come from. When you watch documentaries about the 1980s or the 1990s or whatever, the entertainment plays a big role.
I feel that in the future, the 2010s is going to be looked on as the decade of pasts.
Most of the movies and tv shows are remakes. And the ones that aren't are set in the past.
As for music, yeah, there's new music out there, but the radio stations still play 90% 80s music.
I feel cheated out of my 20s.
Also, while I didn't care much for this movie, I am highly annoyed with the Tumblrinas accusing this movie as "triggering" them with is horrendous violence and rape scenes. By today's standards, where many movies, tv shows, and books are just mindless killings, gun shots, and fighting, this movie was barely violent. And there was no rape in the movie.
Your entitled to hate a movie, but don't go accusing Guillermo Del Toro and the movie rating people for being awful, evil, disgusting people because a cat got eaten in a work of fiction.
The Big Bang Theory (2007)
laugh track and sex jokes
I'll be honest, the first 2 seasons are watchable garbage. Meaning there's no substance to the show---no in depth plot or good character development---but it's entertaining to watch. After that, with the introduction of Amy Farrah Fowler and Bernadette, the show goes from watchable garbage to just garbage. And in the past few seasons(I'm writing this in January 2018 for reference) it has become painfully insufferable to watch,
The show doesn't really have interesting events or scenarios. It is mostly Sheldon saying/doing something against social code, followed by laugh track, followed by Leonard pointing out how ridiculous Sheldon is, followed by laugh track, followed by Penny walking in, followed by laugh track, followed by Leonard hitting on Penny, followed by laugh track, followed by a never ending supply of horrible, not funny sex jokes, often told by Howard(though not limited to him), followed by laugh track, followed by Raj whining about how miserable his life is, followed by laugh track. Sometimes there will be just awkward silence followed by laugh track.
You know when you're flipping through channels on tv, and you can always hear a brief second of sound of each channel before going up to the next channel? Well, 9/10 times when I land on Big Bang Theory, the sound is laugh track. Try it yourself. Wait for Big Bang Theory to come on, then go to that channel, then hit the last button on your remote, and then keep doing this. And 9/10 times that brief moment of sound you'll get when landing on Big Bang Theory is laugh track.
But while punishing those whose only crime was going to a live screening of a tv show in the 50s, only to have their laugh recorded, and now spend eternity being forced to laugh at not funny things, such as, but not limited to this show(The Big Bang Theory), there are other things that make this show insufferable, such as how it tries to teach us horribly wrong things such as:
-all pretty girls are dumb sluts
-all smart girls are ugly and completely devoid of social skills
-girls in comic book stores is a rarity
-nerdy girls dress in clothes that haven't been in style since 1910
-nerds only study science
-smart people hate average intelligent people
Then other parts of the show don't make sense. Like would a guy like Sheldon, who's so anal about food to put his cereal in order of fiber content, consume the ever feared chemical aspartame which in his beloved diet Coke?
Leonard and Penny would never be a couple in real life, because they have zero common interests, and both would be bored being with the other. And Howard is a creep and probably would've landed a sexual harassment lawsuit, or at least been fired from his job for being so perverse towards women.
But in the end, the people who were born the year Big Bang Theory came out are now in grade 5. The show has run it course, and really ought to be cancelled.
Young Sheldon (2017)
Better Than Big Bang Theory
No Raj. No Amy Farrah Fowler. No Bernadette's annoying voice. No laugh track. No disgusting sex, I mean, "coitus", jokes because it's about a 9-year- old. No Leonard pretending he's not a nerd. It's like Big Bang Theory without all the side garbage.
Still sucks though. Also, just throwing this out there, pretty sure super geniuses tend to have a poor sense of style and not great hygiene. Young Sheldon should be wearing jeans/sweats and a hoodie and have messy hair. Just saying.
Wind River (2017)
best movie 2017
This was the best movie I've seen this year. It was really well done; great acting; great plot line. You can feel the characters' emotions while watching the movie. It was also very original, not like any of the other movies that you would've seen in the last while. It's really, really, sad and depressing though, so be prepared for that.
