Stewatson35 Reviews

MacGruber (2021)

He made a fkn tv show... Macgruber!

[10/10 · 17 March 2024]

I love all things Macgruber.

He's a "spec ops, green beret, navy SEAL, he's Delta... but he'd never fired a gun.

I came to check what was happenin what's happening with the second season, and has it been cancelled?

Too early to tell.

In this early episode of Machruber, he sent on a top secret mission to save the presidents daughter.

He does think he's being swapped for the presidential dog, which made me laugh.

Vicki St Elmo has taken time with her music, and that's another hilarious start to the series. Her rhyming song she sings at an open mic night.

It goes down... Well, it goes down, put it that way.

I'd love to see season 2.

Murder in the Red Light (2023– )

Here we go...

[8/10 · 7 February 2024]

This is my hometown.

To my shame, I was an active heroin addict during this time and longer.

Jade who keeps popping up, the one with 1 tooth.

Yeah, I'm not a fan!

She tried to give talks about being clean from heroin. Then she disappeared for about 2 months and was found smacked out of her mind.

Out of all the prostitutes, Jade always managed to hunt down the press first! (Because the press were giving them 20 quid for the info. First bag of gear.)

Also at that time, I was in Iceni drug rehab.

These prostitutes were taking advantage of somebody's goodwill.

They'd left money there in case a prostitute needs it.

And EVERYDAY, we watched the same giggling girls walk in and say "I need a new washing machine!" Isn't that the third washing machine she's bought this week???

So they were given free money, then still went on the streets.

People seem to think they took that money and bought a washing machine.

No, they spend it on drugs. These girls would do anything to bleed you of some money. But they didn't deserve to die.

But Jade walking about like the killer would have ever chosen her!

I know for a fact he went for good looking girls sadly.

I'm sorry, I don't like Jade as a person.

Factually she was right. But nobody wanted to stand with Jade because nobody is going to want to pay money to get busy with Jade.

I went to a meeting about the new rehab in Ipswich.

Couldn't get a word in, because lying one-tooth Jade was high on heroin, and she was talking for the whole of Ipswich! So we left.

Shortly after that "clean Girl in Cupboard" - see, she's done so well for herself by being a prostitute. She's had 1 TV show made about her. She made the other murders about her: "I was just with her! That could have been me!" No it couldn't!

My own personal dislike for the lies that poured freely from her mouth.

Which is why I don't believe a word she'll ever say.

Yes, she was a prostitute.

I don't know how many times she had to perform that act.

Not many!

Meg 2: The Trench (2023)

"The Meg 2, THE TRASH"

[2/10 · 31 August 2023]

Where do I start?

I don't really have a start point, much like the movie.

Instead, it had more of a dream feel to it.

Suddenly you're here, then you're over there doing something completely different.

The Meg 2 is an absolutely dumpster fire of a movie!

Whoever wrote the "plot" should be sacked, never to write another word for ANY movies in the future!

It sucked! And it sucked so bad!

I was actually quite looking forward to this movie, as I liked the first one, but "The Trench" is just a mess of who's who, and why are they doing that?!!!!

Seriously, I'm going to put a spoiler warning on this, even though I'm 99% sure I couldn't spoil it if I tried.

But here's where it gets a bit funky for me.

Suddenly, there's 3 Megs. 1 of them is huge.

They hunt in packs like Orcas.

So that's all you need to know about them.

The oil platform from the first one is still there. But somehow (don't ask me how) somebody managed to build a whole lab at the bottom of the Marianas Trench WITH NOBODY NOTICING???

But not only that.

Random bad guys.

Bad for what reason you might ask? What's their Endgame?

I DON'T KNOW!

Danny Trejo lookalike wants to kill Statham for some reason.

It just pails in comparison to the first movie.

My advice would be... Don't pay to see this trash.

Wait for it to be on TV at 3am and record it.

It's terrible!!!!!

I still have absolutely no idea WHY.

There's also a very very convoluted plan which requires things to go EXACTLY right to get the good guys to this magic lab that's 7 miles underwater.

Including rocks falling in exactly the right places to push them to their "surprise" at the bottom of the Trench. (Again, 7 MILES deep. The cruising altitude of a 747 plane!)

(We know what happens to carbon fibre at 3500m right??? Ahem) But no, it's all good.

Torches and stuff all work down there.

They're not immediately turned inside-out because they're wearing CARBON FIBRE suits.

Just... I dunno.

See it. Don't see it.

It doesn't bother me, but chances are you'll leave asking why on earth you went and watched yet another Jurassic Park movie. And yes, I know what I just said!

