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jmzalapa
Reviews
Fallout (2024)
One of the best games brought to life!
Can't help but fanboy out at this show! The pre-war and Vault set pieces are straight out of the games, with that retro-futuristic blend of awesome that makes this universe so compelling. The show has solid attention to detail in so many awesome ways. Also, I like the Die Hard nod with Lucy McLean's name coupled with her badassery.
Seeing the training camp for the Brotherhood of Steel, and the realistic way their culture is put to film is awesome. I'm one episode in and hooked. Can't wait to see where this show goes! I'll throw in more as I binge the hell out of it. Based off of Epsidode 1, though, sits at a 9/10 for shows.
Don't Worry Darling (2022)
Not bad, but not a new concept.
The idyllic 1950s Era being twisted into a nightmarish experience is not a new troupe, but this manages to take it to a bit darker of a place.
The premise is very much a hybrid of The Stepford Wives and Get Out, but with a Matrix-esqe twist. All in all, it's not bad, but it's not great either. There are plot elements that really don't make sense....
***SPOILERS BELOW****
The airplane that kicks the whole plot off doesn't really make sense other than being a Maguffin causing the plot to happen. It's never explored.or explained beyond just being there. Without it, the movie can't happen but it shouldn't exist if everyone is existing within a computer program.
Same problem with the two earthquakes that happen; if everyone within the Victory program is in a different location, how are they all experiencing the earthquakes if they are in a program? If it's a part of the program, we'll, why? Makes no sense.
Also, why have files on people within the Victory project if everyone is a real person? Why not just keep them in the real world? I'm sure the red suits, Doctor and Frank all communicate in the real world too.
Also also, Alice's hallucinations: why? What purpose do they serve other than atmosphere? What's causing them? I could see the ones about the real world seeping back in, but Margaret bonking her head against the mirror in the ballet studio doesn't make sense... neither does Alice's reflection doing its own thing in the bath. They're there for Creep factor, but don't serve any real purpose to the story.
The film is well shot and well acted, but there's several loose threads and more of the "real world" could have been explored. Not a new concept, but not a bad watch either. Might do a second watch to pick up more details, but overall.... just okay.
Manhunter (1986)
An 80s time capsule
So, I'm not going to compare this to Red Dragon, or weigh Brian Cox and Anthony Hopkins against eachother. This is purely an objective observation of this film as a stand alone, apart from subsequent movies.... with one exception at the end of my rant.
First off, the speaking patterns of almost everyone but Willam Petersen's Will Graham is just.... weird. The pacing seems off and the emotion is either flat or melodramatic. Francis Dolarhyde is about as intimidating as a singular, stretches out tube sock: gangly, bleach white and lonely... but not scary.
The score, setting, costumes, lighting and camera work is a complete, straight to VHS 80s steam pile. It feels either like a Robert Palmer video or a Tina Turner video (both equally cheesy) with the garish blue, rose and washed out white lighting. I can't figure out if the intent was to date itself, ignorant of timelessness, or it felt that *this* was the pinnacle of art: 1980s big city and 1980s Florida.
It's a meh acted, poorly shot movie with a really good premise. Now, the only comparison I'll make between this and Silence of the Lambs is that the former firmly dates itself with score, lighting, costumes and set pieces; the latter has an air of timelessness to it, even with the aspects that are clearly 1989/1990.
In short, it's just not a good film, regardless of comparison to the subsequent Thomas Harris adaptations.
They Cloned Tyrone (2023)
Blaxpoitation Tuskegee Experiment
There are a lot of really interesting themes this movie touches on: the trap of hood life and cycle of poverty; control through commercial products and marketing; black folk used as guinea pigs; assimilation being better than annihilation. All this, while wrapped in a blaxploitation style action, dark comedy mystery. Though, I'm a little let down that they're only touched on and not expanded on.
I'm reminded of themes in "Get Out" and the "Foxxy Brown Vs the Board of Education" episode of drawn together (particularly with the Grape Drank, fried chicken and hair creme to keep the people docile and satiated). It's certainly not subtile in its messages, even while tying them in to a goofy sci-fi mystery plo. Overt doesn't necessarily mean well executed, unfortunately. I think some of these themes could be better explored or expanded upon through better dialogue, instead of everything being an attempt at a punchline. Maybe more of a redemption arc with Fontaine realizing he was part of the problem.
