somzer Reviews

Halo (2022– )

From a non-Halo fan's perspective

[1/10 · 22 April 2022]

This is but soap opera.

I did play one Halo game a long time ago, and while I had to realize I'm unfortunately not into such games, that realization was quite bitter as the lore I found quite interesting. So I read up on it, although only briefly.

So imagine my excitement, after so many years, when I see a Halo series.

After all this time, the details escaped me, but a few things remain with me to this day: The wastness of the Halo universe, in both space and time, and how "realistic" it was, in terms of politics for example.

But that also means, that unlike many others, I cannot claim to be such a big fan to be disappointed by seemingly miniscule differences between the games and this series, like Halo guy taking off his helmet.

So imagine my disappointment, when I had to realize that this interpretation is at best a caricature infused with the now usual Hollywood wokeness and drama, with "bad guys" clearly separated from "good guys", with plenty of virtue signaling, inane conversations, unintelligent and cliché characters, and if all that wasn't enough, where the vast lore and all the mysteries are essentially dumbed down to cheap gimmics and personal level conflicts of a couple of characters, all to make it appeal to a shallow, excuse me, a "broader" audience...which seems to have the intellectual level of a Zoo.

5 episodes is more than enough to give it a chance, and here I am, unable to summon the willpower to continue this cheap banality.

I cannot even imagine what this joke must feel like to actual fans.

The Outsider (2020)

Nonsense

[1/10 · 11 February 2020]

People existing at two different places at the exact same time. Proof of that being eye witnesses, DNA, video recordings and what not. It's clear as day for everyone, it's been spelled out multiple times, it's been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt. And yet, only one borderline crazy character in this show considers an alternative approach. The rest? Not one thinks about "oh wait, that's actually, in fact, literally, by all means IMPOSSIBLE! So what's really going on?". It takes 6 looong episodes for an "unreal" idea which just so happens to provide explanations to be verbalized and reach the majority of the cast. The reception? "ARE YOU INSANE? THE BOOGEYMAN?!?! ARE YOU INSANE?!?" - like any one of them could come up with a better explanation of any kind to these two mountains of contradicting evidences served to them on a silver platter, instead of just foaming from their mouths by the mere idea of the inexplicable, as they're searching for "reasonable" explanations despite the very "unreasonable" nature of the case. Is it close-minded? Or stupid? It's both.

But this is just the last drop for me, personally, because this nonsense just doesn't stop. It starts in episode 1 with investigators not doing much investigating but jumping to conclusions instead, but while it was a little more justifiable at first due to their ignorance, by episode 6, this behaviour has become absolutely unacceptable, it's atrocious. I expected much more than the soap-opera level drama some characters pull as they practice the absolute disregard of logic and reason in order to stall development and increase runtime as much as possible.

I can put up with the pointless, unreasonably long, drawn out scenes of no informational value meant to achieve the exact same thing, but my idea of entertainment isn't about manchildren characters behaving like toddlers crying while trying to force the cube through the round hole over and over and over again like it'll eventually achieve something different.

If you want a show that makes exactly as much sense as Spongebob Squarepants while also pretending to be much deeper and thought-provoking and artistic and mysterious, then look no further, The Outsider is most definitely for you.

If, however, you want something remotely *reasonable*, something that actually makes sense, a proper investigation and perhaps even "sensible" supernatural, then this show is simply not for you.

See (2019–2022)

Spoon-deep eye candy

[1/10 · 2 November 2019]

"Suspension of belief" is not an excuse you can use to explain away contradictions, plotholes, irrationality and nonsense in other names. It's about accepting unrealistic elements for the sake of the overall picture. Sounds in space, throwing fireballs, or dinosaurs in human disguise, sure, people will accept it, but then you STILL ought to present a reasonable, coherent story that abides by the internal rules of this fictional world.

"See" is built entirely on the foundation of "suspension of disbelief", but its architect is about as qualified as a drunken toddler is to propose laws, seeing as the finished product demands far, far more than that.