You'll figure it out if and when you see it.

Good luck.

Don't say you weren't warned.

Hijack (2023)

7 episodes is too many imo!

[4/10 · 15 August 2023]

Firstly, just a smidge off topic, but why does the review you have so far written - say 500 words - just dissappear when you accidentally slip into portrait mode.

That's not at all annoying!

So Hijack...

I'm not a huge Idris Elbow fan myself.

He's a decent actor, I've just never seen him in anything standout excellent.

I'm just wondering why it took 7 episodes to get through this?

I feel like most of the episodes could be 30 minutes long instead of 50 minutes.

A convoluted story if ever I saw one.

Deep State territory this is.

Then in the final episode... kapow.

A complete out of left field maneuver.

Some rando joins the game.

I dunno, I don't think it's a 7.5.

If anything, it could have been 3 episodes or a movie.

And HOW ARE PEOPLE STILL BRINGING GUNS ON TO PLANES????

It's post 9/11, you can't get on a flight without throwing your toenail clippers in their bins.

So 4/maybe more people have managed to bring guns on board.

How?

I have to take my shoes off! They tap them out.

If I set off the alarm, then I'm basically strip searched!

So how all these people got on with fake ID... it raises a lot of questions.

The government releasing "the most wanted" to stop people dying?

"WE DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!" (The late, great Maggy Thatcher) It's not even that it tells a gripping story where you're questioning who's whom. And what motivations are going on.

There's just far too much suspension of disbelief. For me.

7 episodes long! That was too many imo.

If you like Elbow, you'll probably like this. But I found it "Meh" at best.

It's like John Wick. This shadow organisation seems to have hitmen everywhere.

I could see the one obvious red herring.

It just feels odd.

The ending... That's for you to decide on I guess.

No spoilers here.

Rogue Heroes (2022–2024)

This is the story the brings everything together.

[10/10 · 18 July 2023]

This TV series, is possibly the best telling of the early days of the SAS.

Yes, absolutely "Rogue" if Rogue means completely insane and basically the most violent and capable men on earth being "let off the leash!"

"We don't salute! We are the Special Air Service!"

Amen to that!

I'm really glad they focused the first season in Africa. As that's where they were born.

Paddy Mayne, possibly the biggest psychopath in the British military!

He's portrayal, I don't even know where to start.

I believe they may have even toned him down a bit for this show! But I just watched the last episode where he finds out Stirling was captured and Mayne was going to be the leader of L Detachment, or The Special Air Service.

This claims to be accurate!

So I'd be interested to know if 3 MP's tried to hang him in his prison cell.

Which was probably a bad idea!

As he quickly dispatched then and wanderers out of prison.

YouTube Paddy Mayne.

He was shot to pieces LONG before the SAS.

There's a photo of a man on D-Day.

He can be seen in a kilt, with a broadsword!

There are many stories about Paddy. Each crazier than the last!

God bless The Regiment.

And God bless those "Who Dared"

Mike Tyson Mysteries (2014–2020)

Hilarious and clever.

[10/10 · 11 July 2023]

This is right up my street.

The humour is sufficiently dry to catch my attention.

Plus Mike Tyson and the late great Norm Mcdonald. What a dream team there alone.

Mike plays the inquisitive, but often misled Mike Tyson Mystery Solver.

He legitimately ends up in some funny situations.

With his Asian daughter.

His ghost friend the Marques of somewhere.

And Pigeon! The awesome, swear, Norman Mcdonald. Still one of the funniest people I ever saw to this day.

I think you either loved him or hated him, but imo, he was the GOAT!

Anyway, in the style of Scooby Doo, they bumble around "solving" Mysteries and Mike punches some people. Sometimes the right people, sometimes the wrong people.

But it is clever, and Tyson isn't afraid to rip on himself which is also hilarious.

I don't know why it took me so long to find this.

He's now off to beat Satan's ass.

Gotta love Mike and his team of Mystery solvers.

Definitely worth a look. You'll either love it, or not. I think you'll see how smart it actually is, and genuinely funny too.

Evil Dead Rise (2023)

As a standalone movie, it's alright.

[7/10 · 11 May 2023]

I mean, this isn't Evil Dead imo.

No Ash, no humour, no Evil Dead.

I grew up with the originals, I'm a bit of a purest when it comes to this franchise. So when there was talk of trying to get Ash into the movie (he's on the vinyl btw, he's the one that shouts "it's called the book of the dead for a reason! Destroy it!) But Ash I'd the COMIC RELIEF!

Ash was the king of one-liners.