All in all, a decently funny and relevant movie that could have used better dialogue, better usage of themes and for god's sake, better lighting. 3/4 of the scenes were shot darker than a DCU film. Worth a watch, but probably a one and done.
Nefarious (2023)
Well acted twist on a familiar plot device
So this movie borrows plots from Primal Fear and Fallen, but takes a slightly different approach. First off, Flanery is fantastic in this film. All of the tension, all of the horror comes straight from his dialogue and presence. For as minimal as the film is (the majority taking place in an interview room) and without the flashbacks of Primal Fear or cat-and-mouse of Fallen, the film grabs your attention and holds it. Worth a watch, maybe even a rewatch.
***SPOILERS BELOW****
Alright, what didn't make sense to me is why the gun didn't fire. Was this divine intervention? Part of the Demon's plot the whole time? It seems like the Doc would be more likely to turn to a heavenly savior for protection after a failed, demon induced suicide attempt. It felt a little wonky, like.it was trying to instill a question or a twist, but missed.
Also, the ending with the homeless lady being possessed by Nefarious seemed a little "Tales from the Crypt" flavor of cheesy to me. Otherwise, Flanery carried the movie on his intensity and delivery alone. While he's no Anthony Hopkins' Lecter, it's still a pretty darn good performance.
***EDIT***
After reading some of the reviews, folk on the religious side of the isle seem to like it, while folk on the fervently anti-religious side of the isle lambast it for being Christian propaganda. Me personally? Apathetic agnostic, probably. Not everything has to be politicized; a movie can just be entertaining. This is by no means some horrid "Christian" movie like "Left Behind." So the Demon makes a point about abortion being loved by denizens of hell. Oooooooooo... big whoop. It's like the TV Preacher in the "Dawn of the Dead" remake talking about how god will judge mankind, citing gay marriage and abortions. If you disagree and you also happen to be a sane person, you'll probably just shrug it off. This movie wasn't overtly (or really covertly) religious; get over yourself when something presents an opinion you disagree with (I'm talking to both sides of the isle in general, but the ones on the left in this case). A low budget thriller movie won't change anyone's political or religious beliefs, so quit being obnoxious and appreciate acting chops when you see them.
Locked In (2023)
Cheesy, predictable soap opera dreck.
Boy, what a waste of my evening. This movie telegraphs the "mystery" punch harder than a fixed fight. It's like a Lifetime channel whodunnit, which surely has its audience, but I'm certainly not it. The film does have some okay camerawork for the underwater sequence, but most of it is soap opera close ups. The acting is melodramatic, the score is melodramatic, the writing and storyline are sophomoric and the pacing drags this film out far too long. Also, somehow a nurse is a criminal investigator, too. Makes very little sense.
When you have a "whodunnit" with 5 characters, two of them are dead-ish, one is an investigator and the last two are entangled, it's not to difficult to figure out the mystery. And the Big Twist doesn't even make sense, with the doctor having an affair with both Lena and Katherine to what? Hedge his bets? And the nurse solves the whole thing, start to finish with figuring out the first three letters of "murder?" And wait... Lena's mom was murdered? Just gonna drop that little nugget and never mention it again? Its like the writers had plot points written on sticky notes, taped to the wall and threw darts to see which ones they used... even if none get fleshed out.
Shame, because there are a lot of elements that could have been explored here: Lena and Katherine's relationship as an adopted mother/daughter dynamic, Lena's Florence Nightingale syndrome with her husband, the whole title and theme of "locked in" and the literal manor having its own pull to drive the characters into a more believable madness. But instead, we get this disjointed snooze fest.
Total nonsensical dreck. Skip it. (Two stars because the nurse exclaiming "eff a duck" made me laugh.(
The Pale Blue Eye (2022)
Like me in my goth phase: gloomy, brooding and a little bit dumb.
The cinematography is excellent; its dark, but not so overly dark that the viewer cant see whats going on. The score adds to the overall sense of eerieness and tension without being cheesy. The acting can get a little melodramatic at points, but overall is fair.