It requires the total, absolute suspension of reason.

Here, suspension of disbelief would be accepting a virus left only a fraction of the population alive, but left them blind. A post-apocalyptic setting.

Yet what you need to do here is accept these blind people regressed back to the bronze age, where over 99.9% of the accumulated knowledge of humanity that we enjoy today is either less than a myth, or forgotten completely. It's a world where people don't even believe in the Sun, Moon or stars, and indeed, where "sight" is a concept regarded as ridiculous...aside from being heretical warranting immediate execution in the name of "God". Good to know at least some things don't change.

You must accept that here is a world where small bands of tribal savages live in the wilderness fighting over berry bushes, but you also have to accept their fabulous makeup, their well-done hairstyles, their stylish clothing and their fancy accessories. Why any of that is necessary - or even possible - when none of them can see, I don't know, but then again, nor does the writer so who are you to judge!

"But where are the cities?" you may wonder, and the answer is: They're in the bank because post-apocalyptic city shots are way too expensive and totally unnecessary in a post-apocalyptic series anyway!

Accept all the "blind things" shown, such as heightened hearing and smelling ability, and accept they use tools to detect objects in their path like the blind would, but then forget it immediately, and instead, accept that they can fight like people who clearly see the blows coming and dodge them casually while retaliating with inhuman precision.

And accept that even though their other senses are unrealistically heightened to the point they can hear a horse breathe normally from miles' distance, alla Superman, the same people can still be sneaked up on with ease by a heavily armored foot soldier, when the plot so demands it.

"Consistency? Reason? What do you mean?" -asked the writer before he resumed fantasising about his dashing, butchering knife waving, blind martial artists putting on their scary warpaint sensually before the grand battle over their prized berry bushes.

If that all doesn't sound too bad and you want to give it a shot, prepare to vacate your mind of all thought and watch it as you are supposed to: Drooling.

The Brave (2017–2018)

You think I'm mentally challenged?

[1/10 · 16 January 2018]

Has anyone ever told you "do it properly, or don't do it at all"?

Two episodes in, and I'm already sick of it.

All those careless mistakes, like nobody gives a damn about the show. Welcome to Ukraine, where they speak Hungarian, there's a CIA base on the street called Vaskapu, just a spit's distance from the Hungarian Parliament, where American helicopters come and go as they please, because it's not like a violation of airspace or anything. That's fine but that a surgeon, a bloody SURGEON doesn't know how to wear a mask properly? Are you for real? Screwing up even common sense?

The terrible CGI is just the icing on the cake. It's 2017, there are people who throw together better explosions for fun in a couple of days, and they don't even get paid for it.

No, the creators of this show do not give a flying F about anything. You, me, the show, facts, anything It's a half-assed even for a mess.

The Strain (2014–2017)

Downhill - The Series

[1/10 · 16 August 2017]

For something that started out pretty good to became so damn unbearable, it's unbelievable.

Scientifically trying to explain the clearly supernatural is one thing, but the terrible, unreasonable choices characters make is a wholly different. The cast is relatively small, and they do their best to keep them around. In a post-apocalyptic world-in-the-making, where pretty much everyone is in constant danger, the main characters always survive, including that damned brat, who tops Game of Thrones' King Joffrey for me. Their choices to face danger when it's not necessary, to go alone when they'd clearly need help to survive (which they do anyway 'cus 'plot armor'), to overdramatize everything and continue to whine about it for seasons to come, to actively push the boundaries of stupidity...

The show started out as a solid 7, maybe even an 8, with an intriguing story, interesting design choices, it was mysterious and even scary, but they managed to ruin it all and turn it into a show where characters have casual conversations and calmly drink themselves under the table while they're under attack from horrors, and spectacularly screw up the solution to mankind's survival, which earned similarly spectacular 1/10 rating from me.

With all the terrible choices, plot conveniences, plot holes, plot armor, horrid writing and whatever else, this is just milking the cash-cow now. Finished 3 seasons, I'm most definitely not going to start the 4th.

