JKristine35 Reviews

The Apparition (2012)

Excellent example of a good idea turned to trash by bad execution

[2/10 · 25 June 2013]

The concept of calling a being out of Purgatory and allowing it to come into the real world and study humans is really interesting, and for the life of me I don't see why they had to screw it up so badly. The stupid "All main characters are under the age of 25 and blindingly beautiful" thing is just nauseating, and is made worse by every single one of them being stupid and unlikeable. I hated the main girl right from the beginning when she has the empathy of a mop for her bf when he was having a bad day, and from there she just got worse. Her bf and Tom Felton's character were no better; not one of them had a single good aspect between them. The one scene that simply amazed me the most is when the girl tries to nail the door shut LIKE THAT'S GOING TO STOP A FREAKING GHOST. The scares weren't there at all - in fact, the only scene that could even qualify as being sort of creepy was the scene of the girl crawling around the laundry room.

There was no depth, no meaning, no ANYTHING in this film. Usually, if a filmmaker loves their work, you can see it, but this just looked like a good idea was taken and loaded with every stupid horror cliché in existence, until the spark of intelligence became so buried it's just about unrecognizable.

Dragon Wars: D-War (2007)

The worst major film I've seen in a long time

[2/10 · 27 September 2007]

I went into this movie with high hopes. Normally, I'm not too picky about my movies and creature movies are *always* fun to watch, or so I thought. I'll list the good parts of this movie: -The creature effects. All of the creatures were well-done, their movements were realistic, and they fit into the other imagery well. To be honest, the creature effects were the ONLY reason I gave this movie a 2 rather than a 1. Now, the bad things: -The acting. Good Lord, I've seen bad acting, but this movie takes the cake. Not a single one of the characters is even *close* to believable. It's like the director sent out a casting call and picked all the worst try-outs from it. I tried very hard not to giggle too loud, cause I didn't wanna upset anyone else in the theatre, but the acting really was THAT BAD. -The storyline: The entire story is full of plot holes from beginning to finish. You can pick at least 5 plot holes out of any given 30 minutes of film. The plot holes, of course, are complimentary with the cheese. This is probably one of the most clichéd, not thought-out, and outright dumbest stories I've ever seen put on screen since I had the grave misfortune of sitting up one night and watching Parasite on the SciFi channel. -The dialogue: This is a world where everyone says the cheesiest and most clichéd thing they possibly can, at every chance they possibly can. In this world, it seems like every line has been spoken before in at least 30 other low-budget creature movies. It is the world of cheese and cliché. -The special effects. While the creature effects were downright awesome, the special effects fail miserably. Yes, they are better than those seen in other movies, but a lot of it is in the presentation. And this movie has no presentation whatsoever. It looks kinda like the special effects used on the Power Rangers TV show, to be honest. To sum up: Dragon Wars is worth neither your time nor your money. The concept is good, but it is trapped in the bad directing, acting, dialogue, and cheesiness of the film. Wait til the next big monster movie comes out. It's gotta be better than this, cause Dragon Wars is absolutely horrible.

Parasite (2004)

I hate to say a movie is the worst movie ever, but...

[1/10 · 25 July 2007]

This movie was awful. I mean, let me add up all the bad things: bad acting, bad special effects, bad script, the clichéd 'girls losing all their clothes', improbable events, dumb characters. There was not one single redeeming quality about Parasite. Not one. I think my favorite part though were the explosions that were obviously fireworks. That has to be a new low. There's also the 'Let me rip off a piece of my already-very-short shirt to help hold off the monster!'. Apparently the director feels that women should be chosen for their roles based on how they look in tiny shirts rather than actual acting ability. Well, for that matter, the men couldn't act either. No one could act in this overly-processed joke of a movie. Avoid at all costs!!!!

Transformers (2007)

Action that will make you jump up and say 'Wow!'

[7/10 · 25 July 2007]

First of all, a warning to anyone who likes in-depth story lines. This movie's storyline is cheesy and practically non-existent. The bad guys are bad to the point of being overdone, and some of the acting is questionable. That said, you don't really care cause the actions scenes are so hot that it makes you just wanna watch it over and over again. I actually am glad that they kept any real chic-flicky romance out of the film, and focused on the action. And the movie had many funny moments. Well worth the price of admission and then some. If you want to watch a movie that will make you want to yell 'Awesome!' and 'Cool!' at every action scene, see Transformers. It is well worth it.

Heroes of Might and Magic III: The Restoration of Erathia (1999 Video Game)

Great game, but a little hard in some areas

[7/10 · 15 May 2007]

I would call Heroes of Might and Magic III a truly GREAT game- if it wasn't so easy to get stuck in certain scenarios that are necessary to get to the next scenario. When the inability to beat the computer gets so frustrating, you just want to scream- that's usually a bad thing. On the good side, the graphics are great, the storyline supports the game play, it's fun to see everything from not just the viewpoint of one side; but of three, and the creatures are fun to work with. That said, make sure you have a link to at least one page with Heroes III walkthroughs, because you WILL run into scenarios that are literally almost impossible to beat.

The Messengers (2007)

Boring, oh so boring

[14 May 2007]

The only reason I even give this film a 2 is because the acting was fairly OK, and they had one interesting scene towards the beginning. Other than that, it wasn't a good movie. I sat there for an hour and a half wondering when this "scary" movie was actually going to get scary. Hate to tell you this, but it doesn't get scary. Ever. There's only one scene that even comes CLOSE to scary. Otherwise, there's a small smattering of jump scares (which, if you watch as many horror movies as me, you know exactly when to expect them), a really lame plot, lots of scenes that could have led to good things but didn't, and plenty of clichés. It's just... boring. Too much talking. Too many scenes that are supposed to be scary, but aren't.

