CronenbergsMonster Reviews

The Ritual (I) (2017)

A Solid, But Ultimately Unoriginal Horror Flick

[6/10 · 15 November 2021]

The premise of the film is pretty straightforward - a group of friends go camping and spookiness befalls them. If you're a horror buff, there isn't anything particularly new or exciting about The Ritual. It's well acted, the cinematography is great, and there are a few genuine scares scattered throughout. Unfortunately the writing is a little lackluster, and the characters are all pretty unlikeable. The biggest problem I had with the film, ultimately, is that it simply adds nothing new to the horror genre. If you consider yourself a horror aficionado, you'll recognize all the story beats before they happen. There are too many stronger "campers find themselves entwined in occult happenings" films out there for me to strongly recommend this film. Having said that, it's not bad if you're just looking for something solid for a spooky night in. That's about all you're going to get out of this one though.

The Empty Man (2020)

An Audacious but Messy Horror Film

[6/10 · 15 November 2021]

I put off watching The Empty Man for a long time despite numerous friends recommending it to me, as I thought it was something akin to a Bye Bye Man, or some similar urban legend based cheese-fest. The Empty Man is not that. I don't really know WHAT it is; it almost defies classification. I don't want to spoil anything, as the film continually throws crazier and crazier curve-balls at you until it, unfortunately, loses itself in all of its ideas. Despite ultimately feeling a bit unfocused and messy, I can't help but admire the sheer audacity of the film. It's rare to watch a horror movie that so desperately wants to say something, and this film for sure has a vision. There are also some very creepy, very effective scenes strewn throughout the film. While it's not a masterpiece by any means, this is definitely a rollercoaster ride of an experience- definite recommend, you just have to push through the initial setup to get to the really interesting/bonkers stuff.

Possessor (2020)

Worthy of the Cronenberg Name

[7/10 · 15 November 2021]

Possessor is a solid indie-scifi-horror film. It looks great, is full of fantastic performances, and has some really intriguing ideas and themes. My criticisms lie mostly in some of the story-telling aspects as well as the excessive violence (at least in the director's cut, which was the version I watched). I wish the film had delved more into the world and had fleshed out some of the characters a little better. I also felt that, for a film that is ultimately about the negative effects of a violent life, the movie tends to revel too much in it's gore. As someone that enjoys a good gore-y film, I actually felt that some of the scenes in this film bordered on excessive and mean-spirited and stood in direct opposition of the director's intent. Having said that, this is still a really solid, refreshing horror film and I would definitely recommend checking it out.

Pig (I) (2021)

A film with a strong emotional core

[7/10 · 15 November 2021]

Pig is a somber, ruminating film focused on themes of loss, the grieving process, and, ultimately, healing. If you're expecting typical Nic Cage bananas schlock, you're not going to get it. With the exception of maybe one or two scenes, this film never jumps the shark. Cage is grounded, his performance is excellent, and he really caries the whole film. Everything is beautifully shot, utilizing what seems to be almost entirely natural lighting. The writing is fantastic, and there are some truly poignant moments throughout. Some scenes do drag a little bit, and there are a few weird tonal issues (one including a random fight-club-esque scenario that doesn't really fit in with the rest of the film) but for the most part this is a beautiful, tragic, highly recommendable film. Just don't go in expecting an action/revenge story, as this is squarely the opposite. It will 100% get you in the feels though.

Malignant (I) (2021)

Campy, Schlocky Fun

[7/10 · 16 September 2021]

A lot of reviewers on here seem to have completely missed the point of this film - it's a tribute to campy B-Movie films, but on a bigger budget (Wan specifically stated Italian Giallo and Brian DePalma films as the main influence, but there's a heavy dose of Sam Raimi as well). A lot of this is most likely due to poor marketing for the film. The studio clearly didn't know how to sell this movie and decided to push it as another Conjuring-esque film by Wan. It is not this. I don't want to spoil any of the intentionally funny, bananas charm of this film, but it is wayyyyyy more along the lines of Wan's outrageous Furious 7 and Aquaman. If you love B-movie horror camp, you will seriously enjoy this film. The direction is also slick and superb throughout. The hammy acting and cheesy one-liners are just icing on the cake. I highly recommend going into the film blind, like I did, as it makes all of the silliness that much more suprising/fun. Again, DO NOT go into this expecting a serious horror film. If you don't enjoy intentionally silly horror (think Drag Me To Hell, Peter Jackson's Braindead, Re-Animator etc.) with INTENTIONALLY cheesy dialog and over-the-top reveals and set pieces, this film is not for you.