There's not a lot to emotionally invest in the characters, though, with the exception of the ending (though it's only a mild payoff).
The little name drops of Poe's work throught te film at times are fun, and at other times feel shoe-horned.
**** SPOILER AHEAD****
While the twist at the end was a bit of a surprise and shed light on some of the character motivation, it's not such a shock that you didn't know *something* was coming. As for the "main surprise villian(s)," it was pretty sophomoric and illogical. Had that been the end of the film, it would have warranted a lambasting.
This film is an average, one-and-done watch that is saved by the camera work and Poe's charm, despite a southern drawl.... yes, yes, he spent a great deal of his youth in Virginia, but was partially educated in England and for some reason, the accent (while probably correct) seems out of place.
The Midnight Club (2022)
Boring, teenie-bopper drama with decent acting at times.
Well, this was a letdown. Shame, because the young actors are actually pretty talented. The supporting characters were more interesting and dynamic than the main two, but that's just a function of the lame writing. Some of the short stories were interesting explorations in character and, in particular, young people dealing with mortality. The main story line however, was thin, easily figured out and very boring. There was very little that produced genuine dread or scares beyond a jump or two; most of the plot revolved around teenage relationship drama and an extra boring "will they/ won't they."
Also, call me a stickler for continuity, but the show takes place in 1994; some of the music, including the Green Day song the kids sing at the water line, weren't released until the late 90s. Little things like that show either attention to detail if done right, or laziness if done wrong. In this case, it was laziness.
Final take: while there are some interesting short stories, good set pieces and decent acting, it's not worth the watch. Skip it. Unless you like teen drama.
Morbius (2022)
Jared Leto is... The Bat-Man!
Man, where to start on this snooze fest. It's like someone took every troupe and cliche, mashed them together and made this film.
You can guess the plot if you've ever seen a movie.
The dialogue doesn't exist.
The action scenes are a blurry CGI mess.
The characters are wooden and uninteresting.
Plenty of things make no sense, such as why Dr Bancroft was in the ICU on a ventilator after getting knocked mildly unconscious?
Why did the bats not also bond with Milo?
Do the bat men control electric lighting, or is that just lazy cliché writing?
Why would police shoot at a fleeing suspect who has committed no evident crime?
Why are these two detectives everywhere something happens? This is New York!
Just dumb, man. Try harder. Honestly, the only reason I gave it 4 stars is because I'm trying to make myself feel better about the 20 bucks I just spent to watch this brain dead film.... the real vampirism was to my wallet.
Hypnotic (2021)
Lazy, predictable tropes galore
Weaponised hypnosis is a cool idea, as done in The Manchurian Candidate, but this doesn't even come close to that level of execution. Instead, it treats hypno-therapy like a psychic or magical enterprise, and name-drops MK-Ultra for credibility. Meanwhile, the film plays out like a prime-time TV crime drama.
The characters are two dimensional, wooden stereotypes that give no reason for audience investment. The dialogue also lacks dynamics or interesting elements of character development. The plot is both linear and predictable. While the set pieces and lighting are well done (even though they tried for the Hannibal Lecter eye trick, but made it overly obvious), it's not enough to redeem this snooze fest of a film.
A Cure for Wellness (2016)
A visually beautiful but long, meandering, lazily written 'Meh' of a film.
The cinematography in this film is absolutely gorgeous, and not just encapsulating the scenic beauty and set pieces. Excellent use of reflection, light and angling make this an excellent bit of eye candy.
The plot and twist however, can be figured out early in the first act by anyone whose ever watched a movie before. It's as if the writers sat down with copies of Shutter Island, Phantom of the Opera and China Town, stitched them together and threw a John Hughes ending in just for fun.
Ultimately, there are some pretty decent plot holes, like how the protagonist is able to undo the power of the Jedi Unagi to save the day? How is the entire staff in on it? How does Unagi power actually work? How has absolutely nobody come asking about the patients there, especially the ones who've died?