The first 3 movies were comedy gold!

Maybe not the first one, but Evil Dead 2 where Ash takes his new girlfriend back to that cabin?

Odd choice of places to go after you've already been there dude!

My point is, they took this movie in 2013, and they rebooted it seriously.

Just like the Nightmare on Epm Street debacle.

It sucked, because Freddy looked weird. And had zero of his charisma, none of his humour.

It just sucked and I'm sure any Nightmare on Elm Street fan would agree.

So when I first saw this family, I thought "here we go!" A "modern" family all with kids with "questionable" genders.

1 is definitely "T"

"Eminem" could have quite easily been a chick. But the mother called the girls she's. I didn't really hear her mention Eminem.

But my point is, you can't mix the two now!

You can't introduce Ash into this serious horror movie!

Can you imagine him popping and shouting "Come Get Some!"

No!

So although it was a decent STANDALONE movie, it was pretty heavy on the callbacks in the last 20 odd minutes of the movie.

"Member Berry" City.

"Dead by dawn, Dead by Dawn!" The chainsaw.

Shotgun.

"Come get some" by a woman covered head to toe in blood!

The only links to the originals are the phrases they rip off from the originals.

YOU CAN'T PUT ASH INTO THESE MOVIES! You just can't.

Throw a comedy actor into a serious horror movie, when every Evil Dead he was in was, was a straight up comedy horror! (Apart from the first one, but why would you count that if Ash takes his girlfriend back there in the second one???) So I don't even count Evil Dead 1 tbh.

It was a test run for them basically remaking the same movie!

I didn't really like the reboot attempt from 2013, for the same reasons.

They "Nightmare on Elm Street'd" a movie whose main character was the reason people watched.

So that's the only equivalent I can draw with these movies.

It's alright. It's not really an Evil Dead movie IMO!

Scream VI (2023)

Predictable.

[3/10 · 27 April 2023]

I could barely sit through this movie having picked out at least one of the killers as soon as he walked on screen.

I said to my friend "he's definitely 1 of them, mark my words!"

Sure enough, he was.

So know they've basically killed all but 1 of the legacy characters. All that's left is Sydney Campbell.

She made ger comeback in the last one, as did Gail, as did Dewy. I thought that was it.

I've been skipping past this movie thinking it's the old one. But it's not.

It was so boring, that I took my bins out half way through.

I don't even know how they can continue with this franchise?

And as there's been 2, I can only assume we're in for a trilogy?

Great. I can't wait NOT to watch that.

Don't get me wrong, I am officially in love with Ortagga, but it's just too samey now.

Myers, Vorhees, Freddy, they're all the same people.

"Ghostface" just keeps reappearing in the same town!

They have a SERIOUS serial killer problem in that town! And every few Halloweens, somebody dresses up in exactly the same outfit as the other 5 movies (which are supposed to be based in reality as "Stab" being the movie, not Scream) and goes out seemingly indiscriminately stabbing and killing people.

Why?

The first one was a spoof of horror movies. It took shots at basically every genre.

But how are we still here, with "guest star murderers" popping in to do a spot of killing?

It's like Murder She Wrote. Wherever that woman went, someone got murdered! Did nobody find that suspicious???

So I don't buy that this Ghostface COSTUME can keep coming back and killing people. It's the 6th time they've done it now!

It's just cashing in on a dying IP.

That's all this is.

It's just another Scream movie where exactly the same things happen as they do in every other one!!!

Just avoid it.

Its possibly worse than the new Jeepers Creepers debacle.

Another cash grab.

Story wise... I couldn't really tell you, because it was just to similar to the rest!

Cocaine Bear (2023)

Come on!

[3/10 · 10 April 2023]

I actually caught the real story of this just a few days before I heard about the movie.

And boy does the movie take some serious artistic licence!

Firstly, the real story of what happened.

A failed drugs drop over these woods where there were supposed to be people to retrieve the large duffle bags full of cocaine.

One day, a man is hiking and he spots something black, and as he scopes it out, he can see its a bag.

But he also spots what appears to be a black bear, dead against a tree stump about 100ft from the bag.

So in reality, the bear stuck it's face in the bag. Got a serious taste for cocaine and actually ate most of the bag. (30+ kgs,!) And the bear made it 100ft before dropping dead of an exploded heart from consuming such a huge amount of pure cocaine.

But the movie - which I will nor spoil - uses cocaine like spinach does for Popeye!

I kid you not.

Even the bear cubs having a small habit where they too found a bag full of coke.

But they just play, whereas mama goes on a pretty poor killing spree.

