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The Open House (2018)
How did it go so wrong?
I'm literally writing this review so that I can expunge this movie from my headspace and never think of it again.
Adequate beginning..
It starts with good drama, several moments of introduction that bring you along with the widow and her child.. Ok.
We are driven into the mountains by a plot point that could not have been stranger.. The woman's sister says "Stay at our house that's for sale. But, you'll have to clear out every Sunday for the open houses." Huh? Why?
Who offers their house as a temporary abode to decrease stress after a death and then says "I know your husband just died horribly leaving you with a ton of bills to pay, but you have no job, so move all of your stuff into a giant, remote, mountain house that we could take off the market.. but were not going to. Also good luck paying for diner meals with even less prospects of a job in the boonies! Bye sis!" Even on Birdworld, that's kind of a dick move.
Then a series of weird people start to loom about while the tension increases.. The neighbor shows up acting crazy. Meh, it doesn't stop the boy from becoming besties with her, while she helps to train him for some sort of running down the street in angst medal at the teenage angst olympics. They award extra points for dramatically stopping in the middle of a country road without a care in the world of who's driving towards you. The realtor and her confused assistant. Spookily lurk around and watch the family sleep? Huh? Nobody writes a letter to the realty agency? A random dude from the supermarket that immediately starts showing up to check on them. Also why does every character tell them that they stopped by during the Open House? Is that a mountain country code word?
Then in the middle of a randomly gratuitous shower butt scene. THE HOT WATER GOES OUT.. AGAIN! This is the driving plot point that moves the entire movie forward. They argue about the hot water heater going out. There are phones found near the hot water heater. The pilot light won't stay lit! Various repairmen show up with ominous admonitions that they'd "been there before" oooooooh scary. My feelings during this 2/3rds of the film was man, they better hope that doesn't show up during the inspection, because adding a new hot water heater to the sale of this giant remote "cabin" in the woods will cause holy hell with the resale value.
But.. still doesn't begin to explain what the hell is going on. Tons of long drawn out moments. focusing on a basement door. spending 38 tries re-lighting the pilot of the water heater. (IT JUST WONT STAY LIT!) Dramatic racing pauses. The son has a problem with the mom making friends. The dad is never mentioned again.. except for when it's posited that he may not have been killed by accident. wait, what? During strobe like flashbacks of a horribly mangled Dad, blood pouring out of his mouth. "Hi confused he gurgles, I'm dad." Long moments where the house phone randomly rings and nobody cares.. Get on with it. What is happening here? Is this supernatural, is there a problem with one of the cookie characters we met? Did the dad fake his own death?
The sister calls and says that the neighbor told her that their house was broken into, how the hell did the rumor train follow that idea around the mountain? So the mom stops the son during one of his epic runs! That somehow took eleven hours from noon til dark, and as a personal side note, Why is that kid allowed to run on random mountain roads with zero reflective gear? Not safe mom. They rush home to find the candles lit, the phone on a pedestal and christmas music playing?
From this point on the movie and this review will go downhill faster than a homemade redbull racer. The dude from the store show up. Wha? It's ok mom, i called him! Hooray, maybe the son is ready to bury his grief. And their new friend is staying the night, Hooray! Things are looking up.
Then everyone dies.. I wish it was a little bit more detailed than that. Literally some unknown dude, kills the friend, steals the kid's contacts, breaks the moms fingers, and vanishes again.
Then the son stabs the mom, THE SON STABS THE MOM (oops) She tells him with her dying breath, to run, and does he run? Nope, all that training was for naught. He hides in the woods until he's killed by whoever that dude is.
Cut to a random California driveway where a car that we've never seen before pulls into a random driveway.. On the fencepost, a sign that reads OPEN HOUSE. What?
Freeloaders (2012)
Some quality moments, but lacking real panache
Overall, Freeloaders is a pretty solid, basic comedy. It doesn't try very hard, and it uses the Broken Lizard name as a shield to prevent people from complaining too much.
My biggest issue is with the music however, none of the music matches the scenes they accompany. The background music is weird and boring. But some great cameos and some clever witty dialogue save what would otherwise be a lot more of a flop. Some of the humor tries way too hard to be over-the-top gross but falls flat, and there could have been half the main freeloading characters. Halfway there, it seems everyone involved just gave up.
I think that if Broken Lizard had had a larger hand in the production, it would have been a quality addition to their stable of comedies. As is, it's a diversion while you're waiting for something better to come along.