Mandy (I) (2018)

Mandy Rules

[7/10 · 26 July 2021]

This film has it all. And by "it all", I mean chainsaw duels, Nic Cage losing his mind in a bathroom, and, most importantly, Cheddar Goblin.

Look, is this going to be everyone's cup of tea? Absolutely not. In fact, I completely understand if you watched this film and walked away confused and also a little angry. I personally loved it. But also I am, admittedly, a huge weirdo.

The direction is fantastic, the cinematography and lighting is to die for, and the whole thing has this trippy, almost post-apocalyptic, B-movie, 80's-metal-nightmare feel to it, and I loved it. If that description doesn't suit you, again, I totally get it. If it DOES, you're in for a treat.

Plot-wise, there isn't a whole lot going on here. It all basically boils down to: crazy cultists kill Nic Cage's girlfriend and he goes banana-sandwich trying to get revenge.

The film is not perfect by any means. There are a few scenes that really drag a bit, but I was ultimately so aesthetically pleased by the movie that I didn't really care.

I'm not trying to sound like a broken record or anything, but I do want to emphasize that this film is not for everyone's tastes. It's the product of a director with a very intense, uncompromising, singular vision, and if it doesn't captivate you from the get-go, you probably won't enjoy the ride.

However, if you're interested in something delightfully bizarre, trippy, intense, sometimes disturbing, and off-the-wall bonkers in the best way, give this film a watch. If it doesn't really sound like your thing, at least do yourself a favor and search Cheddar Goblin on youtube. The joys of Cheddar Goblin are universal.

Us (II) (2019)

Not What I was Hoping For

[6/10 · 26 July 2021]

This movie just missed the mark for me, and I was honestly really bummed about it. Get out was fantastic, and Jordan Peele is so clearly a talented director and story-teller. On top of this, there WERE a lot of elements I really enjoyed in this film! The cinematography, direction, and acting are all fantastic (Lupita Nyong'o is particularly good) But, ultimately, all these great pieces just never seem to add up to a satisfying whole

The problem for me was that the bursts of ingenuity felt sporadic, and often I felt like the film was sort of lost in itself. I could sense the narrative ambition that Peele was reaching for by the end of the film, but the groundwork just didn't seem like it was there to support itself. The characters end up seeming a bit one-dimensional, and the film has a tendency to constantly build, and then immediately lose, it's tension.

I wanted to love this movie so badly, and I was honestly disappointed that it didn't deliver like Get Out did. I still think it's worth watching, as it's chock-full of some cool ideas and some interesting set pieces, just don't expect anything as fresh as Peele's directorial debut.

Spiral (2021)

Wasted Potential

[5/10 · 26 July 2021]

I'll start this review off by saying that I am not a Saw fan. I gave up halfway through the 3rd film and never looked back. And honestly, given the fact that even fans admit they're mostly in it just for the death traps and the actual plots of these films are irrelevant, I don't feel like I've missed much.

What intrigued me about this film were two things: the prospects of seeing Chris Rock, a legendary comedian, take on a serious role - and the idea of the Saw franchise taking a turn towards a more serious, Se7en-esque premise.

It turns out that the whole thing was pretty much a dud. The direction is erratic, with quick cuts and ADHD editing, and the color palette of the whole film is nauseating. The plot moves at such a break-neck speed that we never get to actually sit with any of the characters and understand them beyond a surface level.

The acting is sub-par. I could tell Chris Rock was really trying, but he just wasn't convincing as a no-nonsense detective. The rest of the actors, especially Samuel L. Jackson, seemed to just be phoning it in.

The biggest sin of all, and this seems to be a sentiment shared by even hardcore Saw fans, is that the traps are lame. There was maybe ONE (involving the ripping of fingers) that was actually gruesomely compelling and creative.

Mostly I'm just bummed that this wasn't as cool as it could've been. I've always liked the premise behind the series; a killer passing violent moral judgement on victims, yet still offering them a chance for some sort of "redemption." If this film had really taken the time to set the tone properly, flesh out characters properly, and shy away from some of the series' gimmicky hallmarks (the speed-up cam during trap scenes has always been obnoxious to me) this could have been a cool soft reboot for the series. Instead its just a disappointing mess.

Caveat (2020)

Great Directorial Debut!