I thought about this before watching. Remembering The Reverent and how well that one scene was shot, and how would they rival that?!

The answer is, they don't! And most killing is done off screen for obvious reasons imo. They couldn't afford it!

I was at least hoping for a good dose of comedy as the story was almost 100% created, but you don't get much comedy either.

Somebody heard the story and off they went to make a movie, but they "WHAT IF'd" it. So every bit of it is imagined by a writer. Because the only parts that happened, was a plane dumped bags of cocaine.

A bear definitely found one and tried it out - liked it... A LOT!

Ate the 30+ KGs, walked (staggered) about 100 feet, and just died from pure poisoning.

I remember the days of the P.

1 line, you're feeling fine.

30 kg you're dead. It's not much of a mystery. It's just a strange story that was turned into Jaws Of The Forest imo.

The way the bear starts losing energy etc until it manages to get another kg down. I was just shocked.

That bear isn't Popeye and that cocaine is NOT spinach!!!!

So avoid if I were you.

You don't see many cool kills.

You don't hear many punchy jokes.

It's taken the idea of possibly somebody who's taken cocaine before and they've flown with that!

Glass Onion (2022)

I enjoyed it, but a little "convenient"

[7/10 · 28 February 2023]

This is a whodunit movie.

So you kind of have to roll with the clichés.

Obviously it's full of them because it's a whodunit!

The idea behind that is that the audience is constantly asking "Whodunit?" Until the very end.

This does that imo.

But like Death on the Nile, and Orient Express (which were both extremely similar imo, because there is a formula for Whodunit movies, you'll find the same ones in different movies, it's how these movies work)

So I'm writing this review after watching a Drinker review on YouTube.

Usually I agree wholeheartedly with the guy.

But I think when he doesn't like something, the review is just going to be bad anyway. So on this occasion, I disagree with him, and yes, it's true, everything does have to go exactly to plan or everything will fail. So I do agree with him to a certain extent.

But suspension of disbelief is a must when it cones to movies like this.

They're just supposed to be fun.

I don't think they're fishing for Oscars.

But a decent movie, with a decent cast.

Don't be put off by what other people think.

True Story (III) (2021)

Kevin Hart is a comedian right?

[3/10 · 14 February 2023]

I've just caught this on a Vod, spliced together to make a whole movie.

The first thing I noticed was that Kevin Hart really wasn't funny in ANY part of the movie.

Wesley Snipes makes a rather bland appearance as the dropout waster older brother whose living on Kevin Hart's money. He doesn't really offer much else tbh.

He breaks his brother's 6 month sobriety which I thought was a real *BLEEP* move.

But I guess that had to happen so the rest of the movie could happen.

Or "mini series" which was 7 episodes I think.

Just imagine I binge watched it.

The other characters don't make an appearance after the first scene which I assume is episode 1.

His entourage - which he'd most likely have about him - don't exist.

Even the advert for this movie said something about a tour bus never being the same again...

Okay, but there are no tour buses in this?

This is a bit hitty-s, but the "evil gangster" was Billy Zane.

I don't know a person alive who isn't afraid of Zane! 🤣🤣🤣

But it ends just as weirdly as it got when he woke up next to an OD'd groupie.

And instead of doing what rational minded people would do, we get this clichéd movie/mini series, and it doesn't hold up.

Snipes looks sick/ill!

Hart is just depressing.

The storyline is predictable and BAD!

The ending? What was that about?

"I didn't feel like paying 6 million dollars!" Well, shoulda picked up the phone to the front desk, told them to get medical up there straight away.

At least try to Narcon her awake.

If not, she's died by misadventure!

She's OD'd on her own Oxy!

So your wife will find out there was a woman staying there?

Could your brother not say that he was with her to save the marital issues?

YES! YES HE COULD!

But in order for the story to happen we have to have these ridiculous steps and ideas which are just terrible and cliche.

And I'm sure John Favreau did this exact movie about 30 years ago.

Except it was good.

"I didn't want to pay 6 million!" Roll credits! Thank you!

We are NOT the best!

Oklahoma City (2017)

Great documentary.

[8/10 · 2 January 2023]

I've seen all parts of this documentary before in other documentaries. But this was a nice retelling, having everything as straight as possible.

A lot of the other documentaries focused on him building the bomb and the evidence that it was him.

Such as the rental van being caught on camera etc.

They've kind of missed those bits out, which is fine because we all know he was guilty!

He admitted to it and was found guilty in court.

So it's no shock he was going to be found guilty.

His one misguided thought is that he assumed that his death would start another civil war... and it didn't!