If you're really interested in the show, watch the first season and then stop right there and forget about it because with each episode, it gets worse and worse. You won't have a finished story, but at least you'll walk away with some positive experience.

Castlevania (2017–2021)

How about no.

[1/10 · 17 July 2017]

4 episodes, the story starts off by introducing a woman whose first 4 lines are gasps of various kinds. Knocking on THAT Dracula's door, she quickly makes friends with him by lecturing the blood drinking mass murderer for being a poor host. Next scene, she's being burned alive for witchcraft (that escalated quickly). All that *and more* in 3 or 4 minutes.

No. That's no way of telling a story. Even G.R.R.Martin keeps his characters alive for an episode or two before killing them off. He knows it takes time for people to feel empathy, sympathy or apathy for characters, let alone love and hate. What do I care for a woman I've known for 3 minutes? Of whom I know nothing about? What do I care for a vampire I've known for a whole minute less? Nothing.

But at least she was begging his husband (oh, right, they also got married sometime during those 3 minutes) to spare the life of her murderers while she was being burned alive. Emphasis on *while*. Let that sink in.

Dialogues were too cheesy to take it seriously, along with the forced tones and profanity. The characters were weak, and there was no moral ambiguity to be found anywhere, no gray zone, it was black and white. ...Which the characters reflect all too well, unfortunately (hint: ugly=bad, handsome=good).

Still, the pacing of the show is the most pressing issue. Was it 12-15 episodes long, handling the same series of events with more detail, with each episode taking time to build characters and the world, the show could've been good. Great, even. However, it's a rushed piece of garbage as it is, not a season, and not a proper story, but at least it's topped with gore porn because I guess that's what makes people tingle these days.

-Story: Rushed as f...(3/10)

-Characters: Cheesy, uninteresting, undeveloped (3/10)

-World: familiar with a twist, seems interesting but offers 0 explanation (5/10?)

-Visuals: ranging from mediocre to good, let's say it's fine (6/10),

-Audio: Some good sound effects, lots of bad and out of place voice acting and dialogues (4/10)

-Overall: Disappointing ([4.2] ~4/10)

Narcos (2015–2017)

Uninteresting

[1/10 · 10 October 2016]

If I had to describe the series with a single word, that would be it. Luckily, I don't have to.

For all the characters introduced, there's a serious lack of character building. They just "are" and that's it. I've seen people mention it along with Breaking Bad, describing how dark and heavy it is. Laughable. It was like an emotionless documentary, including the monotone, and in this case, utterly pointless narrative that further strengthened that feeling, while adding next to nothing to the characters or story. Characters were not fleshed out, you get to know next to nothing about them other than the obvious "this the cocaine guy and that's the bribed police officer", they were but cardboard cutouts with little to no motivation or change to their persona, I could not grow to like, sympathize with, or hate any of them even if my life depended on it. What made this impossible task even more difficult is how carefree their fates were handled. Stuff happened with characters and seemingly nobody really bothered; Again, it was an emotional barren. Take 5-10 minutes of conversation about, for example, the well-being or (world changing) agenda of a character of whom you know exactly as much as you got to know in those 5-10 minutes -only to have said character's fate spoiled by the narrator, in a single emotionless sentence: "he was shot and died in a minute" never to be bothered with that character again. but the show goes on, so get ready for the next nobody. Public shootouts, assassinations, rape, kidnapping, burying dozens of millions of dollars because why not, 15 minutes later it is like none of it happened -or bears relevance. Shootouts never mentioned again, assassination just barely mentioned, kidnapping took up a total of 2 minutes of screen time, rape forgotten along with the money, the "story" moves on with little focus on anything. Anything other than Spanish. That is but a personal opinion as someone who doesn't speak, like or expect an American series all that Spanish language; It was extremely annoying, having to read 90% of the conversations whilst listening to a disliked foreign language. The show was boring, but to follow the story, I could not take my eyes off the screen because I'd miss out on all those very important and emotional and interesting conversations it had to offer(!!!). I can already hear the "for realism!" arguments, of which I thought about myself as the only redeeming point...to no avail. For realism, maybe they could've made characters behave like actual human being, with like emotions and stuff, or maybe give a personality to Pablo Escobar that isn't pretty much the polar opposite of his historical self. There is nothing good I can say about this overrated trash, instead I'd suggest reading the Wikipedia article, for at least that has more depth than a bloody teaspoon.

