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Reviews
Midnight Mass (2021)
Worse than antipcated
The dialogue is repetitive, Catholic values are constantly shoved down your throat, most of the characters are unlikable, and almost the entire limited series is wasted time.
I watched episode 1, skipped 2, 3, 4, 5, and picked it up again at episode 6.. I missed none of the plot points. I can't stress that enough, I missed absolutely nothing. In episode 6 they did a verbal recap of the previous episodes. The show is painfully slow, and they repeat the same shallow plot points over, and over, and over, and over.
SPOILER!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a vampire 'series' where nothing vampire happens until the end of episode six. The main character of earlier episodes dies in episode five, so you could just start the series at episode six and save yourself a lot of time.
All My Friends Hate Me (2021)
Why are most British movies so bad?
The production value is definitely there. The actual script is atrocious. I watched this because it looks like one of those quirky mindbenders or wtf twist movies. Nooooope. The tone of the film is so bad that I thought the protagonist's wife was going to get raped or something.
Everyone is passive aggressive and mean to the protagonist. Eventually he calls them out on it, and they say he's the problem. They call him selfish and self important, then say their lives are better. Eventually his fiance arrives, and even she joins their 'side'. At the end, our protagonist flips out due to the constant bullying, and the fact they messed with his meds to gaslight him. Protagonist assaults the main 'friend'/bully, drives home with his fiance.
While his fiance is driving he asks her if she'll still marry him. She takes the opportunity to gaslight him further, telling him no, and then once he starts crying (BECAUSE WHO WOULDN'T IN THIS SITUATION?), she says it's just a joke. "You know the problem with you? You can't take a joke!"
FYI, one of the 'funny jokes' by the main 'friend'/bully is chasing our protagonist down while wielding a hatchet.
You know the problem with this movie? It's trash. I normally don't review trash stuff but this is so bad it deserves it. The three stars is for the production value.
Nope (2022)
Nope to Nope.
I initially watched a recap/summary of the movie and was surprised at how bad it sounded. Tried watching the full movie once it became available for streaming.. and yeah, it's pretty bad.
The entire film is slow paced with many wtf moments. At the end the characters achieve their goal, the monster is revealed and.. it just ends. What is the monster? How did it get there? What happens now? You never know. Just like a shoestring budget horror movie made by an amateur, once everything is shown to the viewer it just ends.
This isn't a short movie either, it's over two hours long. That's plenty of time to explore all kinds of subplots. For it to end the way it does is insulting and as such I can't in good faith recommend that anyone watches this.
Personally, I usually have more fun watching those shoestring budget horror movies because they're trying out new ideas and the running time it is usually just a tad over an hour instead of over two hours like Nope.
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (2022)
Tatiana is lovely, the script isn't
The basic premise of this show is fun, yet the script isn't that funny and the constant downplaying of men feels a bit sexist.
A good example in the first episode is our protagonist going out of her way to call Captain America a virgin. It wasn't girl gossip, it wasn't context appropriate because she was talking to Bruce, just randomly jumps to a scene saying "Haha, you know, blah blah, and that's why I think Captain America is a virgin haha" in a half serious half joking way. The rest of episode one is her being better than Bruce at everything, even rivaling his strength despite just turning into She-Hulk and being like 1/4th the size. We're talking being in control within HOURS and better control then Bruce within a few DAYS.
In episode two, it was kinda dead because there only a few attempts at humor. One was funny and genuinely made me almost laugh. Another one of the 'funny' moments was calling up Bruce, saying she wants to talk to him, and then talking over him non-stop for over a minute. Do you get the joke? Women often get talked over a lot so she was talking over him! Haha, so funny.
One of the odd things in episode two is a really creepy/sexist character that was also in episode one. It's an incredibly minor side character, but the very inclusion of them is just.. bizarre. In episode one the character said she wasn't good enough to argue her case. In episode two he was talking to She-Hulk and then let out this beauty, ".. And that pretty woman over there. I am going to go talk to it." Considering the feel of the show and what the writers are going for, an ultra-sexist character like this is definitely included by design, but it is also odd.