The only thing that came out of all of this was Mcveigh being sentenced to death for targeting a building which housed an FBI office.

The guy was unhinged, but not enough so he didn't know what he was doing.

Let's hope he's nice and hot wherever he might be.

Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

It's a festive Terminator, T-800 I think?

[7/10 · 10 December 2022]

This movie has to be taken with much more than a grain of salt, because it doesn't ask to be taken seriously.

So when an Christmas decoration - which was a plastic Santa Clause which mysteriously came to life - you know it's not going to be a serious movie.

There was no magic, no spells, just a very brief news flash talking about those particular decorations are being recalled.

It didn't say why.

What I saw was just a pretty 2 dimensional Santa with a plastic face that just said "HO-HO-HO" as you walked past it.

But then suddenly, and for absolutely no reason whatsoever, it comes to life a starts killing people with a variety of weaponry.

I could easily sit here and talk about how a decoration witch a motion sensor and a few phrases installed become self aware and immediately decide to murder people in the most horrific ways, but I won't.

I've got my handful of sand.

There's no storyline, it's just a horror thrown out in time for Christmas, and it's amusing enough.

But the T-800 Santa ain't playing games. I think he might very well be Cyberdine.

Because thus dude is relentless. He is a killer. He will not stop until he has completed his mission John Connor!

Yeah, so an anamatronic Santa that wasn't anamorphic, maybe in the head.

But basically he's out to kill everyone he sees... I don't know why and probably never will!

I'm not going to put spoilers in, because I don't think there are any.

You could probably read the bits I've written in a synopsis.

I love horrors.

I don't even care if they're dumb like this one.

I just love a horror.

Don't expect too much from this movie, because it does get more and more ridiculous. But I just killed 1:27:01 watching it.

It's definitely no masterpiece. But who cares?

Ho-Ho-Ho!

R.I.P.D. 2: Rise of the Damned (2022)

Makes no sense

[5/10 · 19 November 2022]

So here's what bugs me a bit.

It's not a bed movie. But it's a prequel to RIPD. Featuring Jeff Bridges. A Jeff Bridges who must be 70+ Is that an issue?

Not at all.

The FACT that his partner back in the cowboy times is Joan of Arc! And she looks about the age she would have been when he died.

The first movie, Roy droned on about his death and the "cyotes that dragged him into a cave"

That is referenced ONCE!

Why is he so bothered about it 200 years later when he doesn't really know anything about it???

Oddly, he'd been accepted into heaven and pulled into the RIPD. So he knows where he's going apparently.

There's also a new thing.

If you try to talk to your wife, garbled words come out.

I don't recall Ryan Reynolds having that problem?

I just finished watching this movie. And I can safely say, I do not know what it was about!

I think the deado's were trying to claim enough souls to open a portal to hell... (familiar?)

But we KNOW that didn't happen because we've seen RIPD. So no pay off there at all.

I just don't get it. And you'll watch it and probably enjoy it, but just don't try to link the 2 together.

They don't fit.

Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)

What? Just what????

[1/10 · 6 October 2022]

They had the opportunity to make a decent movie here.

It's been the appropriate amount of time, why not bring him back as the Jeepers we know instead of Ret-con 1000'ing the F out of it, to the point he's barely recognisable.

He looks like a cross between a Klingon and Bill Cosby! He doesn't look like he used to. That's not a racial dig btw, that's a fact! Watch it and disagree with me please.

Was this written by the same people?

Where did this Jeepers "whistle" come from? He's never had that ability?

And what's with the white bird with red eyes, like it's his seeing eye crow??

Nope, not Lore and not Canon.

Just the absolute disaster of some misguided director who apparently never even even watched the first 3 movies. (Kathleen????)

Was the IP up on it or something? So High Fliers bought it for £18?

Terrible movie. Absolutely the worst.

I deliberately didn't watch any trailers or read reviews beforehand.

I wish I had because I'd have avoided this total TRASH.

They've retcon'd in a cult as well.

Never seen them before either?

There were just so many missed opportunities with this debacle of a movie.

Why did he just come crawling out of that building at the start?

Are people's attention spans so bad that they don't remember a flying demon who basically ate a whole bus full of kids? Just over 20 years ago????

Because somebody would be remembering that.

He was on the wall of some guy's barn at the end of the second one I believe (as the 3rd is a prequel to the 2nd) so what happened to the people who were awaiting his awakening again?

This movie could have told us that, but instead it decided to mimic the 1st movie to start, and just sucked for the rest as they're cashed around a "haunted house"

Just trash.

I've seen him survive the things that supposedly killed him too.