[6/10 · 29 June 2021]

Considering this is the director's first outting, this film is pretty remarkable. On just a shoe-string budget, the film manages some great cinematography, set design, performances, and a few genuine chills. Unfortunately, where the movie falters is in the writing. The plot has far too many holes, and the character's make constant, border-line incomprehensible decisions. If you can turn off your critical thinking for a majority of the film, and just appreciate it for it's atmospheric tension, you'll find there are some really promising and enjoyable moments/ideas strewn throughout.

Considering how over-run the horror genre is with terrible cash grabs, it's always exciting to see a director who is clearly talented and has their own unique voice and vision; even if the end result is a bit messy. Can't wait to see what the director does next!

Color Out of Space (2019)

Pure Lovecraftian Insanity

[7/10 · 6 January 2021]

Based on Lovecraft's story of the same name, Color Out of Space is a fantastic little indie horror with gorgeous cinematography, and some truly unsettling scenes sprinkled throughout. It also benefits from a classic, bonkers Nic Cage performance and some really gruesome creature designs. My only criticism would be that are a few lulls in the plot and some story aspects go unexplained/fall a little flat. Definitely worth checking out for any horror aficionados, especially if you enjoy Lovecraft's brand of cosmic horror. Between this film and Mandy, cage has been crushing it lately

A Dark Song (2016)

A Dark Song Indeed

[7/10 · 4 December 2020]

A somber, unsettling, slow-burn horror film/tale of redemption. I honestly had no idea what to expect going into this film; I didnt look at any reviews or read any synopsis before pressing play. I wound up being very pleasantly surprised. For a debut film from an indie director this is a huge accomplishment. The acting, writing, and overall mood is excellent. I had no idea where the story would ultimately lead, which kept me uneasy and on my toes for most of my viewing. My only gripe with the film would be the pacing. As much as I enjoy a slow-burn film (Rosemary's Baby comes to mind as being comparable to this) there were a couple sections where I felt the film straining a bit against its 90 minute runtime with several scenes that could have used some trimming. Having said that, this film is a definite recommend for me. If you consider yourself a horror buff, dont sleep on this one! Cant wait to see what the director puts out next.

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1991)

Pure Over-the-Top, Campy Goodness

[7/10 · 16 October 2020]

If you love goofy, gory, tongue-in-cheek films then you cant go wrong with Riki-Oh. In the same vein as Peter Jackson's Brain Dead (or Dead Alive depending on your country of origin), Riki-Oh seems to exist purely to deliver ridiculously excessive amounts of gore in the campiest, most fun way possible. Everything, from the acting to the sets and fight choreography, is a complete mess; and I couldnt have been more delighted to experience it all. I mean, where else are you going to see a dude literally punch his hand through someone else's hand? Or punch off the top half of someone's head? Or do a barrel-roll through a steel door? Heck, where else can you see someone try to strangle someone else with their own intestines? Nowhere except in Riki-Oh. Its really something I think everyone should experience; if only to say you've seen one of the most bats*** insane pieces of film-making around. Is it a "good" movie? From any kind of traditional stand-point, certainly not. Is it enjoyable? 100%, absolutely, without a doubt.

The Woman in Black (2012)

Daniel Radcliffe Is Startled: The Movie

[5/10 · 4 September 2020]

If you ever wanted to watch basically an hour and a half of Daniel Radcliffe slowly walking up to objects in a spooky house and then getting jump-scared, this is the film for you! If your looking for a legitimately scary film, keep looking. I would have given this film a lower score, but I genuinely like Radcliffe as an actor and enjoy seeing him in movies (even if he wasnt given much to work with here) and the set-design and cinematography were actually pretty great. The old house Radcliffe wanders through is really convincing and creepily imagined. Outside of that though there really isnt anything compelling enough in this film to recommend it to horror fans. The story is bland and predictable and leans too heavily on standard horror movie tropes and jump-scares to be effective in any capacity.

Happy Death Day 2U (2019)

Silly but Entertaining Comedy/Horror

[6/10 · 4 September 2020]

An enjoyable, but ultimately shallow, horror sequel. If you liked the first film in the series, you'll most likely have some fun with this follow up. It's more goofy than the 1st movie and got some genuine laughs out of me (a sequence involving a wood chipper might be one of the funniest deaths I've seen in a movie in a long time). The film focuses on a borderline ludicrous time travel plot, maintaining much of the "Ground Hog Day" story structure of the first film. The acting/writing/direction is all serviceable. You can tell that everyone involved in the film had a blast making it, and that sense of fun definitely carries the film. If youre looking for a casual, silly, comedy/horror to watch with friends, this is a solid pick. Just dont expect anything deep or memorable.