I don't understand why this show has the political undertones it does. Superhero movies aren't vehicles for any sort of political message. While I wish it wasn't the case, this movie does have a political message, because the men in the series are constantly being belittled while our protagonist is automatically "the best" and claims to always be the best because she's had to deal with the struggles of being a woman.
If you're reading this and other reviews, wondering why there's so much focus on the 'empowering' aspect, it is because there isn't much else to talk about. It feels like the writers put too much effort into making the show feel empowering and little effort it making it actually good. I'm not sure if even little kids would like this.
Orphan: First Kill (2022)
I liked it
I really liked this. It built up on the first movie and made the 'crazy old lady orphan' seem like a real person. Is she still a psycho? Yes. Her actions make more sense now, though.
House of the Dragon (2022)
Better than average but mediocre compared to GoT
First episode is 103 minutes long. 10 minutes is decent drama. <5 minutes is a little hamfisted 'action'. We've got the 'ole tiddy shot. The problem is that outside of those 15 minutes it's basically dead air. You could summarize the first episode into a 18 minute segment without missing anything of importance.
Without going into a lot of detail, think back to Star Wars. The original trilogy was fantastic. Then came the prequel trilogy, with the second movie Attack of the Clones being the worst of the prequel trilogy. That's what this series is to the original, Attack of the Clones.
Original Game of Thrones series started off at a 9/10 and became a 7/10 by the end of things. House of the Dragon is starting off at a 7/10.
Personally I thought it was pretty boring which isn't a good sign because first episodes of a season are supposed to be the best. Especially when it is a new series. Hopefully I am wrong and it gets better later. My advice is to not get your hopes up.
You Should Have Left (2020)
Pretty decent
I think they nailed what they were going for pretty well with this. Plot pacing is perfect, the drama isn't over the top, etc. What personally irked me is the little kid's script. Pretty much every time she talked she was just whining endlessly. By the time the movie was nearing it's end, I was hoping she'd die off. Kid just doesn't shut up lol.
Other than that, it's pretty decent.
Severance (2022)
A tad slow, but well worth watching
This is the kind of show that is a little slow, but sucks you in by episode 1. The trailers don't do it justice, and it does seem a little slow initially. If you give it about 30 minutes of your time, you'll love it.
Harley Quinn (2019)
You should be watching
It is wholesome.
For adults.
Has violence but not excessive.
The characters feel real.
The plots are unpredictable.
Harley Quinn is awesome but so are all of the other characters. I'd love the ever living hell out of American comics & DC if it was always this good.
The Resort (2022)
Worth watching the entire thing
Really good. The series starts out being rather mundane, however by episode 3 it is good. You won't see the ending coming, nor be able to predict the plot.
I don't regret watching it, and neither will you.
Day Shift (2022)
Not bad, not good
Choreography is surprisingly good.
Jamie Foxx's acting is stellar as usual.
Dave Franco's acting is.. his usual quality.
Story is the typical "I'm a tough guy that doesn't need help from anyone, but everyone hates me because I'm a jerk that's too cool to follow the rules! Gasp, I suddenly need a lot of money!" but instead of being a bank robber they're vampire hunters. His family doesn't know he's a vampire hunter, despite doing it for many years, having random wounds, vampire hunting gear, etc. Later on the plot is, "omg I didn't know this dangerous line of work was dangerous! Now I've gotta kill the big bad vampire leader FOR MY FAMILY!~"
There are some major plot holes, like how the main character is broke yet constantly hunting vampires and getting good money for each one. Dude's killing like 2-10 vampires a day and bagging 800-4000 per kill. How is he broke? How are the vampires reproducing this fast? The vampires are easily hunted, yet the big bad boy vampires kill people like they're flies.. so why has the vampire hunting union been allowed to exist?
The action scenes feel kind of forced.