Avoid, avoid, avoid.

Nothing to do with Jeepers Creepers. And it never should have been.

Is it every 23 years?

This 23rd year, everyone had forgotten that a black, leather skinned flying demon is about to wake up and start 23 days of indiscriminate killing!

There is a very very weak legend surrounding the "Creeper" considering it hasn't been long since his last appearance!

I was about 19 when Jeepers 2 was on.

So the people who were 19 at the time would now be 40 plus depending ofln how often it wakes up.

(Don't want to misgender Jeepers!) A ruined opportunity, and another IP cash in.

That's all it is, it's not a JC movie.

The Fall of the Essex Boys (2013)

Wrong!!!!

[2/10 · 10 August 2022]

So much wrong with this movie.

It was poorly cast. These guys looked nothing like teenagers, they were giants!

The ending where Nichols is being hunted down with the shotgun.

That never happened! Why put it in?

Why change Leah Betts name?

I think they could have shown these people for what they really were, which was bullies, and they literally killed people with cocktails of mixed drugs.

They'd cook up all this different stuff and pull it into a steroid syringe - bigger - and just banged people up with it repeatedly.

They were awful people.

I was 18 when they died and from similar areas.

And I know a lot of people who exhaled a sigh of relief when they found out that "The Firm" had been executed in a really messy manner. A point was made there!

I don't know who to believe.

I know Carlton Leech was a good friend of Pat Tate I believe. And Carlton Leech is a sound guy.

But these Essex Boys were just pushing the wrong people. And Essex is FULL of "the wrong people"!

All the old eastend lot basically moved to Suffolk and Essex.

Including all the career criminals.

3 young men, disposed of like a used oily rag!

Imo, it was a professional hit, probably done by ex military who has seen and done that sort of thing before with zero feelings about it.

To place the barrel of a 12 gauge behind somebody's ear and pull the trigger, that is going to make a big mess!

But, for some reason it's been trusted back onto my timeline on YouTube.

And there's a couple of people who just go on and on about it.

It's done.

Maybe one day the truth will come out in who green lit it, but I don't think anything is going to change tbh.

Prey (I) (2022)

So much better than anticipated.

[9/10 · 7 August 2022]

I was all but sure the woke politics of today would rule over this movie, but they really don't.

There's one part where the young girl "Nuri(?)" Is asked "why do you want to be a hunter?" By her mother who wants a "normal" daughter who just collects medicine and forages all day.

She replies "because none of you think I can be one"

That was in the trailer, so I assumed it was going to ring out through the movie...

IT DOESN'T! The result is a fine Predator movie imo.

I'd put it 2nd in the franchise with only the original at the top.

I don't think that will ever change. I don't think it's possible for them to out-do the original Predator, and to try would just be pointless.

Which is why everyone hated The Predator. Because not for the first time, you threw a bunch of characters together and just let them get on with it. That time, all special ops soldiers from different forces etc.

Arnie's team were (supposedly) a scalpel as opposed to sledgehammer.

But the scenes that follow that claim (rescue team, not Assassins!) kinda tell a different story.

As Blaine unleashed "Old Painless" on an entire village of people. I find myself wondering if they really are a Rescue Team, and not Assassins!

But, I digress.

Prey is a fine movie.

The scenery is absolutely breathtaking.

The Predator is a new, funky looking beast!

He's got some new tools, as a plasma caster might be a little unbalanced against a flint axe and a flint tipped arrow.

So they made the Predator a little less technical in this movie, although he's still got the old faithful "tighten yourself up" unbreakable netting that he fires at people.

He carries an awesome gun that fires 3 titanium style "bolts" I suppose?

I was entertained for the whole movie. And I think when people think about the title after watching the movie, they're really going to understand it a lot more.

I saw people saying "it's not what you think" And I was like, we'll see.

And really, "it's not what you think"

Her size hardly comes into this movie.

I think there's one bit where she does the old legs around a 16st man and tosses him to the floor.

I'm not sure how a small girl would pull that off irl, but it's over so quickly, why question it?

So I really really believe that they've made the right movie here.

It does step back to the original in a way. When Dutch was weaponless and had to take on the Predator... he got extremely lucky!

It's the same here. It's 1730 or something.

They portray the trappers as A-Holes.

I'm guessing they probably were.

Cool movie.

I have no problem with female leads as long as it's organic. Terminator Dark Fate was NOT organic, as a result, it failed. (It continues to fail)

But this felt organic.

I was thinking of giving it 9 stars. In fact I'm going to. What on earth an I saving those for???