The Hitman's Bodyguard (2017)
better than I thought it would be
It was one of the better movies I've seen in the past few years, I'll give it that. I would've given it 10 stars, if it hadn't been for the fact that it was dragged out by mindless, killing scenes or just continuous gun shooting. The other problem I have with it is that it has an overdone "moral" at the end, and some of the jokes were too forced, and all that political theme is also overdone. They could've worked out some of the background and reasoning for the characters' behavior better to be more creative.
If you're reading reviews on here because you're going to the movies tonight, I would suggest, if you want a comedy, to go see Logan Lucky instead(it's funnier), or if you don't care if it's funny or not, Wind River is also a lot better than this movie.
Logan Lucky (2017)
Best Comedy I've Seen in 10 Years
I saw this movie at random(because I go to the movies for the sake of going to the movies, so I watch pretty much everything). That being said, I've seen at least 1/4 of the movies that have come out in theatres since 2010, and this was the best comedy I've seen in the last 10 years. Most comedies lately rely on soft core sex scenes and smoking weed for humor, which gets boring when that's every comedy movie. (Don't get me wrong, that can be funny, but it's just been so overdone). Anyway, I laughed continuously through this movie.
The VVitch: A New-England Folktale (2015)
hire a linguist
I'm not sure what the point of this movie was. You never really find out exactly what happened. You're sort of left wondering what the point of the last 92 minutes was.
The main problem with this movie was that they tried (and failed) to write it in an older dialect of English and failed miserably, because, despite being filmed in Toronto which has at least 2 universities offering a linguistics program, they failed to ask a linguist how to speak the English properly.
They used the word "thou/thee/thy/thine" as opposed to "you/your/yours" throughout the movie. The first problem with this is that this movie is happening after the Brits invading North America. The term "thou" died before this. The second problem with this is that they used the term incorrectly. The word "thou" is the singular second person pronoun, whereas "you" was the plural second person pronoun, or the singular polite second person. If you speak French, the word "thou" is the equivalent of the word "tu" and the word "you" is the equivalent of the word "vous". At one point, William says to his children, "All of thee stop that!" and even a week later I am still cringing. Other wrong parts, is that for some reason, we assume the first settlers must have spoken present-day British English (even though there is no "one" British English), when in reality, North American English, specifically Canadian English is, is more like Old English than any dialect of British English. One major part of this was the the characters took part in the deletion of h's and coda r's. Do you know how we know the first Brits to come to North America pronounced all the r's and h's? Because we in North America still pronounce all our r's and h's. What, did these people think Brits had stopped pronouncing r's and h's long before they came to North America and that somehow the sounds reappeared in North American English? The other problem is they went all Shakespearean style in their talking. Shakespeare not only happened 200 years before the time of this movie, but it was written in poetic prose meant to be like candy to the ears and did not reflect how people actually spoke. How would you feel if people 500 years from now looked at our poetry and assumed we all talked in ridiculous rhymes like that? The whole movie was an ear sore. Next time either hire a linguist, or just talk normally.
London Has Fallen (2016)
i fell asleep
This was just your typical boring political, everything-blowing-up movie. I was pretty disgusted with it. It pretty much glorified the cycle-of-violence. Saying, "It's OK to kill innocent people for no reason. but when they get revenge, they're bad people. So we're good people for trying to kill more of their people." The whole movie was just stuff blowing up. London is getting attacked by these terrorists who are trying to get revenge for acts of terrorism committed to to them. Like I said, cycle of violence. On the bright side, the movie was pretty level-volume, so it was easy for me to fall asleep in it, or else I would have been falling out of my seat bored.