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

Why the hate?

[10/10 · 24 January 2015]

This movie, this particular movie is something I'll never forget. Sure, the plot was not earth-shaking, no giant robots punching each other in their mechanical faces, no grand romances with sexy blondies in skintight leather suits but like hell it needs these!

I'm not at all a movie junkie, and I've walked into this one blindly, not expecting much (Wes Anderson? Sure, like I care). And I wasn't mistaken, it wasn't much. But what it was, simply brilliant. Camera movement, music (oh the music...), the colours, the simple yet entertaining plot, characters... A joke it was, dramatic parts spiced with comedy, even though it was somewhat dark, I couldn't wipe the smug smile off my face.

People interested in great romances, tragic betrayals, "depth", "insight" and such are lost, there is nothing for them here. Reading the reviews I'm disappointed how shallow people are, unable to enjoy such a mild yet utterly entertaining movie.

"I didn't laugh once" is something I've read way too many times. Some people were just born without sense of humour I assume.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008–2020)

Star Wars fans, for Yoda's sake, think!

[1/10 · 20 November 2014]

This is NOT Star Wars. This is something hideous in a Star Wars skin. A space opera, that's what Star Wars is. This? This is but a kids' cartoon, with silly expressions and the power of friendship and space magic and ****. Oh but if only that was the case...

If you want to see some lazershootingz and lazerswordz and cool Jidai win against the great evil bent on making the lives of others as miserable as it could possibly be, please, by all means it's for you!

But if you are a little more interested in Star Wars, ever wondered about the lives of your favorite characters outside the movies or ever wondered what other tales this universe has to offer, then DO NOT WATCH this show.

Clones don't have personalities, Mandalorian isn't a race, were never peaceful and certainly never had a queen, and what's with this 'living embodiments of each side of the Force'? On a planet undetectable, outside of space and time! Yay how cool! And the chosen one HAS to keep them in check, otherwise they turn into fluffy animals of the Force. Yep, shooting lightning and throwing around spaceships are mere tricks compared to this space magic! The "perfect soldiers" aka the clones (!!!) have a hard time hitting anything (let alone the CIS droids), but then only a handful survives and they magically happen to hit everything. Surprise! They and the droids speak (but mostly whine and whine) way too much. But dontcha worry, most characters are plain stupid in general!

It is episodic, irrelevant to any major event or the outcome of the war, with moral-of-the-week plots (which are more than predictable), taking the whole war like a light adventure full of excitement and fun.

If the purpose of this show was to turn everything that is Star Wars upside down, well then, they did a magnificent work.

Harlock: Space Pirate (2013)

Pretty solid

[7/10 · 24 September 2014]

I do not know much (nothing) about the universe, it was a first. Those with more knowledge might disagree with me, might find plot-holes or flaws in the events, for me as a stand-alone movie:

I find it strange ( due to the difference in culture maybe ) but rather enjoyable. The animation is great and detailed, the story is solid (again, strange for my acquired European taste, the values there are a little different than here), voice acting is rather good as well.

There is intensity, enough action for two movies, a plot-twist or two, some tears here and there, pretty much everything one could ask for. I for one liked it, enough to re-watch it in the future.

The Strain: The Third Rail (2014) Season 1, Episode 11

Seriously?