Skybound (2017)

I just stumbled upon this. (Minor spoiler)

[4/10 · 4 August 2022]

I've got about 18000 movies to chose between. And after almost 10 months of these same movies, I've seen every one I want to see, and I'm now into the more obscure section.

So I'm watching this movie.

I instantly thought it wasn't great, but I've just seen it was a TV movie, so it's not that bad I suppose.

I probably wouldn't want to get out of a plane with a hatchet and try to cut off a wing that has aviation fuel pumping into it, and big sparks from the metal!

That's kind of asking for a big old fireball!

But anyway... a bit weird.

Ditsy character turns out to be math genius etc.

I dunno. For a TV movie, it's not *that* bad.

Road Kill (2010)

I have a bit of an issue with these movies.

[4/10 · 18 July 2022]

The whole "truck goes faster than 4 litre Jeep" thing is just so hard to grasp.

I know, "suspension of disbelief" etc. But these big lorries are limited to a certain speed, and if it's pulling 2 trailers, then it's not going to get above 60mph anyway. Not a chance.

It's nitpicking. But I've driven lorries of various size, and know the limits.

I know this isn't a conventional truck, but the white lines on the road don't lie! If you're doing 10mph, we're going to see that.

There was another movie I wish I could recall the name of, but similar story.

A truck is basically relentlessly chasing 2 girls in a Dodge Viper, capable of speeds of 150mph at a Conservative guess.

But it kept flicking to the speedo which showed "100" (to the untrained eye) but beneath that was "60mph" so they were using a KPH speedometer instead of an MPH one.

I just laughed at that one.

How can a Dodge Viper not just turn tail and dust?

It would be 20 miles ahead of the truck within 15 minutes if she drove like she meant it!

But I digress.

This movie is different to that.

This truck itself seems to be possessed, and collecting "passengers" as it goes along it's merry way.

Not a terrible movie, but an hour and 30 minutes definitely felt much much longer!

I'd also like to appreciate this girl's arms for somehow turning the wheel of a BIG rig with no power steering!

I probably couldn't have done that myself and I'm 6ft5" and 17st, so why shouldn't this small framed girl be able to turn a seemingly powerless steering wheel?

Have you driven a car with no power steering?

I know some must have!

Well that was difficult enough.

But I'd call what she does "brute force" because that's the only way to describe it.

I'm not going into the plot. I'm not entirely convinced there is one to be honest.

Movies tend to be that way since Netflix.

All these movies appeared. And like dreams, they had no start, and no real end.

It just starts in the middle of something, and ends before there's a solution.

That's the Netflix movie model I've figured out.

Worth a watch if you've got nothing better to do.

I can't say fairer than that.

Hot Seat (2022)

Predictably factor 500.

[4/10 · 15 July 2022]

It wasn't even in doubt from about 5 minutes into the movie who this illusive bomber is.

It's entertaining enough I guess.

Here's a quick rundown. I'm not even sure I can spoil a movie that kinda does it itself, but here goes.

"Red Hat" I think he's called sits down at his job doing...

What does he actually do???

Anyway, forget about that.

He sits in his chair to login to his computer. As he does so, a bomb is activated.

Oh, I forgot to say, just before this happens, the guy he works with "doing computer stuff" gets in a lift which plummets to the ground floor.

Then the voice continues.

He's basically got to hack in some bank, and the bad guy puts the money in his account to make him look guilty.

Shannon Elizabeth is in it I've just noticed, and she's unrecognisable! Had no idea it was her.

So cheap Kevin Bacon hacks some firewalls, all while this guy threatens to kill his family, until he just gives it some "LEEEROOOOY JEEEENKINNNNS!"

With his bomb chair, and somehow survives.

Then goes on to help police catch the "illusive" bomber.

I'm getting tired just reliving it.

It's definitely no Speed. Which was imo the best "bomber" movie with the best bad guy.

But this...

IF... if you don't have anything else to watch, then give it a go.

But don't pay to go watch this movie! It's not worth cash.

I'd be annoyed if I had to pay £2 to sit through that.

I'd personally skip it, or wait for it to become free.

Mel Gibson has about 20 lines.

Cut rate Kevin Bacon is cut rate Kevin Bacon.

Which makes me wonder why they didn't ask him... Or maybe they did and he read the script and sent it back shredded????

Halo (2022– )

Love it.

[8/10 · 9 July 2022]

I've never even played the game, but I obviously know what Halo is.

When I saw this wasn't animated, I decided to give it a try.

I wasn't disappointed.