A lot of blood. I like horror movies, and I've even enjoyed some pure gore films in the past. What I don't understand is why a movie that feels PG-13 has tons of blood every fight scene. It feels out of place. They even get around censorship because they make the vampire blood black instead of red.
Plot is there, I guess. It's the kind of story you can leave playing in the background and still keep track of.
If Jamie Foxx wasn't carrying this movie it would be a 4/10.
Wayward Pines (2015)
Starts off strong, eventually dies out
Big fan of Matt Dillion and decided to give the show a watch. It starts off seemingly like one of those never explained shows, but EVERYTHING is explained in detail by episode 6. After that, it kind of just.. tralls off and slowly gets worse.
Seeing as the show was already getting bad by the end of season 1, I'm not going to bother mentioning season 2.
Up until about episode 7, it's a solid 7/10. After that it's a 5/10.
Ultrasound (2021)
Really good
Movie starts out following a familiar mindbending plot. However, by a little bit before half way through everything is fully explained.
If you're confused, like some of the reviewers here seem to be, the redhead researcher is in base reality. This isn't some edgy never explained vague art piece. It literally lays out the story for you.
Fargo (2014)
Everything is beautiful
Sometimes the stories are serious, sometimes a tad silly, but they're always beautifully told. You never know what's going to happen because they don't rely on tropes. Everything is just.. so damn good.
Imagine a series with interconnecting seasons where every episode has excellent acting, a unique story, and well written characters. I couldn't recommend this harder.
American Horror Stories (2021)
I like it
Some of the main series's seasons were somewhat difficult to get through. This anthology is fairly consistently good. Going by some of the other reviews here it seems like I'm in the minority, but if you're familiar with the main show and like that, you'll enjoy this.
Resident Evil (2022)
Don't watch, not worth the time
In case everyone isn't aware, the Resident Evil series 'officially' rebooted in 2021. This show about the same quality as that terrible movie from 2021, except it's stretched out to cover about eight hours (one hour per episode).
Take '28 Weeks Later', chop it up into eight segments, then fill all of the dead air with some 'backstory' about teenage drama. It's the classic Netflix story where 80%+ of the content is filler and each episode just drags on endlessly.
I often watch bad shows and movies ironically. This show is so bad that I can't even make fun of it. It just sucks.
Uchuu no hou: Erôhimuhen (2021)
Not worth it
I tried to find humor in this movie while under the influence. I found no such humor after watching about 1/4 of it.
It's like a really bad Christian animated movie from the 90-2000s except with cult stories & symbolism and it's in a cheap Japanese style. So many scenes just play out for 1-3 minutes out of nowhere. Sometimes with singing. It is really.. bad.
New York Ninja (2021)
Classic content
Look at a different comment if you want a complete background on the film. The tl;dr is that the footage is from the 80s, they had to do everything themselves.
Something similar happened with an anime once, the "Ghost Stories English Dub". There is also "Kung Pow" 2002. Glorious.
The Umbrella Academy (2019)
Season 1 was pretty cool. Season 2 was meh but cool. Season 3 was painful.
First two seasons were good. By season three the entire series has become a formula. First episode is a weird new setting, following six to seven episodes are random drama for no real reason, and then the final episodes are the end of the short story with none of the big questions answered. Namely, wtf is going on.
We don't know how they get powers. Why they got powers. What anything is, it's just a random little "omg the world is ending" every single season.
In the first season each character being emo wasn't bad because we see how crappy their dad was and learn their backstories. By the end of season three they're still going through the same emotions. Three seasons and we've seen zero growth from the characters, beyond Ellen Page's character.
What she did was cut her hair short like a boy's to symbolize she's being open or coming to terms with being trans or gay. I'm not quite sure because after a few characters said "we'll love you no matter what", nobody actually says or even asks what's going on, including Ellen Page's character. Maybe she just really wanted short hair? We'll never know.
The worst part about the series is that EVERY character is pissy and emo. Ellen Page's character is going through some self identity stuff. Those emotions make sense for her character. Everyone else is just as bad if not worse though, for little to no reason.
