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SplatDcat
Reviews
After the Flood (2024)
Utter pure unadulterated sewage
Sophie Rundle is a truly breathtaking lady but I cannot for the life of me imagine for a picosecond believe she's so desperate for money she could even keep a straight face in this farcical unbelievable dirge. Ridiculous story line with unbelievably bad lines coupled with a heavily pregnant actress pawing around desperate for any resemblance of clues to an incredibly far fetched limp story. ITV usually can get away with some marginal story lines however in this shows case it's as if the local sewage works has pushed empty to their holding ponds to a local river. Sophie you're far better than this!
Shetland (2013)
Latest season has destroyed a worthy watchable show
I don't know who at the BBC decided that it was a good idea to perpetuate the series when the previous star quit but the person who did has failed on every level. Whilst the woman who plays Tosh is a wonderful sidekick she cannot carry the show and the new "principal " actress is so hollow, horrifyingly bad it has destroyed the show. We've barely stayed awake through two episodes and are shocked at the complete lack of any comprehension of what this latest series is about. It's as if the BBC editor and producer decided to get all the rejected episodes scripts, throw them in a blender and hit purée.
Asteroid City (2023)
Reminds me of a bad Route66 trip
In the middle of the desert nothing happens and no one cares one iota what you think. I saw this recently whilst ensconced on a long-haul flight, and when the in-flight entertainment system tanked for 20 minutes until they could restart it, I should've given up and quit. Foolishly I fought with the the in-flight entertainment system to get back to roughly where I was.
In my childhood Mum & Dad would drive Route66 to/from Texas to California and the desperation one suffers is rather equal to the desperation looking for any semblance to a plot in this movie. While Wes Anderson has done some quirky movies, even Scarlett Johansen couldn't make this watchable. It was like a very bad LSD trip that just never ended.
Space Wars: Quest for the Deepstar (2022)
Great movie to recommend to your enemies
Good gosh, could only stand 16 minutes of this travesty of celluloid. Hopeless excuses for a acting actually do a huge disservice to the great "B" movies of the 50s and 60s with this dross. I've got a penchant for fringe movies however I am really struggling to understand why investors would've given any monies to the crazyness portrayed in it.
It did have some great HD imagery though it was wasted on actors that may be good in other movies, just not this excuse.
Glad I didn't waste an entire evening with it as I'm sure that my life is all the better for a conscientious decision to free myself from it.
Silent Witness (1996)
Woke rubbish at its finest
Oh my goodness how low and pointless can this dire show go? We used to really look forward to it but it needs to be out in the BBC Bad Shows graveyard. Whilst i truly sympathise with those who are deaf, the young woman who's deaf is nothing more than a quota in a show now filling its purpose by making sure every minority and orientation plus horrifyingly bad acting is in constant display. Jack and Nikki look so painfully sad and at times utterly uncomfortable and almost embarrassed to be associated with it. It's as if the sad innuendo with some of those involved with the horrific story lines are just there for the money.
Shattered (2022)
Avoid, not watchable
We tried, thrice now to watch. Utterly unwatchable nonsense poorly acted disconnected nonsensical storyline devoid of any value.
Rarely do we try try then bail so I give full credit to the writers producers gaffers video team microphone staff who clearly got paid real monies for such drivel.
Did we make it to the end you are obviously wondering? No way we couldn't stomach it as you'd probably need sectioning and or a mental recalibration.
Who would we recommend this flick to? No one we like, though would recommend to enemies or media "influencers " as you'd need to be very emptyheaded.
Avoid.
Causeway (2022)
2 broken people, the end
This movie should've never been made as all you need to know is no matter how good Jennifer Lawrence can be, she got it seriously wrong participating in this dirge. Whilst the backstory is reasonably ok, and the setup is mostly ok, it drifts aimlessly like a drunken soldier looking for a house of prostitution. The cinematography isn't at the usual visually high quality Apple normal has which lets it down more. The best actor in the movie most likely is the doctor who repeatedly shows a high degree of presence in his medical accuracy.
Both of us repeatedly looked at each other wondering when it would end, and even fast-forwarded 10 mins to a meh end.
Avoid!
Polar (2019)
It held our attention throughout
Quite a decent movie which looks like a twist onan old story from the description but there's far more to it. More than a few times we thought it wa very Quentin Tarrentinoesque in the graphic nature of-the story. It has more switchbacks than Stelvio Pass and you'll be rewarded at the end with a real headturner.