[5/10 · 22 September 2014]

5. Tops. The idea is great in my opinion. A "new" approach. Relatively. Combining zombie virus and vampires, personally I really do like it. The idea of giving them a leader who controls them, sees all via the eyes of his pawns (the master), whose death will defeat all pawns? The cliché of clichés. We'll see how it turns out, but if it will as 'hope' in the series...well, let's just hope it won't come down to that.

Admit it. Every movie contains bad ideas, plot-holes, problems, unreasonable things, whatever, I don't think there is one exception. Lord of The Rings, Star Wars, HP, Inception, The Godfather...Every one of them. Yet I dare to say it started out pretty good.

But seriously, I know it is a drama but it is getting more and more ridiculous.

First, people in general still don't know there's a 'virus' out there turning people into blood-sucking psychos. Can they not see the corpses? No internet, weak signal, sure, but did they lose the ability to speak as well? Can they not get in a car and leave? At least now people started looting. About time...

But how about having sex in an apartment (or what), with OPEN doors, at NIGHT, while they know there ARE creeps out there? Well, why the hell not!

But that is not enough, now the kid, against his father's convincing, decides to go out and buy CIGARETTES for the crazy old lady. Seriously? He knows there is danger out there, he was told NOT to open that door, NOT to go out whatever happens, and he is a kid who can NOT buy cigarettes to begin with! Seriously?!?

Drama is one thing. This? This isn't drama, this is stupidity. This is bad script. Flooding us with mindless "dramatic" events such as a kid going out alone, with such an idiotic reasoning such as buying cigarettes, unthinkable! They didn't even bother making it more reasonable.

This is getting more and more ridiculous and annoying by the minute. Conflict is necessary but constant conflict between pretty much everyone is not! How about them following up a plan without whining and arguing for once? JUST for once! How about not coming up with idiotic morals while people are reanimated by worms with the sole purpose to kill? Emphasis on *Reanimated*. They are already dead, chopping their heads of won't make them any...deader. Or what.

Or how about them simply avoiding the most obvious dangers? Like: "Look, here's a pitch dark room and I can hear something making weird noises, similar to those dozens of things we just met earlier, how about going in? Alone? One by one?"

They are practically begging to get killed.

If it goes on like this, the 5 stars will turn into 4, then 3, and so on.

This is no way of making a series, but this is the best way of ruining it.

And I swear, I fear... I fear they'll come up with some utterly stupid idea again, like using "mom" (don't remember her name) against this...group of survivors, Or worse, turning her back and/or turning it into a love triangle...

*sigh*

I really hope my fear is misplaced.

Under the Dome: Curtains (2013) Season 1, Episode 13

It was... What the hell was it?

[3/10 · 22 September 2014]

The show so far... Well... Ahm... So the characters... I...don't really know since the horrible scripts made it impossible for me to judge.

What a great start!

-contains spoilers & sarcasm-

Most of the main characters in this show are plain retarded, yet seriously none of the townsfolk notice it? No, of course not! Not only are they mentally disabled(*is the correct term), they are without will, just bending their knees to whoever is speaking louder, all the time.

But all right, forget it because the laughable coincidences were worse. For example,'Big Jim' just executed 2 people and was about to execute one of our protagonists, but he overcame it with such skills, much amazing, wow. Now Dale's holding the gun, but of course a second (maybe two, I didn't count) later the new sheriff started shouting at him, standing in position, holding her gun on him. This moment blew my mind. Seriously? Did she just teleport there? Is she blind or what? Ridiculous! And it was but one example out of many...

Oh hay there! It is an indestructible dome! Hello, maybe pay a little attention to it? Try to find a way out? Nope. Did they seriously gave up in about half a day? Yep. A kid who appears to be more intelligent than, well, about everyone inside is the only one who's still trying to find a way out?... Maybe set it on fire! Poke it real hard with swords? Chemicals?

In the meanwhile, military cleaned it with probably expensive water, nice and shiny, then...dropped a bomb on it! Yep, that's how it works. If cleaning it with water doesn't work, start dropping bombs on it!