Tl;dr If you watch the show, watch season 1 & 2, and forget 3+ exist. Seasons 3+ are the exact same story. Maybe in 10 years look up the series plot in a Wiki and spend a few minutes reading about it because it sure as hell isn't worth watching.
Barry (2018)
This is what television should be
Title. I do not mean necessarily this genre, or even this story. I'll say it again though, this is what television should be.
The main plot has been done before. The characters and the way they interact really bring things to life. Many scenes have meanings to them and it's made clear but not in-your-face-with-childish-tropes like most shows.
You know where things are headed. Despite that,
You can't predict the plot.
You can't predict what characters are going to say.
You can't predict what each character is going to do.
You can't predict how many scenes are going to play out even if you've been paying attention.
It's full of tastefully done dark humor.
The actors portray a lot through their actions and not just words.
For example, with no context so as not to give spoilers. Character A is going to plant a bomb. Character A sees some kids nearby. What does Character A do? Character A nonchalantly walks up to these random kids, hands them money, and tells them to go inside their house. What do the kids do? The kids get giddy and run inside with the money. Character A then does their stuff and the kids are never shown again. This show is basically non-stop scenes with intent behind them.
While we've all seen the main premise of this show before I can guarantee you that you haven't seen it done like this nor this well. I kind of want to say it is like Breaking Bad but I think it's actually think that the writing is better. In Breaking Bad there were many times were a subplot was cringey or dragged on for far too long. I'm almost done with Season 3 and I haven't seen a single scene nor subplot like that so far. I was originally going to give this a 9/10 but I couldn't think of any flaws, so it's a 10/10 to me~
Oh yeah, Hank is awesome. You'll love that character when you see him.
The Batman (2022)
Pattison wasn't the problem
Title. I was surprised to find that Pattison actually can be a convincing Batman. The problem is the script.
The Riddler was the textbook definition of an incel.
Batman less cared about crime and mostly just wanted to put 'bad guys' in the hospital.
The final 'dramatic' fight scene, at the end of the movie, was a bunch of Riddler copying incels fighting Batman with textbook bolt action hunting rifles (including the scope). If that wasn't enough, they even did the trope where the bad guys run up to the good guys into punching range and don't even attempt to actually use the guns.
There was a lot of things wrong with this movie. However, the poor choreography of the fight scenes I think makes for a good example of how bad the script was. If the movie Equillibrium's choreography is a 10/10, this movie's choreography is a 2/10.
Really though, that last scene was just so stupid that I don't think I'll ever forget it. It was so bad and it was so dragged out.. Again, there was a lot of things wrong with the movie.. the choreography was the icing on the !@#$ cake.
The Northman (2022)
If you've ever seen a well produced Viking show, you've already seen a better viking based story.
A lot of in depth reviews here so I'll make this short.
The cast, acting, and production of the movie is top notch. Unfortunately the story itself is as generic as possible. We even have the cliches where a character is an unstoppable killing machine one second, and the next second he gets easily beat up by the same guys he was just going through like tissue paper.
If your definition of a good movie is the visuals then you'll still be disappointed because as per usual Hollywood fashion, gritty 'dark' movies need a grey filter on top of everything to make it look all look monotone.
You'd think that in the year 2022 big studios would remember that movies are supposed to tell stories, but here we are. This is the generic kid gets revenge on bad guy adults when he himself becomes an adult plot, just with viking dressing.
Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022)
Play it in the background as background noise, not worth watching
The movie has the same grey filter on it that made the Half Blood Prince dull looking with a made-for-TV movie plot. The stellar cast can't save it because everyone just sits around talking, acting dramatic, and being secretive over everything.
It's one of those odd movies where you can tell there was a massive budget (200 million), yet the film still looks and feels like trash because the director or some executive insisted it be.
Even if you can watch it for free it isn't worth your time.
