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Beautifully shot and packaged drama
23 December 2015
Warning: Spoilers
Yet another perfectly written, directed and narrated nature show that was probably filled with enough research for the average homeowner. Maybe a little too perfectly written, directed and narrated nature show that was probably filled with enough research. Ya know, for the average homeowner?

Yea, that one, the second one. How the hell could they possibly know what any given animal in any perfectly choreographed shot is thinking at any given moment? Unless, they don't know what comforting, story direction will playfully slip from a creatures human mouth and its just silly crap to listen to while they show you expensive,beautifully shot videos of Polar Bears. I also thought it was hilarious that they considered it a "startling discovery" that polar bears eat berries. What?

It was informative though on these particular bears in that, I've only a passing interest in Polar Bears and had know other way of finding out about them.

I'll admit that you can get lost in the beautiful scenes or cinematography as industry people or hipsters like to call it but only, if you're stoned enough. The playful then deadly story that's always offered up was just too much and I turned the volume off after the "startling discovery" and realized, as you'll see, far too late in the film that I should have done this at the outset.

I gave it a 7 just for the cinamablah blah blah. Get some tunes and its a great watch, don't and be charmed by some writer's direction, following his director and producer's whimsy as they lull you into a family fun adventure with a calming, and apparently all knowing voice actor paving every step of the way!
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San Andreas (2015)
1/10
Rehashed crap.
26 August 2015
Warning: Spoilers
This was one of the worst examples of Hollywood smearing money on something until a room full of idiots gives texted approvals.

A brave, muscle bound man rescues his soon to be ex-wife, who just happens to be marrying a real Snidley McWhiplash billionaire played by one of the dingus's from fantastic 4... by commandeering a coastguard helicopter and basically doing whatever the hell he wants with it which apparently is to fly over literally millions and millions of people in immediate need of rescue to save his wife and daughter. Both of which are horribly cast, plastic coated Californians lounging poolside and enjoying the finer things in life and then... Disaster strikes! There is no connection with these characters and you just don't care if they live or die, I was hoping for the latter in every case.

Oh, and there's the "expert" quoting countless geologists from the discovery channel who conveniently and of course, narrowly escapes death dozens of times only to unfailingly "know" what's about to happen, sadly, just after it happens.

This is a perfect example of Hollywood, being Hollywood and should be avoided by anyone who's been hollywooded before, which is anyone watching this kind of crap over the last several decades. I would have given it a 0 but IMDb, sadly doesn't give that option.
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Blackhat (2015)
1/10
Very silly, pro hacker flick.
8 June 2015
Short review; Imagine, any hacker/tech guy, sword wielding (LOTR style!), Dungeons and Dragons meeting attending, socially uncomfortable, obviously raised on a heavy, Rambo/Schwarzenegger diet or at the very least, beat up, daily by boys and girls that were, becoming wealthy enough to write a movie about themselves and have Thor, play them in it and you've got not just a hint of what this turd smells like but its very essence! Congratulations! You've just been saved.. You gotta be kidding me?!2:13!? to smear anywhere you want.

Every silly, badly beaten TV plot filmed in what I'd imagine is a very CSI TV series sort of way and a bunch of nerd fist to the cyber terrorist face action was squeezed into this turd before they served it up. Gotta get back and finish it, I love my girlfriend and I want her thinking I'm just as sexy as any of the romantic, bad ass , bullet dodging, musclebound hackers of movie world! Who are also trained in any and all martial arts, and martial love! I'm waiting feverishly for the Rifftrax version, it will be funny!
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