I've seen several positive reviewers applaud the Donald/Ivanka connection, but really the same could be said for Jessica Simpson and her dad, or that time Tom Brady open mouth kissed his son on the lips. Really, it's just lazy writing to make the viewer squirm some and remove any redeeming value from the main antagonist.
To sum up, this film was beautiful dreck... thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
The Golem (2018)
Cool Premise; Stupid Movie
It's very rare to see Hebrew lore in horror films, let alone any films. Too bad it's most recent representation was in this steam pile.
It's like someone said, "Hey, the Witch was really good, with that whole period horror thing... Let's do that, only Jewish! Then, let's take out the period dialogue, set it in an ambiguous time in history, cast two-dimensional actors and have a highschool student work the cinematography... Then, let's rip off the background score to the Indiana Jones franchise."
It's weird, but on one hand, I like that they didn't explain any of the mythos behind some of the teachings and mysticism in the movie. On the other hand, I hate that they didn't explain any of the mythos and mysticism in the movie. Seriously, I ended up leaving the subtitles on with Google at the ready. Without a background to what's happening, it's all just movie mumbo jumbo.
I will say that the kid in this film is genuinely creepy. And, so is the female lead, but only because she looks like a Gelfling prototype.
All in all, I gave it 5 stars for using an original premise,and that's being generous. That premise aside and you've got yourself a very flat and unoriginal story that failed to deliver any sort of sympathy to the characters' motivation. Swiiiiing and a miss, guys.
Time Trap (2017)
Cool concept; devolves into schlock halfway through.
The initial premise of a cave that exists outside of time is pretty cool, I'll admit. The initial cinematography is good and the acting is decent up until about the halfway point, then it gets both silly and poorly shot.
It tries to tie itself back together at the end, but it's too damn silly by this point. The action sequences are awful, the set is awful, the camera work is lazy and the acting is bad. It's like two movies stitched together and they only had enough talent for the first 40 minutes.
I'm all for suspension of disbelief, but at a certain point, it just goes too far to bee redeemed. Swiiiiing and a miss, guys.
Displacement (2016)
Charmless Sci-Fi B-flick nonsense
Ho boy.... Where to start with this dumpster fire of a film. Look, I like me some Sci-fi, especially about time paradoxes. I'm willing to suspend disbelief and overlook science movie mumbo jumbo; I'm willing to forgive bad acting; I'm willing to ignore continuity errors; I'm capable of overlooking bad, soap opera lighting; I will even go as far to turn a blind ear to the cheeseball score that sounds like it was borrowed from the Princess Bride, Robin Hood: Men in Tights and every craptacular, early 90s Stephen King film. But for the love of all that his holy, I cannot ignore all of them at once!!!
This movie is an "I hate Daddy" whinefest masquerading as an intelligent time paradox movie, which it tries to steal from the better examples of the latter and comes up horribly short. The scientific research probably consisted of a Wikipedia search on time travel, mixed in with big words in the wrong place and nonsensical equations written down in an attempt to seem smart. The acting has all the subtlety and range of a highschool melodrama (seriously, the only casting requirement was "can you cry a bunch and call out 'Brian' a bunch" for the lead) and the supporting characters are 2D cut outs of movie tropes. Come to think of it, the protagonist is a 2D stock character of the angsty teen girl with some ability that makes her special. Lazy editing features a cafe scene that switches from day to night and back again and the rest of the interior scenes are shot with so much top light that it's just silly (the camera work is decent, though).
I secretly hoped that at some point in the movie, Mike Nelson or Joe would appear at the bottom of the screen and, with the help of his robot friends, vastly improve the viewing experience. Sadly, there's nothing under that Christmas tree for me.
I gave three stars because the camera work pulls off some nice shots... It's about the only redeeming quality to this boneheaded, lazy, unoriginal and overall dumb film.
The Watcher (2016)
Meh.
Well, the acting wasn't bad; it was actually pretty decent, all things considered. The cinematography was good as well, although I feel the use of a blue filter doesn't fit well with a movie set in Los Angeles in my opinion. The reason that I gave this movie 5 stars, however, is that the plot twist is visible from the concession stand. Seriously, if you have a movie with 7 characters, two are the protagonists, it doesn't take Hercule Poirot to figure this one out. Still, if you are a touch on the easily surprised side, give it a watch. It could've done without the "based on actual events" bit. Thanks to Fargo, I'm forever jaded towards those words.