The Clovehitch Killer (2018)

Decent Low-Budget Serial Killer Film

[6/10 · 3 September 2020]

For those of you who dont know, this film is essentially a SLIGHTLY fictionalized re-telling of real-life serial killer Dennis Rader's (aka BTK) life. A devoted father, respected community member, and Boy Scout Leader, Dennis Rader evaded capture for decades, raising a family while murdering on the side. The names of the characters in this film are all changed (The director said he wanted to avoid giving any attention to Rader, as he feeds off of it) but all the events are basically the same to their real life counter-parts. Dylan McDermott turns in a chilling performance, and is almost unrecognizable with a gut and glasses. There are some truly disturbing moments strewn throughout the film, but some of the pacing is mired with scenes that drag more than they should. I would still recommend this film to any fans of serial-killer character studies - just dont expect it to blow your mind.

Midsommar (2019)

Not as strong as Hereditary

[7/10 · 12 August 2020]

I hate to compare such different films but, after Ari Aster's superb Hereditary, I had ridiculously high hopes for this film. While It didn't reach the horrific highs of Aster's debut, this is still an exceptional horror film. The cinematography is breathtaking, the acting is great, and there are some truly disturbing/unsettling moments strewn throughout. However, where Hereditary felt consistently lean and tense, Midsommar feels more loose and unfocused. There are a number of scenes that tend to drag a bit, costing the film a lot of its momentum. On top of that, the main characters feel a little lacking in depth which consequently lessens the stakes of the movie. While I cant call the film a horror "masterpiece", I can say, with confidence, that it is still a finely crafted film. Ari Aster has a strong artistic vision that sets his films apart from all of the mass-produced horror garbage that's often pumped into theaters to make a quick buck. While this doesn't have the "oomph" factor of his debut, I would still recommend that any true fan of horror cinema give this a watch

Escape Room (I) (2019)

Falls apart at the end

[5/10 · 12 August 2020]

Dont believe the 10/10 or the 1/10 reviews. This movie falls almost squarely in the middle. The premise is essentially a PG-13 Saw movie with multiple puzzle rooms for the protagonists to escape (rather than torture devices). There are some really great set pieces, tense moments, and decent acting throughout. However, the film completely falls apart in the last act. Its clearly meant to be setup for a franchise, which completely belittles everything in the first 3/4 of the film and ruins all the goodwill established up to that point. This could have been a really competent thriller if it werent for the money-grabbing shill of an ending. As it stands, this is basically a sub-par "Cube." 5/10 for me; I cant fully recommend it.

Harpoon (2019)

Not Bad for a Low-Budget Indie Thriller

[6/10 · 26 May 2020]

Harpoon is a solid thriller that comes with all the caveats of a low-budget, indie flick: the acting, writing, and production can all be a little spotty. There are also some tonal issues with the film as it veers wildly between comedy and gross-out horror scene to scene. Despite these issues, I felt that the film had some really compelling ideas and some fun moments in it. Its also worth mentioning that, as a horror movie buff, It's rare that a film makes me feel unsettled, but there were actually a couple of really gross, dark scenes in this film that got under my skin a little. All-in-all a solid indie thriller/drama that's worth a viewing. I think the director has a lot of potential!

Brightburn (2019)

Should Have Been So Much Better

[5/10 · 26 April 2020]

I felt compelled to review this film because I was so utterly disappointed by it. Despite the really cool idea of a super villain origin story, Brightburn squanders every bit of its compelling premise. This could have been such a fascinating film - basically showing us how a Superman origin story could have so easily gone awry if Kal-El had simply decided to use his powers for his own selfish gain. Instead what we get is basically a by-the-book slasher film with super powers thrown in. There are some cool, gory practical effects, and the acting is decent, but everything else falls flat. There isn't any real depth to any of the characters. You don't care about anyone, including the protagonist, so it just feels like there are no stakes. I just really hope that someone sees this movie, realizes it's potential, and makes something deserving of its cool premise.

Girl on the Third Floor (2019)

An (unintentionally) funny mess

[2/10 · 3 March 2020]

While I was initially curious about this movie after seeing it's strong rotten tomatoes score, I quickly realized within the first 10 minutes of the film that I had made a terrible mistake. Laughably bad acting and a mess of a plot aside, this film has little in the way of scares. There are a few well-done practical make-up effects, but that's about it in terms of positives. There were a few solid, unintentional laughs though! Several scenes of random, semen-like substances coming out of outlets made me chuckle. Not so-bad-its-good enough to warrant a viewing though - definitely stay far away from this film.