An American Haunting (2005)

Great acting, great script, terrible movie

[4/10 · 21 May 2006]

Let me start with what was good about this film: The acting: Donald SUtherland gives another stellar performance as John Bell, and Sissy Spacek puts you in the mother's shoes as Mrs. Bell. There is actually a moment where you feel like Sissy must have just seen a real ghost on set, as her acting is so great. Rachel Hurd-Wood also does a good job as Betsy, showing what she was allowed to show competently. Dialogue: The script seems real and adds a nice degree of competence to the film. The characters talk to each other (with the exception of Betsy) like any real family would do, and it's easy to connect to most of the major characters in the film. You can see John Bell's pain and fear as his family is tortured and the terrified mother who only wants to protect her child. There was a memorable line that I liked a lot in this film, the irritated John Bell saying 'A pea shooter?!?' I actually laughed at that line. Like I said, great script. Characters: Through a combination of good acting and good dialogue, it's hard NOT to be able to connect with the characters and to really feel like you know them (with the exception of Betsy).

Cheap scares: This movie is full of them. While some people look down on cheap scares, the kind that make you jump, I say that these types of scares have built the horror industry and are still the only way to make your heart REALLY thump other than dropping a person out a 4th story window. The scares are good and there are plenty of them, so be expected to jump at least a good dozen times throughout the movie. NOW, on to what's not so good about the movie:

Betsy Bell: While Rachel Wood-Hurd does a great job of playing Betsy, she has too few lines and really does nothing except sleep and scream. All the characters in the film are fully fleshed out except her- the main character. How ironic. Repeating scenes: Now seriously, this ticked me off. Does the director seriously think that we Americans are so dumb that we don't realize that we're watching the EXACT SAME SCENE more than once?! Betsy Bell's poltergeist is the most obvious of this. We see the scene where the spirit is looking down at Betsy in the bed and then she looks up and watches sadly as John Bell leaves the room. The next time we see her, she is looking at John Bell lying dead on his bed, and then she looks up and sadly stares at the wall. Same scene, same camera angle, same everything. Come on people, we are not that stupid! The ending Betsy scares the girl's mother, then she stares sadly at the floor, and then looks sadly at the wall. Same scene... again. Also, the scene in the woods where Betsy goes after the ball Joshua has just lost is a copy. We see her chase the ball, look around, and then stoop to pick it up. Next we see her enter THE EXACT SAME CLEARING, look around, then stoop to pick up the ball. It was a copy scene, designed to save money. Thanks for being cheap at our expense, director! Special effects: The effects are barely worthy of a 'World's Most Haunted Places' special. I guess while the director was saving money on repeating scenes, he was also saving money on the special effects. Some good examples include the disappearing little girl (truly one of the lamest scenes I have seen in a major film in a while), poltergeist Betsy, and the black wolf which I didn't' understand the presence of anyway. The little girl: Did we really need her in the film? I'd say no. As far as I know, the little girl is NOT a part of the Bell Witch legend and it only adds a heavy dose of cheese to the film. I understand that the actress is trying to hide her face, but must she walk so stiffly? And how come the girl has an 18-year-old Betsy's face on what looks like a 6-year-old's body? The 2006 anything: We didn't need that in the film either. It just makes the Bell Witch legend look even dumber, and it was a huge waste of the film's time. The paranormal adolescent girl thing: As far as I know, no paranormal activity thought to come from someone's mind has hurt anyone, yet alone the person it's coming from. And if it was from Betsy's mind, then how come we see demonic activities from the spirit (crosses flying off the wall, pages being torn out of a Bible, etc)? That makes no sense. Betsy is not evil and therefore would not do these demonic things. If nothing else, regular paranormal activity of the mind just involves moving things around. I get this weird feeling the director never bothered to research what he was talking about before he dove right in. The stage coach incident: OK, you can say Betsy was a heavy sleeper and all that, but I highly doubt, spirit or no spirit, that she can defy gravity. But that is exactly what she does when the stagecoach that is carrying her flips over. Not only that, but she retains that same position and IS STILL ASLEEP. Dumb.

To summarize: the film had its good parts ( the acting, dialogue, and scares), but everything else failed. Sad, because I believe this movie could have had real potential to be a cult classic if it had been done right. I certainly did enjoy parts of it: I just wish the whole thing was done that way.

Silent Hill (2006)

Psychologically disturbing, but that's what the film was aiming for

[10/10 · 8 May 2006]

After seeing Silent Hill for the second time now, I am still surprised that some people don't get the plot. Ummm, did you go to the theatre with your ears plugged and your eyes closed? Seriously, it's not that hard to get. And the people that call the plot 'silly' because that would NEVER happen seriously need to take History 101. Ever heard of the Salem Witch Trials? That alone just being the biggest example of witch trials, there are PLENTY more where that came from. I think the director is trying to prove a point that religious fanaticism can cause more harm than good, as we have seen before. The film is a horror lover's dream up until we start learning about the plot, in which case, it becomes the most disturbing film I have EVER seen. I really don't understand how people can not be drawn in by a little girl getting burned alive, or the plight of her mother who made the worst decision ever. The visual effects throughout the film are creepy and the town and the monsters have the perfect look to them. Silent Hill is a dark place that reeks of evil, and Gans shows that very well. The end of the movie turned my stomach. It was almost like they wanted to make up for the lack of blood throughout the rest of the film. If there is one scene that I can call the most disgusting scene I have ever seen in a film, it's the church scene. Talk about gross. When you walk out of the theatre, you will feel the need to run home and bathe, then go to church and pray fervently. Honestly. This movie is that disturbing. It's sad that our society is so desensitized to stuff like this that they're able to laugh through the darkest parts of this film. Truly a great movie. It aims to mess you up, and it does that... very well.