The Scribbler (2014)
A Mixed Bag of Bland and Dumb
If you were to take the rough elements of Sucker Punch, the Cinematography of The Crow, the lighting from Saw 2, steal the sex scene from Fight Club and write a jumbled concept of a plot as conceived by an angsty, 16 year old alt-rocker girl after briefly perusing the Wikipedia entry for Dissociative Identity Disorder (which she is SO totally convinced she has), you'd have this unspectacular lump of a film.
The movie is essentially a flashback bookended by the prologue and epilogue in current time. Suki (Katie Cassidy) is in police custody and being interviewed by a stock character detective (Michael Imperioli) and a criminal psychologist (Eliza Dushku) regarding the rash of apparent suicides in Juniper (nicknamed "jumper") towers, an unsupervised transitional living quarters for mostly rehabilitated mental patients. For some reason or another, Suki is being blamed for the recent suicides, which is why we assume the authorities are there in the first place. much later in the film, we see that ALL of the authorities are called to Juniper Towers right before the (anti) climactic showdown between two, well, electric super-psychos, but never mind continuity with this heap.....
We learn that Suki has Dissociative identity Disorder and, despite this, has been released to this unsupervised, unregulated, derelict s**t-hole tenement tower apartment building, presumably occupied by 16 floors of psychos in various stages of devolution. Her prescription is to, um, hook a car battery up to her face and (this is a direct quote now) "burn her alters" out of her head, because... science? eventually, one of her alter egos frankensteins the machine to release her true self by the power of electrical engineering ex machina, but it's really too dumb to explain. whatever.
she meets a very bland cast of characters who all have zero development and zero thought put into them other than this one is the "snake wearing, Egypt loving sex maniac" type of crazy and this one is "the wander around naked" kind of crazy... I think there's one other in the entire building and i'm pretty sure she wore bunny ears or something as lazy, but she has two lines and that's pretty much it.
Suki is reunited with someone she met in the actual mental facility who is the only guy in the building (and as far as I saw, one of maybe 7 people total in the whole damn thing) and he takes it upon himself to be the local stud in the ranch. Much later, we meet his girlfriend who is the only other character with any sort of lines, so its not hard to deduce who the bad guy is in this bore fest and... you know what? I'm just done. this movie tried so hard to be cool and edgy but is just dumb, boring and ridiculous.
What It Did Well: I'll admit, there was a lot of work put in to the scribbling on the walls and the general, derelict atmosphere of the building (however unrealistic it may have been). also, Michelle Trachtenberg all gothed up was good times for the 10 minutes of screen time she actually had. and there was some pointless nudity (sadly, not Michelle Trachtenberg).
What It Failed At Doing: Everything. there wasn't much of a plot, or a point, or acting, or emotion, or characterization, or a premise, or research into the disorder Suki had, or in any kind of philosophy behind the nonsense and the special effects weren't that special.
!!!!SPOILERS!!!!!
So Wait....
If Alice was killing these girls instead of them jumping to their deaths, she must've been doing it for a while, since the building was renamed Jumper Tower in response to the high jump rate. so why is she just reported missing from the institution 3/4 of the way through the movie? That means she's been missing for months and nobody noticed.
Also, why are the cops investigating these suicides as murders and questioning Suki about them if they supposedly were only called roughly 15 movie minutes prior by the doctor and (sort of) Alice? And why are they only now investigating if these suicides have been going on for a while (presuming they in fact weren't there because of the phone call).
the building is 16 stories tall and only 6 people live in the damn thing, all of whom are mental patient releases, with zero supervision, upkeep, care, help programs etc... I know I mentioned this before, but it bears repeating because of how head-slappingly stupid it is.
So if the Scribbler needed the machine to get free, and the first time we see her, she is already defying gravity and other laws of physics, why did she need to the modify the machine to get stronger? she didn't seem to get any stronger than she already was... and are the machine's effects only temporary? the dog went back to normal, Hogan went back to normal, but the Scribbler stayed and Bad Alice stayed sort of as they were.