The 4 man "Spartan Team" arrive on an outpost just in time to defeat an attempted attack by the covenant. An alien species who've been at war with humans for... I don't actually know.

Without giving anything away, there's a mystical artifact that the Master Chief of The Spartans manages to interact with it, when others can't.

There's a second piece, so the race is on to get them both before the Aliens, still not sure whether it's a weapon or a power source.

Having never played this game or seen any Halo content, I'd like to say this was throughly enjoyable. So much so that I can't bring myself to watch the last episode just yet.

But I've looked forward to a couple of episodes a day for the last week.

Saltwater: The Battle for Ramree Island (2021)

So bad. So huh?

[1/10 · 27 June 2022]

Firstly, the British commandos took Ramree Island sending 2000 Japanese into the swamps surrounding the island.

Within these swamps lay the terrifying saltwater crocodiles, and the story goes that they retreated, and all the British could hear were screams coming from the swamp. It wasn't until the next day that they could see what had happened.

But this movie shows about 6 British Recon team going in through the swamp.

Oh yeah. They've got a Sikh so one guy can be all racist towards him, then have his life saved by him.

Continues his racism until he saves the Sikh guy.

I don't believe that a Recon team would have inserted into a swamp where they would have known that crocs were in the area.

They'd know on which side of the island to insert.

So it's a bit odd to see this ragtag group of underprepared people just sat in the middle of a massive death swamp.

The story was actually debunked recently anyway as saltwater crocodiles are extremely territorial, and you'd never have that many living that close together.

So the prevailing theory is that some... SOME, were eaten by crocs who lived in that swamp.

Other commit suicide.

Other dived out of the swamp into the arms of the British screaming!

But this movie has decided to show something that I'd certainly never heard of?

The shots of the crics were real, but they were tiny! And you never actually see one bite another person.

There's a shot of the croc, then the English guy disappears. So they must have had a true story, a shoestring budget, and a created story where there was a very real one (which they clearly couldn't afford!) so sit through 1:22 of just trash.

It's terrible.

It doesn't tell the story of saltwater crocodiles, or Ramree Island!

Stay away from this movie. It absolutely sucks.

Unacknowledged (2017)

Richard Doty should be 100% disregarded!

[7/10 · 22 May 2022]

Richard Doty used to work for the government.

His job was to inject fake UFO information to the UFO community to hide the real ones in a stack of lies.

I've seen a documentary on THAT GUY, and some of the things he's done are just outrageous.

I can't remember the guy's name, but he'd been a pilot for the US military, and lived by Area51, and kept seeing these "orbs" So he called the air force to tell them.

Richard Doty arrived and told him he was onto something, could he document it?

It didn't stop there.

For over a year he bombarded this guy, from running a cable to his computer and messaging him as "the aliens" (this was 91 I think) and it landed this guy in an asylum!

And the "Orbs" he'd been seeing actually turned out to be drones. The development of Drones. And test flights of said Drones.

He quite literally drove this guy insane, and then he smiled about it.

So I will not accept a word from that man's mouth, and I'm not sure why he's even on this documentary given his past history of misinformation?

He lied for a living. Why believe a word out of his mouth?

TWA Flight 800 (2013 TV Movie)

Been saying it for years. The alphabet gangs can't be trusted.

[9/10 · 17 May 2022]

The ATF, the FBI and even the CIA all involved themselves in this disaster where a "dr fauxci" style man gives evidence to Congress about 800 eyewitnesses all being wrong!

This documentary shows that the people who are supposed to be looking after your own interests, are actively fighting against the truth to keep the country - and world - in the dark as to what really happened.

Way too many commercial flights just disappear. Something has to be done about this.

The government still denies the eyewitnesses accounts. All 800 of them.

They'd use eyewitness testimony in just about any other case. 🤷‍♂️ Go figure.

Mortal Kombat (2021)

So much better than imaginable!

[8/10 · 30 April 2022]

First off, I've been skipping past this movie for about 6 months, I just put it on fkr a laugh, and it delivered some really really entertaining and nostalgic moments.

I played this game when it first came out in the 90s, so there were a few characters I'd never seen or heard of, but obviously Subzero and Scorpion had to be in it.

Raiden too who was one of my favourite characters.

I won't say much about the plot, because there isn't really much of one.

Basically "Earth's warriors" have been marked with a tattoo.

Every x amount of time we have to hold "Mortal Kombat" with aliens I think?

It's a bit confusing but not really essential to enjoying the movie.

I expected to turn it off after 10 minutes. But I watched the whole thing and really enjoyed it!

Would definitely recommend. It's far from Kylie in a Beret.