Halo (2022)
Episode 1 showed promise, by episode 5 I'm dropping it
I was never a massive Halo fan despite playing most of the games and liking them. My bad review isn't because of lore reasons.
Here's a brief summary of all of the bad elements.
The Spartans are drugged up brainwashed humans in fancy suits that act like robots. Other than Master Chief, they're exactly as dull as they sound.
USMC is straight up imperial and in episode 1 Master Chief was almost obliterated by USMC ground troops just because he developed emotions and didn't want to kill a kid. It was dumber than this summary makes it out to be. One second they'll be upset, then someone sprinkles some magic words and all of a sudden the tension is gone and everyone forgets that they were about to kill each other.
The kid MC decided to spare in episode 1 is a reoccurring character that runs around on a little side plot complaining about everything. You can literally skip these portions of the show and you won't miss any plot points.
The covenant (alien bad guys) have barely done anything. They show up and fight in episode 1 and episode 5. There is one 'bad guy' human on the covenant's side who gets a dash of screen time (<2 minutes) in each episode. Considering every single time they show up they finish their scenes by trying to reassure the covenant they'll never betray them (which is as awkward as it sounds), they're definitely going to betray the covenant by the end of season 1.
Everyone except MC, the whining orphan on a side quest, a minor character in the USMC, and another Spartan that simps for MC (whom I haven't mentioned because she gets laughable little screen time), is a bad guy. USMC is toddler evil. Covenant is evil, I guess, but since they've barely shown up we'll have to take their word for it. You'd think this means it would be fun to root for MC, however..
Even though MC isn't evil, the writing is bottom tier. In episode 1 he was a 'robot' Spartan like the others. By episode 5 he's a quiet disgruntled stoic character. He isn't strong, he isn't smart, he doesn't have plans, he barely goes through the motions.. There just isn't a character to even like. Yeah, there is an actor technically playing a character. It's hard to like a character with the personality of a plank of wood.
As an added bonus, Cortana (blue AI chick), is actually a contraption by the USMC's lead evil scientist to control MC after he got his feelings back. As a result, Cortana endlessly nags MC over everything and doesn't really have a personality. "Blah blah blah." "Oh, evil scientist! Yes, evil scientist." That's the depth of the character.
I don't usually write reviews, but after watching a show this a bad it feels like someone has insulted my ancestors. My only advice to anyone reading this is to forget about this show until season 1 is completed because the plot is quite forgettable.
The Great and Terrible Day of the Lord (2020)
Excessively long, surprisingly almost none of the reviewers understood it
The acting is very well done, as is the camera work by this single camera man. That being said, the actual plot was painful. This movie would be a bit boring even if it was barely over an hour. At over two hours, it is painful. Very painful. Ultimately because the drama comes from a great claim without any proof, after awhile they start to recycle arguments.
I personally was a bit disappointed in the ending with how it turned out. However, after coming here and almost everyone thinking this is religious propaganda I actually changed my mind. Apparently almost nobody understood what was actually happening in this movie. In which case, well done to the writer.
SPOILERSSSS
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The dude has mental health issues and targeted her because he thought he could control her. I went through a cult podcast phase and worshiping & accepting a human as Jesus/God/A deity is the number one thing cult leaders usually do. We see this throughout the film with logic fallacies in his claims and a very skewed belief of she must do to be 'saved', which is accepting him specifically as Jesus/God/Whatever. At the start of the film he demands she stares into his eyes and basks in just his gaze (it's an odd scene), and near the end he almost straight up murders her for not admitting & accepting him as God. At the end of the film he tells her there is work to do, then shushes her when she asks questions. Then they stare into a sunset like two people tripping on a psychedelic
This movie is about a man convincing a woman to worship and accept him as God. The questions I have are is she his first victim? Does he have a cult already? Is he making a cult or is this some kind of extra mental health issue flavor of spousal abuse? I am honestly a little surprised that most of these reviews didn't pay attention. To be fair, even I had to skip like 2/5 of this movie because he male character was just repeating similar arguments over and over.