AFTER the MOAB (mother of all bombs for those forgot it) failed it's understandable, people giving up on it, but not before. But what is this them outside world unleashing weapons of mass destruction on their own people anyway? No protests against it? We know hardly anything of the outside world aside from some voice chatter characters 'happen' to hear (all the time), yet the script managed to make them look stupid.

Alright, bomb away, no-one bothers to go back and take a look? No-one with someone important inside cares to go there again, check on them? Really?

But forget it! Forget everything! Why in the name of pickles would it end with and unspeakably horrible cliffhanger? It WAS the catharsis of the story, the end-game! Everything was set so what on earth do they try to do? A soap opera with 10+ seasons? Squeeze it 'till there's not a cent in it?

I'm seriously having trouble here mentioning everything wrong with it, but let's say:

it was hardly O.K. until the ending, it was NOT O.K. in the end. It was not at all O.K. Compared to this, Twilight was O.K. Pacific Rim was O.K. Transformers was O.K. I'd give it a 0 or 1 but I've seen worse (sadly).

Feels like opening a bag of air sold under the name 'chips', just a lot of nothing wrapped nicely, a bag of disappointment.

Noah (2014)

One hell of a big "NO"

[1/10 · 22 August 2014]

Okay, first of all, I'm pretty strange. I watched movies like Aqua World, The Expendables (all 3!), Avatar aka space Pocahontas with a big smile on my face. But this...? I'm an atheist but I was seriously considering bending my knees and praying to God to poke out my eyes... And if only the horrible CGI was the problem, but no... It's..."biblically" incorrect as well. But wait, there's more! A horrible plot that makes soap operas look like classics! On that note, someone please tell me why are the actors act like they're in the 20s century. They are not. Wife talking back, son running off, piles of talking rubble, hermit magicians, space magic stones, animals coming in waves, water shooting up from the ground, Noah eating hallucinogens, Noah becoming a psychopath, the evil villain boarding the ark and eating snakes raw, Jesus Christ everything was gibberish.

I walked out half an hour before the movie ended and I was the last one of my friends, they didn't make it halfway.

It was an utter waste of time, money and braincells.

Transcendence (I) (2014)

Just why?

[1/10 · 5 July 2014]

Not only did everything happen way too fast, it didn't make much sense either.

As it was told to us near the end, he WAS the (more or less) same person as before death, doing everything not because of his own desires, but because of the woman he love(s/d). What she wanted was explained and he did exactly that.

Being able to heal the planet, being able to cure diseases and injuries, enhance and watch over literally everything, just why in the name of pickles did he decided to throw everything away? His processing capabilities were supposed to be beyond comprehension, and the best thing he could come up with was basically sending the world back to the stone age? And people were actually lining up behind this idea?

Let's see: No communications, no worth of money, no medication, no order, no disaster recovery, it's the end of economy so what comes are spreading sicknesses, starvation, maybe a few wars here and there just to spice it up a little... It'd be pure chaos and anarchy, nothing more.

So against the wishes (heal the planet, help people) of the most important person to him, against his own...desire to keep her alive, he was like "ah, screw it". That the blondie would've shot the other guy (my apologies, I'm not good with names) is yet again irrelevant, with the power at his fingertips he would've been able to resurrect him as well. But killing off his love, himself and probably billions more is sure a better idea.

And please don't think of "people fear what they don't know" or "they were scared it would take over the world" bull****, because with just an ounce of intelligence they'd have realized that the upcoming suffering and deaths of this new "dark age" and more suffering and deaths in this still imperfect world is no better option than the worst case scenario: the hive mind and loss of individuality, order, prosperity and evolution (because where would we evolve from perfection?). Again, that was the worst case scenario, which was not at all the case.

Personally I find it difficult to understand his everything but logical decisions, to put it lightly.

For me this movie was simply horrible, an awful experience.

P.S.: I do not exactly care about the actors, the acting (was decent), the serenity, the animations or anything else...at all. What makes a movie are the story and the characters, nothing else. Amd they were comically bad.