Ugh. just do yourself a favor and watch Sucker Punch and The Ward instead.
Banshee Chapter (2013)
The Banshee Chapter, or, I Don't Know What To Do With This Film Project, So I Will Just Do ALL Of The Things
This film is like a freshman in college: tons of awesome ideas and potential, but no clue what it wants to be when it grows up. Its a jumbled mess of cinematic styles, real life conspiracy theories and pop culture icons, like a B-movie equivalent of an X-Files knock off that tried to string all of these half cooked ideas together with thin exposition and a wanna-be M Knight Shamalaan ending.
The film starts itself as a found footage style horror film, more in the vein of the cryptic scenes from the Ring than in a linear story sort of fashion. the viewer does get the set up, however: DMT-19, this special concoction born of MKUltra, has been obtained by James, a documentary film maker who intends to take the drug and... I don't know... figure out the secret of MKUltra, I guess. A few jumbled cut scenes and a shoehorned jump scare later, we learn he disappears. The viewer is introduced to Anne (Katia Winter), the one time Friend-Zone trapping interest of James, who goes on an investigative journalistic journey to find out what happened to her college friend. She enlists the help of Thomas Blackburn (who is a thinly veiled caricature of Hunter Thompson, played by Ted Levine) the man who provided the DMT-19 to James, the missing friend.
the cinematography jumps around in "found footage" style, "shot like it should be found footage but the camera man probably just is mildly drunk or has Parkinsons", "poorly lit" and "normal". The plot tries to slide in references to an H.P. Lovecraft story as the explanation of the "they" who are coming to get "them", as told to us in Hunter S. Levine exposition. Really though, it's the slowest and worst way to abduct people and transport across dimensions for (what I can only imagine is) an invasion. I'd expect better from Lovecraft's "Old Ones".
What This Film Did Well:
The atmosphere in a few of the scenes lent itself to genuine tension and creepiness. Ted Levine still did a good job with a crappy, K-Mart model Hunter Thompson Character. the Creep Factor of the Number Station transmissions (Google The Conet Project)
What This Film Failed In Doing Well:
Characterization. Motivation. Cinematographic style consistency. Any sort of horror other than lame jump scares. A premise that made sense.
Overall:
Meh. the synopsis sounded cool, but it failed to deliver on anything more than a low budget, jump-scare attempt at horror with a vague knowledge of real-world phenomena, conspiracy theories, Lovecraft and Hunter Thompson. Watch it if you have nothing better to do, and by nothing better, I mean you are bed ridden and the remote is too far away to change the channel.
!!!BIG SPOILER BELOW!!!
OK, so the end of this movie shows us that Blackburn was one of the MKUltra guinea pigs who was electro-shocked into retrograde amnesia. It is further inferred since Anne did not take the substance, but was touched by Blackburn, that she is now a potential target by the Old Ones, just as James' partner was touched by James and also became a target, even though he did not take the drug. So if everyone Blackburn touched became a target, that means that these Old Ones have been snatching people since the 1960s and the drug itself was a means of trans-dimensional body snatching and those who were the Snatched murdered anyone they came in physical contact with... or made them a conduit for the Old Ones. If you don't follow, don't worry... it doesn't make sense.
Also, the subjects taking the DMT were mumbling the chemical composition of the DMT-19, passed as a message from the Old Ones so that the scientists could make this new compound and the Old Ones could use it as a means of conveyance to our dimension. So what attacked the subject who was only on DMT and not the DMT-19, a formula that had not yet been created?
Yet again ALSO, why did Anne not know what the chair in the experiment chamber was used for when Hunter... err... Thomas asked her about it? She saw the MKUltra video files. It literally showed her exactly what that chair was used for.
and still more ALSO, who put the Old One in the Iron Lung? and how did it build a radio transmitter from within the Iron Lung to act as a catalyst with the spook music? did people have to hear the spook music to get Snatched? and if that whole setup was the way the old ones Snatched people, the combination of the DMT-19 and the spook music, once Anne destroyed what I assume was the original Old One and the means of propagating the spook music, how did it project the spook music after it was destroyed?
You know what? Whatever. I'm done. This movie was dumb.