How to Be Single (2016)
was surprisingly good
I went in expecting garbage, no lies. That's what most new comedies have been lately, just sad attempts at not-funny sexual jokes with little-to-no plot. This movie in particular is based off a book, so maybe that's why it did so much better. The movie had a weak plot, but it was interesting nonetheless. All the characters and situations were believable. The movie looked at issues that are common to both men and women in their 20s and 30s, and explored the pros and cons of these issues, and turned it into something funny. The only unbelievable part was that a beligerent, careless chick (Robin) could land a job at a prestigious law firm. I enjoyed the movie.
The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013)
Best and Worst Casting Ever
In comparison to other movies based on dystopia-ish teen books, this one is probably the best. Unlike Divergent and Maze Runner, there was an actual story in this other than mindless fighting that breaks the laws of physics. Story-wise, this movie deserves a 6/10. It was watchable. And unlike when I watched Divergent and Maze Runner, none of my brain cells died from dealing with boredom and stupidity. But what brought this movie up from a 6 to an 8 for me, was the casting. In some ways, this was the worse casting ever, in that whoever casted it had no concept of age. I mean, you really want me to believe a man born in 1977 spawned a kid born in 1988? But all that aside, OMG EVERY CHARACTER IN THIS MOVIE WAS UNBELIEVABLY GORGEOUS!!! So I'm watching this, at at the first scene I'm just ogling over Luke. And then I'm ogling over Jace, and Alec. And my male friends were just sitting there drooling over Clary. Whoever did the casting for Magic Mike should take a lesson and cast these hotties instead of the fugly druggies they casted in Magic Mike.
Dirty Grandpa (2016)
0/10 Isn't an Option in this Rating System so I had to Give it a 1
I would say this was the worst movie I had ever seen, but that would be Burnt. But be aware that this is in the top 5 worst movies I have ever seen. I hadn't had high hopes for this movies. I had gone to see Zach Efron shirtless. But not even Zach Efron strutting around his abs shirtless is worth sitting through the insufferable script of that movie. It was just absolutely disgusting wise-crack overly sexual joke after another.
I would suggest bringing some bottles of Pepto Max with you, because the people sitting in front of you will thank you for not vomiting on their heads as you watch the scene where senior citizen Robert De Niro jerks off in front of his grandson and then precedes to clean the semen mess. (I am drinking Pepto as I write this).
I would say the worst part of the movie was when they decided to make jokes of Zach Efron being a pedophile, but I guess that would be a biased opinion considering that was about the time I walked out of the theatre.
Thankfully, Cineplex refunded me for that garbage.
Burnt (2015)
Worst Movie Ever
Now, I'm going to be honest. I actually didn't watch the whole movie. I walked out about 50 minutes in and asked Cineplex for a refund because my head was on the verge of exploding from boredom. To say this movie was insufferable would be an understatement. Every character in the movie spoke a very different dialect of English, making my brain hurt. Not to mention there were also 2 dialects of French and 1 dialect of Italian in there. The movie didn't make sense. For one, being high on crack/drunk 24/7 causes sexual impotence. He would go and see his doctor and she would sit there quoting random famous people. The conversations didn't make any sense..
Anyway, I have only ever walked out of 2 other movies: Eat Pray Love and Magic Mike, and I got at least 1.5 hours into those two.
It would take skill to make a movie worse than this one. I would have rather watched the snow that appeared on TVs in the 90s when the cable went out.
Backcountry (2014)
Man Gets Eaten By Bear
It's like NatGeoWild's World's Deadliest meets Jamie Oliver. It takes the hunting skill of a deadly predator(a sexy black bear in this case), and adds the delicious flavour that only Jamie Oliver could do.
The movie has only 5 characters:
Jen: Who is in the entire movie
Alex: Who is in the movie for the most part until he is eaten;
The Park Ranger: Who rightfully calls Alex an idiot for not taking a map, and tells him to stay off the closed trail;
Brad: Who guts and prepares a fish for 20 minutes, and then reappears at the end;
The Bear: Who puts his human-hand-like nose against the tent for a while, and later indulges himself on the delicious wonder and glory which is Alex.
I give this movie 10/10. Would watch again. Definitely recommend you go see it.