Would definitely watch again without question and have already recommended it to a number of friends and associates as a movie they should definitely see.
If you're squeamish or adverse to blood you might consider skipping it but I strongly recommend not as the sex scene near the end is a superb reward for men and worm!
Ambulance (2022)
Deserves a zero rating (and a sick bag)
Warning this film is useless celluloid dirge on every level. The only redeeming value to this movie is being the car supplier for the hundreds of vehicles destroyed in the making of it. Producer and writers involved should be sectioned in a rubber room along with whoever the idiots financing it. Had the displeasure of it being show on an international flight so was stuck in watching it and I have to say, Jake Gillenhall should be embarrassed on every level as it is nothing more than a dash for the cash. The nurse in it was the only character worth any respect and even then she is probably embarrassed to have her name associated.
Rig 45 (2018)
Dross rubbish why didn't they all just die!
In the name of all things holy we deleted episode 4,5 and it didn't make any difference as this show is abysmal.
Writers and producers of this bilge pump dross should've been flushed to the seabed.
The Postcard Killings (2020)
Rather ok
Decent list of people in this film, it kept us awake but somehow at the end we felt rather ok.
Not a stunning story line but far better than most dross around these days!
The Courier (2020)
Quite decent old world rogue intrigue
Just watched it and we both felt it was quite decent old style spy thriller. Give it is based on a true story which we've never heard of even though we're British it's well done and Cumberbatch did it justice!
The Holiday (2021)
Dire, tripe needing an aboitoir
What in g*d's name were the investors behind this thinking? We recorded on our DVR this excuse for a show and deleted the entire series after 20 excruciatingly bad minutes.
Avoid avoid avoid!
Belfast (2021)
Meh - you'll either like it, or not
We've got a real split on this one. My wife gives it 8 or 9 and i think it's a 6. The reasons are different; i think it doesn't do as good a job explaining the pre-Troubles times, and my wife thinks it is clearly focused just on one family.
Caveat emptor.
The King's Man (2021)
Glad it was free on Disney +
Had we paid to go to see this at the cinema we would have both walked out. Drifting and really rather pointless however as it was free it mostly watchable.
The Descendants (2011)
Rolling lobotomy of celluloid
Please oh please what the heavy? How on Earth did Clooney decide this was worth it? It is so bad on every level.
Oh, I know - MORE MONEY
(Than sense!)
The Tourist (2022)
Ghastly flavourless trite
Good God who thinks up this carp? It's as if the worst writers ever got revenge on their own then took it out of hapless viewers. You'd sooner chew your arm off to escape this!
Avoid.
Ad Astra (2019)
Ad Nauseum from start to finish
Avoid, go find Brad Pitt and jail him for this dirge and ridiculous excuse for a movie.
Glad my wife went shopping as she'd thrown a brick at the tele if she had to watch this.
We Go in at Dawn (2020)
Total sleeper, put me to sleep!
Gosh golly this film is something all insomniacs should watch. I fell asleep 4 times in the first 25 mins.
To say it is mind erasing is a compliment to the cast and crew.
Fail. Epic fail.
A Vigilante (2018)
Odd slow burn with predictable ending
We decided to flick this on last night and after an odd start kept asking ourselves should we turn it off as it drifted badly with a predictable ending. Sadie speaks so little the script was probably 3-4 pages.
Virgin River (2019)
Pure old cheesemo schmaltz
Definitely must leave jaw and brain off and enjoy the scenery with this one!
Infinite (2021)
Seen far worse!
This is the type of movie that to best enjoy it you need to leave your mind at the door. Whilst a bit far fetched imparts it has a good cast and minus a few sections isn't as bad as some reviewers say! Stay the course to the end!
The Green Knight (2021)
Mindnumbingly slow dull and dim
Gosh, it's so bad it put us both to sleep. Someone should've invested in better lighting and the audio folks should be sectioned for the very poor mixing of voice and inane music that makes it hard to hear.
Vigil (2021)
Ghastly unwarranted nonsense
The second series is the most unwatchable unbelievable utterly ridiculous tripe I've ever seen in my life!.
Hopefully they sink the writers so this doesn't re-emerge from the depths of banality.
Way Down (2021)
Watch in parts...or skip it!
Watch first 20 minutes then sleep for 1 hour leaving it playing and watch the last 20 minutes.
You'll be better for this!